Oscar Zia – #fail

“Those words are awful. Just plain awful.”

Tom: Oh, that’s a bad title. That’s a really bad title.

Tim: Yes, yes it is.

Over the years we’ve had a good few tracks with decent music but awful lyrics; this was probably epitomised by Olly Murs’s Thinking of Me, and to be honest I never thought we’d find one to beat it. Then again, I never thought I’d come across a song with a hashtag for a title.

Tim: Those words are awful. Just plain awful. I know what I want to write about them, but dammit I won’t. I won’t give him the satisfaction of implying that it has some sense of linguistic acceptability.

Tom: I was wondering what you meant until that line. Bloody hell. I’m a descriptivist linguist, and that still absolutely grates like some kind of industrial strength cheese grater. The kind that produce those bags of pre-grated cheese.

Tim: There’s a bloke I work with who’s started speaking with hashtags, and while I’m not a violent person, I do have to fight a desperate urge to kick him in the face every single time. I got a similar feeling with Eric Saade on Saturday as well, as it happens.

Tom: If you want the ten-year-old equivalent: here’s a song all about AOL Instant Messenger. Warning: it’s just as bad.

Tim: IT IS A TERM FOR THE INTERNET. NOT REAL LIFE, DAMMIT. NOT. REAL. LIFE. You don’t say “lol”, you don’t say “gz”, YOU DON’T SAY HASHTAG.

Tom: To be fair, I don’t even type “gz”.

Tim: And the worst thing? That aside, I quite like it.

Tom: We need an instrumental version. We really, really need an instrumental.