Saturday Flashback: Shirley’s Angels – I Thought It Was Forever

Shirley’s an interesting lady.

Tim: This was Shirley Clamp’s (who headlined at previously mentioned Europop night) most recent entry into Melodifestivalen, in 2011. (She’s the one in the middle.)

Tom: I’m sorry I missed her performance: in my defence, I had to be in Slough at 7am the next morning.

Tim: Now, Shirley’s an interesting lady. Since you left early, here are a few highlights:

– she believes I Will Always Love You is a very uplifting song, and so clearly doesn’t believe in thinking about the lyrics of songs she plans to sing.
– she seems somewhat breast-infatuated; for example, the person who sang along loudest a medley, she said, “is allowed to feel my right booby”, and he duly was.
– following that, she worried that “my left tittie is feeling a bit unloved now”
– finally, she shared with us the fact that just a few hours before this performance she gave birth, and that as she entered the last chorus here, with her baby backstage, she started lactating and pretty much ruined her dress.

Tom: You’ll be happy to know that at least one of those moments of breast infatuation made it to YouTube.

Tim: Ah, good – now the world can see. Anyway, lactation and somewhat mediocre staging aside, this is a pretty good tune. Bit repetitive towards the ends, possibly, but it does have a nice key change to lift it up a bit, and that’s all we really need from a good entry.

Tom: Can’t argue with that: it’s catchy enough, although I can see why it didn’t make it through.

Tim: Oh, and finally from that night, I am appalled that you genuinely didn’t know that the Saturday Night dance routine has five sections to it.

Tom: I never learned Saturday Night. Or the Macarena, come to that. I was a stubborn youth.

Tim: Appalled.

Molly Sandén – Unchained

“This is lovely, you see.”

Tim: One side of her new double A-side release (though surely there’s a better term we could be using for that now).

Tom: “Cheating”? If I remember my chart rules properly – although they may have changed now – it means that downloads of the second track get counted as downloads of the first for chart purposes, in the UK at least. As if the charts weren’t a lie already.

Tim: Ooh, biting words there. Anyway, that is what this is.

Tim: This is lovely, you see, because it starts off a tad downbeat after a breakup, but that chorus is just full of energy as it reveals she’s actually happy about it, really she is, and then when it comes in for the final part it’s all sorts of upbeat and cheeful, and you just can’t help becoming all “I won’t go back, I’m better now” with a great bit dollop of “let’s go for it” on the side. Erm, that ended up being a fairly long sentence; anything you’d like to say?

Tom: It’s nice to see a break-up song that’s neither a diss track nor a ‘I’m sorry, please take me back’. It’s about as positive as a break-up song can possibly be. I very much approve.

What’s the other A-side like, anyway?

Tim: Well, it’s called Mirage and it’s worth checking out for her fantastic singing in the choruses, but not for much else, unfortunately, as she heads off in the other direction following a different breakup. Or perhaps the same breakup, and we have here a dual release to accompany a dual personality.

Tom: Maybe it’s an album entirely of breakup songs. Maybe she’s Adele in disguise.

Cascada – Summer of Love

Let’s TICK SOME BOXES, people.

Tom: Okay, people. It’s summer, and we have a Eurodance act with a few hits behind them, who need a box-ticking summer CHOON. Let’s TICK SOME BOXES, people.

Tim: Here’s an idea that no-one’ll possibly see coming: you be sensible with this idea and I’ll be a bit silly with the video.

Tom: Standard Eurodance beat and synth work, vocals on top with distorted versions in the background. TICK.

Tim: Ludicrously distorted mobile phone display so we can read the entirely banal text message. TICK.

Tom: Video featuring shots of generic pretty people in very little clothing on a beach. TICK, although the “random video features generator” has landed on woman in shower, DJs, and – oddly – capoeira.

Tim: Said DJs starting out by going fishing and returning with a long-lost sunken mixing deck. TICK.

Tom: Generic lyrics about having a good time, with possible vague innuendo. TICK.

Tim: People queuing for drinks, being told there are free drinks elsewhere and promptly running off to lie down on beach towels. TICK.

Tom: Title of the song spoken in sultry voice as we enter the middle eight. TICK.

Tim: Half-second shot of an incredibly cloudy day that you just know someone’s going to get fired for. TICK.

Tom: No “euphoric build” in there, and no dubstep breakdown – this is pretty traditional by dance choon standards. Boxes ticked. Job well done.

Tim: Two more things: thankfully, this isn’t the atrocious cover of Rhythm of the Night they previewed last month and then sensibly forgot about, and secondly, which digital media pillock thought it would be a good idea to put the video title in black text on a largely-black background?

Tom: YouTube’s policy is that they “iterate quickly” on designs, so by the time this goes live they may well have fixed that. Nevertheless, it’s pretty stupid. Although not that stupid as that Rhythm of the Night cover.

Saturday Flashback: Selma – All Out Of Luck

I miss Eurovision songs like this.

Tim: You’ll remember that last Friday, you and I went to a Europop club night, and for some reason two annoying middle-aged Danish guys kept talking to us, regardless of the fact that we hadn’t a clue what they were on about.

Tom: Yep. I’ve since been told that one of them had some rather interesting proposals that were, alas, both incoherent and incompatible with my own preferences.

Tim: You’ll also remember that you were a total— erm, you were a bit annoying and walked off with your female friend leaving me poor and defenceless.

Tom: That was, I’ll admit, a dick move. It was also hilarious.

Tim: Hmm. Well, as it turned out, one of them, strange and incessant though he may have been, did have an incredible knowledge of Eurovision history. For example, when this came on he shouted at me that Iceland came second with it in 1999, and then proceeded to sing it at me. All of it.

Tom: See? Hilarious.

Tim: Bastard.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NcThSfelqA

Tim: I miss Eurovision songs like this.

Tom: So do I. It’s like B*Witched or something similar: 90s bubblegum pop that’s got very little of anything serious to offer, but just hits all the required buttons to make your brain happy.

Tim: I know they had their time, and they weren’t to everyone’s taste, and they did nothing to boost Eurovision’s credibility amongst fans of ‘proper’ (i.e. rubbish) music, but dammit, they were brilliant. Perfect cheesy pop that no-one with any semblance of a soul can listen to without being made happy and feeling all bouncy. Ridiculous dancing by, well, eejits in raincoats, just added to the charm and helped make it absolutely JOYOUS.

Tom: I’m so glad that Wogan’s retired.

Tooji – If It Wasn’t For You

How can a song with whistling, about mothers, be a dirge? (With bonus verge into fan fiction!)

Tim: Last seen saving Britain from being in last place in Baku with the poorly-received Stay, Tooji has decided to leave behind the dodgy vocals and bass-heavy dance for a nice sweet song about someone he loves very much. To be more specific: his mummy. Aww.

Tom: Oh dear.

Tim: A cruel part of me wants to imagine a link between the previous song and this, along the lines of “I know you didn’t approve of me going off to Azerbaijan with all that D&B and stuff, but now the entire country hates me so can you please forgive me and let me live with you until the insurance pays out after my house got bombed? I’ve written a song to show you how much I care for you.”

Tom: That is cruel, but my word, this song makes me agree with it. It’s… a dirge. How can a song with whistling, about mothers, be a dirge? But it is.

Tim: The main part of me, though, is fairly sure that this isn’t the case and that in actual fact he’s trying to redeem himself by showing the public what a lovely person he is, because how can you be mad at someone who loves their mummy so much?

Tom: Turns out it’s easy, if they put out a song like this.

Tim: Whatever the motivations (there is of course the possibility that it’s a song of genuine filial love) it’s a good track given the subject, what with the nice cross between the ballad you need to get the message over and the dance beats to satisfy what fans you still have left, managing to make neither sound out of place.

Tom: There’s no dance beats in here! You could perhaps hold a funeral march to it, and perhaps the dubstep fans could somehow make their slow-rhythmic movements to it, but that’s about it.

Tim: There aren’t many, but I reckon that chorus just about qualifies as dance-y. Though now you mention it, it wouldn’t seem too out of place at a funeral. Even so, I reckon with this he can get Norwegians back on board.

Tom: I reckon with this, Norway’ll disown him.

Tim: Hmm. Quite harsh. Before we finish, I should point out, somewhat belatedly, that I have no idea whatsoever what the Norwegian reaction to his placement was – for all I know they never stopped loving him. But still, we can imagine.

Tom: I’m imagining him being run out of town on ice skates.

Tim: All the way down to the frozen lake where mummy’s got a small cottage.

Tom: This is verging into fan fiction now.

Tim: And then she’s baking him a cake to welcome him back, and you’re right, this has gone far too far. Let’s STOP IT HERE.

Alyssa Reid – The Game

Tim: You may recall we reviewed previous hit Alone Again, and you mentioned that it was good but mostly carried by the original track that it borrowed from. Well (as was briefly mentioned back then), the follow-up single is now getting a release over here, and it, in turn, uses elements from that track. Because, well, why not?

Tom: I quite like that idea. I’m sure some artist will have done it as a concept album, though, and “releasing a series of linked singles” sounds like the kind of thing that’d show up on a never-going-to-be-funded Kickstarter project.

Tim: Yes, as a sort of musical set of Russian dolls. To be honest, I hope she doesn’t because frankly this is a bit dull. Here, I agree with what you said last time, about the bit from the last song saving this, because it’s only by remembering Alone Again that I actually think that this is any good – the chorus is a bit dull, and to be honest there’s nothing that would stand out as a recognisable element if she did sample this.

Tom: That’s true. I don’t dislike it, but it’s the kind of track where, if it came on in the middle of a DJ set, I’d probably take that moment to leave the floor and grab a drink.

Tim: I’d much rather have a properly new track, and a properly new track that’s good, and enjoyable, because as yet there’s nothing from actual Alyssa that’s much good.

Julian Perretta – Generation X

“Greek Late-90s Eurovision Entry”.

Tim: You may remember that around this time last year I went to France —

Tom: “WTF” for short.

Tim: — and came back with three tracks for us to listen to. Believe it or not, the same thing has happened this year, and we’ll discuss them ordered by the amount Frenchness involved in each one. This is not remotely French (though there are lots of countries involved: he was born in London to Italian and Irish parents but now lives in Florida), but France and Belgium (or FAB) are for some reason the only two countries he’s had much success in. I blame Radio 1. (Oh, and I should warn you this is a terrible lyric video, so you’re best off not watching it.)

Tim: When the chorus kicked in, an entire phrase popped into my head: “Greek Late-90s Eurovision Entry”. It’s even three minutes long. And there’s no way that someone would seriously write chorus lyrics that include “kids are getting down” after 2000 or so, right?

Tom: You’d think not, but apparently they do.

Tim: And I heard it just once on the radio, and that ‘X, X, X X, X oh-ey-oh’ has been going round in my head several times a day ever since. I call it catchy; others may prefer ‘annoying’, but they’re wrong, because it’s good. If I was being pedantic I’d dock him points for not realising that he’s about ten years too young to belong to said generation, but since X has a better sound here than Y would, I’ll let it pass.

Tom: This works well with my written-in-the-late-90s theory.

Tim: Hmm. Maybe it’s a whole perspective thing, that no-one’s really meant to get because it’s ART. That would also explain the pointlessness of the lyrics, which are about as meaningless as they come, unless you can work out what’s wrong with everybody looking up. This is suddenly coming across as very negative, so I’ll stop before I go any further and say: this song’s great, lyrics excepted.

Tom: Yep, I can’t deny that. It wouldn’t have won Eurovision, but it’d have probably got 12 points from someone.

Tim: Absolutely: the chorus has a fantastic start to it and doesn’t let up, the middle eight has a proper building sense, as they should, and the ending is, well actually it’s a bit dull but let’s pretend I didn’t write that. I LIKE THIS SONG A LOT.

Tone Damli feat. Eric Saade – Imagine

A good amount of flesh, lots of heavy petting and a church bell that’s three hours early.

Tim: I present a video with a good amount of flesh, lots of heavy petting and a church bell that’s three hours early.

Tom: I approve of precisely TWO of those things.

Tom: From the first vocals, I thought “this is going to be good”. And I was right.

Tim: Indeed you were. I like this a lot (and not just because of the flesh and heavy petting, though I won’t deny that does add a bit). One thing I really like is that it’s very much not generic, for a duet at least – when you get two people singing to each other about how lovey-dovey they are, more often than not you end up with some piano/strings ballad rather than a beat-heavy dance number like this.

Tom: Although it’s more “I’d rather be with you”, which is an odd lyric indeed when they’re actually singing it at each other. Have they considered actually getting together? They’re putting music ahead of pragmatism, really.

Tim: Yes, but when the music’s like this can you blame them? Besides, she’s theoretically still engaged, even if it does look like she’s gone on her honeymoon with this new chap, so it would be naughty if they did anything. They never even kiss.

Tom: Neither did Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.

Tim: Erm, well I suppose that’s true. Um. Any particular point you wish to make with that?

Tom: Nope, just making a cheap joke.

Tim: Fair enough. Speaking of music type, as I was quite some time ago now, it’s struck me that while technically it’s her track and he’s just featuring on it, it feels more like an Eric Saade track than a Tone Damli one. I actually quite like that, though, so there’s no complaints from me. This is GREAT.

Tom: It is. Although I was a bit surprised when it came back after the middle eight; I’d actually assumed the track was ending rather than coming back from an encore. Not that I really minded one more chorus, really.

Saturday Flashback: PULS – Ingen Som Du

Ooh, it’s Promising and Earnest Piano Intro Time.

Tim: Remember Icona Pop from a few weeks back, where I first heard the song and didn’t like it, but then I heard it again and I sort of did? Well, that, with this from a couple of months ago, but more extreme.

Tom: Ooh, it’s Promising and Earnest Piano Intro Time, isn’t it? This had better pay off.

Tom: I WANT TO DANCE. Wait, hang on, you like all of this?

Tim: Yes, even the rapping. I’m in the mood to MOVE, and the music underneath it complements it in just the right way that it works. And as for the singing and the rest of the musical bit, well that’s just great as well, from the piano opening and fairly speedy build-up, through that big drop, chorus and ever onwards.

Tom: They’re saved by a good backing melody – it’s no Penguin, but it ain’t bad.

Tim: My only complaint is the sudden quiet chorus after the build-up at about 2:20, because my instinct there is to put my hands in the air, pump my fists and go for it, but then I suddenly feel misled. MISLED, and I don’t like that. But I do like everything else about this, so I’m not so bothered.

Paw & Lina – Stolt Af Mig Selv?

From that intro I’m hoping they get known for this.

Tim: The two people who make up the (technically still ongoing) band Infernal have decided to make other music but using a different name. A bit like Cheryl Cole becoming Cheryl, but even more odd.

Tom: Still going? Blimey. British listeners will know them for “From Paris To Berlin” and not much else.

Tom: But blimey, from that intro I’m hoping they get known for this.

Tim: Now, here’s what I don’t like about this: the song is absolutely not what the intro and first verse make you think it’s going to be.

Tom: Oh. Now that’s disappointing. Because I want this to KICK IN. Wait, it did. Without wanting to seem to aggressive: what’s your problem?

Tim: Well, the strings in there, the drumming bits and the type of singing got me all lined up for a Call Me Maybe type track of lovely smile-on-your-face pop. But it isn’t, aside from that and the lead-in to the second chorus. It jumps around all over the place – plain pop, electro stuff, a tiny bit of dubstep, occasional autotune – and it just makes me wonder what’s going on.

Tom: I’m not particularly worried about what’s going on, because it’s all good. If Fun—

Tim: The pedant in me needs to point out that the band is in fact called fun., not Fun.

Tom: —fine, if “fun.” can get to number 1 with a track that never settles down into any particular pattern – and that’s a well-deserved number 1, by the way – then the occasional genre mashups that are going on here aren’t going to cause any issue.

Tim: Yes, it is all good – individually, I quite like all the bits, and wouldn’t mind a whole song of each of them, but none of them quite lives up to what the first bit was promising, which annoys me.

Tom: Really? It’s just fine by me.