“That pre-chorus. That glorious key change. I can’t stop smiling.”
Tim: Yes. That’s right. This here is what you get when a European boyband decide to try their hands at J-Pop. I’d say “Interested?” but of course you are.
Tom: The word “problematic” is bubbling up from somewhere, but let’s see where they’re going with it.
Tim: Oh, and be warned that this is a pretty awful lyric video.
Tom: Hahahaha. That’s incredible. That pre-chorus. That glorious key change. I can’t stop smiling.
Tim: So there we go. It’s utterly ridiculous, as far as a European market is concerned – brilliant, but still utterly ridiculous. Stick it over with the rest of the genre, though, and it sounds about right, and to be honest makes me wonder why I haven’t delved around there previously. It’s fun. No, it’s a lot of fun.
Tom: Damn right: don’t forget there’s a big crossover between Eurobeat and J-pop. This is mashing the two together really rather well.
Tim: It’s an experiment, sure, but as far as I’m concerned it pays dividends. Well done to all concerned. Though, seriously – that title?
Tim: Right then, that’s Christmas done. But let’s stay vaguely merry for the time being with a nice tale of worldwide co-operation. Remember these guys from back in March? Without going into all the details again, we’ve a Brit, a German, an Italian, a Swede and a, um, Netherlandian.
Tom: Turns out there isn’t a decent singular demonym for Dutch folks. Who knew?
Tim: Boyband dance pop, let’s have it.
Tom: Crikey. Let’s have it, indeed. That’s really good.
Tim: This is a band with money behind it, and that shows. This is a track with good backing from a producer who knows what he’s doing, the video’s got comic book panels and lens flare and all that, and they can do the singing they need to. The same criticisms from last time still apply, mind: it’s a tad generic, could easily be solo material, and it’s not particularly memorable, but while it’s on it’s very enjoyable, and one big hit could well bring these lot to the front.
Tom: I found myself tapping my feet along on the first listen through, which is rare for me: and I think that was due to the production, not the band. “So wicked” is actually a terrible lyric — and that odd sample of it in the middle eight doesn’t matter — but the rest of it is so good I didn’t really mind.
Tim: Inevitable ‘up and coming boyband’ comparison: The Fooo, who somehow don’t have quite the same level of, well, I’m not sure really, but something anyway. Basically, these guys seems like a proper boyband just waiting for one track to become huge, whereas The Fooo just seem content wandering around, putting tracks out there every now and again until they find something that works. If you want to go on about artistic integrity and stuff, The United probably wouldn’t come out on top; if you want to go on about tracks that are properly produced and very enjoyable to listen to, though, then this is where it’s at.
Tim: You’ve complained in the past that I don’t do my research; I’ve just sat through a mind-numbingly dull introductory video to bring you this, so I hope you appreciate it. We have here Mike (UK, 22, with blond highlights), Step (Italy, 21, with the weird sideways fringe), Gabriel (Sweden, 21, the blond one with the earstud,) Manuel (Germany, 22, with the chest tattoo) and Teus (Netherlands, 19, with the Jedward hair).
Tom: Blimey, they are properly international. Hence “The United”, I assume. How’d they get assembled?
Tim: They’re mostly alumni of various Popstars/Idol shows, and “met” (i.e. were put together) in Oslo in October 2011 and have become great friends. What a heartwarming tale of the ages. They have, naturally, gathered an army of young female fans despite doing nothing other than a few YouTube covers, but now they’re hoping to hit the big time.
In a world were the Banna-band can get into the top 40, that’s probably not all that hard. Number 32, to be more precise. I can just picture Duncan struggling out of 40 different HMVs with every single copy they stocked.
Tom: Remember, it’s not a bad track; number 32 sounds about right for it.
Tim: ANYWAY, tedious mini-biographies aside, the music. I like it, partly because it’s a decent enough tune, but also because for some reason no other boybands right now are doing dance pop like this – it’s all guitars and drums, in the eternal and pathetic quest to be ‘authentic’. The management behind this lot have decided that there’s a hole in the market, and they’re quite right.
Tom: I’m not sure this is quite the right thing to fill it, though: it’s… well, it’s a bit generic, isn’t it? I’m not sure I could hum that chorus even after listening to it a dozen times.
Tim: You might be right, but we can at least say that these guys have potential. They don’t have much competition in the genre, so they might be able to get away with a duff debut, and you’re right, there are issues – for starters, it’s nothing that a male soloist couldn’t perform on his own, as outside the last twenty seconds they don’t even have any decent harmonies going on.
However a male soloist couldn’t attract a legion of fan Twitter accounts (I’ll never understand those). Let’s appreciate what we’ve got – a decent enough boyband who are doing something different, fairly competently. I’m happy.
