Saturday Reject: Alcazar – Blame It On The Disco

“My word, is this about the performance.”

Tim: Anyone who’s not seen this before may want some expectations; all I’ll say is that in the Melodifestivalen final, the British jury gave it the full 12 points and the Russian jury gave it no points whatsoever.

Tom: I think I’m going to like this one.

Tom: That is incredible. I mean, it’s not a particularly good song, but they descended in a giant disco ball, namechecked themselves in the first verse, and then basically slammed into a key change with every single chorus.

Tim: People say Eurovision’s all about the performance, and my word is this about the performance. I’m not entirely sure what ‘it’ is, aside from excessive partying, that we’re meant to be blaming on the disco, but whatever it is, if it gets this reaction then damn, I want to be doing more of it.

Tom: So many pyrotechnics.

Tim: It got a very positive reaction, coming third with both viewers and (most) juries, but let’s be honest: it’s a good thing this didn’t win. It’s a glorious song (though still not their finest), and a truly wonderful performance, but it wouldn’t have been right for a Swedish Eurovision entry. What it was perfect for, though, was a Melodifestivalen final, and it made the night very enjoyable indeed.

Tom: Agreed: this placed exactly where it should.

Tim: It was written, incidentally, by the same three people who wrote the winner, one of whom has a frankly incredible record when it comes to Melodifestivalen. Sir, I salute you.

Saturday Reject: Oda & Wulff – Sing

“I’m not sure there’s anything I don’t like.”

Tim: Christer Wulff and Oda Kvingedal Larsen wanted to sing for Norway, and, since they presumably thought their names were too long, adapted a moniker that would be well-suited to a mad old woman and dancing dog routine on Britain’s Got Talent. This song here got them through to the final, though not the Gold Final, and I reckon it’s worth your time.

Tom: Side note: the Melodi Grand Prix graphics are rather nice and minimalist, aren’t they?

Tim: I suppose so, but mostly because here they can be – the music has absolutely everything, because isn’t it a happy happy track? The first time he starts singing that chorus melody you get taken straight in there with smile forced upon you.

Tom: Oh. Um, alas, I didn’t.

Tim: Oh. Really?

Tom: It was all a bit too much for me: there’s some weird dissonance where they don’t sound enthusiastic or sincere enough. And there’s at least one, possibly two, too many “sings” in each line of that chorus.

Tim: I’d dispute all of that, to be honest, though let’s not get distracted from the main thing: you might notice in the background the bloke standing on the platform, wondering what he’s doing there, and then come the end of the chorus you’re “Ah! That’s what it is. That’s why he has pride of place.”

Tom: Yes, to be fair, I can’t fault the trumpeter.

Tim: I’m not sure there’s anything I don’t like about this song – the only criticism I could level is that I’m not sure either of their voices is quite strong enough to carry the verses solo), but while in most songs that would be enough to kill it, here it really doesn’t matter that much, as there’s EVERYTHING ELSE.

Tom: Such as…?

Tim: The aforementioned trumpeter up on Pride Rock, the random high five for emphasis, the ‘look at us pretending we’ve already won’ confetti, the way there are spare instruments lying around that the singers pick up and play when they get bored in the middle eight – this whole song has a massive sense of fun to it, and all it’s really missing is a dancing dog.

Tom: For me? All it’s missing is heart. And I know that’s a terribly vague criticism to level, but that’s how I feel.

Tim: As is your prerogative, though it’s pretty much the opposite of what I feel.

Saturday Reject: State of Drama – All We Are

“Three great things about the song.”

Tim: You may remember a while back I said my top four Andra Chansen songs came in the top five; this here was number 5.

Tim: The old “don’t bore us, get to the chorus” adage is clearly something they take seriously, which is a good thing because the chorus is by far and away the best of the three great things about the song.

Tom: And the other two?

Tim: Well, without the chorus we’d still have the key change and loudhailer gimmick, but as it is we have all three, and they all come together a great track.

Tom: He does appear to be genuinely using the loudhailer too, which is… well, it’s something.

Tim: Lyrically it’s basically “we’re young people, we get pissed and party, we’re awesome” which, well, it’s not particularly endearing, but it’s at least something most people will have identified with at some point in their lives. Musically, it gives a very similar impression, and all summed up it’s a schlager-rock track that’ll suit me very well.

Tom: If I’m honest: that middle eight completely loses it for me, and even with a key change and a three-minute duration it seems to go on a bit.

Tim: Hmm, now you mention the middle eight, it does somewhat break the momentum; I reckon it hangs together well enough throughout the three minutes, though.

Tom: It’s probably not a Eurovision track, but it didn’t deserve to do too badly.

Tim: As indeed it didn’t. Nice one.

Saturday Reject: Destan – Sans Toi

“It’s not bad as a Typical Boyband Ballad.”

Tim: Destan, a French boyband comprising Dean, Killian and Quentin, who’ve been around since last summer, and who presumably hoped Eurovision would be a platform for international success; that’s not to be, unfortunately, but they had a good go with this.

Tom: Ooh, check out the Big Piano Intro.

Tim: Big indeed. This was, clearly, written to be an international song – not only with some of the lyrics in English (switching mid-sentence at one point), but right through to filming the video in London —

Tom: I’ve been in that beigel shop.

Tim: — and a chorus that’s three quarters identical to the Canadian I Believe; I’m willing to stay away from yelling deliberate rip-off, though, as that’s a great feel-good build line that’d be hard for a songwriter to let go of however it occurred to them.

Tom: Aye, and it’s not bad as a Typical Boyband Ballad. I don’t think it’ll be leaping up the charts over here, though.

Tim: Probably not, no. We don’t like the French, after all. As for the band themselves, well, they’re Dean, Killian and Quentin who met in a recording studio and got put together by a producer who saw their potential. They’ve got one previously release, Vole, and, naturally with the instruments, they don’t like being called a boyband, seeing themselves closer to The Calling and, erm, The Script. Good luck with that, then.

Tom: They’ll have one of them fronting The Voice of France in no time.

Tim: Oh, see now I just want to listen to Malena Ernman. Let’s all listen to Malena Ernman.

Saturday Reject: Martin Stenmarck – När änglarna går hem

“The staging adds a lot to this.”

Tim: Andra Chansen rolls around, and, as far as I’m concerned, went fairly well – my favourite four ended up all in the top five, and the two that went through were both decent enough. Disappointed this didn’t get through, though.

Tim: I’ll be honest: the staging adds a lot to this.

Tom: Agreed: that barrage of lights during that glorious first chorus really does add something.

Tim: It is, undeniably, a slow builder – that first verse is really quite dull, and I found it hard not to be distracted that that idiotic hat. But come the chorus, all was immediately forgiven, or at least forgotten.

Tom: There is a bit of Stevie Wonder’s I Just Called in that build — “no April rain, no flowers bloom, no wedding Saturday,” etc. But I’m willing to believe that’s coincidence given how different, and how big, the rest of the song is.

Tim: Not only did it pick up musically, the light show that was going on him, simple as it was, did so much to say LOOK AT THIS AND PAY ATTENTION. And after that, it was just a question of keeping the attention, which was easy enough with this song – you’ve not only got the background chanting, but also him shouting the decent tune at the top of his voice and then, once we might have got bored of that, the old “break glass in case of emergency” tactic: spread your legs as far as possible.

Tom: There’s more than one way that could be taken.

Tim: And all good ways. Job’s a good’un, let’s have the votes please.

Saturday Reject: Olga un Līgo – Saule riet

“Whoever thought of this deserves either a medal or a criminal record.”

Tim: Thomas, if I were to say to you “EDM meets country dancing”, what would you imagine?

Tom: Avicii.

Tim: One option. Here’s another.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eenD-H7vces

Tom: That… that was not Avicii. What the hell was that?

Tim: Here is what I love about this Latvian reject: the fact that even the lead singer seems far, far more focused on the dancing than on the singing. At the start, she can’t let go of her skirt, as she’s just dreaming of the moment she gets to pick it up and DANCE; at the end, she’s done so much dancing that she’s too out of breath to sing properly. Whoever thought of this deserves either a medal or a criminal record for drug abuse. It is quite, quite brilliant.

Tom: It’s like someone took the whole idea of farm-house music, repeated it down a slightly dodgy phone line to a producer in Latvia, and this was the result.

Tim: Am I upset that it didn’t go through? Yes, because it’d be a wonderful spectacle to have on the Eurovision stage; no, because the eventually winner was, as previously mentioned, the excellent Cake to Bake.

Saturday Reject: Janet Leon – Hollow

“It’s just not right.”

Tim: On the night, this was one of my predictions to go straight through to the final; in the end, it came eighth. That’s disappointing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_Jt6TWyOF8

Tim: Now, I don’t want to be as rude as I was a couple of weeks ago, but really, last place? This is, as far as I can tell, a genuinely spot on piece of pop music, and surely one that even non-pop fans can appreciate as a possible victor.

Tom: And again, I’m not hearing it. It’s slow, the vocals don’t seem to properly harmonise, and the chorus is basically a dull version of Little Boots’ Remedy.

Tim: Oh, come one. Admittedly, that week we had Janet, Linda and the awful Ellinore competing for female pop vocalist of the night, so some vote-splitting may be inevitable, but seriously, last place for this versus an Andra Chansen placing for Ellinore? It’s just not right. To be honest, if Alcazar hadn’t qualified straight through to the final I think I’d have entirely given up hope.

Tom: Speak for yourself: it seems about right to me.

Saturday Reject: Niko – Here I Am Again

“This did very well in Sweden, so let’s do it all over again”

Tim: This here is a song that Latvia chose not to put through to Eurovision this year. Before you listen, though, I’d like you to listen to David Lindgren’s Melodifestivalen entry from last year, especially the chorus.

Tim: And to think we were surprised by Cascada last year. It’s quite something, isn’t it? Part of me thinks “sod off, dickhead, this is an entire rip-off”, but part of me admires their balls in doing this, and especially the way that he’s even kept some of the lyrics the same.

Tom: To be fair, they’re both a bit Till The World Ends, but yes – this is a bit closer than you might expect.

Tim: A bit? Mate, they’re practically in bed with each other. I don’t know if Niko wrote the song or if it was someone else, but the thought process was clearly “yes, this did very well in Sweden and they really know their stuff, so let’s do it all over again”.

Tom: And steal Daft Punk’s helmets while they’re at it.

Tim: Part of me, I must admit, wishes this had gone through, just so I could hear the howls of outrage that tens of thousands of fans would emanate. But still, we have a baking song. That’s good enough for me.

Tom: We… we have a what?

Tim: Oh yes – the winning song is called Cake to Bake, sung from the perspective of an incredibly adventurous guy (who’s designed the Great Wall of China, been to space and discovered Atlantis) suddenly presented with a WHOLE NEW CHALLENGE. The (wonderfully catchy) chorus line is “I’ve got a cake to bake, I’ve got no clue at all; I’ve got a cake to bake, I’ve never done this before,” and it’s significantly more enjoyable than this year’s other cake-themed entry.

Saturday Reject: Linda Bengtzing – Ta mig

“Sweden, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

Tim: Linda Bengtzing, schlager queen. Three years back, she pulled quite the shocker by coming first in her heat, then last in the final; she then swore off Melodifestivalen and said she’d never be back. She came back this year, and just missed out on a slot in Andra Chansen. With this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1vyPbu2zX8

Tim: Right, expletives ahead, as I’m emotional.

Tom: “Tired and emotional”?

Tim: Yeah, we’ll call it that. I mean, really. Just how the bollocks did that not get through? Sweden, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Tom: ‘Cos it’s a bit dull and repetitive? I mean, it’s good, but it’s not a classic.

Tim: OH COME ON. Admittedly it’s not Alla Flickor, but for a start, there was a totally SHITTING AWFUL track (dull song, very weak singer) that went through to Andra Chansen, and you kicked out THIS? I mean, WHY? It’s not even as if it’s “oh, it’s crappy camp schlager, we don’t like this”. It’s really an incredibly good pop track.

Tom: It’s okay. It goes on a bit, even at three minutes.

Tim: IT DOES NOT. Why the hell did you not vote it through? WHAT ON EARTH IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? I am actually tempted to GIVE UP. ENTIRELY. Sweden, YOU HAVE FAILED ME. I AM APPALLED. HOW VERY DARE YOU.

Tom: You realise we’re going there in a few weeks, right?

Tim: And I’ll probably still be upset.

Saturday Reject: Jorge González – Aunque Se Acabe El Mundo

“Pretty damn Spanish while still being modern.”

Tim: Last Saturday, I got somewhat tipsy while watching four Eurovision selections simultaneously; one of them was Spain. Former UK X Factor contestant Ruth Lorenzo won, with a song that didn’t quite match up to her potential, but never mind. What didn’t win was this.

Tim: Now, I wanted this to win for three reasons: first, he’s very good looking (yes, I’m shallow, but no more than Eurovision’s primary voters).

Tom: To be fair, even I’d agree with that.

Tim: Second, he’s got a name that’s about as Spanish as you can get.

Tom: And a sound that’s pretty damn Spanish while still being modern.

Tim: And that’s my third point: it’s a damn good song. The title translates as ‘Even If The World Ends’, and according to a popular online translation system it’s all about keeping on trying and never giving up. And man, that’s a good message, with no crappy rubbish about love and all that, and one that’s well represented in the song.

Tom: Agreed: it’s a good sign for me if, on the first listen, I find myself tapping my feet along. This managed exactly that.

Tim: It is clearly a Spanish sound (good), and it also has the necessary ‘keep trying’ effort and energy going and going and going and after a while it becomes difficult not to rhyme going with boing, but anyway.

Tom: Are you still drunk, by any chance?

Tim: I’d say no; the empty bottle of port on my desk may discredit that though. That doesn’t change the fact that this is a brilliant track, and if it wasn’t destined to end up buried as a failed Eurovision attempt it could probably do very well remixed on the club circuit. Maybe someone can sort that out?