Brandon Flowers – Can’t Deny My Love

“Somewhere along the lines of top notch, really.”

Tim: You can run, you can hide, but you can’t es— wait, no that’s wrong. Erm, right, this. First track off his second solo album (the rest of The Killers are also looking elsewhere a bit), and he’s got a rather lovely Orlando Bloom look to him.

Tim: And I’d say that’s somewhere along the lines of top notch, really.

Tom: Although apparently the VHS tracking went a bit wrong at the very start.

Tim: Yes, although fortunately that didn’t seem to affect the sound, which is distinctive enough from the band’s output that no-one’d get them confused, but still with his recognisable enough vocal to keep any fans onboard. As for people that just like Mr Brightside and When You Were Young? Hmmm, might be disappointed, but I reckon there’ll be enough new folks enjoying this to cancel out that miserable lot.

Tom: But to be fair, the people who just like the Big Killers Tracks are disappointed by almost anything the band puts out.

Tim: Fair point. It’s really almost a natural continuation of the journey begun with Shot At The Night, though instead of M83 we’ve got production by Ariel Rechtshaid, who’s also worked with Haim and Charli XCX, so that’s nice enough.

Tom: It’s a brave choice to put orchestra hits on a track in 2015: it says something about the production that they can actually pull it off.

Tim: As far as I’m concerned, this is a very good track indeed, and that chorus that comes out of the middle eight is a proper triumph, so well done to everyone there.

Linni Meister – #NoFilter

“It has precisely one redeeming feature, which is that it finishes.”

Tim: You probably thought we’d hit a nadir with #fail, didn’t you? WELL NO SUCH LUCK.

Tom: It’s like someone heard “Mr Saxobeat” and thought “how can we make this worse?”

Tim: This song is entirely, ludicrously awful (literally – I’ve been laughing at it for five solid minutes). The vocals are horribly autotuned (and WHY WOULD YOU AUTOTUNE A SPOKEN LINE????), the lyrics would fit (and were probably written) on the back of a beermat, the saxophone riff is uninteresting enough and so short that it becomes irritating after just a couple of minutes, and then serve to draw all the attention away from the potentially pleasant middle eight vocal.

Tom: I can’t really add more to that: this is one of the worst songs we’ve covered in a long while.

Tim: It has precisely one redeeming feature, which is that it finishes. That’s it.

Tom: Now it doesn’t. You’re welcome.

Tim: You actually ripped that song and uploaded it, didn’t you? God, you really are a terrible, terrible person.

Magnus Carlsson – Meet Me Downtown Tonight

“Hijack a train?”

Tom: Not even a spectacular sign language interpretation could save Magnus Carlsson’s old-school schlager number at Melodifestivalen. But that’s not stopping him: here’s an English version of Möt mig i Gamla Stan.

Tom: Now literally, this should be translated as “Meet Me In Gamla Stan”, which is Stockholm’s Old Town. And I can see why they’ve not made it a literal translation — but “downtown tonight” doesn’t scan nearly as well — and it’s not nearly as punchy. GAM-la STAN has two perfectly stressed syllables: down-TOWN to-NIGHT changes the pattern and weakens the whole chorus.

Tim: Hmm, I see where you’re coming from, though I don’t feel it as badly as you seem to – still four syllables, and the worst he’s doing is lessening the stress on ‘down’. ANYWAY, this is getting dull.

Tom: Also, “hijack a train”? That may be the least practical suggestion for travel. A car? Maybe. But a train? Good luck with that. Entertainingly, that’s actually a direct translation from the original Swedish.

Tim: Hmm. You say that, and then I wondered if it might have been based on something that actually happened; probably not directly, but I did discover that in 2013 a cleaner accidentaly stole a subway train and drove into a house.

Tom: But despite all this: can we agree that, regardless of which language this is in, it’s a brilliant bit of retro pop? Yes, it’s a bit too cheesy, but it’s got enough charm and enthusiasm to it that I can’t help but smile.

Tim: No-one can, Tom, no-one can. It’s why the subtitling guy ended up dancing like that, and it’s exactly why, having completed in nine different Melodifestivalens, he’s made the final a full nine times. That man knows what he’s doing, and he does it very well.

The Darkness – Open Fire

“Fans are going to love this.”

Tom: I know, modern glam rock ain’t exactly up our usual street. But this is the Darkness. “I Believe In A Thing Called Love” was my university anthem. And there’s a new single, from their first new album.

Tom: So here’s the thing: the Darkness fans are going to love this. This is brilliant glam rock, and the riff sounds a little like the sounds coming from indie-darlings Public Service Broadcasting.

Tim: Maybe the fans will love it, yes, but it’s not really going to go much further, for the same reason their second album didn’t – for most people, it’s too ordinary.

Tom: It’s not going to hit the pop charts for the same reason: it’s not got the quirky, pop-sensibility of their first album. It sounds like rock.

Tim: Hmm, and not the same camp rock with the high pitched vocals that got them the attention in the first place. Harsh as this may sound, to non-rock fans it’s just generic rock music, with not much to distinguish it from the rest.

Tom: But if their plan was to consolidate their existing fans, show people that they’ve still got it, and make the music they want to make: they have absolutely nailed it.

Tim: That, I can’t deny.

Meghan Trainor – Dear Future Husband

“Awkward.”

Tom: You remember Olly Murs’ surprisingly catchy Dance With Me Tonight?

Tom: Awkward.

Tim: Yeah. Well, I’d have gone with #awkward, but pretty much, yeah.

Tom: Now, Meghan’s track has been out for a while, but now it’s officially a Single with a Video, and there are a startling number of people pointing out the comparison.

Tim: Startling? Mate, a startling number would be none at all, and if it’s being discussed on Radio 1 (at it has been at least once, last Monday) and Olly’s track’s Wikipedia page stated for several days that “In 2015 this song was copied by Meghan Trainor in her song Dear Future Husband,” the word you’re looking for is ‘appropriate’.

Tom: Now, to be fair: it’s a standard doo-wop chord progression, and it’s even in a slightly different key from Murs. But the instrumentation is almost identical, the delivery is similar, and the lyrics even rhyme in places. It’s not just close: it’s really bloody close.

Let’s set that aside for a minute, though: because, yes, it’s a formula, but it’s a formula that definitely works. Musically, it’s lovely.

Tim: Yes. In fact, this is precisely the song that made me realise that Olly Murs could do enjoyable music.

Tom: But as for the lyrics: do I need to do anything more than shudder?

Tim: Need to? No. But to be honest I’m surprised (and happy for you) that you’re just shuddering, and not having a full-on repeat of your Finland 2013 breakdown.

Saturday Reject: Hasse Andersson – Guld och Gröna Skogar

“He’s got a disturbingly happy violinist!”

Tim: Last trip to the Melodifestivalen final for now, and it’s this, the track that turns up every year – the country/dansband track that we all love but never ask for, as it sure as hell isn’t going to Eurovision.

Tom: Hooray! And I always enjoy it, although never enough to actually download the song.

Tim: This year’s carrier: Hasse Andersson, who’s been going basically forever but hasn’t entered Melodifestivalen before now. And what an entrance.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fUT-iPlP0I

Tom: A disturbingly happy violinist! He’s got a disturbingly happy violinist!

Tim: My favourite part (and really do please stop reading now if you’ve skipped ahead before the song’s got to the end, because SPOILERS) is not the key change itself, great as that is, but the moment before it, when the middle eight draws to a close, he starts singing again, and you suddenly think “OH I KNOW WHAT’S ABOUT TO HAPPEN,” and then a few seconds later it does, and you get goosebumps running through your body and the song rises up to perfection.

Tom: Wait, perfection? Really? Let’s not go that far.

Tim: Oh, no, perfection it is – not in any way perfect for Eurovision, mind, but a wonderfully enjoyable track to listen to, to dance along with, to see the sheer joy you mentioned on the face of that violinist and to have that infect every single part of you.

Tom: Mm. I think “infect” is the right verb there. If only because I started tapping my foot after that key change, damn it. It’s even got a la-la-la bit.

Tim: With its happiness and, yes, infectious glee, it is, in short, the song Sweden deserves, but not the one it needs right now.

Linus Svenning – Forever Starts Today

Tim: If you saw Melodifestivalen last year, you may remember Linus from Bröder, the interminably dull tribute to his deceased brother; this is vastly, vastly more enjoyable.

Tim: It does still start off slowly, but all the fire on stage is enough to distract me from that until it ALL KICKS OFF, starting with one of my favourite cameras shots of the year, spinning round him to reveal massive drums and people banging them that have appeared from nowhere, much like an Only Connect team about to tackle the connecting wall.

Tom: If you’re wondering if there’s an European Camera Shot Contest: yes, there is, and Eurovision camera shots have won it in the past.

Tim: Those drums and people are quickly put to excellent use, both musically and visually, because the whole pushing them around thing works very well. I’m not quite sure what it works to do, mind, but it does look impressive.

Tom: Particularly because I’m fairly sure the drumming continues even when they’re just rolling the instruments around. But then, that’s how Eurovision works: all vocals live, nearly all the instruments recorded. An arbitrary distinction, but they can hardly use a live orchestra any more.

Tim: Then when everything comes together for the final chorus, fire and banging and great tune – it’s a very good track indeed.

Tom: It is, but from what I’ve seen this week: the right song won.

Jon Henrik Fjällgren – Jag Är Fri (Manne Leam Frijje)

“It’s like it was designed to make it feel like Everything Is All Right Now.”

Tim: The other song the UK jury preferred to Måns’s performance, giving it the full twelve points; in the end it came second, scoring just under half the number of points that Heroes did.

Tim: And that certainly is impressive, but it’s also the first song I’ve heard where, for the most part, the backing vocals bring more to the song that the lead does.

Tom: Ooh, I’m really not sure about that. Those are some bloody good vocals, even if he’s not commanding the stage.

Tim: In quality, maybe, but there aren’t exactly many lyrics there. What he lacks in song presence, though, he makes up for with his story: born in Colombia, adopted by a Swedish-Sami family and was brought up as a reindeer herder, before going on last year’s Talang Sverige, which he won performing music like this, a nice mixture of your standard pop and a traditional Sami form of music called joik.

Tom: This track reminds me of Sigur Rós’ Hoppipolla, not necessarily in style, but in terms of my reaction. Every single aspect of that was pleasant: it’s like it was designed to hack into the basic, goosebumps-generating section of my brain and make it feel like Everything Is All Right Now.

Tim: Hmm, nice comparison, because I got a similar feeling. Fun fact: joik was originally considered sinful by the first Christians who made it that far north, though it appears it’s still alive and well, which is very pleasant if it comes with key changes like that.

Tom: And what a key change. I smiled a lot at that key change.

Tim: Nice song, then, and certainly an impressive staging, but what I’d say it definitely isn’t, though, is a Eurovision winner – there’s not a huge amount of stage presence, and that’s not helped by the aforementioned lack of main vocal line.

Tom: Ugh. You’re right, there. It’s a wonderful, wonderful track, and it deserves to make its writer and performer a lot of money as the soundtrack to sweeping panoramas of the natural world, but it’s not going to work in Vienna.

Tim: Yes, it’s spiritual and all that, but three girls hanging from the ceiling also come across as a tad macabre, which really isn’t what the contest’s about. Also: good luck recreating that very impressive backing vocal with just five on-stage singers.

Tom: Oh. Oh, good point.

Tim: Good thing Måns was there, really, because otherwise Sweden could quite possibly have ended up stuck languishing in the semi-finals, which no-one wants to see.

Samir & Viktor – Groupie

“Is that deliberate? It… it must be deliberate. Surely?”

Tim: This isn’t necessarily one of the best songs we saw at the final, but I’d like to write about it, primarily because I want to see your reaction when I tell you that this duo consists of a reality TV star and a fashion blogger, and the performance involves liberal use of selfie sticks.

Tom: I’ll allow it if they live-stream video from the cameras on the end of the selfie sticks.

Tom: Oh, they did! Well done.

Tim: BUT, you’ll be pleased to know that despite the mentions, the song is not about the virtues of taking a selfie; more about the importance of discarding those in favour of ‘groupies’, so that’s alright then.

Tom: “Groupies“? Really? Is that deliberate? It… it must be deliberate. Surely?

Tim: I would imagine so, yes – presumably intended as some sort of hilarious pun, as indicated with the repeated chorus at the end: “stand up, take out your cameras, stand up, we’ll be taking a groupie tonight”.

Tom: Good luck with that, you’ll need it. But despite their poor choice of wording: I feel like this song is already dated. I feel like this song could have come out last year, and it’d still sound dated. It’s like this horrible song about AOL Instant Messenger.

Tim: I started listening, then quickly thought it couldn’t get worse than all that giggling ten seconds in. Boy, was I wrong.

This, though: yes, it may get dated quicker than a pint of milk left in a sauna, but it’s basically about having a lot of fun with your mates, and with all the bright lights and colourful blocks it was a brilliant opening to the final.

Tom: Yes: as a way to get a crowd, and an audience at home, excited — I can see it working. But I’m glad that’s as far as it went.

Tim: I suppose it’s a bit like John Barrowman’s opening of Tonight’s The Night, really, except actually listenable.

Tom: That’s the second terrible Barrowman Comparison you’ve done on this site.

Tim: Hahaha, somehow I’d forgotten about that. LOVELY.

Isa – Don’t Stop

“If it’s taking its cues from one of the greatest closing numbers in Broadway history… well, it could do a lot worse.”

Tim: Right then – the Melodifestivalen final review continues, and here’s one of the two songs the UK jury thought was better than Heroes but overall placed just seventh:

Tim: Oh, hang on – wrong video, sorry. Here you go:

Tim: So, with the obligatory, unavoidable and entirely fair comparison out of the way, how does this stand up on its own? Still pretty brilliantly, I think.

Tom: It does, although now you’ve pointed the comparison out I do hear it more than I should. But if it’s taking its cues from one of the greatest closing numbers in Broadway history… well, it could do a lot worse.

Tim: Energetic is the key word, I’d say – a big beat reinforced by the massive speakers on stage, more spark gun usage than in the rest of the competition combined, backing dancers who look like they’re doing aerobics and, of course, the instruction not to stop coming at us a full 64 times.

Tom: Either you actually counted that, which is impressive, or you’re trusting that I won’t bother to double-check, which is… well, it’s correct.

Tim: Bit of both, really, as I think I may have lost count towards the end. However many it is, though, it certainly gets the message across, and I really do like it a lot.

Tom: Yes, but I’m stunned the UK jury voted it above Heroes. It’s good, it may well have deserved to be in the final — but what were they thinking?

Tim: No idea, but, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to shake and shimmy it the best that I can.