The Fooo Conspiracy – Buzzkill

“A proper ‘BLIMEY’ moment”

Tom: Crikey, they’re still going?

Tim: Yes, and indeed competing in Melodifestivalen next year – although I think one of them’s leaving before then, I’m not sure of the details. Anyway, unlike yesterday, I’m giving this video a firm 0/10 for laziness, because it’s all gig footage.

Tom: And a gig with a big “Vamps” logo at the back, according to that opening timelapse.

Tim: Support act, as far as I can discern, most likely in an (as yet unsuccessful) attempt to break out of Scandinavia. But here’s the song, which is significantly better than the video.

Tim: The first verse didn’t particularly grab me, because aside from the shouty vague sort of rapping there’s not a lot on. That chorus, then, generated a proper ‘BLIMEY’ moment, and it’s very much worth waiting for.

Tom: Yes! Exactly the same here. If that verse hadn’t been so dire, perhaps I wouldn’t have noticed — but I started paying attention there.

Tim: And now I think about it, those sentences could equally be written about Shout Out To My Ex – another song that seems confident enough with its chorus that it’s willing to risk that people will look past the disappointing rest of it. Since it works here, I guess I can cope with it, but it would be nice if I didn’t have to.

Charlie Who? – Feel It

“I think I like it, but I’m really not entirely sure why.”

Tim: Charlie Who? indeed, as I can find out next to nothing about this guy online. Actually, that’s not quite true: I can find out absolutely nothing about him.

Tom: I took that as a challenge, and found much the same.

Tim: Well let’s have a listen anyway, and see what we think.

Tim: First thing first, that’s a lovely lyric video – I don’t have a top ten list, but that’d probably make it. The main stuff, though: hmm. I think I like it, but I’m really not entirely sure why. There are a lot of tropes there that fit with music I’d normally throw aside, such as the heavily featured distorted vocal and that main synth style in the post chorus, and yet somehow it works.

Tom: I agree with you that it works, but I’m not convinced that I like it. I get that it’s the Done Thing Now to have two separate hooks, one vocal and one that’s basically just someone whacking buttons on a MIDI keyboard to distort a sample, but I’m not convinced that it’s actually making decent tracks.

Tim: It’s certainly not a perfect formula on its own, but I think here I’m mostly intrigued because it stands out a bit. Despite, like I said, lots of familiar components, it somehow manages not to sound like anyone else, and that’s always worth celebrating.

Tom: That’s fair: perhaps the reason I’m questioning it is just that it’s unfamiliar. We hated dubstep way back when Tim, and now… well, now we hate it again, but there was a brief period where it was fun. As for this…

Tim: Personally, I’d like to hear another track or two before I give it my unreserved blessing, but for now at least, I’m intrigued.

Clean Bandit feat. Sean Paul & Anne-Marie – Rockabye

“At the top for seven weeks now; shall we investigate?”

Tim: It’s the first Christmas number one since 2003 that’s neither X Factor nor campaign-y and it’s been at the top for seven weeks now; shall we investigate?

Tim: Well, I’d say the obvious answer is that there is no campaign this year – last year had the NHS choir, 2012 had the Justice Collective, 2011 has Gareth Malone, 2009 had Rage Against The Machine – and this year’s X Factor single was…well, it was no A Moment Like This, was it?

Tom: I think it’s a sign of what’s happening with the charts now; as they move almost-entirely to streaming, we’ll find that the charts reflect what people are listening to, not what they’re buying. And that’s a very different chart – one less reflective of campaigns and trends.

Tim: And yes, there have been other good tracks around in the meantime, but none that are quite so catchy – however annoying you might find Sean Paul (and believe me, I really do), Anne-Marie’s got a decent voice, and tropical music still seems inexplicably popular.

Tom: I don’t think it’s a great song; but it’s clearly done enough.

Tim: People keep streaming it, and it stays right up the top. Bring on January.

Stevie Wonder feat. Ariana Grande – Faith

“That is a heck of a combination.”

Tom: Yep, you’re reading that right. That is a heck of a combination. And if you’re wondering why: it’s for an animated movie — but given that similar circumstances gave us Pharrell’s Happy and Justin Timberlake’s Can’t Stop The Feeling… don’t rule it out based on that.

Tim: Hell no – we’ve also got Let It Go and How Far I’ll Go, so I’ll never judge a song on that.

Tom: I’ve said for a long while, Tim, that there are three tests I use for a good pop song: do I find myself moving along to it, even just tapping my feet, on the first listen? Can I sing at least of some of the chorus after one listen? And do I immediately want to hit replay?

This passed all three tests. Only just on the chorus one, but it did.

Tim: Those are fair tests, and yet I have to say: not really, slightly maybe, no. That’s unduly harsh just outright like that, but still, not a fan here.

Tom: I guess I can understand that — because if I try and me a bit more objective, I don’t think it’s a really great bit of songwriting. But I thought that about Happy too, and about Can’t Stop The Feeling, and I’m still not bored of either of them. And listen to that production! The vocals are (of course) spectacular, the production is spot on, and it doesn’t outstay its welcome: this is an under-three-minute song that lasts under three minutes, just like it should.

Tim: Hmm – technically you’re right with all that, and yet annoyingly, I don’t feel it. Just doesn’t excite me at all.

Tom: Well, for me at least: this is good.

Saturday Flashback: The Darkness – Christmas Time (Don’t Let The Bells End)

Tom: Tim, we should tell our reader about a bit of the behind-the-scenes discussions we’ve had this year. With Christmas Eve falling on a Saturday, we’ve been hunting for a Saturday Flashback that’s suitably… Christmassy enough.

Tim: Such as Sheena Easton’s It’s Christmas All Over The World, my first choice, as it’s perfect for Christmas Eve.

Tom: The trouble is, I’ve got zero Christmas spirit this year. You’ve sent me syrupy Christmas track after syrupy Christmas track, and while I could happily write a couple of hundred words ripping each of them apart, I just can’t bring myself to write anything positive. It’s rare for me to veto a track; to veto two in a row is entirely unheard of; but I killed three in a row here.

Tim: Reader, I’ve tried, I really have. It’s been distressing.

Tom: So I’ve suggested this. Because it’s simple: you can enjoy how Christmassy it is, and the fact that, unlike almost every other Christmas cash-in single, it’s actually pretty good. And I can shout the word “bell end” as loud as possible.

Tom: Merry Christmas, Tim.

Tim: Merry Christmas, Tom.

Lisa Ajax – Santa Bring My Baby To Me

Tim: Lisa, former Swedish Idol winner and Melodifestivalen finalist, brings us a festive number, presumably after having no luck on nights out and getting bored of Tinder.

Tom: Oh! Tim… I think this is the first really good Christmas track you’ve sent this year. You’ve saved the best for last. Well done. Heck of a voice, decent melody. As for the lyrics…

Tim: She dumped him a while ago, realises that actually she was being silly, and now wants him back, and has therefore turned to Santa to force him back rather than just, you know, asking him, like a normal person would. Still, who cares for free will and his feelings and stuff like that at this most wonderful time of the year?

Tom: It’s probably best not to analyse songs too much, particularly not at Christmas. I don’t think this is actually making me feel Christmassy, but… well, I don’t mind this right now, and that’s a pretty good start.

Tim: What we really care about is the song and the music, which is all pretty good – heck of a chorus in there, for starters, with an entirely decent voice and a proper mixture of tinkling and banging all mixed up together.

Tom: Shame about the middle eight, but it comes back with a brilliant final chorus and lovely whistle-register notes over the top, so I’ll forgive it.

Tim: So since Christmas lyrics are frequently nonsense anyway, I’m all in for this. SORTED.

Oliver Heldens feat. Ida Corr – Good Life

“That’s a surprisingly retro track.”

Tim: Oliver’s a Dutch DJ who’s been going a few years; Ida’s off Denmark and has been going 14 years but has had a quiet patch recently; we’ve now got this.

Tom: And it’s a tie-in with a video game. We don’t see that all too often, but there’s (surprisingly) some good recent history, there.

Tom: Well, that’s a surprisingly retro track; a lot of those synths and rhythms could fit into the late 90s.

Tim: Yeah, a whole lot of it’s good, but it’s got one massive flaw: that line that first appears 34 seconds in. That exact same vocal sound and possibly the same notes as well, has been used in a very prolific song from a while back – it took me a long time to place it, and no small amount of “aaaargh, WHAT IS THAT?”, but it’s The Time Is Now.

It didn’t stop me appreciating everything else about this track – using strings for the main line was a fantastic choice, bringing to it a sense of urgency that I can’t imagine much else doing. Just a shame about that one line – different vocal style, or a different rhythm, or some melody variation, and this’d be great. As it is, though, I just can’t enjoy it as much as I want to.

Owl City – Humbug

“Mr City’s been off for a while doing other stuff.”

Tim: Mr City’s been off for a while doing other stuff, but now he’s back to tell us about a problem he’s got.

Tom: So here’s the thing, Tim: I am not Christmassy this year. At all. Zero. I’ve had bad years in the past, but this is a new one: I’ve got absolutely no Christmas spirit. So I’m not expecting to…

Tom: …huh. That actually made me smile. That’s a surprise.

Tim: Well there you go – a festive treat, with an issue we can all relate to, lyrics to crack a smile here and there, and closing with a shout-out to, of all people, Magnus Carlsson! (Yes it definitely is a deliberate reference, no it definitely isn’t a coincidence, I don’t care how enormously unlikely it is that it would be a deliberate reference, I AM CERTAIN THAT IT IS.)

Tom: Mate, if the ‘Wrecking Ball’ ripoff yesterday wasn’t deliberate, I’m guessing this isn’t either.

Tim: Not listening, can’t hear you. One issue, though: if he really loves her but doesn’t know which of two restaurants she prefers, I’m sure something’s gone a bit wrong somewhere in the standard dating process. But never mind.

Tom: The lyrics are terrible. Can we just agree that the lyrics are terrible?

Tim: Yes, though I would direct you to the very first sentence you wrote about Good Time, and also your remarks on Alligator Sky. Complexity isn’t his strong point, you should expect that by now.

Tom: But you know what, the rest of the song is happy enough that I actually don’t mind. And, hell, “sorry for the hand towels” is actually a lovely little descant to put at the end.

Tim: It really is, and I’ll take this, because the lyrics may be dodgy, but they’re fun, and jingly, and lovely.

Matoma & Gia – Heart Won’t Forget

“A slightly summery track?”

Tim: As we muddle our way through the depths of midwinter, shall we have a slightly summery track to raise our spirits?

Tom: Okay, first up: the chorus – and the whistling bit – is mostly the middle eight from Wrecking Ball. “Don’t you ever say I just walked away,” etc etc. Probably a coincidence, still unfortunate, because it’s all I can hear.

Tim: Oh, YES it is, and that may explain why I liked it so much. Admittedly the message of it doesn’t make it a massively spirit-raising song, with the whole “we were pretty great but then it kind of went to shit” vibe throughout; on the other hand, that’s a cracking riff they’ve got going on in the chorus, wherever it came from, and the whistling makes it seem very chirpy indeed.

Tom: It does. It’s just a shame it sounds like another, better riff.

Tim: Well I’ll take it whatever, as a retrospective of good times in the year. It’s nice.

Galantis – Pillow Fight

“Managing the fans’ expectations is never an easy thing.”

Tim: Our reader James points us in the direction of this, Galantis’s new track which he reckons doesn’t sound particularly Galantissy.

Tim: And he’s partly right, I think – it certainly doesn’t come with the high-pitched vocal that’s often present, but on the other hand the steel drums and other instrumentation that we might associate with Galantis are all there.

Tom: Having “a style” is a blessing and a curse: when the audience gets bored with it, how do you move on? Managing the fans’ expectations is never an easy thing. Here, sadly, Galantis’ unique style seems not to have changed, but have just… fulled.

Tim: It certainly doesn’t stop me liking it just as much as I’ve liked previous output – well, not quite as much as Peanut Butter Jelly or Love On You, obviously, but certainly on a par with the rest.

Tom: That’s true: they do have the One Big Song. This really feels like an album track.

Tim: Perhaps, but for me it’ll do for now.