Tom: Hahahahah. Heh. Ha. Wait, she’s serious, isn’t she?
Tim: What? Oh, no don’t make me listen to this more times than I need to, it’s bloody awful.
Tim: Right, well you can review this if you want, but I’m just going to suggest other tracks we’ve done, that our readers might prefer to listen to.
Tom: An excellent track, far better than this. I’m calling it, right here: in a couple of weeks, Simon Cowell is going to hold a press conference where he reveals this was all just a joke, and he was trying to see just how far he could push the public.
Tom: Again, a good track. Meanwhile, Cher Lloyd is actually singing a nursery rhyme. And she’s not the Fast Food Rockers.
Tom: Deep and meaningful, yet still an excellent bit of music. Meanwhile, Lloyd’s lyrics – such as they are – preemptively mock anyone who calls it out as crap.
Tim: NEO – Underground
Tom: A wonderful track that I’d forgotten about. As for ‘Swagger’ – I’m telling you, Tim: someone, maybe the lyricist, maybe the composer, maybe the producer, but someone is chuckling to themselves ‘I can’t believe I’m getting away with this’.
Tom: Now that’s a terrible track – but it’s still better than this. But here’s the worst part: I’ve listened to this song once, only once, and the chorus is stuck in my head. It’s rare for me to actively hate a bit of music, but I hate this.