Saturday Reject: Salena Mastroianni – I Don’t Wanna Fight

“Fire them immediately.”

Tim: YES, it’s that time again – less than three months until Eurovision, so let’s have a rummage around the national competitions, see what Europe could have won. We’ll start with one from Britain, and you may remember when we reviewed our winner I said I was FUMING. To explain, I’ll show you Salena’s performance, as broadcast.

Tom: Wow. Tropical house synth patches near the start. That’s original and modern. And lyrics that’d have fitted in nicely as a parody of a Eurovision track. This is… pretty dire.

Tim: Well, you might say that – but I’d ask you to compare that with the studio version – most particularly, the backing levels. The broadcast is just SO, SO much weaker. This is a dance tune, the winner was a ballad, and yet the volume they were put out at was identical. Result: a cracking dance tune that sounded utterly lacklustre, and it’s just unforgivable.

Tom: As a bonus, that studio version means you don’t hear the live vocals, which… well, they weren’t quite studio quality, were they?

Tim: That is also something I’d give, particularly at the start. But the big thing is, in the venue everything was perfect, and the crowd adored it (as evidenced by the fact that the judge’s comments were inaudible due to the cheering after “do you think it’ll do well at Eurovision?”).

Tom: Wait, really? I’ve got a completely different opinion. This is a pretty mediocre song: dull lyrics, uninspired melody. Granted, in what’s probably going to be a Year of Ballads it’d do well, and the message might get a few points for politics. But even in the studio version, I… well, I’ll be honest, I just don’t like it.

Tim: Oh – well maybe I just got caught up in the mood and it was the best of a bad bunch. Listening again, though, I stand by this. And I don’t know who was responsible for sorting out the levels on the night, but I can’t help wondering if they’re the reason The Voice was so crap on the BBC. Fire them immediately.