Saturday Flashback: Aqua – Spin Me A Christmas

Proper old-school.

Tim: One more Christmas song for you. And since it’s Christmas Eve, how about we make it a good one?

Tom: Wait, hang on – an Aqua single I haven’t heard of? Blimey. This should be… interesting.

Tom: Ah, “Presented in AquaScope” with a drum roll! Proper old-school.

Tim: Ahem, I think you mean ‘old-skool’. It was a sort of toe-dipping in the waters of a reunion, and it seemed to do the trick. The regurgitating of the Coca-Cola/red Santa always annoys me, but René’s portrayal of a drunken Santa stumbling into his igloo does somewhat make up for that…

Tom: When the other three arrived in the first scenes of the video, I thought “where’s René?”, and then immediately thought “wait, he’ll be playing Santa, of course”.

Tim: …as do the other lyrics such as ‘all the dreams of white Christmas are getting you wet’.

Tom: “Are you ready to get stuffed like a turkey” is in there somewhere too, as well.

Tim: And “this is the season where the Wham! song damages your head” – somewhat unfair, but also somewhat true.

Tom: And this isn’t a bad track, actually – if it wasn’t a novelty Christmas song, this’d be a fairly solid Aqua single on its own.

The Storm – My Crown

How do you fancy a sort of rock/schlager blend?

Tim: So, how do you fancy a sort of rock/schlager blend?

Tom: What, like Goldschlager?

Tim: Oh, Christ.

Tom: Yeah, sorry, my puns have been disappointing lately.

Tom: The introduction kicked in, and I thought “well, that’s OK”. Then the second introduction kicked in, and I thought “that’s excellent”. The chorus is great, the verse not so much.

Tim: Well, in my view, this is pretty good all over. It’s not perfect – could probably do with cutting thirty seconds or so, and I’d prefer it didn’t have a fade-out ending – but these negative points are outweighed by the good, which include, well, the rest of it, really.

Tom: Agreed. It almost sounds like a rockier version of ABBA.

Tim: One of the nice things is the way the intro gives no clue as to the rest of the track – that bass line really doesn’t sound like much like the rest of it, which is poppier even though there’s still quite a lot of melancholiness there. The piano/guitar/other stuff instrumentation all goes along nicely, and the tone of the vocals is ever so slightly disturbing. And that’s a good thing, I think.

Mylène Farmer – Du Temps

“Remember Lonely Lisa? It’s like that.”

Tom: “She’s just released her second best-of album,” says reader Alex, “and this is the single from it. Remember Lonely Lisa? It’s like that.”

And that’s the way it is.

Tom: This has some proper old-school Eurodance-type backing to it, which makes me like it immediately.

Tim: It really does, doesn’t it?

Tom: And just as it seems to be going on a bit too long, we get a proper middle eight, followed by what Alex describes as “a KEY CHANGE MOMENT”. And what a key change moment it is.

Tim: Ooh, that’s great. Man, why doesn’t every dance track do that? Because it doesn’t sound forced, or just like it’s there to liven up a tired tune – it actually really works.

Tom: In summary: yes.

Tim: Yes. But no to that weird image just after two minutes in, because that’s just disturbing.

Tom: Fan videos: you never know what you’re going to get.

Sub Focus – Falling Down

“Help me, Tim. I’m appreciating dubstep.”

Tom: Help me, Tim. I’m appreciating dubstep.

Tom: I heard this on Zane Lowe’s Radio 1 show last week, and… well, I can’t explain it.

Tim: Well, I’m a minute and twenty seconds in and so far I think it’s gr- oh, hang on.

Tom: I thought I couldn’t stand dubstep – but somehow, as it’s started to cross over into the mainstream, it’s wormed its way into my head. It’s started to mutate into this kind of pop-dubstep thing that maintains that bass wub wub wub while not completely alienating the public at large.

Tim: Well, the standard dance stuff that’s more than a tad reminiscent of Pjanoo is okay – but those two sections where it all breaks down are just, well, pretty dire.

Tom: Yes, a couple of those wub wub wubs are absolutely ridiculous (the ones that sound like Elmer Fudd stuttering), but setting those aside it’s somehow listenable.

Tim: Okay, main question: what have you done with my Tom Scott? And what are you demanding for his return? I’ll go up to fifty pence, but after that you can keep him.

Tom: What’s wrong with me?

Tim: I don’t know, but I might me persuaded to go up to sixty if you only torture him a little bit.

Enrique Iglesias feat. Pitbull & The WAV.S – I Like How It Feels

That’s a smiley song if ever there was one.

Tim: There is a proper video of this, but it’s a six-minute palaver of faffery with no real added benefit.

Tom: There’s an innuendo in that last sentence somewhere, I’m sure.

Tim: No, I’ve given up on innuendo. Instead, I’ve started inserting the occasional vaguely rude word in the middle of sentences at random.

Tom: This should be fun.

Tom: Well, that’s a smiley song if ever there was one.

Tim: Isn’t it? Chirpy. Upbeat. Happy. Whistly. A repetitive PENIS message. Some surprisingly not particularly annoying rapping. I’m feeling good. You’re feeling good. Life is, basically, good. Feeling down? Stop it. You BREASTS shouldn’t.

Tom: Subtle.

Tim: This is a song with a message, and it conveys it nicely. Love it.

Tom: It sounds like a World Cup song, doesn’t it? With the crowd chanting in the background and everything. Could use a bit more tempo or a bit more bass, I reckon – after two minutes, I thought it was ready to end – but it’s nice enough.

Tim: As it happens, it sort of reminds me of another song, more in the general FORNICATION mood than the tune.

Tom: “Fornication”? Really? Anyway, what’s this other song?

Tim: That song is the equally chirpy, upbeat, happy and whistly You’re My Mate. Blimey, that’s ten years old now.

Tom: And Pitbull does look just a bit like Richard Fairbrass. (whistles) Taxi!

Saturday Flashback: Santa Quest – Santa’s A Scotsman

“Ridiculous? Or brilliant? I think brilliant.”

Tom: There are at least two things in this track that you’ll love, Tim. And I’ve got to say – even as someone who doesn’t like novelty Christmas songs, this still made me smile.

Tom: The first one is, of course, the ridiculous “Scotland The Brave” guitar solo.

Tim: Ridiculous? Or brilliant? I think brilliant.

Tom: The second…

Tim: Really is quite something.

Tom: …it is a brilliant key change, isn’t it? It’s got a Proper Outro as well, which I always appreciate.

Tim: They are good, aren’t they? Also with a Proper Outro is Westlife’s Queen Of My Heart, which also has some lovely festive-sounding chiming bells. I mention this purely because for no apparent reason whatsoever I’ve recently fallen in love with it.

Tom: Bit of a history to this one: Radio 2’s Ken Bruce took it on himself to promote it when it came out five years ago, and has played it once a year ever since. And BBC Scotland briefly banned it for its negative stereotypes of Scotsmen (“loved everywhere he goes?”).

Tim: I’m guessing “too many pies, not enough exercise”.

Tom: Despite all that: it’s got quite a bit of traction Up North, apparently.

Tim: Good. And why shouldn’t it? Aside from the previously mentioned negative stereotypes, I suppose.

Tom: They’ve since tried to create a dodgy sequel. But nothing can really take away from that guitar solo and key change, can it?

Tim: Really not, no. That one also has a weirdly buff-looking Santa, who with his coat open looks more like a Ken doll than your average boyo from the valleys.

DJs From Mars feat. Fragma – Insane (In Da Brain)

Pretty much just hums along in the background.

Tom: My word, Fragma’s still releasing tracks? I was fairly sure that it’d be over for her by now. Well done her.

Tim: The video’s been around a couple of months, but we’re now getting a proper release. Well, according to stuff their record label sends out; it’s been available to buy on iTunes since the end of September.

ANYWAY, that’s not important. What is important is this video. Tell me, Tom, how do you rate your knowledge of popular music videos in general?

Tom: Well, not bad.

Tim: And now?

Tom: Not quite good enough.

Tim: Let’s be honest: the music pretty much just hums along in the background for most of that, because there isn’t really much to the verses, and the video’s far too interesting for that to matter.

Tom: I got a lot of those references – even the view from the train window – but I suspect about half of them were lost on me.

Tim: Having said that about the music, though – every now and again, when Kylie or Lady Gaga comes along, that chorus appears, and you realise that it’s a bloody brilliant chorus. Then there’s the second key-shifted part of the chorus with Rihanna or Britney, and it’s even better. And when it drops back to the verse? Well, you just concentrate on the video again.

Tom: I tried listening to it without the video. It wasn’t really worth it.

Tim: Perhaps not. But as a musical accompaniment to the video, I think it’s great.

Donkeyboy – City Boy

It’s got a bit of Röyksopp about it.

Tim: See? I said we’d have more of them soon.

Tom: You promised, you delivered.

Tim: Have I ever let you down?

Tim: This has been around a few weeks now, but it’s only just here because, well, I’ve only just started liking it.

Tom: Well, I took to it straight away – it’s got a bit of Röyksopp about it, and that’s generally a good thing.

Tim: I’m not sure why it took a while for me to get on with it – the overly synthesised vocals, probably, and while they still grate a bit the rest of it more or less much makes up for them. The underlying musicy stuff is pretty good – nice tune, decent dancey beat, if that’s your sort of thing, which it should be and all that – and while it’s not quite as good as Ambitions, it’s more than a match for their other bit hit Sometimes (which was only kept off the top spot in Norway’s charts by, um, Ambitions).

Tom: Look, I just have one problem with this song, and it’s an awkward one. I hate to agree with YouTube comments, but it really doesn’t sound like he’s singing “eagle”. Or even “ego”. Or whatever it’s meant to be. It sounds – and at this point I’m required by dint of social awkwardness to lower my voice to a whisper – a bit racist.

Tim: You know, I didn’t hear that at all, until you pointed it out, at least. Still sounds alright to me, though. As for the video, well, that’s just a load and a half of WTFery, but it’s also jolly good fun so let’s go with it.

Diana Vickers – Music To Make The Boys Cry

Slightly rude sentiment in the title.

Tim: Slightly rude sentiment in the title, but other than that, well, just have a listen.

Tom: That’s the most 80s start to a pop song I’ve heard in a while.

Tim: Isn’t that fantastic? She got ditched by RCA after her first album, apparently as a result of directional differences blah, and if this does anywhere near as well as it deserves to they’ll have made a bit of a cock-up, really. In other technical details, it’s been produced in conjunction with Norwegian electronic act Donkeyboy (them who did the original of Joe McElderry’s very good track Ambitions, and of whom more soon), and any influences they’ve had have almost certainly been a very good thing.

So, the track itself: well, as I said, fantastic.

Tom: And that’s where we disagree.

Tim: Seriously? It’s got a great underlying electrobass line, brilliant vocals, verses that stroll along nicely and a chorus that goes from strolling to skipping around the fields in a nice jumpy fashion.

Tom: I agree that the chorus is lovely, and that the whole song’s generically pleasant, and that she’s got a lovely voice… but it’s like it never really takes off. The final chorus almost saves it, but I wouldn’t go so far as fantastic. It’s… nice.

Tim: More than that. And as for the lyrics: well, I myself am not crying, but at a recent funeral I discovered I am in fact an emotional robot, so I won’t let that bother me. Finally, the best thing of all? It’s an actual free download, which you can get for yourself here.

The Wanted – Warzone

This time, their PIANO is ON FIRE.

Tom: Cue the overly masculine video: The Wanted are back.

Tim: Anecdote of the day: found out recently I work with a bloke who does quite a lot of music video shooting. Turns out that we’re not the only ones who find the overt manliness of The Wanted’s efforts somewhat laughable. Or, in fact, that The Collective was a bloody awful excuse for a charity single.

Tom: And this time, their PIANO is ON FIRE.

Tom: Literally, I mean. There’s a piano on fire.

Tim: Brilliant.

Tom: And they seem to have got a bit of an orchestral backing to this one – and dubstep! There’s an unmistakable WUB WUB WUB being put in there – it’s not strong, but it’s another sign of how mainstream that style’s going.

Tim: Oh yeah. And this is a great track – certainly one of the best on the album. Mainly because of the way it all works so well when it’s together – the dupsteppy bits, the strings – shouldn’t work in theory, totally does.

Tom: Is it me, though, or is there some rather obvious autotune in places? The “shoulda known” at 0:52, for example.

Tim: Of course there is. You’ve got dubstep, you might as well throw a bit of robo-voice on there to add something else.