Tim: Sound the CHARITY SINGLE siren, please.
Tom: Woop! Woop! That’s the sound of the CHARI… oh. Actually, that’s the sound of the police. I think they’re looking for you.
Tim: What? What have I done now? Oh God, they’re not still worried about that— actually, never mind. This is for Sport Relief, you see, which is still nine weeks away but I guess that’s no reason not to start pushing the single now.
Tom: “Wherever you go… whatever you do… I will be right here waiting for you.”
Tim: Oh come on – it’s proper emotional balladry, and all the stylistic tricks have already been used many times over.
Tom: It’s more than that, Tim, it’s the entire bloody chord sequence and instrumentation.
Tim: Look. The important thing is that this is definitely not another Collective idea, which as far as I’m concerned makes it brilliant all on its own and we could stop the review right here. But no – this deserves more, because aside from the fact that they missed a golden opportunity for what would have been a perfectly justified key change, this a shining example of what a cool mellow pop song should be.
Tom: It is a shining example. Specifically, it’s Bryan Adams’s shining example.
Tim: Bryan Adams?
Tom: …the guy who did “Right Here Waiting For You”. Seriously, it’s really, really close.
Tim: Oh yes, I know the song. I’m just surprised and, well, more than a little disappointed in you, really.
Tom: Oh. Oh, damn. Damn. Anyway, you’re right about missing the key change.
Tim: Well, obviously. The lyrics are along the lines of you’re brilliant, I’m not quite as good as you are but give me a bit of time, because, well, “all that I do is to make you proud” —
Tom: Heh. Euphemistic.
Tim: I’ll ignore that — and the tone conveys that appropriately. We’ve got solo stuff in the verses, getting the emotive stuff across well, and in the chorus we’re all in there, making sure you understand. Then, of course, at the end we’re harmonising in about six octaves all at once, because that way you know we’re really very serious about this indeed. What more do you want?
Tom: A bit of original instrumentation?