Tom: Am I being too cynical, Tim? Because when an anonymous reader sends us a track that I’ve never heard of, and says it’s a “decent comeback” by the “Pina Colada Boy team”, I tend to be a bit suspicious and think that it might actually have been sent in by the “Pina Colada Boy Team” themselves.
Tim: Well, I don’t mind – if it’s anything like the actually-brilliant-but-for-all-the-wrong-reasons Piña Colada Boy, with its hook lifted directly from Eiffel 65’s (excellent) remix of The Bad Touch, and initial line strangely reminiscent of Matt Cardle’s When We Collide (not to mention the fact that it’s a song dedicated to the third best cocktail ever), I’m just glad that Tim, Andreas & Sandra have got new stuff at all.
Tom: Well, since the song is really quite staggeringly bad, the suspicions I have don’t really bother me.
Tim: Oh.
Tom: Let’s do that thing where we list off things we don’t like about the song. I’ll start: the appalling rapping.
Tim: By a white bloke who really really wants to be black.
Tom: Well, really really wants to be will.i.am, anyway. Moving on: the massive amount of autotune.
Tim: The way it gets your hopes up about it finishing at about 2:12 before coming right back in.
Tom: The overuse of the “lost power” vocal effect to end a line. In fact, all the overuse of vocal effects.
Tim: The way it gets your hopes up about it finishing for a second time about three minutes in before returning for a whole other forty seconds, and then you hate yourself for believing it.
Tom: The Peter Andre Mysterious Girl drums.
Tim: The fact that, due to some of their previous stuff being firmly in Guilty Pleasure territory, I really really want to like this, but the rapping’s just far far too irritating.
Tom: Now, there is one saving grace: the first part of the chorus, that “please just do what I say” before the INJU5TICE Syndome kicks in? It’s amazing. It’s brilliant.
Tim: It is excellent.
Tom: It constantly set me up with that lovely bit, only to knock me down with the Teletubby impression. Which is a shame, really: if it was all like that good part, I think I could really get into this track.
Tim: REMIX.