Saturday Flashback – Page 24

Saturday Flashback: Selma – All Out Of Luck

I miss Eurovision songs like this.

Tim: You’ll remember that last Friday, you and I went to a Europop club night, and for some reason two annoying middle-aged Danish guys kept talking to us, regardless of the fact that we hadn’t a clue what they were on about.

Tom: Yep. I’ve since been told that one of them had some rather interesting proposals that were, alas, both incoherent and incompatible with my own preferences.

Tim: You’ll also remember that you were a total— erm, you were a bit annoying and walked off with your female friend leaving me poor and defenceless.

Tom: That was, I’ll admit, a dick move. It was also hilarious.

Tim: Hmm. Well, as it turned out, one of them, strange and incessant though he may have been, did have an incredible knowledge of Eurovision history. For example, when this came on he shouted at me that Iceland came second with it in 1999, and then proceeded to sing it at me. All of it.

Tom: See? Hilarious.

Tim: Bastard.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NcThSfelqA

Tim: I miss Eurovision songs like this.

Tom: So do I. It’s like B*Witched or something similar: 90s bubblegum pop that’s got very little of anything serious to offer, but just hits all the required buttons to make your brain happy.

Tim: I know they had their time, and they weren’t to everyone’s taste, and they did nothing to boost Eurovision’s credibility amongst fans of ‘proper’ (i.e. rubbish) music, but dammit, they were brilliant. Perfect cheesy pop that no-one with any semblance of a soul can listen to without being made happy and feeling all bouncy. Ridiculous dancing by, well, eejits in raincoats, just added to the charm and helped make it absolutely JOYOUS.

Tom: I’m so glad that Wogan’s retired.

Saturday Flashback: DJ Antoine – Ma Cherie

Properly French. It’s got an accordion and everything.

Tim: Finally from France, this one from last summer is properly French. Really – it’s got an accordion and everything.

Tim: Well, I say properly French, the lyrics are mostly English but still. ACCORDION.

Tom: Disco accordion! Easily overused outside the genre of Serbian turbo-folk, but it works here.

Tim: Anyway, I’m writing about it now I’m back and it’s actually not as good as I remember. But that video’s quite fun to watch, so there is at least that. I don’t blame him for giving up on that party after the third time, personally, especially since he could quite easily go back ten minutes rather than the full two hours back to the shop.

Tom: Frankly, if you’ve got that kind of time-resetting power and you’re using it for something as simple as that, you haven’t got nearly enough imagination. I was rather hoping that, in the last loop, the bottle would point at one of the men on the table and “COMPATIBILITY: PERFECT” would show up, but never mind.

Tim: HANG ON. Who the hell goes to a party in a club and takes a bottle of vodka with them? House party, sure, but a club? Oh, I don’t know. I suppose I should be happy that it’s not just a three minute advert for a particular brand of vo—OH WAIT IT IS. Sod this, I’m off.

Tom: There’s something rare: Tim getting angry about product placement before I’ve even had a chance to measure it.

Tim: No, I generally don’t like it, but sometimes without it true works of art just wouldn’t exist.

Tom: I know what that link is, and I’m not clicking it.

Tim: Oh, COME ON. They are AS ONE with the COUNTRYSIDE. They ride on SHINY TRACTORS. And they have HAPPY FRIESIANS.

Tom: GET OUT.

Saturday Flashback: Bright Light Bright Light – Disco Moment

Four-on-the-floor disco beat. This bodes well.

Tom: “This is my moment! This is my disco-o-o moment, with you!” …no?

Tim: No.

Tom: Shame.

Tim: Quick backstory: I’ve recently been listening to a lot of electropop, and then I found this, which is a great compilation if anyone’s looking to expand their knowledge. One of the tracks on there is this, from last summer. Enjoy.

Tom: Four-on-the-floor disco beat. This bodes well.

Tim: Video: no idea what’s going on, I really don’t, although I have learned that blue lipstick really doesn’t do much good for your teeth. Music: speaks for itself. The backing beats and melody and fantastic, the verses stand up well and as for that chorus, well, just listen to it, and I challenge you to tell me it’s not brilliant.

You can’t, can you?

Tom: I wouldn’t deign to try. The verses are a bit too quiet and monotonous for me, but then without them the chorus wouldn’t shine as brightly.

Tim: Indeed. And it is a very very bright chorus.

Saturday Flashback: Dilba – Try Again

I remember why we didn’t do it as a Saturday Reject.

Tom: “This song was in Melodifestivalen last year,” writes reader Plupp. “It was the first song on the entire festival last year,” they continue; “…it was placed LAST but was played on loop the entire year on the radio later.”

Tim: I remember this from last year. I also remember why we didn’t do it as a Saturday Reject.

Tom: I’ll say this much, Tim; these are some ridiculous outfits.

Tom: If this placed last, then I’ve got to agree: either it’s an injustice, or there were some incredible other tracks in that heat. Aside from a slightly dodgy middle eight, this sounds like it could come off any Clubland CD. Hmm. I meant that as a compliment, but it didn’t sound like it.

Tim: Well, however complimentary that may have been, I agree with you. And that’s the issue. It’s standard, bang in the middle of the road club music, as opposed to something representative of Sweden. Any Eurovision song should carry a message of ‘this is the music we do’, and this is just a bit too generic for that.

Tom: Whoa, whoa, hold on. And we brought the ‘Dinck?* No wonder we didn’t win.

What I mean is this: it’s a proper CLUB BANGER, and perhaps that makes me like it more that I should. I want to dance to this. Maybe it’s because the backing reminds me of Caravan Palace’s superb Clash, or maybe it’s just a damn good track.

*It’s a classier nickname than “The Humper”.

Tim: Oh, it is a damn good track, and a deserved radio mainstay. It’s just not a Eurovision entry. (And FYI, the official nickname is ‘The Hump’, but we’ve already discussed that more than is necessary.)

Tom: Either way, it shouldn’t have been last.

Tim: Probably not. But it’s right that it didn’t win.

Saturday Flashback: LIGHTS – Saviour

Good musicianship hidden behind a childish exterior.

Tom: Bit of Canadian electronica for you now. Didn’t see that coming, did you?

I was introduced to Lights (or “LIGHTS”, but that’s just a bit silly) by a friend in New Orleans a couple of years ago. She’s got two albums out now, but there’s a reason that this particular track was the first single off her first album ‘The Listening’, back in 2009.

Tom: Okay: you’ll need to get over the vaguely CBeebies vibe to it – thanks to our Radio Insider Matt for that description – and the fairly slow verses. Which is a lot to get over, because they can grate.

Tim: I don’t know. I’m assuming that by the CBeebies vibe you mean the video, which I actually love, because it reminds me of It’s Raining Sunshine, off the soundtrack of Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, one my favourite films ever. (Five seconds. That’s all you need.)

Tom: That’s… just incredibly disturbing. Eyes don’t do that! Not even on cartoon characters! And… yeah, the more I think about that, the more I think that’s basically just a Nightmare Fuel generator.

Tim: Are you kidding me? Mate, what’s the matter with you? Bloody hell.

Tom: I’ve just looked up the movie. It features a device that creates meat from water. It features intelligent roasted chickens, one of which is then worn as a costume. If you’d have shown me that as a kid, I’d have been incredibly disturbed and probably turned vegetarian.

Tim: Ah, but that wouldn’t save you from the nacho chips that laced themselves with peanut butter just because our heroine has a nut allergy.

Tom: Anyway, the “CBeebies vibe”, as Matt puts it, isn’t down to the video – it’s more a general feeling of sounding like something off Radio Disney.

Tim: Well, for me the autotuniness on them provokes the same reaction as the voice in Still Alive – a bit weird, but fine once I’m used to it.

Tom: But just listen to that chorus. Specifically, to that glorious backing vocal in the final chorus. That, above all, is what keeps me digging out this track, and most of the first half of the album, from time to time: there’s some really very good musicianship hidden behind a childish exterior.

Tim: There, you are bang on. Yes, it’s somewhat childish and even a tad Disney-ish, but only in a very good way.

Tom: There are other good tracks off the same album: Ice, which has one of the strangest middle eights I’ve heard in a long while, and The Last Thing On Your Mind, which is about as emotional as electronica can get before it crosses into some other genre entirely. It’s worth a listen – even if, like listening to a whole Mika album, you need to listen to death metal afterwards to get your brain over the sugar rush.

Tim: No, don’t bother with death metal. Just keep the sugar rush going. Try this.

Saturday Flashback: Magnus Carlsson & Alcazar – Happy, Happy Year For Us All

Like Peter Andre with sleigh bells.

Tim: Last of the festive ones and ten years old now, here’s to 2012!

Tom: Dodgy grammar in the title, and a tune that sounds like Peter Andre with sleigh bells. This doesn’t bode well.

Tim: Oh come on. It’s a lot more in the vein of tradition pop than previous weeks have been, but this still has a sizeable number of fanfares and jingly things to convey the festive spirit, as if the lyrics weren’t enough.

Tom: Despite my initial skepticism, the chorus did win me over a bit. It’s by the numbers, of course, but it’s not going to get me off the dancefloor at an office Christmas party. If I worked at an office.

Tim: Alcazar are, as we should all know, also noted for their considerable success with a cover of Last Christmas, but this has the benefit of being both original and, unusually, more about the new year than Christmas itself. It’s a very upbeat message, and who could really dislike it? Well, except for that idiot at my work who insists that if it’s not from the 80s it’s rubbish.

Tom: And a happy new year to you too, Tim.

The Strokes – Under Cover of Darkness

This sounds like the Strokes. It also sounds really good.

Tim: Well, this is nearly it for this year, but annoyingly there are some songs we never got round to writing about. I propose we spend this last week looking back at the best five tracks of what we missed. Sound good? Good. You go first.

Tom: “Last night, she said, oh baby don’t feel so down…”

This sounds like the Strokes. It also sounds really good.

Tim: Certainly does.

Tom: Okay, so it wasn’t quite as instantly memorable as some of the stuff of their past albums, but it’s a heck of a decent single.

They kept their old sound, and that’s not a bad thing. It’s exactly what I’d want a Strokes track to be: it makes me bob my head, it leaves me feeling vaguely happy, and it’s still got a drummer who’s addicted to cymbals.

Tim: Always fun. I like this too – a good track that just keeps going and going at a good heavy rate. Typical stuff, really.

Tom: Oh, and it stops really abruptl

Saturday Flashback: Aqua – Spin Me A Christmas

Proper old-school.

Tim: One more Christmas song for you. And since it’s Christmas Eve, how about we make it a good one?

Tom: Wait, hang on – an Aqua single I haven’t heard of? Blimey. This should be… interesting.

Tom: Ah, “Presented in AquaScope” with a drum roll! Proper old-school.

Tim: Ahem, I think you mean ‘old-skool’. It was a sort of toe-dipping in the waters of a reunion, and it seemed to do the trick. The regurgitating of the Coca-Cola/red Santa always annoys me, but René’s portrayal of a drunken Santa stumbling into his igloo does somewhat make up for that…

Tom: When the other three arrived in the first scenes of the video, I thought “where’s René?”, and then immediately thought “wait, he’ll be playing Santa, of course”.

Tim: …as do the other lyrics such as ‘all the dreams of white Christmas are getting you wet’.

Tom: “Are you ready to get stuffed like a turkey” is in there somewhere too, as well.

Tim: And “this is the season where the Wham! song damages your head” – somewhat unfair, but also somewhat true.

Tom: And this isn’t a bad track, actually – if it wasn’t a novelty Christmas song, this’d be a fairly solid Aqua single on its own.

Saturday Flashback: Santa Quest – Santa’s A Scotsman

“Ridiculous? Or brilliant? I think brilliant.”

Tom: There are at least two things in this track that you’ll love, Tim. And I’ve got to say – even as someone who doesn’t like novelty Christmas songs, this still made me smile.

Santa’s A Scotsman by Santa Quest

Tom: The first one is, of course, the ridiculous “Scotland The Brave” guitar solo.

Tim: Ridiculous? Or brilliant? I think brilliant.

Tom: The second…

Tim: Really is quite something.

Tom: …it is a brilliant key change, isn’t it? It’s got a Proper Outro as well, which I always appreciate.

Tim: They are good, aren’t they? Also with a Proper Outro is Westlife’s Queen Of My Heart, which also has some lovely festive-sounding chiming bells. I mention this purely because for no apparent reason whatsoever I’ve recently fallen in love with it.

Tom: Bit of a history to this one: Radio 2’s Ken Bruce took it on himself to promote it when it came out five years ago, and has played it once a year ever since. And BBC Scotland briefly banned it for its negative stereotypes of Scotsmen (“loved everywhere he goes?”).

Tim: I’m guessing “too many pies, not enough exercise”.

Tom: Despite all that: it’s got quite a bit of traction Up North, apparently.

Tim: Good. And why shouldn’t it? Aside from the previously mentioned negative stereotypes, I suppose.

Tom: They’ve since tried to create a dodgy sequel. But nothing can really take away from that guitar solo and key change, can it?

Tim: Really not, no. That one also has a weirdly buff-looking Santa, who with his coat open looks more like a Ken doll than your average boyo from the valleys.

Saturday Flashback: Inga from Sweden – Inga’s XXXmas

“Inappropriate for some users.”

Tim: We had a Christmas song last week; let’s keep the December flashbacks festive, shall we? So, not to be confused with Miss Inga from earlier this year, this lady really does call herself ‘Inga from Sweden’, and back in 2007 was asking Santa for a spank because she’s lonely.

Tom: “This video may contain content that is inappropriate for some users.” Well, this should be fun.

Tom: Hahaha. Effects provided by a knock-off copy of 3D Studio Max and a terrible bluescreen. Is that by the same people who did Hooked on a Feeling?

Tim: God, I’d forgotten about that. What is it with you and the Hoff? Anyway, there are a couple of things I’m not keen about this.

Tom: Is the music one of them?

Tim: Harsh. Though somewhat fair, but no. There’s the Santa that sounds creepy as anything, and then I really hope what’s going on at 1:17 isn’t what it looks like it could be, although I’m fairly sure it is. Overall, though, this has me smiling.

Tom: Wait, really? Why? I mean, I’m generally okay with ridiculous Christmas records, but this is just terrible.

Tim: You think? It’s partially because of the general ridiculousness of the video – standing on a burning ice sheet, treading water through the ice, that utterly nightmare-inducing dancing snowman – and also the spanking sound effects. They’re entirely wrong, but they’re brilliant.

Tom: You’ve gone off your rocker. Too much brandy and chocolate?

Tim: No, still a bit too early for brandy. I’m getting through a good amount of cava, though, left over from when my parents bought several cases too many for a thing a few weeks back, and that’s a lot of fun.