Author: tom

Gabrielle – Ring Meg

Repeatedly surprised by bridges.

Tim: Welcome to London, Norwegian X Factor 7th-placer! While you’re here, why not film your next music video?

Tim: Now, we’ve featured our fair share of tracks with foreign lyrics here, but for the first time right now, I feel I’m actually hearing this as a load of random syllables. Not sure why, because it’s fairly obvious what the song’s all about – well, I assume it is, given the the title translates to ‘Call Me’ and there are phones all over the place – but I just can’t help it.

Tom: I reckon that’s because the quality of her vowels, with the autotune effect she’s got, is very close to English – so rather than parsing it as ‘foreign language’, your brain hears nonsense English.

Tim: Well, whatever the reason is, I’m not so bothered about that, because the music’s good, chirpy, upbeat and all that, and it’s nice and sunny in the video – my personal highlight of which, by the way, is her utterly ridiculous purple and red car which I would LOVE to see someone actually driving around London in.

Tom: I like how she seems to be repeatedly surprised by bridges. Every time her boat goes under one, she stares up like it’s the first one she’s ever seen. A road! Over water! AMAZING.

Yolanda Selini – Like A DJ

Now, don’t let the first thirty seconds put you off.

Tim: Now, don’t let the first thirty seconds put you off.

Tom: I think I must be getting used to dubstep, because I quite like the first thirty seconds.

Tim: Thomas Scott, what on Earth is happening to you? Still, I’m glad to hear it. And speaking of things I’m glad to hear, that chorus right there is proper club banger stuff, that is, and I like it because it GETS ME GOING.

Tom: I’m not sure I wanted to know that.

Tim: Well, tough. I think it’s good to share. As for the rest of it, though? Hmm. Verses aren’t really all that special, and there are a couple of shockers: as is to be expected, the overly long and overly shit rap bit goes a long way towards pushing this into the dislike category, and I’m very much unsure about the first lyrical couplet involving private hos (or is it hoes?) and junk touching.

Tom: “I’ll let you touch my junk” is a bold lyric if ever there was one.

Tim: But if one can put those aside, we have an enjoyable track. Fairly big ‘if’, though.

NEO – Toxicated Love

Last seen getting run over multiple times and generally destroying the laws of physics.

Tim: Last seen getting run over multiple times and generally destroying the laws of physics, he’s now gone back to releasing music.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFpj6ULxpPY

Tim: I must confess that one of my thoughts on hearing this was “Is toxicated actually a word, because I’ve not heard of it?” The answer, should any readers be thinking the same, is: sort of, but not really. We do have toxication, which is something to do with drugs and metabolism and stuff, but I think we can safely put this title down to “more or less sounds like it makes sense and fits the rhythm.”

Tom: Well, we also have “toxic”, but Britney got there first.

Tim: Pedantry aside, though, I think the song’s fairly good. Obviously it’s not as amazingly brilliant as One Direction’s track,* nor is it quite up to the level of Underground, but I really like the ways it’s got proper instruments under it, rather than just your standard guitar/drum/keyboard/synth blend.

* Just so you know, for at least the next fortnight What Makes You Beautiful will be my favourite ever track, and every other track will pale in comparison. Only until I get bored of it, though.

Tom: Are those proper instruments under it, or just really good synths? I’m not sure I can tell.

Tim: Well, they sound good, which it what matter really. I’m a bit disappointed by the long ‘just you wait and see what comes next because it’s going to be something special’ pause that turns out to be there just so he can catch his breath, but that doesn’t spoil it too much.

Tom: I was really expecting a WHOOMPH back in there – it is a bit disappointing.

Tim: All in all, I will give the song a nice round 68%.

Tom: Well, at least it’s a rational number.

Saturday Flashback: Micky Modelle v Jessy – Dancing In The Dark

A certified Clubland Classic.

Tom: A certified Clubland Classic here, Tim. Mind you, with all the dancing, the music video is practically a restrained art piece by Clubland’s standards.

Tim: Huh. Not what I expected from Micky Modelle, who almost rivals Almighty when it comes to amazing/terrible/amazingly terrible dance mixes. (For those without Spotify, a version of Love Is All Around on an album entitled “Scottish Club Anthems”. Definitely on the terrible side.)

Tom: Now, I think this is absolutely fantastic: it’s taking a slow, Belgian piano-and-vocals track and adding well-produced new stuff to it. And yes, there are dozens of harder remixes of it out there – but this first remix has the rare ability to get the hell out of the way when it needs to.

Tim: Fantastic, not so sure about. It is at the very least respectable, which, compared to other stuff from him (which admittedly isn’t always bad), does I suppose make it at least very good.

Tom: It must have been quite a change for Jessy: starting out as a Proper Singer and ending up working with Micky Modelle and Sash. Still, she seems to have kept most of her dignity.

Calvin Harris – Feel So Close

Your usual Calvin Harris beat-piano-and-lyrics track – that’s a good thing.

Tom: I really like this track, but I can’t work out whether it’s because of the music or the brilliant Americana video that goes with it.

Tim: Well for me, the music’s enough.

Tom: The track’s your usual Calvin Harris beat-piano-and-lyrics track – that’s a good thing, of course – and the video is just beautifully-filmed shots of people in California. But somehow, the two of those together, when that massive pre-chorus build kicks in… somehow it all just comes together.

Tim: Hmm. Reminds me a bit of that Where The Hell Is Matt? thing from a few years back, which was brilliant. And now I’ve just watched that several times.

Tom: I thought that perhaps my wanderlust was getting the better of me, and I was just a sucker for scenes-from-America videos. But I’ve since disproved that, because I don’t rate Noel Gallagher’s new track at all. It’s not the video, Tim: it’s definitely the song.

Tim: I had no idea Noel Gallagher was doing new stuff. Turns out: don’t really care, either.

Frank Turner – If Ever I Stray

When the full band kicks in it’s bloody glorious.

Tom: A bit of folk-punk for you here. Not our usual fare, but give it until at least the first chorus, because when the full band kicks in it’s bloody glorious.

Tim: Ooh, that’s good, that is.

Tom: I’m not sure how I’ve never heard of Frank Turner before now, because I found myself really loving this song.

Tim: I have: there was someone I used to canoe with called Emma Turner, but everyone called her Frank because she really liked his music. TRUE STORY.

Tom: And what a voice! It’s the kind of voice that makes me think he can’t keep singing like that: it sounds like he’s putting all his energy into every word, somehow keeping it at a level that shouldn’t be sustained.

I’m not sure why I like this – it’s completely different from what I normally listen to – but there’s something in the shouty earnestness of his voice that reminds me of old friends: the folks who listened to Flogging Molly, and Spunge, and all their compatriots across the many varied genres that fall under the umbrella of ‘punk’.

Tim: I used to be really into Dropkick Murphys; this takes me back a bit.

Tom: It takes me back as well. Perhaps we should go back there a bit more often.

Saturday Flashback: Sweet – Poppa Joe

“Ooh, I’m properly smurfing that smurf.” (Plus, four key changes!)

Tom: Cher Lloyd has basically got a novelty song to number one. Well, I’ll tell you this, Tim: novelty songs used to be a lot better than her.

Tim: Certainly did. Top 10, that was, and I listened to that album in its entirety last weekend when I went to see Mummy and Daddy, along with The Smurfs Go Pop! Again and The Smurfs Hits 97. (Drew the line at their Christmas album, though.) Why? Well, why not. Annoyed the hell out of my parents, it really did.

Tom: Oh, bloody hell. I’d forgotten about that. Mind you, the original wasn’t much better.

Tim: Sorry, got a bit distracted there. What are we listening to?

Tim: Ooh, I’m properly smurfing that smurf.

Tom: February 1972, number 13 in the charts. It’s pre-Agadoo, pre-all those other summer hits; it’s a glam-rock band having a bit of fun with steel drums and limbo.

Tim: Yep, and there was me thinking we hadn’t had any key changes here for a while.

Tom: Four key changes. Four! If you’re not grinning at the last one, there’s something wrong with you.

Tim: The cynical part of me would say that that’s because they had absolutely no idea what else they could do with the song after ninety seconds; the other, and much larger, part of me will just enjoy them.

My Chemical Romance – The Only Hope For Me Is You

Just buy the damn album.

Tom: Just buy the damn “Danger Days” album.

Tim: Oh, is that your view? I wasn’t aware.

Tom: Look, we both have bands and artists we like. If Hera Bjork was bringing out singles, you’d be all over them. At least give me this one.

Tim: Fair point. Plug away, my friend, because you’re right, it is a good album.

Tom: And yes, I know I said “just buy the album” last time, but it’s the first album in a long time that I’ve found that I can just keep listening to – it’s one of those that will help me work. It reliably gives me about an hour of concentrated focus and flow. Then – finishing with the American national anthem and a track sort-of mocking ‘Twilight’ and the Sweet’s ‘Ballroom Blitz’ at the same time – it leaves me uplifted and enthused, with a load of work done and the time having passed easily.

Tom: This version suffers a bit from YouTube compression, but ignore it. In fact, the album’s a fiver. Just get it. Some day, these guys will put out a duff album: but this isn’t it.

Olly Murs feat. Rizzle Kicks – Heart Skips A Beat

“Swaggering leprechaun cockery.”

Tom: I only send Olly Murs’ singles to you so I can reuse the phrase “swaggering leprechaun cockery”. And let me tell you: it is in full force in this video.

Tim: What a total bell-end. I mean, come on, really.

Tom: Unfortunately, there’s nothing to back it up on this one; you’ll remember I found myself really quite enthused by some of his earlier tracks, despite not liking his hat and his dancing. This just doesn’t have the joy – manufactured or otherwise – that, say “Thinking of Me” had.

Tim: Still can’t believe you liked that atrocity. The lyrics came from SATAN HIMSELF, DAMN IT.

Tom: But it was fun! Anyway – Rizzle Kicks’ contribution to this one mercifully short – short enough that it’s questionable whether it should really be there in the first place. It’s as if some producer went “actually, this is really bad – how much can we remove before we break our contract with them?”

Tim: Not enough, it would seem.

Tom: Funny thing, though; between you sending that, and me reading it, I heard this on Radio 1 – quietly, in the background in a shop. And I found I quite liked it, as long as I didn’t actually listen. I have no idea how that works.

Wonderland – Nothing Moves Me Any More

Not a drumkit to be seen anywhere.

Tom: Wonderland: five-piece girl group manufactured by Louis Walsh. So far, so ordinary. Only this isn’t your normal girl group track: it’s slow, it’s mostly in five-part harmony, and there’s not a drumkit to be seen anywhere.

Tim: Hmm…

Tim: I repeat. Hmm.

Tom: Take that, the Saturdays. No ridiculous autotune here – or, if there is, it’s subtle enough that I can’t notice it. And sure, it’s slow, but that final chorus – with just enough instrumentation to give it a proper lift – is just beautiful.

Tim: And also, kind of boring. Sorry, because I accept that it is beautiful, and charming, and moving, and could bring a tear to the eye of someone somewhere, probably – but I just find it a bit dull.

Tom: This has been out on an album for months now, but it’s getting a formal single release – whatever that counts for these days – soon. That probably means that Walshy is trying to give the group another push before going on with whatever wins the X Factor this year.

Tim: Walshy? Are we best buds with him now or something?

Tom: Well, it was meant to sound vaguely sarcastic, but I don’t think it really works in text. Anyway – is it sacrilege to want a remix of this? I’m not sure if it would ruin it or make it a floorfiller, but either way I want to hear it.

Tim: Yes. This track’s USP (some might say only SP) is its quietness and calmness and all that. Take that away, and you’re left with…well, I don’t know what but it probably wouldn’t be good. Mind you, I’d have said the same thing about Evergreen, and look what happened there.