Author: Tim

Saturday Reject: Gyurcsik Tibor – Back in Place

The music started. He sang. I cringed.

Tim: This chap, fresh out of last year’s X Faktor Hungary, came top in his semi-final but didn’t even place in the actual final, which is a shame, I think.

Tom: The music started. He sang. I cringed.

Tim: It gets straight in there with no messing around – this is an upbeat pop song song that quite clearly knows what it’s doing, and it does it fairly well.

Tom: See, until that first chorus, I’d have described it as ‘downbeat’, and I’m not sure that chorus rescues it.

Tim: Really? Huh. There are a few issues, though – it seems to get a bit bored after the key change, not really knowing where to go next, but it’s fine staying where it is. It needs a better ending, as well – it’s either got to be more drawn out or more abrupt, because the length it is just doesn’t do it for me.

Tom: Heh. That’s what she said. Anyway, none of this song really “does it for me” – and I think that’s down to the singer.

Tim: Yes, and he’s the biggest problem for me as well, actually, because good as he is I can’t quite shake the feeling that he’s singing a little bit above his comfort zone. He’s bang on with all the notes, but the somewhat strained middle eight, along with the occasional more comfortable deep note near the beginning, just gives me the impression he’ll be reaching for a glass of water once this is done.

Tom: Yep, exactly. It’s like how I need a glass of water after listening to Tom Waits; my throat just closes in sympathy.

Tim: I’ve mentioned a lot of negative points here – overall, though, they are somewhat minor ones and easily fixed, and they don’t take away from the fact that I think this is a really good song. Like I said, upbeat pop that knows what it’s doing.

Tom: I couldn’t agree less.

Cher Lloyd feat. Astro – Want U Back

Not terrible, but bloody hell does it annoy me.

Tom: Last time we didn’t like one of her tracks, Cher Lloyd’s Twitter army – the group of superfans that constantly check Twitter for mentions of her – noticed and decided to insult us back.

Well, brace yourself, Tim, ‘cos this is…

Tom: …huh. Not terrible, but bloody hell does it annoy me.

Tim: I tell you what annoys me – the apparent loathing she has for words that begin ‘yo’.

Tom: What, like U and Ur Hand?

Tim: Exactly like that. I didn’t mention it last time because I know it’s me being a pedantic arse, but really? It would be okay if it was remotely justified, but it seems more like ‘No, I just want to do my spelling with as few letters as possible.’ OK, Cher, 2 cn play @ that game.

Tom: Oh dear. Anyway, an instrumental version of this would be lovely, because everything in the background – even the bleep-bloop video-game synths – is excellent. But the frustrated noises? The repetitive vocals? The bits where she starts talking like she’s trying to be Nicki Minaj? The oh-so-cutesy video ending? They need to go. All of them.

Tim: If she wnts him bak, y iz she brakin his bak by scruing up his sk8bord trik? & hu wears 3D glasses lik that ne more?

Tom: …I’m not actually going to bother to read that.

Tim: Seriously? Do you know how hard it is typing like that? And you skip straight past it?

Tom: It wasn’t a conscious decision. My eyes just kind of skipped past it. Anyway, just so you know: Astro is younger than Justin Bieber.

Tim: I’ve got to be honest – I never found Justin Bieber all that annoying. His fans, sure, but not the guy himself.

Tom: Agreed – the kid’s got talent, as does Astro. It’s more of a realisation that he’s only just over half my age.

Tim: Well, I said I didn’t find Justin annoying – this Ascending Star™, as the video seems to want us to call him? Man, I want to punch him, with his stupidly over-sized peak on his cap.

Tom: I think the lesson here is that Cher Lloyd tracks are brilliant, apart from Cher Lloyd.

Tim: Oh, see now it’s the end of the review and so I probably ought to say something about the track, and the horrible thing is: I quite like it. Not the stupid rapping bit (is it rapping, or is he just throwing a tantrum?), but the rest of it I think is quite catchy, poppy and enjoyable. And now I hate myself. Thanks Tom. Thanks a lot.

Pearl Fiction – Run

I’m half expecting massive Phil Collins noisegated drums to appear half way through.

Tim: Solo guy, used to be the lead singer of Swedish band Zeigeist. And, um, if you’re out in public you might want to skip the first forty seconds or so.

Tom: Hmm. I’m in an airport lounge at the minute. I’ll load it in a background tab, and then quickly click over to see if… WHOA OKAY yep I’ll take your advice.

Tim: This, I’ll give about, ooh, 67%.

Tom: Precise.

Tim: Allow me to justify. We have points given for the chorus being nice and upbeat, with a lovely hook and all that. At the end of the second listen, I am loving singing along to it.

Tom: It sounds like any number of 80s bands, doesn’t it, with the restrained synths and all. I’m half expecting massive Phil Collins noisegated drums to appear half way through, like In The Air Tonight. Gorgeous chorus.

Tim: It really is. But then we have points taken away for the fact that part of the reason the chorus is upbeat is that the rest of it’s somewhat dreary, although not so much that I want to switch it off, so not too many points. I would prefer the song with just the choruses, though, so that is why I choose to give it – actually, you know what? Let’s make it 68%.

Tom: In an attempt to hold off your precision, I’m going to give a “hmm”. It’s one of those positive, appreciative hmms, though.*

*I’m hoping that anyone reading this just made a similar noise to work out what it sounded like.

Tim: Well, I did. It sounded about right.

Hej Matematik – Livet i Plastik

This doesn’t sound anything like Aqua.

Tim: Fancy a new Aqua track?

Tom: Always.

Tim: Tough, because this doesn’t sound anything like Aqua.

Tom: Oh.

Tim: This band, though, is fronted by one member, backing singer Søren Rasted, and his nephew.

Tom: Well, it works for LMFAO.

Tim: But that’s not all: in what is possibly—alright, certainly—a throwback to a career highlight, the track is called, yes, ‘Life in Plastic’

Tom: That’s not a promising start.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsUJ5RyY6ng

Tim: Also, you may have noticed the chorus rhymes plastic with fantastic, though sadly my Danish isn’t up to translating the rest of the line from his singing. But let’s move on from his overwhelming nostalgia and let’s discuss the song: it’s a bit odd, for me.

Tom: The unexpected gun-to-the-head in the video isn’t exactly normal and sane, either.

Tim: Well, that is true. And the thing is, I like it, pretty much, though I’m not entirely sure why. Because what it really does is remind me of Skrillex (don’t click that link), who is to dubstep what the Spanish flu was to infectious diseases, and to me about as appealing.

Tom: Have you subscribed to the Simile of the Month club or something? That one was excellent.

Tim: Oh, thank you very much. But that in turn reminds me of the fact that Radio 1 have, for god only knows what reason, decided to fall in love with Skrillex and other ‘new music’* and so play that all the time instead of what people actually like.

* ‘New music’ being their term for ‘music we’re trying to make popular so our Sound of 2012 list isn’t quite so laughable this time around’.

Tom: Well, Skrillex is rather well liked. Be careful, Tim: you’re approaching a “damn kids, get off my lawn” moment.

Tim: I am entirely aware of that, and am trying very hard not to get there. In moderation, I’m very happy with it – just not so much, so often. And actually, is he well liked, or are we just told he’s liked? Because last time I checked, his songs weren’t exactly flying off the servers. (Yes, that’s not the best way of measuring popularity these days, but still.)

Aaaaaanyway, that’s a moan for another time, but my main point is that despite all that, and despite the fact that the two Rasteds are not so much singing as speaking aggressively, I quite like this song. Why is that?

Tom: Damned if I know, I can’t stand it.

Saturday Reject: Ditte Marie – Overflow

From Dansk Melodi Grand Prix, we’re left with precisely one to discuss.

Tim: Last year, Dansk Melodi Grand Prix was so good we devoted a whole week to it. This year, they can be split roughly into two groups: five that were utter cack, and five middling to good ones. Of those five, one got disqualified, one won the contest and two others have had their performance videos pulled off YouTube. All of that goes together and leaves us with precisely one to discuss. This one, to be precise.

Tom: On a side note: YouTube voting wouldn’t be too bad a metric for Eurovision success. It’s difficult to game, because you need a working Google Account in order to get it working – and there’s a dislike button, too. I should do some maths about that. Not right now, though. Let’s discuss this song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Byw4YIteilA

Tim: And it’s not a bad one to discuss. It’s not amazing, but it does have some excellent long notes, with a particularly long one being followed up by a not-too overstated key change, some nice up-and-down synth bits under the verses, and a couple of rather long legs.

Tom: I can confirm that I noticed all of those things.

Tim: That figures. The big screen at the back is also used well (and in time with the beat, which is a bonus), and the drummers keep themselves to themselves so there’s no distraction there. Really, I can see only two reasons for her not getting through: firstly, you NEVER break from the song to chat to the audience. You only need to look at Jimi Constantine to see where that can lead. What’s he done since then? NOTHING, that’s what.

Tom: I checked that allegation with Wikipedia, and I pronounce it “probably correct”.

Tim: Oh, please, I’m always correct. And secondly, voters clearly don’t like product placement. In the first and last chorus, the second line is clearly ‘baby you’re my one and only remedy’. But in the second chorus, I’d swear she’s singing ‘baby you’re my one and only Benylin’, and that’s just not on.

Tom: Well, she does seem a bit chesty. HIYOOOOO.*

*Sorry.

Andy Grammer – Fine By Me

A textbook Happy Pop Song

Tom: I’ve been in America for the last couple of weeks, which means I’ve been hearing some tracks on US radio that never cracked the UK. This is one of them, and… well, I’m rather surprised that it didn’t make it to Britain.

Tim: Hmm. Somewhat reminiscent of Thinking Of Me, I reckon, but without all the crap bits (i.e. the words).

Tom: Huh. You’re right. Well, don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s exceptionally good. It’s nice, in that chirpy Daniel Powter kind of way. The chorus is easy to sing along to. It has what I can only call a Proper Middle Eight. And it ends exactly when it needs to – just under three minutes – and in exactly the right way.

Tim: It does and all, doesn’t it? Going out on a high, rather than fading or anything stupid.

Tom: In short: it’s a textbook Happy Pop Song, and I like it.

Tim: Me too.

Saint Etienne – Tonight

‘All about the primal and atavistic pull that all good pop music exerts’

Tim: If their website (where this track is available all free and everything) is to be believed, we should adopt this as our theme song, because, much like their soon to be released first new album for seven years, it’s ‘all about the primal and atavistic pull that all good pop music exerts’. Interested?

Tom: It’s Saint Etienne. Of course I’m interested.

Tim: Well, I’m primally and atavistically pulled by it – are you?

Tom: I thought I might be, but then I belched slightly and the feeling passed.

Tim: Urgh.

Tom: Yeah, sorry, my jokes haven’t been classy lately. Should we talk about the song?

Tim: I think we should. At 4 minutes and 38 seconds, it’s pushing the limits of acceptability as far as my somewhat-closed mind is concerned, but actually I don’t care at all, because it’s 4 minutes and 38 seconds of brilliantly synth-heavy pop music, with lovely quiet bits exactly where they belong and even lovelier chirpy bits exactly where they belong.

Tom: “Chirpy” sums it up really rather well.

Tim: Chances of opening with a top five hit?

Tom: I wouldn’t really give good odds on them getting a Top 40, to be honest, which is a shame.

Tim: Yeah – they’ve sadly never had a massive amount of commercial success, but this is just as good as anything they’ve done in their previous 20-odd years as a band so here’s hoping.

Tom: Ooh, careful. I still have a place in my heart for He’s On The Phone (specifically, this remix of it), which I’d controversially put high up a list of Best Tracks of the 1990s.

Tim: Controversial indeed. I can see where you’re coming from, though. Nice choice.

The Darkness – Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us

I want everything they release to be played loudly in pubs and cheesy clubs

Tom: Yeah, that’s right. It’s a new Darkness single. Is it going to be “I Believe in a Thing Called Love”, or is going to be… well, anything else they’ve released?

Tom: …well, once you get over the dissonance of that introduction, I think it falls safely into the second category.

Tim: Hang on, hang on, hang on a sec – before we go any further, you seem to be implying that I Believe in etc. was the only good song they’ve done. Have you completely forgotten Friday Night? Or Growing On Me? Or Christmas Time?

Tom: Hmm. Okay, I’ll grant you they’re decent tracks – and a damn sight better than anything off the second album – but it’s going to take a lot to reach the heights that their glorious first single reached.

Tim: Fair enough, so let’s continue. Not a fan of this, then?

Tom: It’s a great shame, because I want to like the Darkness, I really do. They’re ridiculous British glam metal, and I want everything they release to be good enough to get played loudly in pubs and cheesy clubs up and down the country. But this isn’t. It’s an album track. A track off their first album, maybe, but still an album track. And with a suitably low-budget video.

Tim: Seemingly made in Microsoft Paint, which is quite an achievement. But I disagree with you about this song, somewhat – I don’t know, maybe I’m just overly nostalgic following a somewhat weird conversation I had quite recently, but this is a decent track.

Tom: And maybe my expectations are just too high.

Tim: I think so. But if you’re right, and it is just an album track, I’m looking forward to hearing the others.

Saturday Reject: Minnie-Oh – You and I

Got knocked out by three that were absolutely not as brilliant.

Tim: February’s here, and many countries are well on their way to choosing their entry to Eurovision; as ever, this means that several excellent tracks are being cruelly discarded (along with a whole load of utter tripe), either because they can’t match up to the brilliance of their peers, or because the viewing public are utter morons. Time, I reckon, to start our review of some of them, and this is a fantastic one to start with. It got knocked out of the second heat of Norway’s Melodi Grand Prix last week, by three that were absolutely not as brilliant.

Tom: I was in Norway last week, as it happens. It’s a nice country. Do you like mountains?

Tim: On the whole.

Tom: Do you like fjords?

Tim: Always.

Tom: Do you like being charged a ridiculous amount of money for absolutely everything?

Tim: Erm, not so much.

Tom: Ah, then Norway may not be the country for you.

Tim: Not even with this as music?

Tim: The music is fantastic. The vocal’s got a nice tune to it.

Tom: It is, but I can’t help feeling they’ve not picked the right singer for the job. She’s got a nice, understated voice that occasionally seems a little detuned – which would be good for a calm ballad. This is a Big, Bold, Synth-Heavy track, though: it either needs someone whose voice can soar, or it needs him out of Scooter.

Tim: Perhaps, and I did think something like that when I heard the live version. The studio version, on the other hand, and which I heard first, I think sounds perfect with her voice, and it’s a great shame that didn’t come across on the night.

Tom: It’s good, but I still think it needs a more powerful vocalist. She’s great, don’t get me wrong, I just don’t think she fits this track.

Tim: Well, whoever’s doing the vocals, they’re backed up by some great instrumentation – the chorus sounds like the C-music from Tetris (which was totally the best, by the way) – and it’s not remotely difficult to imagine this getting decent airplay over here. The dancing is pretty good – nothing amazing, but that glow in the dark bit when they’re all in a line with their arms is quite cool.

Tom: Of course, that’s frequently more important than the song itself as far as the voting public’s concerned.

Tim: Well, quite, and it’s not alone in that respect. Take the staging, for example, which here is somewhat incredible: the lights are roughly what you’d get if you poured half a ton of sugar into a Dulux factory and then blew it up, and as far as I’m concerned that’s as good as it gets for a song like this. And the costumes are a tad odd, even by Eurovision standards – we’ve got two giant Cornettos on each shoulder, inverse torso clothing for the dancers as well as black knights from Monty Python and the Holy Grail on keyboards. Any explanation? None whatsoever, but who cares?

Tom: Because Eurovision. That’s why.

Tim: Really, the only reason I can think of not to put this through above one of the other ones would be the not-quite-Eurovision-grade steadicam shot at 1:40. So, Mr Norway, what’s Norwegian for ‘morons’?

Tom: You know, I didn’t get around to asking that when I was there. I can, however, swear in Finnish now. (No, not Norwegian. Long story.)

Laleh – Some Die Young

Well, isn’t that a chirpy little number.

Tom: Our regular reader Roger sends this in. And I warn you in advance: it’s a bit cinematic.

Tim: Well, isn’t that a chirpy little number.

Tom: This sounds like the music you get over the closing credits of a Disney movie.

Tim: …because you’ve watched the alternative cut of Aladdin where the magic carpet catches fire and they die in a massive carpet crash?

Tom: I would watch that, actually. Besides, Disney-sound isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but for some reason it also disqualifies it in my head as a “proper” pop song. It’s like Elton John’s “Written in the Stars” – a beautiful track, but originally made for his musical version of Aida, and therefore it gets filed under ‘musicals’ rather than ‘pop’. Perhaps I’m getting caught up in semantics.

Tim: A little bit. And somewhat missing the fact that it’s ALL ABOUT DEATH. Admittedly, only so as to convey the idea that we should be living as much as we can, but it’s still ALL ABOUT DEATH.

Tom: It’s all very pleasant, though, despite the lyrics being a bit morbid when you actually start to listen to them.

Tim: Oh, you think?