Cruz Beckham – If Everyday Was Christmas

“It’s all downhill from there.”

Tim: I finished off yesterday’s post with “nice work, everyone”. SPOILER ALERT: I won’t be saying that today.

Tom: The first few seconds are promising. And then there’s those autotuned “ooohs”. And it’s all downhill from there.

Tim: Now, I have no problem with people getting a leg up from famous parents – the world is a better place for having Wrecking Ball in it, for example – but, there has to be some notable talent there to begin with. This? This just sounds like he’s said “Dad, Brooklyn got to hang out with The Vamps, why I can’t do stuff like that?” and David said “oh, we’ve got loads of cash, hire a recording studio.”

Tom: I have a feeling that a few more managers and agents were involved than that, but yes, that’s not an unlikely story.

Tim: The output is bland, the lyrics are stupid (think about what Christmas every day would actually be like), and…

Tom: I mean, that didn’t stop Wizzard, and there have been enough hackneyed comedy routines about that already. You’re right that it’s bland — but that’s not stopped lots of other songs before. And while I agree that, overall, this is not a particularly good song, I will admit to actually liking the first three lines of the chorus.

Tim: Hmm…

Tom: I can’t believe I’m defending any of this song, but seriously: those three lines are really nice.

Tim: Well, I suppose technically you’re right, but I can’t help thinking, with the line ending “…with you”, that the song was written for someone else, maybe someone who’s not so young they’ve never been around for a decent Spider-Man film – and that someone else may well have done a more listenable recording of it.

To be honest, I can’t really think of any reason this version of this song exists other than to make one single toddler happy. And surely, that’s not why we should have music.