Category: Mainstream

Bruno Mars – 24K Magic

“An unpleasant remake of Uptown Funk.”

Tom: Nearly two years ago, we had one of the biggest misses we’ve ever written: you didn’t like Uptown Funk, and I said “maybe I’ll like it after a few more listens”. It was then one of the biggest tracks of the year, and I still love it.

Tim: Hmm – maybe, although you did say “maybe after a couple more listens”, and I still think it’s massively overrated. I think we get a pass there.

Tom: So I’m really wary of saying this, because I’m aware of just how wrong I could be: but I don’t like this. Or at least, I don’t like this on first listen.

Tim: And I really really don’t, straight out of the gate, because AARGH that first vocal is just horrible, and 22 seconds of that is often 21½ more than I’ll happily take. Oh, the things I do for this site…

Tom: It’s like Uptown Funk, only not as good. The kitsch, the production, the not-quite-retro styling. Even the video feels just Uptown Funk, only not as good.

Tim: Yeah, I can’t disagree with any of that; given my aforementioned continued lack of love for the earlier track, I’ve really not got much time for this at all. Even the title is weird, and to be honest I don’t want to listen to it again to pick out any specifics – I’m happy with “it’s an unpleasant remake of Uptown Funk”.

Tom: But here’s the thing: I did hit replay on it. And by the end of that second listen, maybe there was a little bit of my brain that was going “huh, was I wrong about this”?

Tim: And a big bit of my brain just answered that question “No, no I was absolutely not.” I did relisten to it, as a service to our reader, and still nope.

Tom: I don’t think I’m wrong about this. I’d still bet on this not being an Uptown Funk, or anything close to it. Full marks for getting a jetski in the Bellagio fountains, though.

Tim: I will grudgingly accept that that is a worthy accomplishment.

Robbie Williams – Party Like A Russian

“The Apprentice starts tonight, and Robbie’s put this out to celebrate.”

Tim: Hooray! New season of The Apprentice starts tonight, and Robbie’s put this out as the first single from his next album to celebrate that.

Tom: Can I just say the “The Heavy Entertainment Show” is a great title for an album?

Tim: You can, and I’ll agree with you.

Tim: I say celebrate, the timing of this Prokofiev-sampling track is probably coincidental, but it’s a nice coincidence anyway. So, he’s followed in the footsteps of Georgia and Ukraine at Eurovision by choosing to have a go at Vladimir Putin – here we’re apparently getting slightly toned down lyrics, after the studio told him to back off a bit in case, I don’t know, maybe he’d end up on the FSB’s hit list. But what a great track to launch an album off, no?

Tom: See, I’m wary about this. The last time he brought out a ‘weird’ single like this, I said it was going to be a disaster, another Rudebox. But years later, Bodies is one of my favourite Robbie tracks.

Tim: I can understand the wariness – for starters, I would question the use of that sample. For me, that quickly took the focus away from the rest of the song when I recognised it and started humming it the first time I heard the song. Second time and beyond, though, I focus on the rest and it is great.

Tom: Yep. By the final chorus I’d started to hear it as a backing track rather than a sample — although I’m still annoyed that it never actually resolves. I’ve just finished reading Once Upon A Time In Russia, so this feels like a bit of a simplistic critique (Russian / discussion / concussion? Really?) but it’s still catchy.

Tim: Yeah – the rhythm, and simplistic rhymes, in those verses turns it into the sort of thing people might want to memorise as a party trick (and yes it’s a thing, next time you see me I’ll do the Wannabe rap at you); the chanting in the middle eight is something that can’t go wrong; and last but not remotely least, what a suit in that video.

Tom: It is a great suit.

Tim: All very good indeed.

Niall Horan – This Town

“It’s just so, so melty.”

Tom: So you said, yesterday, that this was disappointing. Let’s talk about that. I haven’t actually heard it, so I don’t know why…

Tom: …never mind, now I know.

Tim: It’s just so, so melty.

Tom: We don’t need a second Ed Sheeran. To be honest, I’d argue we don’t even really need one Ed Sheeran.

Tim: You’re saying Ed Sheeran? I’d lower this down to Tom Odell at points. It’s almost as bad as Little Things, One Direction’s worst track by a country mile.

Tom: I can’t remember any of it. I’ve listened through it now, and I can’t remember a word. Was there a chorus? Was there anything? I’ve no idea. It’s background music. Great voice, great guitar, just… why pick this one to start your solo career with?

Tim: Because he’s Niall – annoyingly, this is exactly the sort of track I’d think of if you’d said to me two weeks ago, “what sort of track would Niall release”. Zayn’s gone R’n’B, he’s done this, so I’ll predict now that Liam and Harry will both take the standard pop/rock (with Liam probably a bit rockier), and Louis…maybe a bit dancey, if he doesn’t go the TV presenting way?

Dragonette feat. Dada – Sweet Poison

“An absolutely brilliant vocal, perfectly delivered.”

Tim: Press play, enjoy.

Tom: One extra comma would make that sentence so different.

Tim: Oh, Tom.

Tim: Since the last time they combined forces, I’ve actually been able to find out who this Dada guy is – he also goes by the name Matt Schwartz, mostly working behind the scenes as a writer and producer, with songs ranging from Wamdue Project’s King Of My Castle to, erm, Joe and Jake’s You’re Not Alone.

Tom: That is an eclectic mix of pop songs, and a mix that spans decades. Well done to him.

Tim: Occasionally it seems he jumps to the front, such as here, where the combination is very, very pleasant. I could list the reasons – particularly for me, the “two wrongs don’t make a rii-ihgt” in the pre-chorus and, of chorus, that glorious “feeeeel” vocal – but really I’d rather just keep listening to this.

Tom: It is an absolutely brilliant vocal, perfectly delivered. Crucially, it’s one that not every singer could do: frequently we find tracks like this where the vocalist could be switched out with no great effect on the music. Here? Not so much.

Tim: One of my favourite tracks of the past few months, I’d say, so I’m just sticking it on repeat.

Tom: I wouldn’t go that far: it’s certainly pleasant, and a cut above what we normally have here, but it’s not going on repeat for me. And that’s down to the melody and the composition: it’s beautifully produced, but I just don’t like the song. Not even the greatest vocalist can help with that.

OneRepublic – Kids (Alex Ross Remix)

“Speed it up by 20%, stick some piano dance beats underneath.”

Tim: The original of this is pretty good, as you’d expect, but is basically just standard OneRepublic fare. This, though, shows what can happen if you speed it up by 20% and stick some piano dance beats underneath. In short: BANGER.

Tom: I do like it when a song’s been sped up just enough that it’s almost impossible that it could actually be sung that clearly by a human. That’s not a complaint, I just like the effect.

Tim: Is it ‘better’ than the original? Not objectively, no, but then it’s not worse either – it’s different, for a different setting. You’ve already got the original for your standard listening, doing whatever you do while that’s going on; you’ll now have this for jumping around and waving your hands in the air.

Tom: And I really did want to do that. I mean, I didn’t, it’s 10pm as I write this and I’m really jetlagged, but on a different night, yep, I’d be doing that.

Tim: On the other hand, I heard the original on the radio in the background and thought “oh, it’s alright” but then I heard this remix and thought “YES PLEASE”, so maybe it is better. For me, at least.

Tom: And for me.

Saturday Flashback: Haley Reinhart – Free

“What a chorus.”

Tom: You’ll have heard everything in this song before, Tim, in a hundred other songs that sound like it. But what a chorus.

Tim: That is a chorus. And yes, that’s is all familiar.

Tom: You’ve even seen the diner in the video before, because pretty much everyone who needs a generic diner set in the Los Angeles area goes there.

And yes, this is from 2012; it sounds like a mash up of every other female-led Christina Perri-alike with a good voice that came along that year. Although there do appear to be Christmas bells in the final chorus, which is an interesting choice.

Tim: Well, only three months to go. That reminds me, must start hunting around for some Christmas flashbacks – suggestions always welcome (though I’ve already got a stormer lined up for Christmas Eve).

Tom: Already? Blimey. Anyway: like I said, what a chorus.

Ellie Goulding – Still Falling For You

“I’m glad I kept going, but still…”

Tim: After mentioning Ellie yesterday I realised I wasn’t sure what she was up to right now; turns out she’s done the song for the new Bridget Jones film. (Very mild spoilers in the video, so you might want to stick it in a background tab if you’re planning on seeing it.)

Tom: Ellie Goulding: Reliable Female-Targeted Movie Soundtrack Song Singer.

Tim: And boy, is this a slow, slow build.

Tom: And repetitive: all those “your heart got me” lines really took a while. I’m glad I kept going, but still…

Tim: First verse and part of the chorus, I would have switched off with most other artists; it’s certainly unusual that just fingers clicking every second or so in the second verse will keep me listening. Then that build up through the second chorus, yes, yes, it’s happening! Except then middle eight does that two-step breakdown, and this is the fourth time we’ve had that but I still find it no less disconcerting.

Tom: It sounded a little more natural to me, but still not really good: so either I’m getting used to it, or music producers are starting to work out how to make that more tolerable.

Tim: Finally, though, three quarters of the way through the song, we’ve at last reached the point where we should have been two minutes ago. And it’s totally worth it.

Tom: It is. But it should have started there.

Cappa – Next Ex

“A song actually charmed me! Something must be wrong.”

Tim: I love that we get reader suggestions, Tom, because they’re so much more likely to containing decent stuff than the PR emails we’re barraged with. Take this, that Luca sent in (along with a welcome back message for you, incidentally).

Tom: How nice!

Tom: Promising introduction, that.

Tim: Promising tune all round, really. He says he hopes we’ll “go easy on her whispering voice”, but to be honest there’s no reason for worry, because I love that voice. It’s reminiscent of such excellent talent as Ellie Goulding, who I’ve always liked, and in fact the instrumentation underneath isn’t a million miles away from what we might expect there in some of her milder tracks.

Tom: I wasn’t sure about that big silent bit into the first chorus — but then the line “you could be my next ex boyfriend” actually made me grin, and I wasn’t expecting that. A song actually charmed me! Something must be wrong, Tim, I must be out of practice. The rest of the song ain’t so memorable, but just managing to make me smile puts it above a lot. Better than a lot of Ellie Goulding tracks.

Tim: Hmm. You know, now that we’ve made that comparison I can’t really unhear it, but I don’t mind, because I really like this. Cheers Luca.

Saturday Flashback: Sia – Fire Meet Gasoline

“Damn, that similarity is annoying.”

Tim: I heard this a few days ago and thought “oh, I’ve not heard this in ages, I love this song”. Except it was only released as a single in Germany, and was tucked way down at the bottom of the album, so I’ve probably never heard it before. I’ve heard a different song, though.

Tim: Because Tom, tell me there aren’t multiple occasions in that song where you want to sing along with “Everywhere I’m looking now”.

Tom: I was originally going to say “I think it did get some radio airplay over here”, but now I’m not entirely sure that I wasn’t just hearing Halo instead.

Tim: IT’S THE SAME SONG. Well, alright, it isn’t, it’s just a fairly similar lead into the chorus, and actually it’s a brilliant song showing Sia right at the very top of her game. But damn, that Halo similarity is annoying. And I just thought I’d point it out to see if I’m alone.

Tom: Don’t worry, you’re not.

Tim: Good good. Oh, and while we’re here, a hugely tenuously linked fact: Ryan Tedder, co-writer of Halo, has over 92,000 unread emails in his inbox, which to be honest would give me a nervous breakdown.

Tom: How on earth do you know that?

Tim: I’d rather not go into it here.