Tom: I had to pause this, after the first chorus, just to check that I wasn’t accidentally listening to Clean Bandit — or maybe a band that included one of their members. I didn’t realise how much that staccato string-synth-pad style was associated with just one band in my head now. (Or maybe these are real strings. I doubt it, though.)
Tim: Ah – see, it does sound a bit familiar, but I got more of a Chainsmokers vibe from it.
Tom: Unfortunately, I don’t really like Clean Bandit, so this was basically doomed from the start for me.
Tim: Oh. On the other hand, I quite like the Chainsmokers, so it’s fine for me.
“I know a lot of music videos have ludricrous budgets, but this seems bigger than most.”
Tim: Welcome back, everyone! Let’s start the year with someone typically reliable, shall we?
Tom: That’s an interesting combination of names up there.
Tim: Now, three years back, Alan released a track called Alone; this here is apparently Part II, though I’ll be honest: I’ve no idea quite how this is related in any way, shape or form. Still, you remember how he used to have that really self-important thing going on about how his logo was all magical and stuff, and baked into the very fabric of the universe?
Tim: Yep, turns out he still does, and he’s almost verging on self-parody here.
Tom: “As part of the World of Walker Universe”. Good grief. I know a lot of music videos have ludricrous budgets, but this seems bigger than most. Mind you, I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same thing.
Tim: Part of me hopes he knows it and is deliberately making it bigger and better each time just for a laugh; on the other hand, part of me would quite like to believe he’s just so ridiculously earnest that he honestly believes this is a Good Thing to do.
Anyway, girl on a cryptic quest to find something or other, which turns out to be, yep, Alan’s logo embedded in a magical rock or something, and the weird thing is that, despite what the lyrics say: aside from a couple of locals pointing her in the right direction, she pretty much does get there alone. No-one with her – well, except for all the mystic monks that come out of nowhere, because of course there are mystic monks.
Tom: All this, and we haven’t talked about one note of the music yet. I’m not sure that’s a good thing.
Tim: To be honest, by now I’ve a feeling Alan’s videos are almost more entertaining than the music – sure, that’s good, and exactly what we expect, but man, I’m waiting for the one where they fly into space and find an alien civilisation unknowingly worshipping him.
“A full on combination of ‘stupidly festive’ and ‘by any normal standards utterly shit'”
Tom: It’s Christmas Day, Tim. But we’re doing a Flashback?
Tim: Well, it’s not unheard of, and in any case, I was struggling for a while about what to feature today. It could be a new track, but there’s nothing that really just screams PURE CHRISTMAS, as would be appropriate. I considered featuring Wham!’s Last Christmas, as that video has just been given a 4K redo and it looks great, but that’s just the video, we all know the song. And then I happened upon this, which is perfect, because it is very very festive, and so twee you’ll want to throw your laptop out of the window.
Tom: Good heavens, it’s like they went through a checklist to make A Standard Christmas Song. They even go for toy-soldier military-drums at the end.
Tim: This is our tenth Christmas, and I think by now we all know that songs that are a full on combination of ‘stupidly festive‘ and ‘by any normal standards utterly shit‘ get me overjoyed, and as such I can’t listen to this for more than the ten seconds it takes for the dog to appear on screen without laughing with pure, unadulterated JOY.
Tom: And you know that I’ll immediately start grumbling about it. But… well, sure. I have issues with this (“Family friends are all that matter” is… arguable) but, you know what, it’s Christmas Day. Sure. I’m not going to say it’s in the Pantheon, but in the absence of anything better, it’ll do right now.
Tim: The one single thing that would make this song more brilliant/awful would be an enormous key change, but even without that, the fa-la-las are more than enough to make up for it. It’s stupid, it’s joyous, and I love it.
So Tom: Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year! Cheers!
“Have any architects ever been referred to in pop music?”
Tom: Good title for both an album and a song. You’ll hate the verses, and I would too, were it not for an astonishing shoutout in the first one.
Tim: Hmm…certainly an interesting one, probably not one that’s ever happened before. In fact, have any architects ever been referred to in pop music?
Tom: I checked Genius for the first architect that came to mind, and: technically yes.
Tim: “Art Garfunkel has stated that the origin of the song came from his request that Paul Simon write a song about the famous architect Frank Lloyd Wright. Simon has stated that he wrote the song despite not knowing who Frank Lloyd Wright was.” Hmm, fair enough.
Tom: Leaving aside architectural shoutouts: I’m not really sending this to you because I think you’ll like it. I don’t think I even like it as a song. But I’m really impressed by how — like the title implies — this is a song that successfully manages to pull together sounds from several different decades.
Tim: Yeah, I think it works – well, sort of. I was enjoying it until I skipped back to the tab and thought “jeez, are we only two minutes in?”
Tom: That… is fair. I think this is a grower, though, like a lot of Dua Lipa’s songs. And how good is that chorus?
Tim: YES I KNOW BUT BEAR WITH ME so some got excited for The Mandalorian, others for Falcon & Winter Soldier, but me, nope. Well, maybe a bit. But the main thing at the Disney+ launch for me? Easy. High School Musical: The Musical: The Series. Obviously.
Tom: Obviously. I don’t have any of the background required to understand what’s going on in it, but I’m glad you’re enjoying it.
Tim: Happily, the series has ended up so far being really, really good – incredibly funny, touching storylines and, to top it all off, great music. For example:
Tim: So, ignore the context, and try and tell me that wouldn’t sound amazing coming out of Demi Lovato, Little Mix, or any other strong female artist. And you can’t, can you? Because it’s brilliant.
Tom: It’s very much the Disney Channel style of pop, aimed both at teenagers and their parents. In that context, yes, it’s pretty good.
Tim: The lyrics are strong, inspirational, right down in ‘get out there and do it’ territory.
Tom: I guess? Although “like my phone’s navigation was turned off” is a genuinely appalling lyric, because it sounds clunky at first listen and then makes no sense when you stop to think about it. But I understand what they’re going for. And rhyming ‘throne’ with ‘kingdom’ is questionable at best. And that chanted middle eight is awful. And “castles in the sky” is a term for unrealistic dreams that will never be achieved, so that doesn’t really work either.
Actually, no, I’ve talked myself out of it now, the lyrics are awful.
Tim: Oh, they’re fine. The music is big, powerful ‘listen to what I’m saying’ stuff; the production is flawless; basically, this song is, as a piece of pop music, absolutely top notch. I love it.
Tim: I know it’s not Christmassy, but there’s something that needs clearing up. On Wednesday you made a claim that the Johnny Cash version of this song is “now the definitive version of the song”, to which my only response is: are you on glue?
Tom: Harsh. Admittedly that’s arguably much more true for “Hurt” than it is for “One” — because Nine Inch Nails were never what you could call a truly mainstream act, and Trent Renzor literally said “that song isn’t mine any more”. But I don’t think it’s a statement than can be dismissed automatically.
Tim: Even if you want to claim that it’s more notable than U2’s original version (which is laughable enough in itself), had you forgotten this?
Tim: Now, if you’ve recently developed a love for country music without telling me, that’s fine, you’re allowed to prefer an album track off a covers album.
Tom: Hold on hold on hold on. We’re both coming at this from very different angles. American III isn’t just “a covers album”, it’s one of Johnny Cash’s American Recordings series.
Tim: Hmm, maybe fair – but firstly, it still wasn’t released as a single, unlike a few others, and secondly (and more relevantly): you’re letting your emotions in here. Sure, it’s important to you, but please, don’t try to claim that it’s more notable or more definitive than either the original or this, which truly is an incredible collaboration. Figures alone show that much: this charted higher around the world (in the UK, for example, it was kept off the top spot only by Crazy by Gnarls Barkley), sold better, got a standing ovation when it was initially performed at U2’s New York gig. But you don’t need figures to show why it’s the case: it keeps Bono’s great initial vocals and adds on Mary J. Blige’s outstanding ones, with a phenomenal level of emotion. They work together and sound flawless.
Tom: I have, as far as I can recall, never heard this version of One. Ever. That is, no doubt, just as surprising to you as your dismissal of American IV is to me. And because I’m used to the other versions, I just don’t agree with you. I agree that the vocals are brilliant, but I think this is too… well, it’s too “pop music”, everything’s turned up too much, you’ve got that godawful thing where a studio single tries to sound like a live performance, with bits of what should be on-stage improv baked into the track.
Like Adam Lambert’s cover of Believe, U2’s “One” is an excellent track to perform on stage. Cash’s version is a better studio single.
Tim: Hmm, I’m still really not persuaded. But again, check the figures: if we’ve a definitive version of a song, it’s the one most people, if not everybody, thinks of when they think of the song. And hell, I’m not arguing that about this one. I’m just saying it absolutely isn’t Johnny Cash’s one. There’s just no competition. None at all.
Tom: So I did go and check the figures, and you’re right there: the order, in terms of Spotify’s slightly-rickety popularity ranking, goes U2’s original, then Cash, then this version. So, yes, I’ll grant you: Cash’s “One” is not the definitive version. But I don’t think U2’s is either.
Tom: Every time we talk about a song with a name like this, the same as an absolutely iconic track, I get a bit grumpy. Why would you release a song with the same name like that? Unless it’s actually a cover. And who’d dare to cover Believe?
Tom: Oh. He would. And really well.
Tim: Well, yeah, kind of. I mean, it’s hardly the honest to God banger that the original was, is it?
Tom: Okay, a bit of backstory: he performed this live at the Kennedy Center Honours a year ago, and brought Cher to tears. She later posted a tweet in her usual style about it.
Tried 2 write Feelings About Adam Lambert Singing Believe In Words,but Cant seem 2.When Your senses are Overwhelmed All Can you feel with your ❤️. I Was Shocked AND Over The MOON When Cindi (Lauper) came out Rocking the house. Shocked Because SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS IN LA,
Tom: Here’s what I reckon: Cher’s original is a better studio version.
Tim: Obviously.
Tom: This isn’t a Johnny Cash situation, where the new cover version is now the definitive version of the song. (Twice.) And honestly, I don’t think this needs to be a studio single: I think that live performance stands well on its own.
Tim: Okay, we’ll come back to that Johnny Cash claim in a bit, because…yeah, later. As for this, sure, that’s a good performance, if you like that sort of thing. I think I’m just too pro-banger to really get this. Just leaves me a bit ehh.
Tom: That said, without the single, I wouldn’t have heard the live version.
“I’d like to present a new (and very strong) contender for Most Bizarre Video.”
Tim: We’re getting to the end of the decade and there’s a number of chart things going around; I’d like to present a new (and very strong) contender for Most Bizarre Video.
Tim: Ha, I’d completely missed that – though the December 2nd update made me laugh a lot reading it. ANYWAY, there’s a lot of pre-amble, but summary: the village doesn’t like Harry, he’s basically decided to leave, then he found a fish that has been similarly exiled. And then…
Tim: …he puts it in a cafetière, nicks a rucksack when it outgrows that, spies on a beardy guy, buys a massive fish tank which the fish then explodes out of because it is horrified by the fish market, which is somehow the part of the video that makes most sense.
Tom: Mm. Yes, I can see why the folks hopeful for an ARG were disappointed.
Tim: As for the song – it’s alright. It helps that it’s a strong chorus, because there’s basically nothing else to it, and I guess if you don’t like that main hook then you’ve probably not got much love for the song as a whole.
Tom: It’s not bad. It’s a perfectly servicable song. And I’ll admit I can at least sing some of the chorus after listening once. Well, one line of it, anyway.
Tim: On the other hand, is this whole thing really about the song? Or is it just a long-winded way of telling us he’s binned off girls and is going for fish now?
“You say ridiculous, I say IT’S AMAZING and HOW HAS THIS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE.”
Tom: “& Juliet” is a Max Martin jukebox musical. Yes, that’s ridiculous, but that’s apparently the point that the West End has reached now.
Tim: Hmm, you say ridiculous, I say IT’S AMAZING and HOW HAS THIS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE.
Tom: It is essentially the Max Martin Greatest Hits, and as with any greatest hits album, they’ve added one brand new song onto it that no-one asked for.
Tom: But of course, it’s Max Martin, so that one new song is actually pretty good.
Tim: Was there ever any doubt?
Tom: I don’t think it’s a classic, and I don’t think it’s going to be troubling the charts too much, but as a perfect demonstrate of The Genre, it’s not bad.
Tim: True. It’s definitely a show number, though – the build through the verses and choruses would be much more accelerated if it were to be released as a regular pop song. Perfectly good track for a musical, though.
Tom: Every trick’s there: the emotional piano, the harmonies in the final chorus. It’s almost a self-parody. Almost.
“I don’t think there’s been a better story than Mike Posner.”
Tom: Over the years we’ve been writing this, Tim, I don’t think there’s been a better story than Mike Posner. When we first talked about him — on “Cooler Than Me” nearly nine years ago — I summed him up with three words: “what a dick“. In 2011, I called him “Chinstrap McPoser“.
Then he disappeared for a while, and came back with “I Took A Pill In Ibiza“, which we missed — but which certainly put him in a different light.
Tim: And we never did discover whether Avicii thought he was cool, did we?
Tom: And now: well.
Tim: Oh, wow.
Tom: The story’s as important as the music, there. Don’t get me wrong, the music’s also good: but the story’s better.
