Eliza Doolittle – Pack Up

It sounds like Lily Allen’s more talented little sister time-travelled back to Motown.

Tom: In other “Songs I’m Incredibly Glad Made It To The British Charts” news: this one’s been bubbling around, peaking at number 5 the other week.

It sounds like Lily Allen’s more talented little sister time-travelled back to Motown. The hook’s sung by a fantastic and incredibly hard-working soul singer called Lloyd Wade.

I reckon this might be concrete evidence that people outside the normal 16-25 teen demographic are downloading music – and, to an extent, controlling the charts – now. Just wait until the Beatles catalogue finally arrives online: I’d be surprised if any other artist gets a spot in the Top 10 that week.

Tim: I’m not so keen on this song – I never really liked Motown/soul at all, and her music, while OK, doesn’t do enough to redeem it for me. You may be right about it being a good sign for the charts though.

Tom: Whoa. Whoa. Hold on. How can you not like Motown at all? Stevie Wonder! Marvin Gaye! The Supremes! The Jackson 5!

Strange person.

Tim: Well, maybe not ‘not at all’ with the Motown, but hearing that part of the track just turned me off the whole thing, really. It’s probably partly because I’ve never really sat down and listened properly to any, but what I have heard has never really made me want to. Maybe that makes me closed-minded.

Looking at the chart I noticed that in this week’s top 15 singles, there are a total of 25 individual artists. That’s less about the diversity of the charts, more about the staggering number of collaborations that seem to be in vogue at the moment. You’re certainly right about downloads changing things – back when Michael Jackson died, his tracks accounted for about a quarter of the Top 40 that weekend.

Hurts – Wonderful Life

Do the research in your lyrics, people. And sort the video out.

Tim: To continue our impromptu Songs That We’re Glad Are Doing Well In The Charts Week, I look to the future and present a song I like very much indeed, which is being (re)released on the 23rd and will hopefully do quite well.

Tom: Hmm. It reminds me of so many different bands. There’s a bit of the Eurythmics in there; hell, there’s a lot of 80s and 90s synth-pop. I’m glad the song kicked in a bit at the chorus, and I’ll admit the instrumentation’s nice in a generic sort of way, but it’s not enough to redeem the whole thing when you’re only singing about three different notes in each line.

“On a bridge across the Severn on a Saturday night
Susie meets the main of her dreams”

That, and the reference to Temple Station later, means either they were out on a bizarre Severn-bridge-crossing Saturday night walk or they met on a National Express coach. Do the research in your lyrics, people.

Tim: Fair point about the lyrics if you were to take them literally, although if we’re doing that I fear a far bigger problem would be her slamming him against the wall to kiss him whilst he’s driving, which really just isn’t safe. Don’t do this at home, kids.

Tom: How did I not notice that? Okay, I know that it’s not to be taken literally, that song lyrics are by necessity poetic and any amount of time could have passed between the two lines, but that’s the kind of thing that will grate every time I hear it from now on – like John Lennon swearing in Hey Jude.

Tim: I also don’t get that video at all. The song says that he got in trouble (implication: some sort of crime), but from the video it looks like he’s lost his wife or something. Maybe he killed her, I don’t know. Then, a little bit after the song says “he starts to believe…he begins to see” (i.e. he’s getting happier, Suzy’s made his life alright), we see him cast the photo into the swimming pool (after we’ve already seen it at the bottom, but never mind). Fine, he’s moved on, all is good. But then he’s floating face down in the pool, looking like he’s drowned himself (nigh on impossible to do in a swimming pool, by the way) because he can’t cope with the loss.

So what we’ve really got is Suzy, bless her, who went out for a midnight stroll, fell in love with a seriously depressed guy, stayed with him through his troubles and helped him get out of it because he was perfect for her, and then he goes and kills himself. Like, seriously dude, what’s going on? Don’t you know how rude that is?

I wouldn’t, really wouldn’t, normally put this much effort into analysing a video, but it’s quite clear here that it’s all arty and they’re trying to mean something with it, and I just don’t get it. I do, however, like that it’s probably the most melancholy tune ever to have a proper dance routine to it. This’ll be the new Macarena, I tell you.

Musically, though, I still like it a lot – the bridge is the type of music I could happily have as backing music while, say, relaxing in the garden with a book or something. It’s also partly because of the strangely uplifting lyrics contrasting with the really mellow music. Mind you, having spent half an hour trying to comprehend the video I’m not sure the lyrics are meant to be uplifting after all. Oh, bugger.

True story: two o’clock in the morning is oddly conducive to excessive music analysis.

Yolanda Be Cool & DCUP – We No Speak Americano

Sort of an eight years later Las Ketchup.

Tom: You’re temporarily Canadian, so you probably won’t have heard this yet – and I want to know what your virgin ears think of it.

It hit number one at the end of July in pretty much every major European chart – and it’s so completely unlike anything that normally reaches the top of the charts that I’m a bit stunned. No vocal over the top. No boy band singing. Not even a “feat. Kayne West” added to boost sales.

Just a sample from the 1950s and a fantastic beat – together making a song that’s going to be played in every club on this continent for the rest of the summer.

It does go on a bit though – the radio edit’s only 2:10 long, which could explain the popularity.

Tim: You’re right, I hadn’t heard of this, and my first thought is ‘wow’; I’m not sure in what way that’s meant. Either wow that that tune got so huge, or wow that it’s just so weird. As an outsider, I’m guessing it’s sort of an eight years later Las Ketchup, and musically I find it ever so slightly reminiscent of Stereo Love.

The video seems weird, given the title, although the internet tells me that the line of the chorus actually translates as ‘you’re acting all American’ – the video is therefore a simple racist stereotype of America from way back, which is… all fine?

Verdict: huh.

Tom: The video’s weird enough in itself, but stranger still it’s promoted by All Around The World. They’re the team behind Clubland and all the associated artists – but they have nothing to do with the record itself, which is released off an indie Australian label.

Tim: Also, a worry: is it every teen kid’s ringtone of choice?

Tom: I have yet to hear it as a ringtone, but I suspect it won’t be long.

Robyn – Hang With Me

Okay, so Robyn’s new single hit the internet a few weeks back, and to be honest it’s not much better than her last one.

Okay, so Robyn’s new single hit the internet a few weeks back; it’s out August 16th in Sweden and will gradually be released around the world over the following month or so, arriving in the UK on 5th September. Anyway, it’s called Hang With Me, and to be honest it’s not much better than her last one (although a decent remix helps a bit). That is: it’s typical Robyn, and it’s like all her others* – a vaguely good dance track that just gets bored halfway through and doesn’t go anywhere else.

*I should state that I haven’t actually listened to ‘all her others’: just this and her three Top 10 UK hits. I’ve decided that’s enough, though.

You’re right about her songs not going anywhere. Even the video for this one seems like the effort just isn’t there. Yes, you’ve got a fancy camera and yes, you can make even the British motorway system look atmospheric, but there’s got to be something more there.

Speaking about her last single, “Dancing on my Own”, I thought it needed more oomph, and I’ve found a remix that provides it. I have a tendency to improvise my own backing vocal line during the final chorus. Try it. It’s fun.

Agree that it adds a quite-needed ‘something’ to the song; however, it still suffers from the same two problems as the original:

  • the post-bridge bit goes on way too long – in my view, the original could quite easily finish at 3:35-ish and be better for it, and this one should finish at 3:37 with some sort of explosion, although it could perhaps push it to 4:10
  • main problem: there’s absolutely nothing to distinguish between before and after the bridge, which is Just Not On when it comes to this sort of music. As you suggest, backing singers would be perfect. We should write and offer our services for her next track.

To be honest I’m not sure why we felt let down by either of these in particular. They’re all like this.

You’re right. I’ve just listened to a few of the other Dancing On My Own remixes, and they all suffer the same problem: there’s just not enough song there. There’s only one vocal line, with the exception of occasional echoes; it needs a second one added – even just a few “whoa, oh, ohs” – after the bridge.

Lessons from Darin’s producer required, I feel.

Katy Perry – California Gurls

Do not make the mistake of listening to this. It’s a military-grade tactical nuclear earworm. I listened once, mainly for the video if I’m honest, and three days later the chorus is still occasionally with me.

Do not make the mistake of listening to this. It’s a military-grade tactical nuclear earworm. I listened once, mainly for the video if I’m honest, and three days later the chorus is still occasionally with me.

I hate you. I know perfectly well (and you know I know, which makes it even worse) that the only reason you told me that is because you want me to hear it; that I shall now want to listen to it, and thus be infected with aforementioned earworm as you are.

I could, of course, try to stay well away from it, but, as we both know, that would practically kill me, because even if I don’t listen to it now I will be trying to get to sleep tonight thinking ‘what was it about the song tom said i shouldn’t listen to, i really want to know’ … … ‘oh, probably nothing, just forget it and go to sleep’ … … ‘seriously, it was probably nothing, if you listen to it you’ll just give him exactly what he wants’ … … ‘oh, i’ll just turn my laptop on quickly, won’t take long, won’t be a problem, and then i can get some peace of mind’

Then, of course, I do turn my laptop on, hear it, and it is a problem, peace of mind is thrown out of the window and you get exactly what you wanted in the first place, except it’s even worse because it’s now going round in my head as I try to sleep.

As a Xanatos Gambit, it is impressive, and I salute you for it; as a way to treat a friend in real life it is pure evil, and I detest you for it.

Technically, it’d be Reverse Psychology rather than a Xanatos Gambit, but honestly, you’re giving me way too many evil points there.

Friðrik Ómar – I Want To Know

It’s the official song of Reykjavik Pride 2010, and for the first 15 seconds you’ll think you’re listening to Underworld.

Information for you:

Hmm. He looks like a Nordic version of Neil Patrick Harris, only less awesome.

There’s something about the chord progression in “to break the chain / and love again” that reminds me of Guru Josh’s Infinity 2008.

And special attention needs to go to the lyrics “kissing your lips / in a total eclipse”, there. That’s a particularly inspired kind of insipid.

Agreed, but I feel special attention should also be paid to:

“When I rest my head in an empty bed
Only memories hanging on my wall
I stare into space with the tears on my face
And I count them as they fall”.

Sort of what emo would be if it had been invented by Lazytown.

You do (I sincerely hope) recognise the oh-oh lead into the chorus.

Shockingly, I don’t.

Hanson – Thinking ‘Bout Somethin’

So this is Hanson. All grown up. With a new album. And a video which is basically the Ray Charles bit from the Blues Brothers. With Weird Al on tambourine.

…I have no idea.

So this is Hanson. All grown up. With a new album. And a video which is basically the Ray Charles bit from the Blues Brothers. With Weird Al on tambourine.

…I have no idea.

Every chorus feels like it could be the last chorus. This can be a good thing, but here it leaves me hoping that the current one is the last one.

Weird Al spanking himself with an instrument is something that should never ever have been filmed. The ‘you wanna play my guitar?’ ‘hell yeah jesus, come to me’ ‘well alright then – see if you can catch it’ that occurs 3 minutes in is horrendous. The glasses make the pianist look blind. Impressive if it were true; otherwise it’s just bloody stupid. And finally, self-applauding as a crowd never looks good. People really should know that by now.

You’ve never seen the Blues Brothers doing Twist It, have you?

Okay, so now it makes a bit more sense, although only based on the premise that reproducing a Blues Brothers scene makes sense, which is debatable to say the least. I believe most of my points still stand – although somehow the black guy can pull off the glasses, unlike the Hanson guy. It should also be mentioned that the dancing of the two guys in black makes Jedward look good.

“The black guy” is Ray Goddamn Charles.

Yes, that is his middle name.

Darin – Lovekiller

This is the new single by the guy that did that cover of Viva la Vida that you thought didn’t go anywhere. This, on the other hand, can safely be described as BANGIN’.

This is the new single by the guy that did that cover of Viva la Vida that you thought didn’t go anywhere. This, on the other hand, can safely be described as BANGIN’.

When the first chorus hits, you’ll think to yourself “hang on – is this not the type of chorus that would normally come after the bridge? What can he possibly do that won’t be a massive anti-climax?” Well. Just keep listening.

Blood and sand! It’s like they just took the last third of the song and stretched it out over four minutes. It’s not the Almighty version of ‘Evergreen’, true, but in terms of sheer What Do You Mean It’s Not Awesome it ranks among the greats.

I also love that the music alone couldn’t contain all the excitement in this song, so it’s had to spill over into the lyrics. He’s turned the person who was the love of his life (we presume) into someone roughly on a par with the Joker:

The knife is in your hands
Is that a smile on your face?

and later

You won’t stop until your victims crawl

I’m surprised that Marvel and DC haven’t cashed in on that, really. Batman belting out a power ballad about his dead parents would be a real moneyspinner

I actually did have a thought the other day, whilst in a remarkably camp mood, that they really should do musicals of superheroes. You’ve got all the necessary bits – downer song to begin with (parents or uncle killed vs Les Misérables’s Work Song), realisation that you can actually do good things (buy a load of cool stuff and make a cave vs Joseph’s Go Go Go Joseph), put in a sod of a lot of work (discover how to make a web vs Billy Elliot’s Electricity) and then a feel good song at the end (bad guys all dealt with vs Hairspray’s You Can’t Stop The Beat).


That’s genius – although surely some pretentious student group has already taken something similar up to the Edinburgh Fringe. A little research reveals “Dark Knight of the Soul”, and I honestly can’t tell if it’s a parody or not.

There was a musical episode of kids’ show “Batman: The Brave and the Bold” though, featuring Neil Patrick Harris as the villain.

Dark Knight of the Soul’s got to be a parody, surely – especally with the too-cheesy-to-be-true Meat Loaf references. Spider-Man on Broadway seems to be genuine though.

“Lyrics by Bono and the Edge”? Oh my.