Category: Mainstream

The Fizz feat. Rick Wakeman – Home For My Heart

“That proper Christmassy bit at the end is quite lovely”

Tim: If you weren’t aware of The Fizz (as I wasn’t until ten minutes before I started writing this), it’s a fun tale, but long story short, it’s a reunited Bucks Fizz without (a) one of the members, and (b) the rights to the name.

Tom: Fortunately, Cheryl Baker’s still there, who is — I’m fairly sure — the only member of Bucks Fizz that most people that most people could name. So, sure, okay, this is The Fizz now.

Tim: Earlier this year they released an album, The F-Z of Pop, and now they’ve sprinkled some bells on top of one of the tracks and called it festive.

Tom: And they got Rick Wakeman! How on earth did they get Rick Wakeman on this? Does he need the money? Do they have blackmail material on him? Does he owe one of them a favour?

Tom: Mind you, that’s a pretty good guitar solo. As for the rest of it…

Tim: Well first off: MASSIVE disappointment when those drums beats into the middle eight wasn’t followed by an enormous key change as would have been entirely proper. Second: that proper Christmassy bit at the end is quite lovely, and it’s nice to see that that haven’t just done a Little Mix.

Tom: Yep, full marks for that last part.

Tim: Third: man alive, that closing chorus line melody is familiar, but I can’t for the life of me place it right now.

Tom: Same – specifically, that harmony on “home”. I just can’t place it.

Tim: And all the rest: this is an entirely decent track, and I’m kind of annoyed I missed their return earlier this year. But here we are now, and it’s nicely done. Just, dammit give me a key change.

Ed Sheeran feat. Andrea Bocelli – Perfect Symphony

“What do we buy Auntie Margaret?” “No idea, this’ll do.”

Tim: So, currently, All I Want For Christmas Is You is, 23 years on from its original release, currently equaling its number 2 high point in the UK Singles Chart. Streaming’s weird. It’s being kept off number one by Ed, who’s gaming the whole thing so cynically it’s almost funny.

Tom: And now I have to listen to the damn thing. I’ve managed to avoid it, on the grounds of it being Ed Sheeran. But, fine, here we go.

Tom: I think the most startling thing about that is just how much it sounds like a lot of other songs, without actually being any of them. Stand By Me. Unchained Melody. Boyz II Men’s “I’ll Make Love To You”. A half dozen other inspirations and homages. Yes, well done, you’ve made a New Song from bits of old ones.

But you know what? Andrea Bocelli actually managed to save this for me. This sounds really rather nice. And I think that’s because there’s, well, less Ed.

Tim: Now let’s examine the ways he’s managed to keep this song up there. First, the many versions. On the album and first video, it’s a solo; a few weeks later he duetted with Beyoncé; and now he’s going for the all-important festive “look, it’s got that opera singer on it, you like him, don’t you nan?” market. Second, and as a by-product of that, we’ve a nice pop/classical mix – there’s a reason Il Divo always did well at Christmas.

Tom: “What do we buy Auntie Margaret?” “No idea, this’ll do.”

Tim: And thirdly: the technicalities. Your standard pop songs are all in 4/4 time; the Christmas pop hits, on the other hand, have an unusually high rate of 12/8 songs – it’s a nice mix of radio-friendly 4-time and the 3-time that’s frequent in traditional carols. Much as I’d love to criticise Ed for this, he’s not alone – The Pogues did it, John Lennon did it, even your favourite did it, all in a purely innocent attempt to get people festive.

Tom: Nothing wrong with that. This is what gets me: Ed Sheeran’s can sing, and clearly has a lot of song-writing talent, it’s just that the results — for some reason — absolutely drive me up the wall, no matter how blatant the pandering is.

Tim: And the worst thing about all this? It works. Judging by the midweeks, he’s going nowhere. (Unlike Mariah, who’s down to 5. Oh well.)

Pink – Beautiful Trauma

“Controversial opinion: this is best Pink song in years.”

Tom: I’m embedding the audio version because I don’t want the video to colour your view of it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great (and risqué, and uncensored) video, but to me this track stands really well on its own.

Tom: Controversial opinion: this is best Pink song in years, and (for me at least) one of the best tracks of the year. Calm intro, driving verse, incredible chorus. I’ve had this on repeat, several times in a row; it takes a lot for a song to do that to me.

Tim: You’re not far off there – certainly a damn good track, though the slight disjointedness of it spoils it a bit for me, travelling jarringly so often between gentle piano and rock chorus.

Tom: There’s one other thing I want to talk about today, though: the official videos for this are all the uncensored, f-bomb-filled versions, and they’re not labelled as explicit. I think this may be a sign of a tipping point — it’s just accepted that pop songs are going to have swearing now, and if you don’t like it… well, you can deal with it.

Tim: Agh, bloody kids of today, no morals or standards.

Tom: Also worth noting: Pink, singing live, while dancing sideways on the outside of a hotel a dozen stories in the air. For me, that was actually jaw-dropping.

Tim: Okay, yeah, I’ll give you that. That is good.

Keala Settle – This Is Me

“So polished that you could slip on it and crack your head.”

Tim: So I got quite excited when I heard they were making a film about P. T. Barnum, because he was a fascinating character and it has the potential to be a great story, and then I heard this song in the trailer.

Tim: Oh, isn’t it great? I mean, the film’s been in development for seven years, so you’d hope the songs would be quite polished, but still.

Tom: Blimey, that has almost every inspirational song trope there is. Military drums, backing gospel choir, big major key oh-way-ohs. That’s so polished that you could slip on it and crack your head.

Tim: Bit of context: Keala is the actress playing the show’s bearded lady who’s finally found a place for herself, and my word does it sound good. Melody, backing choir (oh, that backing choir), strong vocal, inspiring but not twee lyrics, memorable hook – it has everything, including that tempting replay button at the end.

Tom: You forgot the Meaningfully Quiet Middle Eight, and the (very good) high notes in the final chorus. I don’t know, maybe I’m just a cynic, but I listen to this and — while I can appreciate all the work that’s gone into it — it does just leave me a bit cold. Yes, well done songwriters, you have ticked all the boxes.

Tim: They so have. My favourite part? That DUM-DUM halfway through the second verse, which adds to everything else as a YES PAY ATTENTION moment, and it’s great. Fabulous song – fingers crossed for the film.

Scavenger Hunt – Eyes Wide Open

“It’s been a while since I’ve heard anything I’ve just…enjoyed as much as I do this.”

Tim: Dan and Jill met in LA writing TV adverts, and it all sort of snowballed from there apparently. Here’s their new one, a BEAUTY.

Tim: Now that strikes me as an exceptional piece of pop music. The first few notes sounded good, and when the intro kicked in, that’s a fantastic section – melody, beat, instrumentation, everything. Quietish for the verses but still lurking, still strong, still beating, and then when the chorus comes along it turns the dial up, everything improves, and then the post-chorus comes along and it goes all in, POUNDING AWAY.

Tom: Phrasing. But yes, you’re not wrong: I, as ever, am a little less enthusiastic, but that’s true of almost every song we talk about here. It’s good, it’s not exceptional: it feels like someone’s trying to do a Carly Rae Jepsen track but not quite getting there.

Tim: Yes, but that’s a high bar to set – if you’re heading for perfection but don’t quite make it, that’s still damn good.

Tom: Perhaps, if I’d never heard any of the tracks off E•MO•TION, I’d think this was spectacular — as it is, it feels like one from the B-Sides album, and then, only just.

Tim: But again, though: ‘not quite Carly Rae Jepsen’ is still a good place to be. The middle eight is low key, exactly as expected, setting the scene nicely for a final chorus section, which we are indeed duly rewarded with. Put short: this whole song is fantastic, and it’s been a while since I’ve heard anything I’ve just…enjoyed as much as I do this.

Tom: Huh. Well, I can’t argue with your reaction there, even if I didn’t get the same.

Tim: Although…there is that ending. Now I’ve got no problems with an abrupt ending – I’ll take that over a laborious repeat to fade any day – but this is too abrupt. At least, you know, finish the word you’re singing. This sounds less planned and more someone actually hitting the delete button accidentally, and it grates a lot. But the 3 minutes and 47 seconds leading up to that? Masterful.

Iris Gold – All I Really Know

“Powerful, punchy, aggressive, brassy”

Tim: Iris is off Denmark, bringing us this:

Tim: So I’ll be honest, and say that the first verse did more or less nothing for me; I let it play, though (mostly because I’m very tired right now and couldn’t be bothered to stop it).

Tom: Now I’m surprised you thought that: the first verse (or, at least, the spy-movie-soundtrack instrumentation below it) properly intrigued me. And then it led into a good chorus, too.

Tim: I was actually delighted by that chorus, which makes the slightly abrasive verses entirely worth sticking through. Powerful, punchy, aggressive, brassy, and just all round rather good.

Tom: I’m sure I know that chord progression, and that whole backing line, from somewhere in the 90s, but I can’t place it now.

Tim: I like it. Still not sure about the overall style, but with a chorus this good, I’m more than happy to look past that.

Dannii Minogue – Galaxy

“There’s really not a huge amount that’s of interest on here.

Tom: “My first music video for 10 years!” starts the YouTube description enthusiastically, just under the bit where it says something close to “25,000 views”. Harsh.

Tom: I haven’t heard piano synths like that in a while. They’re good, if a bit retro — well, heck, all the production is a bit retro.

Tim: Yeah – most artists might like to update their sounds slightly, to keep vaguely in line with modern trends. Not Dannii, though.

Tom: Nothing wrong with that, mind, it’s just that — with the exception of the piano bit — the rest of the melody lines just aren’t up to much.

Tim: Can’t deny that, sadly – there’s really not a huge amount that’s of interest on here.

Tom: She’s hitting the notes just fine, they’re just not particularly nice notes to listen to.

Tim: Oh, that’s very harsh. It’s not offensive – I just don’t think I’d choose to listen to it.

Saturday Flashback: Maroon 5 – One More Night

“Pity the poor live drummers, though. “

Tim: We’ve remarked previously that Rihanna’s Umbrella doesn’t have its own unique backing, but does in fact share it with (the much much better) Symphonies by Dan Black and, indeed, anyone else who’s ever used Apple’s “Vintage Funk Kit 03“.

Tim: And I don’t quite know how it took me so long to recognise that, given that it’s their third most successful song ever.

Tom: The thing is, neither did I. Maybe it’s the change in tempo, or maybe there’s a change in emphasis. Pity the poor live drummers who’ll have to just repeat that Apple drum loop over and over again, though.

Tim: Funny old world, pop music, isn’t it?

Liam Payne – Bedroom Floor

“Do I want to hear it again? Obviously, no.”

Tom: A vague pineapple scent wafts in.

Tim: Oh. Oh, there are some interesting words there. And vocal effects. And a half-arsed attitude to the tropical genre. And that haircut, mate, you’re not Manchester in the 90s.

Tom: I made a list of all the lyrics that annoyed me in the first verse. The “Baby / lately” rhyme. “Real real nice real nice things”, which is just stuttering so it vaguely fits the rhythm that’s needed. “Real real real real real”, which is just lazy. The words “iPhone, iPhone rings”, followed by what actually sounds like him imitating an iPhone.

Tim: Yeah, it was the iPhone one that really got me. Just, eurgh.

Tom: I mean, there’s the autotune too, but by this point I was ready to give up the song as a bad job, but that pre-chorus was just a little bit promising. Then I heard the chorus, and its seemingly-endless repetition, and basically gave up. If you’re going to repeat just one chorus line, make sure you’ve got more than one note in it.

Tim: Oh no that’s not fair – it goes at least one note up at the end of the last line each time, let’s give him that.

Tom: My two signs of a good pop song: first, do I want to hear it again? Here, obviously, no. But second, can I sing the chorus after one listen? And here, yes I can. So while I don’t like it, I don’t think it’s good… I suspect it might do well anyway.

Nadine Coyle – Go To Work

“I am genuinely gutted.”

Tim: Brought to our attention by ‘Axmay’, who describes it as “current, but feels very 90’s house in a sense”. Interested? I was.

Tim: It is, really, very sad that this has had so little attention or success – 57 on the sales chart, and no entry whatsoever into the full combined one – because it’s superb.

Tom: I can see the 90s house connection with those synth patches, and I think that’s what might have killed it — it’s not a contemporary sound, and I can’t see this getting played in many places. Some people and some tracks can pull off retro, but this… doesn’t, somehow.

Tim: See, I love it for that, and although you’re maybe right about it not being played in a lot of places, I can still see it being very successful if it was. It’s produced with Xenomania, the team behind so many wonderful hits, including basically all of Girls Aloud’s hits, and it really does sound like a mix of 90s house and modern day music, and if there’s any justice in the world this’d be all over the place. But no.

Tom: I should add that I’m irritated by that slightly offbeat transition into the chorus. I’m sure I’d get used to it, but you don’t want to mislead people every time there should be a drop. You’re probably right that it deserved more than….

Tim: Nothing at all, and I am genuinely gutted about that.