Tim: The staging raises an interesting question, though, which was brought up by, of all people, Ana Matronic on BBC3′s coverage of the semifinal – are they cheating a bit with the spark fountains and stuff?

Tim: There’s no doubt that it’s a good song, and a deserving winner, but spark fountains do, to anyone who’s ever seen Idol, The Voice or The X Factor, convey ‘THIS IS THE WINNER’. It turns a good performance into an incredible one, and was seen to an even greater extent with Romania, originally one of my least favourite songs – in the stadium, the crowd’s reaction for the first couple of minutes was a basic WTF; the sparks and confetti hit, though, and suddenly people, including me, couldn’t get enough of it.

Tim: Hmm. Nice choice with Belgium there, though I’d have to disagree with your choice of the cockney-less Frankie Cocozza there; mind you, my favourites actually ended up being Russia and Iceland so what do I know.

Back to this, though, and obviously “cheating” is a big word, and the only reason other countries didn’t have similar effects is that they didn’t ask for them, but it’s said a lot that the performance is almost as important as the song; is this taking it too far? To be honest, I kind of think it might be.

Tim: Got through to Andra Chansen, and ended up in the top half of that, but didn’t quite get to the final. That’s a shame, for one particular reason: I reckon it’s a perfect example of ‘Swedish pop music’. He had it back in BWO, and he’s still got it now – it’s the melody, the vocal, the backing, the bright colours, everything. It’s all there, and it’s exactly the sort of music that represents Swedish pop at its best.

Or at least it was, five years ago.

Tim: Oh, it’s certainly still good, but now, things are different – pop music has become somewhat homogenised, and, for better or worse, a lot of pop music from Sweden doesn’t sound hugely different from pop music from other countries. This, though, is a track that could only really come from Sweden, and that’s why it’s a shame it’s been knocked out.

Tim: Before we listen to it, though, I want you to imagine some Germans playing music. Feel free to stereotype as much as you like, but focus on the whole thing – music, clothing, the whole shebang.

Got it?

Tim: Yes, it’s not hard to work out. Let’s ignore the rapping, because that’s not very good and is really just a bloke speaking quickly. I might appreciate it more if I could remember more German from school, but I can’t, and Google’s translation fails horribly on these lyrics. The rest, though: blimey. First, we have actual lederhosen.

Tim: Secondly, holy trinity of trumpet, trombone and tuba, which come into their own when it becomes apparent that what we initially thought would be a standard breakdown (albeit brassier than usual) turns into a completely different second half of the song.

Tim: Ska? Punk? Mate, this is meant to be stereotypical, racist-if-anyone-else-suggested-it traditional German stuff. Raucous electric guitars? What’s wrong with you?

Tim: Ah, fair enough. But thirdly, finally, and most intriguingly, they’re not afraid to take on a challenge that no-one has ever thought to set: “What do you mean, you need a vocalist for a key change?”

Tim: Exactly. Cracker. There were a couple of times when I almost got turned off – the shouty opening, and the intro to the first chorus – but man, am glad I didn’t close that tab. Because as a pop song, that’s almost Kelly Clarkson’s Stronger material.

Tim: Well, alright, it’s not that good, but it is bloody impressive (and I quite like the ‘ooh’ part). It’s loud, brash and in your face, with a big message that’ll turn off the old people. It’s heavy on the instruments, and it’s got lights that seem bang on for the song. And most importantly, it’s brought by a singer who, while a tad shaky on the vocals when live, really does give it everything – so much that she seems to be on the verge of collapsing by the end of it. And that, I think, is a sign of a good song.

Tim: And what a lovely tune that is.

Tim: Some (probably including me if I was in a different mood, and apparently including you) may say yawn yawn snoozefest, but by the end it’s built up into sometime you can actually get into.

Tim: It got knocked straight out of the second Melodifestivalen heat, which isn’t a big surprise – Eurovision and associated competitions are generally a place for fun and jollity, rather than a big soulful number like this – but it’s still a decent number and elsewhere could probably have done fairly well. Oh well, it didn’t. Never mind.

Tim: It’s slightly toned down, but it more than makes up for that with both the smoke and wind machines turned up so high that by the end of it she looks like she’s in the middle of a tornado and you want her to put her Death Eater cape back on so she doesn’t catch a cold.

Tim: Yes, and the good second. The one second out of the whole hour that isn’t interminably dull.

And while I said slightly toned down above, that’s a bit like saying something’s slightly quieter than a Boeing 747. It’s still got a ridiculous amount of everything to it, and in a very laudable manner. The spotlights that fall in the chorus and just keep coming, row after row after row in an eternity of joy. The exploding fireworks factory in the background. The endless howling over the closing choruses.

Tim: It’s all just marvellous.

Tim: I’ve got to say I’m on the side of the juries, here.

Tim: Well, it certainly wouldn’t be a middle of the table finisher – depending on the mood of the night, I think it’d either do very well or appallingly badly. It’s got a lot going for it – pyros, bright colours, memorable chorus line, interesting character who knows how to give everything he’s got – but it’s also got the whole rock thing going on, which really doesn’t do it for me in this instance. Sometimes that’ll triumph, but sometimes it just falters horribly.

Tim: Maybe it would have been a good entry – there is, after all, no risk of Sweden bombing out in the semi-finals this year – but I myself just couldn’t warm to it.

Tim: It could be said that this is patently awful, and makes a mockery of Eurovision and that malarkey.

Tim: Yes, it is. As a song it’s ridiculous – whilst rapped verses with a holiday vibe chorus is by no means unheard of, lyrics along the lines of “Living room, kitchen, bathroom, phone and even the bedroom…we’ve done it everywhere” don’t exactly scream lyrical masterclass. And as a performance – really? I don’t think there’s anything that needs to be said about four giant rabbits playing the drums.

Tim: It could be said. But dammit, I like it. Yes, it confirms the ideas of people who think Eurovision’s not worth bothering with, and yes, if it was brought out as a summer dance track I’d probably buy it on CD just so I could vomit on it. But there’s something about the way it all goes together that I can’t help smiling.

Tim: Oh, thank you very much.

Tim: So often, Scandinavian electropop (thought admittedly this is way over towards the pop end of that genre) is rather downbeat, and I’d just sort of accepted that as a thing.

Tim: Exactly my thoughts – after that opening it quickly picks up into something much happier and jauntier, of levels almost approaching her previous. It’s very much in the same vein that I really enjoyed back then and really enjoy here, with the lovely flowing instrumentation in the background being a particular highlight.

Tim: Voice is good too, although I worry it has potential to be suited to ballads in the future, which really wouldn’t do for anyone, so let’s hope she doesn’t do that. In fact, let’s hope we just get more of the same, and slightly more frequently, please.

Tim: Absolutely not – obviously, you don’t take part in a big reunion TV show and go on its accompanying tour just to say goodbye again afterwards, so let’s have some proper new music, shall we?

Tim: And it is…entirely generic. It’s very good generic, mind – mild opening verse building into a hefty two-part chorus, good use of screaming for the title and a sensible break for the middle eight – but there’s none of the playfulness that has become regarded, for better or worse, as their trademark.

Tim: This could easily be by, say, Demi Lovato, or P!nk (especially with the bit in the chorus lifted from Blow Me (One Last Kiss)).

Tim: It is – it’s very high praise indeed, but it’s still slightly disappointing for a B*Witched song. Great track, but with bad reasons for being so.