Laleh – Vårens Förster Dag

Let’s watch some kids have fun

Tim: Was there ever an internet meme called ‘Mystic Pony’, or something similar? Because the first three shots of this brought that straight to my mind and it seems a bit odd.

Tom: Charlie the Unicorn? Can’t stand it myself, but that seems the obvious connection. Or Robot Unicorn Attack, which is in the running for “best Flash game ever made”.

Tim: No, neither of them. Oh well, let’s watch some kids have fun on ‘Spring’s First Day’, as the title translates to.

Tim: Right, so once I’d got mystic ponies out of my head that rolling guitar bit came in and I suddenly got excited because it brought a wonderful sensation of ‘something brilliant will soon happen’. And bloody hell, yes it did.

Tom: I’ll agree with that: it’s a fun song, and by the time the second or third chorus rolled around I found myself tapping my foot along. It’s happy and positive and lovely, even if I don’t understand the lyrics.

Tim: Also, and I know you’re a grumpy bastard who doesn’t like kids’ choirs and stuff, but surely even you can’t deny that this video is just utterly lovely. Kids running wild in the woods, dressed up in costumes, with one playing a french horn that is at least 50% too big for him to be able to sensibly handle – it’s all wonderful.

Tom: The song’s lovely. The video… well, the singer’s nice, but the rest just left me a bit cold. But I’m willing to accept that’s a shortcoming of my own brain.

Tim: Could it end at the quiet bit around 3:30 with no-one complaining? Yes. But does the extra minute seem like it’s dragging on? No, not at all. Because this song is, like I said, LOVELY. It’s puts me in the same mindset as the video for Magic did, and that’s high praise indeed.

Aiden Grimshaw – Is This Love

X Factor 2010 – the series that just keeps spewing.

Tim: X Factor 2010 – the series that just keeps spewing.

Tim: You’ve probably lost count by now (I know I had), but a visit to Wikipedia told me that Aiden is the seventh of the sixteen finalists to release solo material.

Tom: Is that all? I’d have expected all of them to at least have tried it.

Tim: No, but I’m fairly sure that’s a record by quite some margin. And if it’s any consolation, they have all tried YOUR MUM. (OH YES – IT’S STILL ON.)

Tom: Damn. We may only have two regular readers, Tim, but at least we rewards them with running jokes.

Tim: Anyway, Aiden was originally my favourite, because for some reason he was the only one who could put proper emotion and feelings into a downbeat song, with some proper SERIOUSFACE going on.* And he’s not really lost that particular talent – he’s looking properly ‘with his thoughts’ in that photo.

Moving on to the music, I like it a lot, mainly for the chorus, because it’s interesting, it’s vibrant and more importantly there is A LOT HAPPENING. The starting build-up, then the falsetto voice and then the backing that all kicks off like nobody’s business – it’s brilliant.

* I got quite annoyed when he got kicked off, as it happens.

Tom: Drum and bass almost seems out-of-date now, what with its younger sibling dubstep coming along to make some noise. It’s an odd choice to pick as a pop single backing, but it works very well.

Tim: Unfortunately, it’s let down by the verses, which just don’t compare at all. That second verse in particular, short as it is, just seems dull and I’m waiting for the next chorus to come along. It’s also a bit weird the way it drifts away after what ought to be the middle eight, but that’s allowed, I suppose, but it’s the verses that turn me from loving it to just liking it.

Tom: I think it works well as a whole: aside from that ending. Maybe I’m just too traditional, but one final BIG CHORUS would have worked for me.

Tim: Well, whatever niggles we may have, there’s a lot of potential there, so let’s hope the next one’s even better, yes?

Бурановские Бабушки – Party For Everybody

I shouldn’t be grinning, but I am.

Tim: So, Russia’s entry, with the performers alternatively spelled Buranovskie Babushki. A quick introduction may be in order, or not actually, as it may spoil it.

Tom: Oh wow.

Tim: My first thoughts? “These old ladies are weird – maybe it’s some sort of concept intro where they’re all the main act’s surviving octogenarian ancestors or somethOH MY GOD THEY’RE THE ACTUAL ACT.”

Tom: I… I shouldn’t be grinning, but I am. It’s brilliant. I almost wish I hadn’t been spoiled for this one, because anyone who isn’t expecting it is going to be wonderfully surprised.

Tim: There are several lovely parts in this performance – the way they keep looking around at each other to check no-one’s collapsed, the bit in the middle eight when they start to advance on the audience not unlike a zombie army and the front row sink back into their seats, though in general it’s just the sight of six old biddies telling us to ‘come on and boom boom.’

Tom: Could do with a key change – that’s not me being facetious, it’s just that the joke does get rather old after two minutes. Lithuania’s We Are The Winners was shorter than regulation and much better for it.

Tim: You’re not wrong there – they could lose a chorus or two somewhere in the middle and no-one would mind too much.

My favourite sight of all, though, is I think the judges’ faces – the one on the left at 1:54ish as he struggles to come to terms with what is actually unfolding before his eyes, and the one at 2:20 when he starts to think they’re closing in on him.

Tom: It’s wonderful. I reckon this could pull a Lordi.

Tim: That could happen – I think it’ll either be that, or a total catastrophe, on a par with Cry Baby, Dustin the Turkey, or aforementioned We Are The Winners. But my money’s on your theory.

Tom: The UK is going to give them at least seven points. The question is whether anyone else will.

Saturday Reject: Yulia Volkova & Dima Bilan – Back To Her Future

A bloke and a bird singing romantic guff.

Tom: A second one from Russia? I hope it’s more exciting than your last choice.

Tim: Her: best known for being the one on the left in t.A.T.u. up until about a year ago.

Tom: The redhead or the… nope. The other one. Okay.

Tim: Him: best known for winning Eurovision 2008 with the rather maligned Believe. As a pair: currently known for coming second in Russia’s selection contest.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCMQZRELgxY

Tom: Oh blimey. It’s not more exciting than your last choice?

Tim: Well, a bloke and a bird singing romantic guff worked for Azerbaijan last year – maybe it’ll work for Russia this year, is presumably what the writers thought.

Tom: I do hope Europe comes out of this love affair with romantic dirges soon, because my word twenty-five tracks like this would make for a dull Eurovision.

Tim: Well, you might be in luck as the voters chose something a bit different, but I’ve mentioned that before so I won’t dwell, aside from pointing out that ‘why didn’t it win?’ is not a sensible place to go.

Tom: Well, I’m looking forward to whatever Russia’s actual entry is. I try to avoid spoilers for Eurovision (I know, that’s a stupid idea, but I stick to it), but it has better be worth all the hype you’re putting into it.

Tim: Well, let’s do it some time this week and you can see. But this one – what’s it like as a song? Well, call me a traditionalist, but a guy and a girl singing together about an unnamed ‘her’ who’s out of his/her life comes across as a bit odd – a tri-amorous relationship, perhaps? Yes, Yulia gets half a verse where she shifts it to him, but that almost makes it stranger still, because now there’s a fourth person involved and its OH SO CONFUSING.

Music’s nice, though.

Tom: Speak for yourself.

The Proclaimers – Spinning Around in the Air

Is it a novelty song?

Tom: Wait, the Proclaimers? Those Proclaimers? Yes. Lead single off their ninth album. The trouble is, no matter whatever they try, after 500 Miles they’re always going to get filed under “novelty song”. And this is…

Tom: …yep, it’s a novelty song.

Tim: You sure about that? They’ll always be ‘those guys that did 500 miles’, but this is a perfectly competent song, no?

Tom: It’s in waltz time. It includes the lyric “let me donate something to a kids’ charity… of your choice”. Sorry, Proclaimers. But with those lyrics, those accents, and that instrumentation… no matter what you’re aiming for, and what your fans think, the rest of the public is going to go – in order – “wait, they’re still going?” and “that’s a novelty song” and “they must be hard up”.

Tim: So you reckon it’s down to public opinion whether a song is a novelty or not?

Tom: Hm. I had to think about that, but yes I do. And songs can move into that category as well, despite being serious when they were released.

Tim: Because I’d disagree – it might get (unfairly) filed under ‘cheese’ by a lot of people, but I think novelty on its own is— actually, I think we’re just getting into semantics here.

Tom: Okay, here’s a definition for you: “for the general public, it’s only going to get played at weddings and kids’ parties”. I’d be surprised if this falls outside that definition.

Tim: It’s probably not what most people would call ‘decent music’ (and by most people I mean the sort of people that generally disagree with us about music), but that doesn’t make it novelty. And now that’s a word that’s started to lose all meaning.

Rebecca Ferguson – Glitter & Gold

A voice right out of Motown.

Tim: SPARKLY!

Tom: No, it’s not a more sparkly cover of Sam Sparro.

Tim: Oh.

Tom: A voice right out of Motown. How many other stars would dare to end a track a capella?

Tim: Off the top of my head, quite a few. But it’s a voice that deserves the attention that provides, I’ll grant you that.

Tom: And wonderfully, this isn’t about sex, or relationships, or the love of money. The key phrase is “take care of your soul”, and the video’s a classy piece about rejecting superficiality. I want this to take the charts by storm. I want this to get to number 1 and, specifically, to beat some look-at-me rap star with an autotuned voice and a fancy Mercedes. It’s lovely.

Tim: Well, news for you: Radio 1 will playlist it, Capital will like it and play it a bit, and it’ll get top 10. Number one? Unlikely, but not impossible. You may get your wish.

Cheryl – Call My Name

We are most definitely entering SUMMER ANTHEM SEASON.

Tim: She toured with some of her former bandmates last year, and there’s an album in the works out in July, but in the meantime, former Record Breakers presenter, multiple UK Eurovision representative and serial skirt remover Cheryl Baker has dropped her surname in a bid to cause the biggest name confusion since that whole One Direction thing kicked off.

Tim: Hmm. Actually not much of a departure from her previous work.

Tom: It’s hardly bubblegum pop or the Land of Make Believe, is it?

Tim: The backing’s gone a bit too far forward for my liking, but on the other hand the voice is familiar, the song structure stacks up nicely and it’s got a decent tune behind it.

Tom: We are most definitely entering SUMMER ANTHEM SEASON.

Tim: I like this quite a lot, as it turns out. Good work Ms Baker.

Tom: Did you know that the front page of the Guinness Book of Records is blank?

Tim: Really.

Tom: A dedication’s what they need.

Tim: There it is.

Tulisa – Young

SUMMER DANCE CHOON season has officially started.

Tom: She’s on a boat! She’s on a boat! Everybody look at her, ‘cos she’s sailing on a boat!

Tim: She’s also breaking into hotel rooms, stealing dogs, burning cars and vandalising works of art.

Tom: Okay, the SUMMER DANCE CHOON season has officially started. Easy lyrics, simple chord progressions, and a video featuring impossibly airbrushed people being jerks in a tropical location.

Tim: Right – you hold her down, I’ll call the police.

Tom: It’s a good track, it’ll be in every club for the next few months, and unusually for the genre, it’s not about relationships, sex, money or bragging.

Tim: Hmm. I was going to say something about how being a young insufferable arsehole is also a tad familiar, but while searching for that I found this brilliant/appalling piece of tripe, which I’d temporarily like to distract you with.

Tom: Oh my word. That basically is 1990s Eurodance in one single video, isn’t it?

Tim: Following that, though, my thoughts on this: good? Meh. Average? Closer. Yes, in every club, and that’s just something I’ll have to put up with, I suppose.

Tom: The second time I listened to this, by the way, it started to annoy me a bit. I foresee full-blown grumbling irritation when I hear it in a couple of months. Oh, and I’ll leave the sex-tape jokes to you.

Tim: Come on man, move on – everyone’s talking about that other one now. Or they will be when I’ve uploaded it.

Tom: Speaking of which, how is your mum?

Tim: Oh. Oh, wow. That is…that is…oh, man, it is on. It. is. ON.

Awake – Lights On

I could listen to that melody for quite some time without complaining.

Tim: So, here’s a debut single from a couple of Swedish folk.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=dSO9NQ1YDFo

Tim: This one’s interesting, as far as I’m concerned. It starts of slow, a vocal builds up nicely, and then at 1:14 the beat drops in and it all gets going nicely. Very nicely, in fact, and I could listen to that melody for quite some time without complaining.

Tom: Ooh, that has a Proper Drop. Late enough to be needed, early enough not to get boring.

Tim: Except then, a minute later, it all gets going again with a much more emphasised vocal and it goes from ‘nicely’ to ‘very well indeed’, I think.

Tom: Agreed. I don’t think we’ve ever had a track on here that even tries to pull that off, let alone do it successfully. It does mean there’s no real middle-eight, but I can live with that.

Tim: Not sure what the ending’s all about, though, but if it happens to be an extract from their next track (this one’s out next month, by the way) then I’m looking forward to that as well.

Saturday Reject: Reidun Sæther – High On Love

LOOK AT THIS THIS IS WHEN YOU GET EXCITED YOU MUST EXPLODE WITH JOY

Tim: You’ve been to Norway, Tom – tell me, do they have a problem recognising key changes?

Tom: Not in my experience, but then my one time in a late-night club there mostly included regular US and British pop music, sadly.

Tim: Oh, shame. Well, anyway, we all know that excessive stage effects at the key change are nothing new in Eurovision (I love that one so much, I really do), but the multitude of massive spark fountains we have here seems to be saying “LOOK AT THIS THIS IS WHEN YOU GET EXCITED YOU MUST EXPLODE WITH JOY”. In fairness, it works—

Tom: Do you need a moment to clean up?

Tim: No, I pretty much contained myself—and adds even more to what is already a beauty of a key change.

Tom: It’s telegraphed way in advance, it’s got the proper ramp-up… but is it me, or does she miss that first note? That’s the trouble with carrying a key change just on voice.

Tim: Hmm – not quite sure. Having spent five minutes comparing this and the studio version, I can confidently state that there is a *very slight* difference – whether that counts as missing it entirely would be a judgment call. Still, it’s a cracking tune, and let’s be honest – it has everything a good piece of Eurovision pop should have, including lots of lengthy vocal howling (can’t think of a better word right now), a decent beat throughout, the aforementioned key change and spark fountain and fantastic use of the wind machine. I think in a general year, it could have worked, though to be honest I wouldn’t want to go head to head with Russia’s grannies with this.

Tom: I honestly think the grannies could take it.