Tom: She’s still going! I feel like giving a small round of sympathy-applause every time a reality show contestant manages to still be going. And it’s been nine years! And her new single is…
Tom: …an album track. Am I being too harsh there?
The trouble is: this isn’t the first single off that album. It’s the third. No, I didn’t know she had a new album either. And a look at the Wikipedia entry for that first single pretty much sums up the fans’ and PR companies clutching at ratings straws: it missed the Top 40, but hey, it made it to number 26 in the sales-only chart.
Tim: AND it got to number 12 in the Billboard Top Twitter Tracks, and if that’s not impressive I don’t know what is. I do think you’re being a little harsh – admittedly it’s not particularly memorable, as I’ve just finished listening to it and I’m struggling to recall the chorus, but I know I thought at the time that I enjoyed it.
Tom: Don’t get me wrong: it’s a decent enough album track. Her fans will like it, and there’s certainly not much wrong with it.
Tim: No – the problem is it doesn’t get me particularly enthused. It’s the sort of track that makes me think “yeah, I might give the album a listen, as long as I have absolutely nothing better to do with my time”.
Tom: And there are a million pop artists out there who’d love the success she’s had: and she’s still going after nine years. Most folks in her position don’t even get one year.
Heck, if you win The Voice, you don’t even get a week.
Tim: The first week of December last year, we filled with new Scandinavian Christmas tunes. This year, let’s start by looking at this side of the North Sea with this, one of the tracks off her Christmas album that’s out today.
Tom: Really? She’s going to cover one of the most iconic British Christmas songs there is? This had better be rollicking.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LGe8Ctc6jo
Tim: First of, the big thing: it’s not Wizzard feat. Roy Wood. Of course it isn’t, and if you’re anything like me, at eight seconds in you thought “oh, what the [rude word]* has she done to this, and what the [rude word] is that weird dog thing?” Thirty eight seconds later, you thought, “Oh, THIS is what she’s done (though that is still a weird dog thing).”
*I’ve said that in anger before. This does not, remotely, deserve that sort of anger.
Tom: That’s pretty much my thought process, apart from recognising the weird dog thing as, well, a dog.
Tim: Bloody weird dog, though. So the trick to covering a song: capturing the essence. The main thing.
Tom: Ooh, now I disagree there. There are some spectacular covers that completely change the original (Pulp’s All Time High comes to mind) — but I’ll grant you that, if you’re covering something this iconic and well-known, you have to either change it entirely or you have to be faithful enough that you even keep in the little twiddly bits of instrumentation that were probably improvised by the original band.
Does that makes sense? Anyway, I’m glad to say: she’s at least managed that. Is this cover necessary? No. Is it passable? Well, yes. It’s not actually bad.
Tim: Well, you say she’s managed it, but the main thing with the original here was the kids choir, and the “Okay, you lot, take it!” Now, we’re in a post-Yewtree social media era, so that’s slightly #awkward…
Tom: That is actually the single worst sentence you’ve ever written for this site. Worse than the Barrowman moment.
Tim: Hmm. I’d say it’s currently tied with the synagogue line, actually. But moving speedily back to CHRISTMAS and HAPPINESS, this could still be improved with kids, however much you, Tom, hate them.
On the other hand, there is the glorious closing line that Roy Wood just could not match if he spent a decade trying, and the fact that this really is the best ‘classic’ Christmas tune of the lot, whatever the Pogues or Gary Glitter fanatics would have you believe, so, God I’m damned if I can find a real flaw in this. It’s WONDERFUL.
Get pissed on the mulled wine, and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Tim: That’s right – another Friday, and another stupidly early Christmas track from an artist who should know better.
Tom: Oh, crikey. It’s not even November yet.
Tim: The first second is filled with sleigh bells, the first word sung is ‘snow’ – yep, this is a festive song, and it’s taking the road of loneliness.
Tom: Or at least, anticipation.
Tim: I’m not quite sure I get this, though – she knows her sweetheart’s coming home on Christmas day, and in the meantime is apparently choosing just to mope around getting bored. Why is this? You’ve already said he’s home on the 25th, so quit with all the ‘staring at the window’ and bloody have some fun. Surprise him! Bake him a cake, or decorate the front of the house with ludicrous amounts of coloured lighting. Buy him a massive present, and go to a Christmas Eve party and get pissed on the mulled wine. Just stop feeling sorry for yourself. He’ll be having fun, so why can’t you?
Tom: Musically, though?
Tim: Musically, though – good lord, it’s utterly wonderful.
Tom: Yep. It’s another one taking its cue from the retro, hyper-saturated, reverberating performances of years ago. The Wall of Sound is back in fashion, folks: the revival of Disco Christmas has passed by.
Tim: YES.
Tom: I can only assume that by 2040 it’ll be Dubstep Christmas.
Tim: Leona’s not really been heard from since the whole Penguin/Fade Into Darkness/Collide clusterfudge last June, but hopefully everyone’s forgotten about that and can enjoy her new song about how she’s a terrible person.
Tim: Right. I am properly bored of lyric videos. They were a decent idea a couple of years ago when we all went ‘ooh, look what they’ve done with the writing, that’s fun’. Occasionally you still get ones where the people put effort in, like the Muse one or the Little Mix one, but this is not one of those. It is lazy, it is dull, and it is something anybody with a copy of PowerPoint and access to a stock video library could put together in about half an hour (and indeed have been doing on YouTube for the past six years).
Tom: To be fair, there’s a lot of subtle design work done on this one, particularly with the explosions – but unless you make motion graphics for a living, you probably wouldn’t notice them.
Tim: No. So I’d like it on record that now, I dislike them and songs we review that feature them will likely as not get me in a grumpy mood.
Tom: Well, you’re going to be grumpy for a while then, because lyric videos are here to stay. They need to get the track on YouTube, they want a cheap video that isn’t just a static image… you get a lyric video. Simple as that.
Tim: Hmm. Haven’t even mentioned the worst thing yet, though: they provide an opportunity to highlight the fact that apparently ‘tryna’ is now a word.
Tom: They could at least have put an apostrophe in there.
Tim: But…but where would it go? It’s not even a contraction, it’s just a mish-mash of letters.
ANYWAY now I’ve got that out of the way, let’s discuss the song, which is actually pretty decent. Is the rapper needed? No, and he’s most likely only there to bump up the radio & audience potential, but I suppose that’s pretty much why any element of any song is present so we shouldn’t really dock it points.
Tom: Bit of background about that rapper: “Childish Gambino” is the alter ego of Donald Glover, a comedian who’s best known for playing Troy in the brilliant TV series Community. He’s clever, he’s articulate, and he’s providing a rap that is – to borrow a phrase – “plot-relevant”. He’s not just bragging about himself. For the first time in a while: this is a rap bit that I like, and that fits.
Tim: As for her singing – it’s as raw, emotional and powerful as we’d all expect from Leona, so that’s a good thing indeed.
Tom: Agreed. Everything about this works for me: the dark tone, the rap, the backing. It’s very, very good.
Tim: I’m almost tempted to wait a few weeks until we’ve got a proper video to look at and I won’t have the anger from this bubbling away inside me, but I suppose that does at least set the scene for what the song’s about so it’s not so bad.
Tom: Try it without the video. It’s a cracking song.
Thirty years of pop culture in three and a half minutes.
Tom: It’s been a few weeks, so let’s have some more mashups. First of all, here’s Miracles by Norwegian Recycling.
Tom: It’s one of those genius mashups that pulls in a dozen different sources to make a coherent whole. It doesn’t really seem to go anywhere, or do any building, but it’s just rather pleasant to listen to. It’s a run through thirty years of pop culture in three and a half minutes, and the video brings it all together nicely.
Tim: Ooh, I like that – I’ve always quite liked mashups that pile in a whole load of songs together just to see what happens, such as the United State of Pop ones, and Party Ben‘s Boulevard of Broken Songs, and this one pulls it off well.*
* There’s also Axis of Awesome’s Four Chord Song, which whilst not actually being a mashup is still fun to listen to.
Tom: There’s been some very clever autotuning on Cee-Lo Green, as well; while it still sounds like him, I’m fairly sure those aren’t exactly the notes he was originally singing…
Tim: Well, with so many songs you’re bound to need a little pitch correction on there just to keep them in the same key, surely.
Tom: No, it’s more than that: I think they’ve actually got him singing a different melody, not just a different key. I might be wrong, though.
Tim: The only thing I dislike about it is the Jason Derulo track – it’s one of his better ones, but it sounds like he forgot to write words to half the chorus, which gets me every time I hear it.
Tom: Second up, here’s a simple A+B mashup by Sam Flanagan. It’s called “Brimful of Bonkers”, and that tells you all you need to know really. Oh, but watch out for an unexpected cameo just after three minutes in.
Tom: It’s easy – there is, of course, not even any pitch correction to do – but it’s still a hell of a party tune. It could use being a bit shorter, but it’s good enough that I don’t really mind.
Tim: I thought that as well – it could easily lose the first verse/chorus, since it’s identical to the second. Anyway, you’re right, it is good, especially the cameo.
Tom: I know both the original songs off by heart, which normally would just make a mashup like this confusing – but this is just pulled together so nicely that it doesn’t matter.
Tim: Personally, I prefer it when I know the original songs – you get to think ‘Ooh, this is fun – never thought of these going together.’ And speaking of knowing the original songs, here’s a mixture of two Europlop favourites merged together by Benji of Sweden (apparently he’s the only one in the country) to form one big Bromance Killer:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9scZ67EAGc
Tim: Aside from the Radio Sweden jingle (which is surprisingly nonintrusive anyway), I think it’s ruddy marvellous, with him still managing to keep the big Lovekiller climax and all the energy that was originally there. Well done Mr Sweden.
Tom: Wow, that’s a belter. Bromance itself is steadily picking up more and more airplay and traction in the UK – the vocal remix with Love U Seek gets released on 25th October, which means it might well be a Big Autumn Hit.
