Cher Lloyd feat. Mike Posner – With Ur Love

Sounds a bit like M.I.A.

Tom: Last time, as you’ll recall, she produced the most irritating record since the Fast Food Rockers. This time, she…

Tom: …sounds a bit like M.I.A.?

Tim: Her hairstyle makes it look like she’s had a close encounter with a lightsaber.

Tom: I mean, I’m stunned. It sounds good. It’s not irritating. It’s like she’s grown up and produced a decent second album, all in the space of a couple of months.

Tim: It is strange, because you’re right, this is quite listenable. Still not great, and if she wants to sound like M.I.A. she does still need the requisite weird sound effects replacing random words.

Tom: Mike Posner, as ever, appears to be a smug dick – but at least his contribution is brief. Does he have a sweater tucked into his trousers? Is he, in fact, Gyles Brandreth in disguise?

Tim: I don’t know, but I’d quite like to see him in Dictionary Corner. Don’t know why, though – just a weird image in my mind, really.

Tom: So here’s my question: is this actually good, or was the bar set so low that anything even half-decent, or quarter-decent, would impress me?

Tim: Both, I reckon. Although the da-da-da-da-dum-dum thing is a really crap ending.

Linda Sundblad – Trasig

“That kicks in with a vengeance, doesn’t it?”

Tim: Means ‘Broken’, this does, and it’s rather good.

Tom: That kicks in with a vengeance, doesn’t it?

Tim: Sound of Arrows instrumentation (ALBUM ALERT), gentle soothing vocals that match it faultlessly, with the extra effort being applied in all the right places.

Tom: If I wanted to be uncharitable, then I’d say it was Owl City instrumentation, but the song’s too lovely for that.

Tim: The middle eight is an excellent lead-in to the closing section, and lengthwise it strikes me as exactly right.

Tom: That’s what she said.

Tim: Quite probably, yes. After all, if she thought it was too long she’d have chopped bits out. Wait, no. No, please don’t say it.

What this song is perfect for, in fact, is a sunny day, when you’re lounging around in a quiet park, perhaps doing something vaguely relaxing and enjoyable. Coincidentally, right now it’s a sunny day and I’m lounging around in a quiet park doing something vaguely relaxing and enjoyable. What do you know.

Tom: A note for readers: Tim wrote this last weekend in London. I’m betting that the heavens have opened as usual since then.

The Saturdays – My Heart Takes Over

Says in no uncertain terms, “this is a ballad”.

Tim: It’s less than a month since we last featured them, but the new single is worth discussing as soon as possible. Why? You’ll see.

Tim: Answer: because it’s good. We have, let’s be honest, been very disappointed by The Saturdays recently. In June, we had Notorious, and last month was All Fired Up. Both fairly clubby, beat-heavy, and closer to dance music than decent pop music like what we like here. But this is good. More like the early stuff that was on Chasing Lights, such as Issues. I’ll pause now so you can make some sort of misheard lyrics/tissues joke here.

Tom: “Me and my arse, we need tissues” is generally what I sing at that point.

Tim: Right, now that’s done I’m going to list reasons why this is good, starting with: the calm singing at the beginning that says in no uncertain terms “this is a ballad”.

Tom: To interrupt you there – I found that opening a bit weird. I’m so used to their heavy, club-type tracks that it took me a minute to fix my expectations. Once my brain figured out that it was a ballad, though, I did really start enjoying that song.

Tim: The pause and quiet few words before the chorus beat hits.

Tom: Technically called ‘the drop’.

Tim: The by-and-large lack of autotune.

Tom: Or at least, the lack of obvious stylistic autotune.

Tim: The screamy beginning to the closing section.

Tom: Emotion!

Tim: The lack of Flo Rida (still bitter about that).

Tom: Oh please, you just wanted to bitch about it.

Tim: Yes, and I always will. Until the end of time. Final musing: it’s off the upcoming album On Your Radar, much as All Fired Up and Notorious were. I’m intrigued as to what the general state of that album will be.

Tom: Three singles released before the album? That’s how you cash in nowadays with downloads, I suppose – get as many people as possible to double-dip, particularly if they’re likely to get the album bought for them at Christmas.

Tim: UPDATE of 15th October now there’s a proper video rather than the previous audio only. It is worth pointing out that it is set OUTDOORS in the COUNTRYSIDE, and there are HORSES to prove it. That is all.

Maria Mena – Homeless

“Now oh my word, do I have an issue with this.”

Tim: Just released a new album, this lady has. Let’s have a lead single, shall we?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXGLS5yrVjI

Tim: Now oh my word, do I have an issue with this.

Tom: Ooh. I’ll batten down the hatches, then.

Tim: Because let’s be honest, it’s not the most inspiring song ever. Sure, it’s light, and it bounces along gently, but it’s not going to get anyone excited, is it? OR IS IT? Because from 1:30 we begin what is most definitely a warm up to something. The quiet drums are kicking in, the strings repeating themselves over and over, gradually going for something.

Tom: It’s a build. A slow build. It’s got to be leading to something.

Tim: Hasn’t it just? And then comes a moment of silence – wow, this is going to be big – then come the snare drums – OH GOD IT’S HUGE – then just WHAT. What was that. I’ll tell you: it was 30 seconds – THIRTY SECONDS – of buildup to ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Tom: Musical blueballs, Tim.

Tim: I first heard of you five minutes ago, Maria Mena, but now I hate you. I BLOODY DESPISE YOU.

Tom: I think we may just listen to too many europop tracks; the cues we expect don’t always apply here.

Tim: Oh this isn’t europop expectations, this is just rules of LIFE. You don’t do that, ever. YOU JUST DON’T.

Erik Segerstedt – Break The Silence

Predictable, somewhat dull, and guaranteed to make you like it.

Tim: A former bandmate of Danny from EMD has gone back to doing solo stuff; he’s also gone back to doing songs of Pop Idol winners. Formerly it was his own; now it’s a cover of South Africa’s Jason Hartman, from 2009.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0bi-bRDmjQ

Tim: You can tell it’s a winner’s song, can’t you?

Tom: If I had a lighter, it’d be in the air.

Tim: Absolutely – the happy key, the increase in emotion towards the end – all adds up to something formulaic, entirely predictable, somewhat dull, and guaranteed to make you like it. Because that’s what these songs do.

I have no real trouble with this, mind, but for your first release as a returned-solo artist, why cover this?

Tom: Most people in his home country won’t have heard it; and if it’s already been picked as a winner’s song it’s reasonably bankable.

Tim: Yes, I suppose on some levels it’s appropriate, but it’s also boring (and almost identical to the original). Give us something good.

Tom: Oh, he’s already managed that. Something new, now that’d be worth a listen.

Elodie – Go Away

A video that’s returned all the way to the 1980s.

Tim: Yesterday I demanded a return to sensible videos; here we have a video that’s returned all the way to the 1980s.

Tom: I’m not sure that makes it ‘sensible’.

Tom: Interesting. I wonder whether it was actually filmed with 1980s tech, or whether it’s been carefully recreated with modern computers? The fancy backgrounds suggest the latter for at least part of it, but it’s hard to get that proper ‘fringing’ effect without actually pointing a camera at a monitor.

Tim: And let’s be honest, the music wouldn’t sound out of place 25 years ago either, really.

Tom: Ah, now that’s where I disagree with you. There’s a lot of newer dance stuff in there, although I’ll admit it’s not the most exciting of tracks. You’d expect a bit more from a final chorus, wouldn’t you?

Tim: You would. Ending is remarkably abrupt, which came as a bit disconcerting.

Tom: Perhaps, but I did realise why you got the 80s vibe from – that last bit sounds like the drum bit from Blue Monday.

Anna Abreu – Stereo

Lesbian antics, dancing and gambling nuns.

Tim: Last time we met, if I remember correctly, you asked of me, “Tim, why aren’t there more Swedish music videos featuring a combination of lesbian antics, dancing and gambling nuns.”

Tom: You don’t remember correctly – but I do enjoy all those things, so I’ll run with it.

Tim: Really? You couldn’t just have said, “Why yes, Tim, I did. Why do you think it is?” Anyway, it seems Anna Abreu is here to answer the question you didn’t ask: because they’d all be bloody weird.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMQT5B3quto

Tim: I mean really, what is going on here. This is all getting a bit ridiculous, isn’t it. Anyway, music, I suppose, is all dancy and fun.

Tom: There’s a bit of Pet Shop Boys influence in there, I think – although that might just be the bell sample reminding me of some track of theirs.

Tim: Yeah, well maybe, but I really can’t focus much on the music what with that video still in my head. What on earth, please, was going through the mind of whoever came up with that?

Tom: I don’t know, but I’m trying to work out a “bad habit” pun now. You know? Habits? They’re what nuns wear.

Tim: Yes, they are. And?

Tom: Oh, suit yourself.

Tim: The lyrics are basically her ranting to an ex-lover about how he crushed her and tore her soul to shreds and all that usual rubbish, but here we’ve got her singing and dancing like there’s not a trouble in the world.

Tom: Which I’m not sure that chorus really deserves. It does go on a bit, doesn’t it?

Tim: Bloody silly, it really is. I demand a return to sensible videos.

Pandora feat. Stacy – Why – Magistral

Fantastic electronic backing.

Tim: Pandora: A Swedish lady off the 90s, whose song ‘Why’ had a chorus being used here. (See? I do know some old stuff.)

Stacy: A Latvian person taking that song, stripping out pretty much everything but said chorus’s vocals and adding her own stuff.

Tim: ‘Her own stuff’ here being the fantastic electronic backing, the foreign singing after the choruses and the foreign rapping.

Tom: “Foreign”? Oddly, it seems to have a bit of a Lonely Island vibe to it to me – something in the cadence, I think.

Tim: Two out of those three things are great; the less said about that latter one the better, I think.

Tom: That is some lovely synth work on the backing, isn’t it? After the track gets rid of the Twilight Zone pretentions at the start, it’s really rather listenable. But yes, pity about the rapping.

Tim: Video’s interesting; I like to imagine a conversation. “Hey, Pandora? Got this Latvian bird on the phone, says she wants to use your song.” “Yeah, sure, but only if I get to play some sort of religious omniscient goddess in the video.” “Erm, hang on…yeah, she says that’s fine.” “Sorted. But I warn you, if I don’t get some fucking MASSIVE wings, I’ll throw a serious hissy fit. Oh, and I want monks dressed in binbags as well.”

Tom: Wow. It’s like I’m in the room when that happened.

Saturday Flashback: The Feeling – A Hundred Sinners

How about something joyful from a couple of months back?

Tom: How about something joyful from a couple of months back?

Tim: My first thought comes directly from the nerdy part of me that’s into typography: I feel a bit sorry for Anna, lumbered with a monospaced font while the others all get fancy writing.

Tom: Blimey, I’m a typography geek and I didn’t even spot that. Anyway: The Feeling. Purveyors of jaunty bubblegum tunes that wouldn’t even count as ‘indie’ if they were a more well-known band. And what a jaunty tune this is.

Tim: Jaunty is an excellent and sadly underused word. And appropriate for describing this song.

Tom: “We threw a party. It was a lot of fun. We should do it again.”

Tim: Ah, see that’s wrong. It’s sad, it really is, but one of the immutable laws of the universe is that any attempt to emulate a previously good night will never ever be as good.

Tom: Regression toward the mean. An important concept.

Tim: Ooh, Education. Children, I want you all to go and study that, as you may be tested on it later.

Done? Good. Relating it to this situation – the original party is already being built to be better than it was (amazing though it may well have been), and it just won’t live up to the promises – at least some of the best people won’t be there, the atmosphere won’t be quite the same, and worst of all, the highlights won’t be spontaneous, and therefore not as fun. Sorry.

Tom: Ah, but the chorus is “should’ve been there, should’ve been there”. Which is odd, because the rest of the song is in… huh. Actually, I’m not sure what tense it’s in. It’s all over the place. Can we stop over-analysing this, please? It’s too lovely for that.

There’s nothing deep to this track, and I don’t mind that one bit. In fact, it’s a pop song that isn’t about love or relationships – and that’s a rare thing indeed.

Tim: Yes. And despite my views on the song’s philosophy, it’s still good fun to listen to.

Agnes – Don’t Go Breaking My Heart

“Not sure about the verses, but that chorus isn’t half bad.”

Tim: She’s back with a fourth album soon, and much as I’m sure you’d like it to be, no, this first single is not a cover.

Tom: You know me too well. Although it’s an odd decision to use the same name as an Elton classic, surely?

Tim: This is good. Much better, I would go so far as to propose, than Release Me, although I never really got that – always seemed a bit too slow and non-eventful, and I much preferred On and On, which was sadly somewhat overlooked in the UK.

Tom: It takes time to kick in, but it’s worth it in the end. Not sure about the verses, but that chorus isn’t half bad.

Tim: Back to the matter in hand, though, I find the chorus somewhat disturbing: for some reason, probably the, I don’t know, whatever it is, I find myself actually wanting to break her heart. It’s sort of that the pumping-ness of it makes me want to do something, and she’s there singing at me, all about breaking her heart. So what if she doesn’t want me to do it? I want to do something, and she’s given me an idea.

Tom: I’m got an idea for a song. It’s called “Don’t Poke Yourself In The Eye”, and it’s got a banging chorus. What do you think?

Tim: Um… actually, you know what? Go ahead and record it – I’m sure I’ll enjoy hearing it more than enough to compensate. We can even review it on here.

I’m not really sure about this introduction – the dubstep style of it isn’t remotely related to the rest of the song, and it almost seems as if it’s been put there just to lure people in. It seems a bit of a cheap trick, though if it works I reckon it’ll have been worth it.

I really have that Elton John track in my head now.

Tom: So do I.