Tom: Hang on. Is he actually singing on this? There’s no “featuring” on those opening ‘woah’s.
Tim: I’m a bit disappointed he’s dropped his trademark ‘na-na-nai’. Not because it was good or anything – it was awful – but it did serve to warn you what you were getting into.
Tom: Amazing track. Terrible lyrics. You’re not Kurt Cobain, Dappy. And did you just sympathise with Chris Brown? And name-drop Marty McFly? And quote “if I die before I wake”? And claim to be Richard Branson? And quote the Italian Job? And Oasis?
Tim: Two things: firstly, the line is “Call me Gallagher, ’cause I’m so shameless”, so I don’t think he’s referencing Oasis.
Tom: Oh, he is, because there’s a snip of an Oasis track being sampled just before it. That’s… that’s actually clever. Okay, I’ll let that one slip.
Tim: And secondly, if just those got you worked up, it’s probably a good thing you seem not to have noticed the remarkably dodgy Prince William line: “I’m a prince, yes I will get the crown/Kate stays in my dungeon when her sister’s round.”
Tom: Simply put: I want an instrumental of this, because his entirely unjustified references are really, really angering me. Which is a pity – because I like the music.
Tim: Well, that’s not stopped you liking a track before. And also, I was going to defend this by saying it fit with the idea of song and what it was all about, just because seeing you worked up like this is quite fun, but I’ve looked at the lyrics and I have no idea what he’s really on about.
Tom: That piano middle eight is lovely, the choruses are brilliant – particularly that final one with the unexpected key change! Dappy, on the other hand… well, what a shame.
Tim: That key change, combined with that Prince William line, leaves me with one final thought: I LOVE THIS TRACK.
Tom: Really?
Tim: No.
Tom: Thought so.