Tim: You know, I’m not sure if I really want to discuss this, because this is how the review starts: So, who wants to hear the Finnish version of Justin Bieber sing about skateboarding for three minutes?
Tom: It’s not the most captivating introduction you’ve ever written.
Tim: Figured. Right, we’ve now lost all but three people, but we might as write something for them to read, if they really don’t have anything better to do.
Tom: There are a lot of dislikes on that video.
Tim: Since you’re not as cool as me —
Tom: Watch it.
Tim: Face it. — I should tell you that ‘frontside ollie’ is a skateboarding term, being the thing they do where they jump in the air and spin round so they land facing the other way. Why is he singing about doing a skateboarding trick?
Tom: Could be worse. He could be singing about Olly Murs.
Tim: Well, I don’t know any Finnish, but since you’re also older than me I should tell you that’s it’s totally what we cool kids are into these days, so it’s probably because, being only 13, he’s still scared of girls so he can’t sing about them.
Tom: That’s a sign of you getting old, Tim. They grow up fast these days.
Tim: Oh, blimey, thats something I didn’t need to see in, well, any time of the day actually.
Give him his dues: he can be an actual musician, even if he can’t be bothered to learn the words to one of the most popular songs of the past year, and to be perfectly honest, if I heard this track without knowing anything about the singer I’d hear it as a song by a perfectly competent vocalist, albeit a female one.
The autotuned bit is annoying, Intense repetition of the (let’s be honest) ludicrous title considerably more so, but that aside it’s not all bad.
Tom: I pretty much agree. The sudden English skateboarding vernacular really does break you out of the song, but there’s nothing particularly wrong with it. There’s nothing particularly right with it, but, you know, well done him.
Tim: Taking all that into consideration, my advice to him is this: come back in five years when we can treat you as a respectable human and not feel too guilty writing rude things about you, and I’ll be perfectly happy.