JLS – Proud

January 27th, 2012

Tim: Sound the CHARITY SINGLE siren, please.

Tom: Woop! Woop! That’s the sound of the CHARI… oh. Actually, that’s the sound of the police. I think they’re looking for you.

Tim: What? What have I done now? Oh God, they’re not still worried about that— actually, never mind. This is for Sport Relief, you see, which is still nine weeks away but I guess that’s no reason not to start pushing the single now.

Tom: “Wherever you go… whatever you do… I will be right here waiting for you.” 

Tim: Oh come on – it’s proper emotional balladry, and all the stylistic tricks have already been used many times over.

Tom: It’s more than that, Tim, it’s the entire bloody chord sequence and instrumentation.

Tim: Look. The important thing is that this is definitely not another Collective idea, which as far as I’m concerned makes it brilliant all on its own and we could stop the review right here. But no – this deserves more, because aside from the fact that they missed a golden opportunity for what would have been a perfectly justified key change, this a shining example of what a cool mellow pop song should be.

Tom: It is a shining example. Specifically, it’s Bryan Adams’s shining example.

Tim: Bryan Adams?

Tom: …the guy who did “Right Here Waiting For You”. Seriously, it’s really, really close.

Tim: Oh yes, I know the song. I’m just surprised and, well, more than a little disappointed in you, really.

Tom: Oh. Oh, damn. Damn. Anyway, you’re right about missing the key change.

Tim: Well, obviously. The lyrics are along the lines of you’re brilliant, I’m not quite as good as you are but give me a bit of time, because, well, “all that I do is to make you proud” —

Tom: Heh. Euphemistic.

Tim: I’ll ignore that — and the tone conveys that appropriately. We’ve got solo stuff in the verses, getting the emotive stuff across well, and in the chorus we’re all in there, making sure you understand. Then, of course, at the end we’re harmonising in about six octaves all at once, because that way you know we’re really very serious about this indeed. What more do you want?

Tom: A bit of original instrumentation?

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Robin – Frontside Ollie

January 26th, 2012

Tim: You know, I’m not sure if I really want to discuss this, because this is how the review starts: So, who wants to hear the Finnish version of Justin Bieber sing about skateboarding for three minutes?

Tom: It’s not the most captivating introduction you’ve ever written.

Tim: Figured. Right, we’ve now lost all but three people, but we might as write something for them to read, if they really don’t have anything better to do.

Tom: There are a lot of dislikes on that video.

Tim: Since you’re not as cool as me –

Tom: Watch it.

Tim: Face it. — I should tell you that ‘frontside ollie’ is a skateboarding term, being the thing they do where they jump in the air and spin round so they land facing the other way. Why is he singing about doing a skateboarding trick?

Tom: Could be worse. He could be singing about Olly Murs.

Tim: Well, I don’t know any Finnish, but since you’re also older than me I should tell you that’s it’s totally what we cool kids are into these days, so it’s probably because, being only 13, he’s still scared of girls so he can’t sing about them.

Tom: That’s a sign of you getting old, Tim. They grow up fast these days.

Tim: Oh, blimey, thats something I didn’t need to see in, well, any time of the day actually.

Give him his dues: he can be an actual musician, even if he can’t be bothered to learn the words to one of the most popular songs of the past year, and to be perfectly honest, if I heard this track without knowing anything about the singer I’d hear it as a song by a perfectly competent vocalist, albeit a female one.

The autotuned bit is annoying, Intense repetition of the (let’s be honest) ludicrous title considerably more so, but that aside it’s not all bad.

Tom: I pretty much agree. The sudden English skateboarding vernacular really does break you out of the song, but there’s nothing particularly wrong with it. There’s nothing particularly right with it, but, you know, well done him.

Tim: Taking all that into consideration, my advice to him is this: come back in five years when we can treat you as a respectable human and not feel too guilty writing rude things about you, and I’ll be perfectly happy.

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Caotico – Sunrise Confessions

January 25th, 2012

Tim: You’ll remember Caotico from their somewhat grandma-unfriendly collaboration with Tove Styrke last year; this is their second solo single (after earlier-last-year’s ‘Back Of My Head’), and while it’s still probably not something granny would chose to listen to, it does at least stay clear of the whole rather explicitly stated ‘Do me so hard I’ll not know what’s hit me’ theme.

Tom: What an absolutely stunning first few seconds… brought back down to earth afterwards, but still.

Tim: Well, I like this. I’m not entirely sure why – it’s miserable and depressing, and the downbeat voices just serve to emphasise that, but it seems somewhat entrancing.

Tom: Am I right in thinking it has some kind of modern-reggae influence? That backing kept me interested far more than the vocals or the music.

Tim: Yeah, I felt that as well – didn’t keep me distracted, but there’s definitely something.

The video helps a lot with taking away some of the downbeatness, actually – if I heard it on the radio I probaby wouldn’t like it anywhere near as much, but there’s so much weird stuff happening there I can’t not watch with some degree of enthrallment.

My first thought was that he’ll have ruined that suit, and who the hell let that guy in the kitchen, and then Sid from Toy Story has somehow come to life.

Tom: And how mucky is that bathwater? Honestly.

Tim: I know. I blame the parents.

Tom: I’d blame the dodgy takeaway he had the night before.

Tim: Oh, did you have to? Really?

Tom: Yep. Classy humour, here.

Tim: But even despite all that, when they all join together in creating a proper toy apocalypse after Sid finds a phone in one of the dolls (what?), somehow it all fits.

Wouldn’t touch those cupcakes with a bargepole, mind.

Tom: I’m mildly nauseated myself.

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Hurricane Love – Serial Liar

January 24th, 2012

Tim: Four blokes and two girls make up this fairly new Swedish band. An unusual composition, perhaps, so let’s see if it works. This is their first single – listen to it, please.

Tom: I assume every comment about the pencil moustache and slicked hair has already been made as a YouTube comment, so I’ll leave it there. The song, though?

Tim: The song, and it does work. Rockier end of pop/rock (can’t everyone just call it pock and be done with it?), but there are definite pop moments in there, especially the nicely done wails just after two minutes and two and a half minutes. Another track, though, where the music doesn’t quite fit the message of the song – the voice has got the desperation of the whole ‘I screwed up and I need you back’ vibe, but the backing seems too upbeat.

Tom: It has a properly soaring middle eight, but I think it works well – it’s possible to be that enthusiastic and still have a somewhat pleading tone to it.

Tim: Well, whatever one thinks, I couldn’t actually care less about it because the backing, along with the vocal, is absolutely fantastic.

Tom: There was so much emotion in that final chorus – that’s the mark of a really very good frontman.

Tim: Not as great in the verse as in the chorus, but that’s to be expected, and if it was there’d be no point to the chorus so actually just ignore this sentence. What you shouldn’t ignore is the song, because, well, like I said, it’s absolutely fantastic, and I look forward to hearing new stuff from these guys in the (hopefully not too distant) future.

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Gabrielle – Inn I Deg

January 23rd, 2012

Tim: Gabrielle, previously featured here after producing Ring Meg as an X Factor 7th-placer’s single and Bordet as an X Factor 7th-placer’s follow-up single. This is Inn I Deg (Into You), and I’d call it…

Tom: An X Factor 7th-placer’s third single?

Tim: …an X Factor 7th-placer’s third single, yes, but (a) I’m bored of that, even if three singles from coming 7th is quite impressive and (b) it’s really quite something of a departure from previously.

Tim: You see?

Tom: She’s going with the “repeat the title endlessly in the backing”, then. Because that works so well every bloody time it’s used.

Tim: Here we have a very mainstream type of dubstep, and actually rather enjoyable – the voice comes across as a bit aggressive when its got the backing that I’d normally run a mile from, and seems to fit it perfectly.

Tom: I’m sure that dubstep purists – and yes, they exist – would say this doesn’t really count; it’s more like a standard dance beat slowed down with a bit of ‘wubwubwub’ occasionally added behind it. I can’t tell the difference all that well, though, so it’s close enough for me.

Tim: Well, that’s surely how every genre has to start off, before it can be accepted by a large amount of people – gradually work its way in, gently increasing and persuading people that actually, they can cope with it. If they go in too fast, they just get rejected outright – look what Keith Chegwin did for the idea of naked gameshows, for example.

Tom: That analogy worked so well until the very last moment, then it just took a horrific turn.

Tim: The lyrics, as far as I can tell, are about her finally realising that she quite likes the bloke she’s with, and wants to stay with him; I’m not really sure the tone of the music fits with that sort of feeling, but it seems to work – once I’ve heard that vocal, I can’t really imagine anything else as a backing track, and I’m fairly sure that’s a sign of something going well.

Tom: There’s just a bit too much “Inn I Deg” for me.

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Saturday Flashback: Caravan Palace – Clash

January 21st, 2012

Tom: Have you heard of electroswing, Tim?

Tim: I have not, no.

Tom: It’s what would happen if someone took a sampler back to the 1920s. Well, other than the massive sweeping timeline changes and destruction of modern history, of course.

Tim: Well, that’s something I’d never even thought I might one day end up imagining.

Tom: I’d previously dismissed retro-futuristic stuff like this as stuff for Shoreditch hipsters. Then I found myself dancing to it. Which means one of two things: either I was wrong, or I’m turning into a Shoreditch hipster.

Tim: Are you keen to admit to either of those two things?

Tom: Given the choice? I think I’d rather admit that I was wrong.

Tim: Figures.

Tom: Anyway, this is one track off one album from one band in what is becoming an increasingly crowded music genre. Arguably it started more than a decade ago with Mr Scruff and his ilk, and it’s only now turning into something bigger.

Tim: Oh actually, now you mention it, I have heard that one.

Tom: I once saw Mr Scruff at the Eden Project in Cornwall, by the way. He played a five-hour set, and if you got tired, you could go and wander through one of the biomes. It was amazing.

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One Direction – One Thing

January 20th, 2012

Tim: Let’s be honest – Gonna Be You was a bit disappointing, all ballady and stuff. This, less so.

Tom: Just before we discuss the song: What are One Direction’s stylists thinking? One seems to be a proto-Jake Thackray impersonator; the rest are all in fancy shirts and suits, but… well, they look like they’re wearing their dads’ outfits. It may have worked for the stars of Inception; I’m not sure it works for them.

Tim: Well, maybe, but if we’re being honest, most of the vast number of normally-clothes-obessed teenage girls who make up their fans couldn’t care less about what they’re wearing; in fact, they’d probably be very happy if they weren’t wearing anything other than a pair of swimming shorts.

Tom: That said, I buy my t-shirts in bulk online, and I’ve worn the same hoodie for about a decade now, so what do I know?

Tim: Well, enough of the sartorial chit-chat, onto the music. And my word, it’s like they’ve re-released What Makes You Beautiful. Let’s make a list:

  1. First verse and bridge split up and sung by different members as soloists? Check.
  2. Second verse sung as a series of rotating duets? Check.
  3. Middle eight consisting of a fair amount of clapping? Check.
  4. And then drawing to a close with one of them gently singing the first half of the chorus? Check.
  5. Final section with Zayn doing a little bit of harmonising above the others? Check.
  6. Finish the song by cutting off most off the instrumentation while they sing the end of the chorus? Check.

Tom: They know what their fans like. Or, at least, their songwriters do.

Tim: The exact same three songwriters, would you believe it.

Tom: Well, yes, I would believe it.

Tim: Fair enough. But it doesn’t stop there. Let’s take a look at the video:

  1. Driving round in a large vehicle for a good portion of the video? Check.
  2. Lots of group hugging and laughing to show that they’re all mates in real life as well? Check.
  3. Occasional shot of Niall clutching a guitar to give the impressions they’re actual musicians? Check.

Formulaic? Oh, bloody hell yes. Good? Oh, bloody hell yes.

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First Aid Kit – Emmylou

January 19th, 2012

Tim: First Aid Kit. That is what this group, about to release their second album, The Lion’s Roar, actually chose to call themselves.

Tom: They’ll go well with The Vaccines, then.

Tom: Well, that’s a lot more country and western than I expected. That name does make them rather ungooglable, though – so when I managed to track them down online, I was surprised to find out they’re Swedish; those American accents, and all the style and pageantry that goes with them, are utterly convincing.

Tim: In their words, it’s “about the power of singing together with someone you love” which is just lovely, isn’t it. Well, unless you don’t have anyone to love and that thought, combined with the opening lyrics about bitter winds and missing the summer and the vaguely funereal scene towards the end of the video, might leave you feeling a little bit down. BUT ANYWAY, let’s pretend that thought never occurred to me and we’ll move on.

Tom: It’s surprising how often we have to do that.

Tim: Yeah. Yeah, it really is, isn’t it? Hmm. Actually, this isn’t really the place to psychoanalyse me, so if you don’t mind we’ll go back to the music.

It’s a gentle tune with shout-outs to various country musicians, and while there is a slight melancholiness about the tune and voice, the lyrics are quite sweet – they’ve had a bit of an argument, she’s lied to him about something or other, but she just wants only the beginnings of forgiveness: “I’m not asking much of you, just sing little darling, sing with me.”

Tom: It’s all rather lovely. It’s not exactly the straight-out pop we normally feature here – but I really like it.

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Miss 600 – Typically Me

January 18th, 2012

Tom: Film the video in someone’s backyard, edit it on a Mac, and bang, you’re done. This isn’t a big-label production – but it’s managed Radio 2 playlisting despite that.

Tom: Straight to the point: I love the music. I love the sound, the feel of it. It’s got a beautiful combination of old instrumentation and new production values. And her voice sounds incredible.

Tim: Yes, I can see that. Style doesn’t do a huge amount for me, but I can go with it.

Tom: But I really, really dislike the lyrics. It’s like a crap self-deprecating stand up comedy act. Oh, look, I did this. And then I did this. I can’t explain why, somehow, this particular set of lyrics have wound me up, but wound me up they have.

Tim: Or maybe it’s some sort of cynical psychological thingy she’s got going on with her fans – look at me feeling sorry for myself, prove I’m wrong by buying this record.

Tom: Which is a shame, because as I said – the rest of it’s lovely.

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Florence + The Machine – No Light, No Light

January 17th, 2012

Tom: I have no bloody clue what’s going on in this music video.

Tom: Anyway, everyone’s favourite ginger female Noel Fielding lookalike is on form as ever. I’m not sure if she’s recognisable more from her voice, or from the inevitable harp that appears in the background of every track.

Tim: It’s the voice. Always the voice, that some people really like and other people hate, and other people, such as myself, find every so slightly grating when I’m not in the exact right mood.

Tom: That’s not a bad thing, though, because that chorus is just beautiful, with all the trademark Machine soaring…ness.

Tim: Soaring… ness?

Tom: Yeah, that adjective got away from me.

Tim: Ah, don’t worry. I got my pronouns mixed up earlier, so I think I can forgive you this once.

Tom: I’ve heard quite a few people say they don’t really “get” her musical style – and I can see why, for the same reasons that many folks (myself included) don’t “get” Kate Bush. But the track’s just so spectacular that I’ve got to at least appreciate it.

Tim: Hmm – any more spectacular than her other hits, though? She’s always had the big voice, backing instruments and everything else trying to make the songs sound epic, so this seems a bit more of a formula track. Decent formula, though.

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    Tim Jeffries was born in the UK a good few years ago now and has temporarily emigrated; his main goal whilst abroad is to learn to tell the difference between Canadian and American accents.

    Along with good music, things he appreciates include the use of correct grammar, well-made banana daiquiris and shampoo for men that smells nice (which he still hasn't found). His favourite colour is what Dulux call 25YY 49/757, and his favourite member of the Felidae family is the snow leopard.

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    Tom Scott is a techie with extremely questionable taste in music. In his spare time, he has too many plans and a worrying tendency to make them happen.

    His greatest achievement was getting five gold runs on Blockbusters, which he still harps on about to this day.

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