Tim: Oh, must we?
Tom: He may look like a discount Professor Green, but he has the second-best-selling X Factor single. (The first is Alexandra Burke’s Hallelujah, so that doesn’t really mean much.)
Tim: Fair point. Go on, then.
Tom: Let’s get this out of the way early: I hate the lyrics of this song, in both big ways (the ‘bollocks to single people’ message) and small ways (“fill up my cup / don’t ever stop”).
Tim: And which way does “get up on top, I’ll make you pop” send you?
Tom: Into mild fury. Which is a shame, because the music’s pretty damn good: a “big sound” — I don’t think I’ve ever used that phrase before, but hopefully you know what I mean — and some pretty powerful vocal work.
Tim: When I first heard this. I think I tweeted something along the lines of “this is very ‘relevant’, isn’t it.” Which is still true. Let’s be honest: it’s a bit weird. This’ll probably sound like a compliment but: he’s kind of made his own sound. Or to elaborate, it sounds like he’s gone in saying “I want to do big brass stuff,” Syco have said “no, you’re doing heavy beats,” and this is the compromise they’ve ended up with.
It’s not a bad compromise, mind – it’s just that… oh, fine, I’ll say it: I don’t like him. He’s annoying, he’s got all the charisma of a dead slug, and on top of that there’s the whole #saynotouglypopstars thing. But, hate myself as I do, any disdain and cynicism I put out for the record is tainted by that, but also slightly manufactured by it. I don’t want to like it. I really, really don’t want to like it. But…aargh, dammit, I kind of do. Ugh.
Tom: It’s not all that catchy, though — but it probably stands more of a chance of making the charts than other X Factor winners. Not that anyone can remember them.
Tim: You say that, but we both gave an unequivocal thumbs up to Matt Cardle a few months back. Cynicism and snark is what we do, but dammit you brought this song up and now I’m open to introspection. DAMN YOU TOM SCOTT.