“It starts low with the mandatory school register, and never really improves.”
Tom: “Chained to the Rhythm“, while we never wrote about it here, was a brilliant first single from the upcoming album, matched with a creative video. So surely the second one’s going to be at least clo– well, you can probably see where I’m going back to this.
Tom: Full marks for including the acute diacritic in “appétit”. No marks for basically any other part of this song.
Tim: Yeah. It starts low with the mandatory school register, and never really improves.
Tom: No melody to speak of. Repetitive as hell. Really dire lyrics that are just a series of bad food/sex metaphors. The unnecessary, but inevitable, rap middle eight.
Tim: You know it’s coming, you don’t want it to, because you know it’ll sound bad, but there it is anyway, adding absolutely nothing to the song at all.
Tom: The final chorus isn’t that bad, but by the time it arrives, I was more than ready to skip.
Tim: Fancy some light-hearted guitar pop? Well, light-hearted instrumentally, at least.
Tom: Blimey, the guy from Keane’s aging well.
Tim: Lyrically we’re pretty much as down as we can be, but at least we’re talking about our problems, which is something. Mind you, I do wonder if you’re allowed to call it a lyric video if you only show about a tenth of the lyrics – surely something for trading standards to get involved in.
Tom: And given that it stars him, singing the song, this is… well, it’s a music video, really.
Tim: But to be honest, with the music as it is I can put aside my pedantry, because I quite like this. As I said earlier, it seems a bit jaunty, and right now jaunty will do me just fine.
Tom: It’s not going to hit my playlist any time soon, but that’s more because it’s not my type of music, rather than anything that’s wrong with it.
Tom: If you’re wondering what the chord progression — and maybe some of the verse melody — remind you of, I think it’s probably Mika’s “Relax (Take It Easy)”.
Tom: Thing is, aside from that irritating resemblance, and those questionable “ayyyyy” sounds from Joe Jonas — for it is he — this is a really, really good song. Enough retro influence to be friendly, modern enough to sound good on the charts, and it can definitely be danced to.
Tim: Well, it actually doesn’t remind me of that song, but that might be because it’s ages since I’ve heard it. It is a good song, though. Well, mostly. I think we’re in agreement on that.
Tom: But then, there’s that middle eight.
Tim: Yes. Or rather, no.
Tom: There are some songs where Nicki Minaj fits. (Bang Bang. Back Together.) This… well, I don’t think this is one of them.
Tim: No. Nooooo, nooo, no.
Tom: Also, I’m fairly sure someone’s just put all her previous guest verses into a Markov chain so she doesn’t actually have to perform any new ones.
…actually, that’d be a pretty good idea.
Tim: Certainly save a lot of time. And it might make featuring her a bit less attractive an idea. I’m up for it.
“Bruno Mars just deciding to freestyle over the quiet bits of an otherwise-OK Alan Walker track.”
Tom: So we’re pretty much agreed that Bruno Mars, while incredibly talented, has recently been making songs with irritating lyrics and kitsch retro-sound. And Alan Walker, while incredibly talented, has basically been making the same song.
Tim: Can’t disagree with either of those, particular with this song’s, for example, “Take a look in that mirror, now tell me who’s the fairest.”
Tom: Together, they are…
Tom: …not together at all?
Tim: No, but I quite like that in this case.
Tom: I say that because this sounds like two separate songs that happen to be played at the same time. Or, rather, Bruno Mars just deciding to freestyle over the quiet bits of an otherwise-OK Alan Walker track.
Tim: Yes, and I’ll tell you why I like it: however terrible the Bruno Mars bits are (or rather, I’ll concede, however irritating I find them), there’s the knowledge that Alan (seriously, still no stage name?) will come along soon to make it better.
Tom: It’s always a risk with remixes, I guess, but still: perhaps at least one of them should have adjusted their style a little?
Tim: Perhaps, as long as the one to do that is Bruno.
Tim: New one off Hurts for you; apparently it’s not off an album, but is just a one-off project. There’s a good chance you’ll need to play it twice, as if you’re anything like me you’ll be to entranced by the video to pay attention to the music.
Tim: And what a brilliant video that is. Yes, it starts with bloody violence and Theo being beaten up, but as it progresses backwards we work towards a happier time, a time instead of joy, where we can see that yes, in fact, we are the beautiful ones. All of us, we can celebrate who we are. As the lyrics say, one day this will fade. But until then? Be who you are, and be that with confidence.
Tom: Which is an admirable message for a song, but I’m not convinced as much by the video: reverse narrative’s been done many times before, and it’s been 15 years since Chris Martin actually lip-synced backwards. Still, yes, points for effort.
Tim: Well, whatever you think of the video if it comes with a side helping of a fantastic backing track then that’s all the better really.
Tom: So as you suggested, I listened again without the video — and I think it’s got a brilliant first verse, which is let down slightly by the rest of the song. There’s nothing actually wrong with it, I just feel it’s not a “Wonderful Life”. Hurts tracks have a high bar to clear — this nearly manages it for me, but not quite.
“So much fun that it’s hard to keep your arms on.”
Tim: Bit of a backstory: this was going to be on the E•MO•TION: Side B album, but then got used in a film instead, but didn’t get released on its soundtrack album. The other day, the film got released on DVD, the song got ripped and put online, not entirely remotely legitimately. Because of this, (a) there are a few sound effects and a couple of lines of dialogue on top of it, and (b) I know posting this is ethically dubious at best, but BLOODY HELL.
UPDATE on May 25th: it’s finally been released! Here’s the proper audio:
Tim: I love Jeppo…
Tom: Is… is that a thing? I feel like that shouldn’t be a thing.
Tim: Don’t fight it, Tom, don’t fight it. I love her because she knows exactly who she is, and what music she wants to make. It’s joyous, playful unashamed pop music, not bothered with wanky concepts of credibility, but instead just all about so much fun that it’s hard to keep your arms on.
Tom: Yes! Now, I do reckon this starts to outstay its welcome a little. A drop down for the middle eight, or some of the other inventive stuff on the main album (I’m looking specifically at Let’s Get Lost there), would sort that nicely. But it’s still far ahead of most other pop acts — and let’s not forget, this was destined for the B-sides album. This’d be a single for most pop singers.
Tim: Right, because the song reinforces all this feeling so very, very much. Yes, there’s emotion in there (hell, it’s right in the lyrics), but mostly it’s just about fun. Lots and lots of massive fun. And I love that so much.
Tim: Zayn’s debut was pretty good, modern R’n’B; Louis’s took a while to get going but turned to good dance; Niall’s is best not mentioned. Fourth out is Harry, and you might want to strap in because you’ll be here a while.
Tim: Now, I didn’t hear it when it was first broadcast on Friday, but I did observe the Twitter reaction, which from my corner was distinctly unimpressed. And having heard it, it’s not hard to see why: it’s a good sixty per cent longer than it needs to be, it’s very slow and a bit dreary, and just isn’t the upbeat pop that we previously loved. And so I was quite surprised to discover that actually: I like this a lot.
Tom: I can’t believe I’m agreeing with you here. I’m sure I’ve heard parts of this in other tracks, too, but honestly I don’t mind, because when the guitar kicked in and it went in for the big chorus, I actually sat up straight and thought “oh, wow”. It’s really good.
Tim: Isn’t it? One big thing going for it is that somehow it doesn’t feel five and a half minutes long – it feels right. Yes, it’s slow, and maybe if someone sped it up by 30% many people would be a lot happier; on the other hand, I wouldn’t be. What it put me in mind of, actually, and perhaps weirdly, is old Oasis – it doesn’t sound particularly like it, mind, but in terms of feeling, style and general mood, this could sit right on Be Here Now (average track length 6:19).
Tom: Huh. That is a weird comparison, but you’re right: those guitar slides sound a lot more familiar when you put it like that. And those guitar noodlings. And… actually, yeah, it’s Oasis with a falsetto, isn’t it? And that’s apparently okay.
Tim: There’s a relaxed feel to it, but also a defiant “this is my sound, I don’t care if you don’t like it.” It does, after all, take guts to bring out a track from 1997 in 2017, but I say good luck to him – after all, it may even make him “credible”.
Tim: I’ve a feeling the lyrics in this, off Norway, could take you either way; I’ll just say, have some fun with it.
Tom: Ah, the old “dance / chance” couplet. Yeah, it’s not exactly lyrical genius at any point, is it?
Tim: No, but none the less I really like it, for one reason alone: it’s just. so. happy. The music right from the get go is all up and jazzy and swingy, everyone in the video is clearly enjoying themselves, and it’s really rather infectious, particularly with that “nothing’s gonna stop us” line.
Tom: I can’t disagree: it’s really easy for something like this to come off as trite and overenthusiastic, but it does genuinely sound like a happy song — and he’s clearly a frontman that can make it work on video.
Tim: Kicking like Jackie Chan, swinging like Tarzan, and just generally being Elvis and Superman – who wouldn’t want all of that on a Great Bowling Day?
Tom: Literally none of those things are required for bowling.
Tim: True, but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t be welcome, and I’d be happy. Very happy indeed, in fact, just as much as this lot seem to be.
Tom: Normally, we wouldn’t cover a will.i.am track. It’s not our genre. But then, he doesn’t normally film a video on Coronation Street.
Tim: What?
Tim: Oh, right. Any idea…
Tom: Nope. No idea why. But then, that could apply to a lot of what will.i.am does.
Tim: Well, true. Bit of a shame he didn’t get any of the cast involved as well, really, but I guess you can’t have everything.
Tom: So first of all, let’s make it clear: he’s saying “so hot, need a fan in here”, not “so hot, need a fanny”. It’s the accent.
Tim: Ahhh, okay that makes a bit more sense.
Tom: There are bits of a good track in here.
Tim: You sure about that? I’m sure as hell not hearing them.
Tom: That introduction’s great. The chorus hook would be a decent base to build an actual chorus on. There’s not much else in here for me, at least, but I’ll admit we’re well outside what we normally cover.
Tim: Yes…yes we are. And I’m happy to keep it as an exception.
“I realised, hang on, this is actually quite good.”
Tim: We’ve featured Amy Macdonald once before, when you said you thought she was Swedish based her voice and music; I thought that too with this one, but nope, turns out she’s just as Scottish as she was in 2012.
Tim: And that’s quite a ballad. As it landed on my new music playlist, I wondered what was going on, because it does take some time before much happens. But when it does, as it grows, well that really makes it worth listening to.
Tom: I’ll be honest with you: about half way through the first verse, I tabbed away and got distracted by other things on the internet. It wasn’t until the first chorus that I realised, hang on, this is actually quite good.
Tim: And that actually doesn’t surprise me, because it does take a while. What I particularly like here, though, is that in so, so many similar songs we’d have a drop down after the first chorus and start again with the building, but here there’s no sign of that – we keep the string backing we’ve earned along the way, and keep growing.
Tom: And there’s a lot to be said for that as a style, particularly with a chorus like this one.
Tim: Yes, there’s no big drop, and yes, it could get going a little bit sooner. But it’s a bit like that video of the cockatoos: it just keeps getting better throughout, and I like that.
