Tom: New Michael Jackson album. Blatant cash-in, right? Rip out some old unreleased material, the fans’ll lap it up. Well, not quite. See, the thing about Michael Jackson is that even his unreleased tracks are pretty damn good.
Tom: Particularly when they’re given a modern production boost that still, somehow, sounds like it came out of Motown — and backing vocals from the only still-credible member of ‘N Sync.
Tim: Hmm. I’m always nervous when this sort of thing comes out because I almost feel pressured to like it, a bit like Get Lucky. It’s alright, and perfectly serviceable, but I can’t say it does much for me. Though I can’t see it ever being as annoying as I now find Get Lucky.
Tom: Sure, it’s not a Thriller, it’s not a Black or White. But it’s still better than a heck of a lot of the tracks that come our way; even when the King of Pop went by-the-numbers, they were pretty damn good numbers.
Tim: Yes, I definitely can’t deny that.
Tom: And if it’s not modern enough for you, I reckon this remix will do you nicely. It certainly worked for me.
Tim: Oh well actually yes that’ll do very nicely indeed. Cheers.
Tom: Sometimes, Tim, a track comes along that is so damn terrible that we have to have a two minutes’ hate towards it. Or in this case, a four minutes and twenty seven seconds’ hate.
Tim: PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME HEAR THIS AGAIN.
Tom: Wait, you’ve already heard it? How? I wasn’t aware that any radio station anywhere had bothered to play it.
Tim: Oh, it got linked to with an accompanying warning along the lines of “If you listen to this you will die”, and then I thought “oh, it can’t be that bad” and three minutes later thought “well that was an understatement and a half”.
Tom: This is a pretty terrible way to mark a 25th anniversary.
Tim: Oh, really? You think? Because I can’t think of many worse things, unless someone happened to set fire to a synagogue on 8th May 1970.
Tom: Wow. I mean… wow. I… that may be the worst thing you’ve ever written.
Tim: Tasteless? Utterly. Undeserved? Not at all.
Tom: Mind you, the odd thing is that the remix part is pretty good. Unnecessary, sure, but modernising a track like this isn’t uncommon, and sometimes it produces a work of genius (for example, the Groovefinder remix of Satellite of Love from a few years back). This isn’t quite that good, but there’s nothing wrong with it.
Tim: True. There’s also nothing wrong with the Darth Maul fight in The Phantom Menace. But then there’s Jar Jar Binks, midichlorians and just about EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE FILM. AND THIS SONG.
Tom: Actually, there are issues with that fight, but that’s an issue for another time. Anyway, then there’s Pitbull. He’s unnecessary – not just in this track, just in terms of existence. He’s even product-placing in the middle of this. Is there such a thing as a music license? If so, can we revoke his?
Tim: Unfortunately not, largely because you’d have to stretch the definition of music a very, very long way to get it even close to Pitbull.
Tom: Michael Jackson must be spinning in his grave. Or moonwalking, anyway.
Thirty years of pop culture in three and a half minutes.
Tom: It’s been a few weeks, so let’s have some more mashups. First of all, here’s Miracles by Norwegian Recycling.
Tom: It’s one of those genius mashups that pulls in a dozen different sources to make a coherent whole. It doesn’t really seem to go anywhere, or do any building, but it’s just rather pleasant to listen to. It’s a run through thirty years of pop culture in three and a half minutes, and the video brings it all together nicely.
Tim: Ooh, I like that – I’ve always quite liked mashups that pile in a whole load of songs together just to see what happens, such as the United State of Pop ones, and Party Ben‘s Boulevard of Broken Songs, and this one pulls it off well.*
* There’s also Axis of Awesome’s Four Chord Song, which whilst not actually being a mashup is still fun to listen to.
Tom: There’s been some very clever autotuning on Cee-Lo Green, as well; while it still sounds like him, I’m fairly sure those aren’t exactly the notes he was originally singing…
Tim: Well, with so many songs you’re bound to need a little pitch correction on there just to keep them in the same key, surely.
Tom: No, it’s more than that: I think they’ve actually got him singing a different melody, not just a different key. I might be wrong, though.
Tim: The only thing I dislike about it is the Jason Derulo track – it’s one of his better ones, but it sounds like he forgot to write words to half the chorus, which gets me every time I hear it.
Tom: Second up, here’s a simple A+B mashup by Sam Flanagan. It’s called “Brimful of Bonkers”, and that tells you all you need to know really. Oh, but watch out for an unexpected cameo just after three minutes in.
Tom: It’s easy – there is, of course, not even any pitch correction to do – but it’s still a hell of a party tune. It could use being a bit shorter, but it’s good enough that I don’t really mind.
Tim: I thought that as well – it could easily lose the first verse/chorus, since it’s identical to the second. Anyway, you’re right, it is good, especially the cameo.
Tom: I know both the original songs off by heart, which normally would just make a mashup like this confusing – but this is just pulled together so nicely that it doesn’t matter.
Tim: Personally, I prefer it when I know the original songs – you get to think ‘Ooh, this is fun – never thought of these going together.’ And speaking of knowing the original songs, here’s a mixture of two Europlop favourites merged together by Benji of Sweden (apparently he’s the only one in the country) to form one big Bromance Killer:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9scZ67EAGc
Tim: Aside from the Radio Sweden jingle (which is surprisingly nonintrusive anyway), I think it’s ruddy marvellous, with him still managing to keep the big Lovekiller climax and all the energy that was originally there. Well done Mr Sweden.
Tom: Wow, that’s a belter. Bromance itself is steadily picking up more and more airplay and traction in the UK – the vocal remix with Love U Seek gets released on 25th October, which means it might well be a Big Autumn Hit.
