Tim and Tom's Europop Blog
“Did someone just find an old 240p .mov file sitting around on a backup drive? How odd.”
Tim: I’m going to see Alphabeat in Copenhagen next weekend, so let’s revisit, with a music video that’ll remind you of the ’00s in a really not good way.
Tom: That was uploaded… this year? Did someone just find an old 240p .mov file sitting around on a backup drive? How odd.
Tim: You know, part of me wants to text 83138 just to see if that offer’s still valid.
Tom: Presumably you also get a free ringtone.
Tim: But other than that: BOY, what a stunning track that is. I’m quite excited, you know.
“I don’t think there’s been a better story than Mike Posner.”
Tom: Over the years we’ve been writing this, Tim, I don’t think there’s been a better story than Mike Posner. When we first talked about him — on “Cooler Than Me” nearly nine years ago — I summed him up with three words: “what a dick“. In 2011, I called him “Chinstrap McPoser“.
Then he disappeared for a while, and came back with “I Took A Pill In Ibiza“, which we missed — but which certainly put him in a different light.
Tim: And we never did discover whether Avicii thought he was cool, did we?
Tom: And now: well.
Tim: Oh, wow.
Tom: The story’s as important as the music, there. Don’t get me wrong, the music’s also good: but the story’s better.
Tim: Yes, yes it is.
“Not as we know them. Not remotely as we know them.”
Tim: It’s Dolly Style, Tom, but but not as we know them. Not remotely as we know them.
Tom: Triplet flow. In a Dolly Style song. What.
Tim: I don’t like it, Tom, I really don’t. Dolly Style are meant to be fun and irreverent and unapologetically unfashionable – not this, which sounds all modern and aiming for the charts and stuff.
Tom: There’s an argument that a band can’t be “meant to be” anything — it’s just what the members want to be — but given that they’re one of the most-constructed of constructed girl groups, then yes, that’s fair.
Tim: Thing is, however much they might aim there (and in fairness to them, it’s not bad, it’s perfectly decent 2019 girl group fare) but I’m really not sure they’ll ever hit the target. They have a market, and, well, it’s us. It’s people who like awful pop, who don’t care that it’s 2019, who still like Hello Hi and Unicorns & Ice Cream. Sure, it might work, and maybe I’ll be proved wrong (though I hope not, as that means we’ll get more of this), but it’s not them. Or at least it really shouldn’t be.
Tom: “Sayonara” is generally used as “goodbye forever”. I’ll leave the obvious jokes to our reader.
“For every questionable bit, there’s a good part to match it.”
Tim: The first line of this song’s chorus reminds me of another one. I’m not sure which, but I think it’s by Imagine Dragons, and at first I though it was Believer but then it turned out it isn’t (though there are still similarities), but now I’ve hit play on too many songs to ever have an idea, so let’s just have a listen to this one.
Tim: Not bad, is it?
Tom: That introduction and first verse sounds like it’s from a Bond theme. In fact, I think that’s what you might be comparing it to, aside from Believer.
Tim: Hmm, maybe, but I don’t think so. Anyway, it’s her second track out, after last September’s No Fake Love, and I’m fairly sure it can be described an entirely serviceable piece of pop music. Production’s on point, vocal’s good, melody works well with its slight air of discordance and aggression.
Tom: Some very odd synth choices in there towards the end, particularly that ‘shaking-a-pot-of-yogurt’ sound in the first bit of the middle eight. But for every questionable bit, there’s a good part to match it, usually straight after.
Tim: I do wish I could remember what it reminds me of, mind, but ah, well. Hopefully, Maja’s output rate will increase and we’ll get a third track some time before January 2021, but if not, well, this’ll do in the meantime.
“So, you know how Alan has a tendency to go a bit, well, over the top?”
Tim: So, you know how Alan has a tendency to go a bit, well, over the top with his videos, or remix competitions. or general appearance of self-importance? Well, this time he’s celebrating kicking off his first arena tour by releasing an endless runner game, and this here is the theme from both that and the tour as a whole.
Tom: I think I might be somehow burned out on Alan Walker’s music? If he does something in his own style, I’m just like “yep, it’s another Alan Walker track”, and if he doesn’t, it’s “uh, this isn’t an Alan Walker track”. Probably more my problem than his, though, because, this… isn’t bad, I guess?
Tim: Well, first up, it’s a lot more enjoyable that that last one we got from the Death Stranding soundtrack, so that’s reassuring. We haven’t had an instrumental one from him in ages, actually, and it’s nice to know he’s still got it: this is a good track, plenty of life, nice melody, and…you know, I’ll be honest: I’m having trouble writing much about it properly.
Tom: I’m not sure there’s all that much to say. It’s a soundtrack.
Tim: Thing is, I’ve just downloaded the game, and it’s basically entirely okay. Looks pretty, challenging but achievable mechanic (I recommend upping the sensitivity of the controls), and not particularly demanding of your cash.
Tom: The fact you even have to say that last bit is an awful indictment of mobile games.
Tim: Having played it for ten minutes, though, with Avem playing near constantly, I’m now both entirely done with the track and utterly obsessed by it. Make of that what you will.
“At some point, we should probably stop covering every Westlife single.”
Tom: At some point, we should probably stop covering every Westlife single.
Tim: Oh, I don’t know, I think it’s nice that someone’s doing it.
Tom: Well, this is not that point. Particularly as the album came out on Friday.
Tom: I had the usual ‘modern Westlife track’ reaction to this: got distracted and forgot it was playing during the first verse, then perked up at the chorus. And then — which is a departure from normal — actually started listening properly at the second bit of the chorus.
Tim: See, I was deliberately paying attention, but still had the same “ooh!” reaction to the chorus coming, when the first cymbal hit.
Tom: I’m sure I’ve heard that piano counterpoint melody in the chorus somewhere before — between that and the guitar behind the middle eight, it really sounds like they’ve taken some style tips from Coldplay. That’s not a bad thing at all.
Tim: No, no even slightly. I wouldn’t say no to a key change, mind, but aside from that this is fine.
Tom: Frankly, this sounds like a big emotional number from a soundtrack, and I think it’s probably the best one off the album.
“I cannot for the life of me understand why we didn’t feature it, because it’s wonderful.”
Tim: For no reason at all other than that it’s on my list of ones we didn’t have room for at the time, here’s a song that was deemed not good enough to represent Denmark at Eurovision in 2013 (for context, that’s the year Emmelie de Forest ended up winning it).
Tim: And I cannot for the life of me understand why we didn’t feature it, because it’s wonderful.
Tom: That’s a brilliant melody in the introduction and chorus — and the final chorus in particular — but I’m not sure about the rest of it. What tips it over to wonderful for you?
Tim: Admittedly I didn’t entirely think that until I checked the lyrics, but it’s basically “who gives a shit if you get knocked down, just get up and keep fighting” – those two main chorus lines are “You have to dance in the rain and never get enough; you must shine in the dark and always rise again”. And that message, with those military drumbeats, those swooshing lights and that wonderful key change are entirely fantastic.
Tom: And it would have been translated into English for the contest, almost certainly. You’re right: in another year, this might have been a serious contender. I mean, apart from the key change. I love it, but it’s pretty clear at this point that Europe doesn’t.
Tim: Obviously, in hindsight it’s clear the Danish populace made the right call, but this is still a blinder.
“As heather and grass plants become older, they become less palatable and less nutritious. The process of burning small areas removes the older growth and allows the plants to regenerate after the burn.”
Tom: You know it’s going to be a Deep, Artistic Album when bands start playing about with the capitalisation of their tracks.
Tim: Very true, and for the agriculturally challenged amongst us, the Game & Wildlife Conservation Trust provides a lengthy explainer. Key sentences: “As heather and grass plants become older, they become less palatable and less nutritious. The process of burning small areas removes the older growth and allows the plants to regenerate after the burn.” Now you know that, here’s the new Pet Shop Boys track.
Tim: Now, I don’t want to be accused of taking anything to seriously or anything, but according to that link heather burning typically happens October to April, with the vast majority of it happening in the spring – any earlier, you see, and the ground is dry and it’s harder to control, so the line ‘autumn is here and they’re burning the heather’ is, well, if not entirely incorrect then certainly dubitable, with its implication that we’re round about late August, early September. I just find it difficult to take seriously, really. Though, seriously, what are those lyrics about?
Tom: I’m not entirely sure, and that “hell for leather” lyric lands like a brick through a window. I’ve said here before that Tennant and Lowe are much better producers and remixers than they are pop songwriters. I don’t mean that as an insult: they’ve written some absolute bangers: It’s A Sin, Left To My Own Devices, New York City Boy, Rent, and, yes, more. Those are all good songs. They have a heck of a Greatest Hits album.
But the big, breakthrough, mainstream, radio-play pop hits, the ones they end the concerts with, are covers: Always On My Mind and Go West.
Tim: Huh, I’d never thought of that before, but you’re right. I’d also add The Pop Kids to that list, though.
Tom: So new Pet Shop Boys music needs to be seen in that light: it’s probably not going to be a Big Radio Smash Hit. But it is probably going to be a good song.
Tim: Fair, and it’s worth noting the music’s not bad. Certainly wasn’t what I expected to hear when I pressed play, mind, but then as soon as Neil’s vocals came along I was very “ah, yep there it is” and it sounded okay.
Tom: Yep. Once you manage your expectations of both music and instruments, this is a decent Pet Shop Boys track.
Tim: Dragged on a bit, though. A little bit.
“The lyric video.”
Tom: We talked yesterday about how terrible lyrics can ruin a song. In this case, it’s not necessarily the lyrics: it’s specifically the lyric video.
Tom: Repeating half of the syllables of a word is an old trick, and there’s nothing actually wrong with it. But somehow, seeing “milli” it written out like that, with emoji flying by because some designer thought “sure, that’s what kids like, that’ll do”? It highlights what is, when I think about it, actually a pretty bad bit of songwriting: there has to be a better, more clever way of fitting that sentiment into that rhythm, and they didn’t.
Tim: Hmm, I don’t know – I don’t really have a problem with that. Sure, it’s not the best lyrical format, not by a long way, but it is standard enough that it doesn’t annoy me. What does get me (and probably wouldn’t have done if you hadn’t pointed out there was something annoying for me to find, so thanks) is the “I’m a call ya”. Now, I don’t know how that’s meant to be spelt – to be honest, I’m not sure there is an official spelling, but I’m almost certain it’s definitely not as two words implying that HRVY is himself an actual verb.
Tom: I mean, the rest of the song’s good enough, the kids’ll probably like it anyway.
Tim: Hell, I even quite like it, which isn’t something I ever thought I’d say about a HRVY song. Still a stupid name, mind.
“This song has, comfortably, the most awful lyrics we’ve featured in a long time.”
Tim: This song has, comfortably, the most awful lyrics we’ve featured in a long time, and I’m assuming you’re already annoyed by them.
Tom: And comparing them to Fletcher’s Undrunk, which I could have sworn we talked about at some point, but apparently not.
Tim: However, I would like you to (at least) try to let them go and just listen to the music.
Tim: Okay so here’s the thing: that’s a good chorus. The verses, sure, they’re fine enough, but the backing and energy that comes along in the chorus really could elevate this song to a higher level.
Tom: Except?
Tim: Except, well, there’s that ‘could’ there, rather than ‘does’. Because GOD, those lyrics. I know normally I’m able to ignore things like this, and that of the two of us I’m less likely to find them annoying, but DAMMIT, they’re just atrocious, and also so pervasive.
Tom: I was almost disagreeing with you — almost — until the words “a hundred of reasons”.
Tim: If it was just one line in the chorus, I might have a better shot. But no – it’s every single line there, and I just can’t get past it. And that really, really sucks. Because it should be a good chorus.