Author: Tim

Saturday Reject: MadCraft – Shining Bright

“Hey, that nearly lives up to the hype!”

Tim: MadCraft describe themselves as “the superpowered pop punk band from Helsinki”, and, well, how often do you get superpowered pop punk these days? We can’t not feature it, really.

Tom: Hey, that nearly lives up to the hype! That said, for a pop-punk band, the mix feels a bit… muted.

Tim: That’s the proper music video there, as on both UMK live performances the levels were catastrophically miscalculated resulting in the vocals being almost inaudible; to what extent that affected their poor placing throughout we’ll not know.

Tom: You say that, but the main single mix sounds a bit like it’s being played through slightly broken speakers. Maybe that’s YouTube compression, maybe not, but either way it needs kicking up a notch or two.

Tim: Perhaps, but I reckon overall it’s a good track, as far as pop punk goes, and I suppose superpowered isn’t a terrible description – it’d certainly be a decent Blink 182 album track.

Tom: Ooh, that’s a backhanded compliment there.

Tim: Digging around this band, I find a lot to like, such as their excitable website that, once you’ve read to the bottom, invites you to read it all over again. There’s also their previous music video referencing various video games, such as Madtal Kombat, Madtar Hero and, well, I’ll let you guess what they renamed Super Mario Land to. What I see is a band that likes having fun, and entered the competition to have a bit more fun. Well done everyone, it’s nice when this happens. Even if it didn’t lead to victory.

Tom: Agreed.

Saturday Reject: The Bandits – One

“There’s some good bits in there.”

Tim: This Belgian boyband, despite looking barely old enough to understand the concept of musical history, have chosen to model themselves on the Beatles.

Tom: There are certainly worse role models for musicians, but those are big shoes to step into. The Beatles changed the world: how about the Bandits?

Tim: Well, they’ve certainly got the screaming teenagers, but do they have the music?

Tim: Ehh, sort of. It’s not a bad track, when it jumps back out of the middle eight and finally picks up the steam it should have had throughout the entirety of the song.

Tom: There’s some good bits in there – that descending scale on “brand ne-e-e-w” is lovely, but yes: it takes a while to get there. Early Beatles songs didn’t really build: they just started at full throttle and never stopped. That was the only way they could be heard over the screams.

Tim: Ha, true. Really, if a band like this is going to enter Eurovision, it needs to be big – at the very least State of Drama levels, and unfortunately this isn’t. It could be – there’s potential here – but annoyingly it’s just not enough. (Admittedly, given the awful, awful eventual winner of Belgium’s contest, even the actual Beatles wouldn’t have won.) Come back in a few years when you’ve, you know, done drugs and all the other stuff you need to do and maybe you’ll have a shot, but right now it’s just a pipe dream, kids.

Saturday Reject: Knut Kippersund Nesdal – Taste of You

“A damn good staging get-up.”

Tim: “And God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light. And God saw the light, that it was good.”

Tom: Oh blimey, I remember you tweeting about this one.

Tim: God, in this case, is a rather smooth-looking Norwegian with wonderful blonde hair and legs that seem to magnetically repel each other, which I’m happy to accept. I’m also happy to accept the lyrics (and indeed the title), “the taste of love, the taste of you”, as, well, anything. Some will be somewhat grossed out by it, some will happily take it as a sort of metaphor, and some (hello!) will happily take it literally.

Tom: I’m just going to let you have your moment there. Personally, I think he just looks a bit like Andy Crane visited Jedward’s hairdresser.

Tim: No. Whatever your thoughts on the lyrics are, though, this is (a) a damn good staging get-up and (b) a very good key change, being as it is one that sort of gradually happens over a few notes rather than being a sudden BOOM, which is quite refreshing.

Tom: Agreed: well done that set designer, but more importantly well done the songwriter. I don’t reckon it’d have won Eurovision, but it’s pretty catchy.

Tim: It is – I like it a lot, so well done Knut, and if you’re ever in London let me know and I’ll be happy to compliment you in person.

Saturday Reject: Danni Elmo – She’s The One

“Combine it with a bigger voice, and this would be a wonderful entry.”

Tim: Here’s a bit of advice for future Danish music show producers: if you’re going to have massive smoke cannons, try not to get your microphones right on top of them.

Tom: Oh crikey, it’s like Morrissey had a breakdown and started liking pop.

Tim: Erm, yes, well, regardless of that, what a chorus. And, in fact, what a song.

Tom: Yes. That build and lead-up into the chorus promises so much — although I’m not quite sure that Discount Morrissey can live up to that promise.

Tim: No. Combine it with a bigger voice, though, and damn, this would be a wonderful entry. It has the melody, the title (which in a song that most people hear just once is probably more important than the lyrics) and the staging with the lights and, yes, that dodgily-executed smoke. But I suppose that extra volume does make it seem like the audience is going utterly nuts for it, so it possibly wasn’t entirely accidental. Oh, what a cynic I am.

Tom: Cock-up before conspiracy, every time.

Tim: Fair point. Anyway, give us a stronger singer and this could have been a fantastic entry. As it was? Not quite enough, unfortunately, but oh, the potential.

Saturday Reject: Santiano – The Fiddler On The Deck

“An actual shanty, without going too far”

Tim: So many good rejects, and so little time, so let’s pretend this whole week is a Saturday, shall we?

Tom: Fine by me. Do I still have to go to work?

Tim: Ermm, oh, why not, let’s all take the week off. BECAUSE IT’S ALMOST ON. But for now, let’s go to Germany, and hear what is basically a sea shanty, so have an advance warning of Dick van Dyke levels of accents.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SP2-CGwO50A

Tom: They get a few marks for doing an actual shanty here without going too far towards the pirate stereotype.

Tim: I really, really like this – it’s great fun to watch, it appeals to my inner Captain Jack and it would take quite something to beat that for an example of WE MEAN BUSINESS staging.

Tom: Yep, the set design team clearly went all-out with this one. Or just hired a prop ship, one or the other. And musically, if you wanted to merge together “folk shanty” and “Eurovision”, I can’t think of a better way to do it than this.

Tim: What my mind keeps wandering back to, though, is those lyrics, as with voices like that it’s impossible not to hear them, and they’re confusing. (Lyric video here if you need it.) My initial assumption was that ‘fiddler on the deck’ was a nautical metaphor for impending doom or stuff, which would make sense given the lyrics – “he’s the one who laughs when the storm begins to roar”, “when his fiddle starts to play, better hide away, if you don’t wanna die” “he’s like a cutlass in your back/needle in yer neck”.

But no. I can’t find any reference to that, so all I can see is that they’re being literal – the actually fiddler is a right arsehole standing on the boat. Yet he’s on the deck of the boat, fiddling away, so this is basically a song saying “hello, I’m annoying.” Which is fair enough, I guess, but hardly endearing to a continent.

Tom: I just keep hearing it as a euphemism.

Tim: Oh. Oh. Ohh, really?

Saturday Reject: Alcazar – Blame It On The Disco

“My word, is this about the performance.”

Tim: Anyone who’s not seen this before may want some expectations; all I’ll say is that in the Melodifestivalen final, the British jury gave it the full 12 points and the Russian jury gave it no points whatsoever.

Tom: I think I’m going to like this one.

Tom: That is incredible. I mean, it’s not a particularly good song, but they descended in a giant disco ball, namechecked themselves in the first verse, and then basically slammed into a key change with every single chorus.

Tim: People say Eurovision’s all about the performance, and my word is this about the performance. I’m not entirely sure what ‘it’ is, aside from excessive partying, that we’re meant to be blaming on the disco, but whatever it is, if it gets this reaction then damn, I want to be doing more of it.

Tom: So many pyrotechnics.

Tim: It got a very positive reaction, coming third with both viewers and (most) juries, but let’s be honest: it’s a good thing this didn’t win. It’s a glorious song (though still not their finest), and a truly wonderful performance, but it wouldn’t have been right for a Swedish Eurovision entry. What it was perfect for, though, was a Melodifestivalen final, and it made the night very enjoyable indeed.

Tom: Agreed: this placed exactly where it should.

Tim: It was written, incidentally, by the same three people who wrote the winner, one of whom has a frankly incredible record when it comes to Melodifestivalen. Sir, I salute you.

Kalsi & Applejack feat. Tina Cousins – Screams

“MUSIC THAT SETS COMPUTERS ON FIRE. YOU MUST DANCE.”

Tim: Tina Cousins, off the late 90s, used to do dance pop, solo and working with Sash! on a couple of tracks, (and she also did Thank ABBA For The Music).

Tom: Crikey. That’s a pretty good pop CV, actually. What’ve we got?

Tim: Back then, the dance and the pop were combined nicely. Here…

Tim: It’s pop. It’s DANCE. It’s pop. It’s DANCE. DANCE. DANCE YOU BASTARDS OR YOU’LL DIE BECAUSE THIS IS HARDCORE DANCE. MUSIC THAT SETS COMPUTERS ON FIRE. YOU MUST DANCE.

Tom: I’m not sure it’s quite as two-sided as all that: rather than see it as a mash of genres, see it as a non-vocal chorus. It’s not four-on-the-floor pop, but it’s got personality to it.

Tim: Yes, I suppose you’re right. But even given that, what strikes me about it is that I can’t imagine it ever being played out – Tina’s bits are entirely unsuited to a heavy dance floor, and the dance bits are entirely unsuited to the ears of most people who like the rest.

Tom: Ooh, now that’s where I think you’re wrong. Remember all those brostep fans who were all about the DROP, and the light-and-dark contrast? This has a hell of a DROP.

Tim: It does, yes, there is that – I suppose it’s more the second group I’m thinking of, belonging to it as I do. On the other hand, I said ‘mostly’ up there – I quite like it, though, so I’ll take it.

Robin feat. Lord Est – Tilttaamaan

“An inevitably awful rap middle eight.”

Tim: You may or may not remember Robin, who’s featured on these pages a few times previously; you most likely won’t remember Lord Est, who hasn’t.

Tom: “Robin” is a bold name in a market already saturated with various Robins and Robyns. Still, let’s see what he’s got.

Tim: A warning: audibly, the middle eight is awful. Visually, it’s rather special, so stay with the video for it.

Tim: “Look! I know I’m overweight and in my mid-forties, but I can be cool! Really! Look! I’ve got sunglasses! And a leather jacket! I’m waving my hands out to kids who are street do! I say ‘street’ and everything! I’m SO COOL.”

Tom: “Lord Est”, huh? I assume he’s the Finnish Daz Sampson, with a similarly lengthy musical pedigree.

Tim: Blimey, yes. That part aside, though, I like this track. Now summer’s approaching (he writes, as it pours down with rain outside), the summer tracks seem to be out in force, and I for am happy with that. Yes, they tend to bring with them inevitably awful rap middle eights (actually, has there ever been a good one? Aside from Wannabe, obviously.), but they’re manageable.

Tom: Mmf. It’s an okay track, I guess, but I’d file it under “well produced” then actually “good”.

Tim: Possibly – the backing and his vocals are all fairly competent and largely enjoyable, and if you’re wondering the conversation in the video’s about him asking her who she was, her responding by telling him to follow her on Instagram (obvs), and then at the end her inviting him to a beach party. BEACH PARTY! FUN! YAY!

Tom: Here comes the summer.

HvH – Cause of Your Destruction

“That’s an absolutely brilliant track.”

Tim: Last week, apparently, there was a big album released with tracks from 65 artists in aid of a Swedish human rights group called Feministiskt Initiativ; we got sent this one, from new band HvH, short for Hammer Village Heights. I’d say ‘contains flashing images’, but more accurate would be ‘is a flashing image’.

Tom: That is wonderful. I have absolutely no idea why that’s hit me quite so hard, but it has: that’s an absolutely brilliant track.

Tim: It’s also incredibly downbeat, and despite it being that, I love it.

Tom: I know it’s technically ‘downbeat’, but this is a textbook example of how you can make a song uplifting, rousing, and almost spiritual without needing to go over the top.

Tim: I think it’s the almost military feeling it brings with it – that, combined with the main line of the chorus being “we will be the cause of your destruction”, the bare lyric video and the disconnected slightly robotic voice makes it an almost sinister track, and certainly one that’s keen on getting its message across. It does, however, have a great melody to it, and for me at least it all works brilliantly.

Tom: It reminds me of some of VNV Nation’s recent work — I suspect the band name helps with that — and that’s a sincere compliment. There are a hundred songs like this that I’d dismiss as “plodding” and “slow”, and somehow, I wish I knew how, they’re able to make it brilliant.

Tim: I’m not sure I’d like a whole album of this, but it’s a damn good starting point.

Röyksopp & Robyn – Do It Again

“It takes ages to get there.”

Tom: Wait, really?

Tim: Yep, and yep. Two Scandinivian GIANTS of dance music combine, to bring us this, the first single from a new duet EP.

Tom: Well, that’s exciting.

Tom: That… huh. That is exactly what I expected it to sound like. It sounds like Röyksopp, and it sounds like Robyn. I don’t why I’m underwhelmed by that, because it’s a really good track.

Tim: It is, but to be honest, it took me a while to get it – specifically, three minutes and forty four seconds. At which point it all WENT OFF and became WONDERFUL.

Tom: Right! And I know that’s Röyksopp’s shtick, the whole slow-build thing, but it takes ages to get there.

Tim: And then Annie Mac starts talking all over it, but still it’s very good.

Tom: I KNOW. GOOD GRIEF.

Tim: At the end, though, I had another listen and realised it actually got to a decent level after a couple of minutes, which is better but still sort of a problem – we all know Robyn has a lovely voice, so it’s a shame it takes so long for the production underneath to catch up and be big enough to complement it well. When it does, mind, it’s fantastic, and I can’t wait to hear the whole EP.