Tim: Right – I’m on to a new bottle over here, how are you doing?
Tom: Considering taking it up.
Tim: You should, it’s wonderful. Now, I got to see this lovely band on tour last week, and they really do put on a stonking (yep) performance. There’s only one criticism I have: they didn’t play this.
Tim: Disappointing: the use of ‘X-mas’ in the title, and the fade out ending. It’s really not hard to write a convincing end to a song, so can’t you at least try?
Tom: Also, the synth is a blatant style-rip from Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime”, which – let’s face it – is pretty much the worst Christmas song to rip off the style from.
Tim: Also notable about that song: “simply” is in the wrong place in that line for it to mean what he means. Think about it.
Tom: I’m not trusting your Drunk Logic, but now you’ve pointed it out: that “simply” is just meaningless in context. It’s not being compared to anything. It’s just there to fill in two beats. God damn it, McCartney, this is the “in which we live in” from Live and Let Die all over again.
Tim: But appointing (I know that’s not the reverse of disappointing, but it should be): the rest of it. Sleighbells and all sorts. It’s lovely. A traditional Alphabeat song – even if it’s not got the most upbeat message, it’s still sung in a very happy way, and for anybody listening casually all it’ll do is reinforce the Christmas spirit. JOYOUS.
Unfortunately, as I said, it’s not got the most upbeat message. We started this week with “I love Christmas” and (probably) “I love you lots, wait a sec”, but now we’ve a Pogues-style “our relationship kind of sucks but it’s Christmas so let’s not split up”. There are two ways to interpret that: the charitable way is “I know you’re about to dump me, but don’t, because this should be a happy time”. That’s all well and good – happy, festive, all that. Just what we want from Alphabeat. And what we’ve got.
Tom: That’s charitable? That sounds like a bloody awful Christmas to me.
Tim: Charitable if we’re discussing the singer’s meaning. Compare it to the alternative subtext, which I’m almost ashamed came to me: “I know you’re about to dump me, but if we stay together you’ll have to get me a present and I, knowing you’re about to dump me, will happily get you a crap one. I win.”
I’M SORRY. I’m sure that’s not how the song works. THE SONG IS LOVELY. I LIKE IT.
Tom: I think Tim’s starting to sob into his port now, readers.