William Shatner feat. Rick Wakeman – O Come, O Come Emmanuel

“We are BACK, it is DECEMBER, and so it is high time for the annual game of ‘Can We Get Tom Feeling Festive?’.”

Tom: Apologies for the delay in service here, folks, my laptop died and I had to wait for a repair.

Tim: We are BACK, it is DECEMBER, and so it is high time for the annual game of ‘Can We Get Tom Feeling Festive?’.

Tom: For our new reader: this is a game that Tim tries every year and which my Grinch-like self increasingly regrets, as a parade of cash-in Christmas albums goes past. THAT SAID: from the title alone, Tim, this is a strong start.

Tim: To kick us off, well. I don’t know how it’s taken William Shatner until now to release a Christmas album. I also don’t really know how well ‘Shatner Claus’ works as an album title, but there it is anyway. A load of tracks, mostly each featuring a slightly well known musician. This one in particular caught my eye simply because I couldn’t quite imagine what Mr Shatner’s voice could bring to this typically quite reserved hymn.

Tim: And you know what? It doesn’t sound too awful.

Tom: I mean, “doesn’t sound too awful” is a low bar to clear. And I say this as someone who genuinely, unironically enjoys Shatner’s cover of Common People. You’re going to need to elaborate on that.

Tim: The opening instrumentation sounds about right, with his voice working as an admittedly somewhat peculiar narration, and whoever the anonymous female vocalist is, she can clearly pull it off. Slightly let down by his speaking over the chorus, and him talking ominously about Satan and hell gives a vibe that’s more comedic than festive, but I can’t deny that Rick Wakeman’s keyboarding sounds very good, and by the end of it all I’m almost just impressed that it’s all holding together.

Tom: It does just about hold together! That is… not actually an endorsement though?

Tim: If you want to check out more of his festive work (and you really really should), have some recommendations: Little Drummer Boy was almost featured instead of this, because it’s a lot of fun.

Tom: I just listened to that as a comparison, and… no. No, that’s even worse.

Tim: There’s a weirdly almost ska version of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer; the punk version of Jingle Bells is…worth checking out; and his rendition of Feliz Navidad is exactly as you would imagine it to be.

Charli XCX & Troye Sivan – 1999

Tim: Charli XCX, creator of fine pop music. Troye Sivan, likewise. Should be a good song, then, as long was you’re up for some nostalgia?

Tim: And actually, despite a rocky start which was getting me all ready to be disappointed, I got on bored fairly soon. I think it was the first ‘ooooh’ that made it – although the backing didn’t get any less brash, it did provide a slightly gentle jumping on point, and from then on I could absolutely cope with it. Not going to come out and say I actively like it, mind – I’m all for a bit of nostalgia, but however much of a state we might be right now, things are definitely better overall – but musically at least, I can deal with it.

Keala Settle, Kesha & Missy Elliott – This Is Me

“This… is not an improvement”

Tim: So here’s a fun thing: since The Greatest Showman is so brilliant, and the soundtrack is still an amazing album, they’ve done a new version of it, getting big name artists to do their own versions of the songs, and called it The Greatest Showman: Reimagined. Some of them sound basically identical; some are considerably less good; there’s also this. (You may want to reacquaint yourself with the original first.)

Tom: I remember describing the original as “so polished you could slip on it and crack your head”. And this… is not an improvement, I don’t think?

Tim: Me neither. It took me by surprise when I was just listening to the album, as I’m sure you’d expect, and to be honest I really don’t know how well it works. I certainly get what they were going for, but is it just me, or does the rapping hang around for too long? The second part works a little bit better, because halfway through you’ve got some backing vocals coming in halfway through, but I can’t help feeling this might be a little bit improved with that first part only lasting half as long.

Tom: Possibly, but if you’re going to get actual Missy Elliott in to be on the track, you want to get your money’s worth.

Tim: Fair, but at least chop it in two, and put the second half after the first chorus – as it is, coming right at the beginning after a very short intro and with no indicator when it might stop, it just seems to drag a bit, before the meat of the song comes along. Just me?

Tom: Not just you.

Brother Leo – Push Up

“Look, love, I know you’re interested, so do you wanna just get over here or what?”

Tim: “Look, love, I know you’re interested, so do you wanna just get over here or what?”

Tom: This sounds like an interesting track.

Tom: Well, that sounds uncomfortably like Blurred Lines in places, doesn’t it? I mean, not in the message, thankfully, but it feels like there’s at least a little inspiration there. Or at least, the same inspiration that Blurred Lines got sued for.

Tim: Yeah, and it’s not often I find myself really, really liking this genre of music. The funky, soul type stuff (which is apparently what this is inspired by) has never really got me going much, and I downright hated Blurred Lines. Every now and again, though, a track like this will come along that I just really enjoy, and think “ooh, this is fun”. Because it is, isn’t it? The message in the lyrics and the video both help a lot, I think, adding to the fun vibe that it’s got going on throughout, and all round it’s just pretty…nice.

Tom: “Nice” can be damning with faint praise. For me, it is: there’s a lot to like here, it’s just not quite my cup of tea. You sure you want to go with “nice”?

Tim: Oh, well not when you put it like that. Better than nice. Certainly relistenable.

Emma Steinbakken – Not Gonna Cry

“It’s Big Heavy Instrumentation and a really, really good voice.”

Tim: She’s Norwegian, she’s 15 years old, and– actually, here’s something I’ve never thought to ask before: how do young kids like this end up making music? Do they wander up to a record label’s A&R office and start warbling, or do talent scouts go to school performances and stuff, or what? Because both of those seem really quite weird and/or creepy.

Tom: These days, YouTube, I guess? Other than that, probably pushy parents.

Tim: Hmm, maybe. Anyway, here’s Emma, with some upsettingly rude language coming from someone so young.

Tom: You’re right that this sounds like a song that’s too old for a 15-year-old. But leaving that aside: I like that, for the same reasons that I liked Astrid S’s Emotion a few weeks back. It’s Big Heavy Instrumentation and a really, really good voice. Whatever this genre’s called, it works for me.

Tim: So here’s the thing: I get this song. I appreciate, and I understand what’s good about it – it’s intense in the heavy parts and it’s vulnerable in the quiet parts, the vocals are on point and, as you say, the Big Heavy Instrumentation all works well. But…I don’t really like it. Bits of it I like, and there’s a lot I’m impressed by. There’s just, no compulsion to hit that replay button.

Tom: And there’s the problem. Because as ever, my tests for pop music are: can I hum the chorus after one listen? Do I want to replay it? For this song, it’s a no to both — which is a shame because while it was playing, I thought it was great.

Tim: Shame, really, as I’d like to like it. Oh, well, maybe next time.

Saturday Flashback: Helene Fischer – Atemlos durch die Nacht

“Anyone who describes it as even slightly awful really needs to go and get their ears cleaned out.”

Tim: It emerged this week that Helene Fischer is, in cash terms, the eighth most successful female artist in the world, and so quite naturally someone in the Guardian wrote about her, and schlager in general, and described the music as ‘frankly awful’. Fortunately, we’re here to say: bollocks to that.

Tom: That is… okay, it’s not ‘frankly awful’, but I’m not going to rate it above ‘okay’. Is that a new one?

Tim: That’s Helene’s most successful song, from 2013, and anyone who describes it as even slightly awful really needs to go and get their ears cleaned out. The title translates as Breathless Through The Night, and it’s about having the most amazing night out with someone, staying right up through till sunrise, being inseparable and immortal and just having one hell of a good time.

Tom: I’ll grant you that, by the last chorus, I was on board with it (well done to whoever added that whoop at 2:24). It’s good! It’s above average, even! But I’m baffled as to why it’s the most popular song of the eighth-most-moneyed female artist.

Tim: And if this was playing on my night out? I would be absolutely right there with Helene. Let’s be honest, anyone who doesn’t appreciate that deserves to be pitied more than anything else. Because it’s FABULOUS.

Benjamin – Juon sut pois

“He’s not taking his breakup very well. At all.”

Tim: Benjamin is…well, let’s just say he’s not taking his breakup very well. At all. (Video gets a bit disturbing at the end, you can stop it once the music’s finished.)

Tom: All that effort, all that long take, all that ruining his hair, and someone leaves “.mp4” in the video when they upload it. I mean, yes, that’s clearly a big emotional cathartic moment, but “.mp4”? Really? Anyway, yeah, the song. Big emotions, I guess?

Tim: He’s screwed up, he’s saying he’s sorry, but she ain’t having any of it, so naturally he’s wraping himself up in cling film and getting rid of his lovely hair, because what else is there to do? For all the unnecessary drama of the video, though, this is actually a track I can get on board with. Even without that video, the chorus still has a lot of emotional baggage with it, which depending on my mood may well get me shouting out and singing along.

Tom: It’s a good chorus, you’re right! Although I’m not sure how you’re singing along.

Tim: It is a bit tricky with it being in Finnish, I’ll grant you, but I’ll go with poison and pretty much get the same idea. Hefty music, hefty vocals, hefty song. I like it.

Andreas Wijk – NuMb ❄︎

“I’m really happy for you! Guess what!”

Tom: Our first emoji in a title! I wondered how long it’d be.

Tim: Yeah – I don’t know why there’s a snowflake in the title of this song, not do I know why it’s not on the artwork but is on everything else to do with the song. Probably for the same reason the M is capitalised; again, though, no idea. Shall we have a listen anyway?

Tom: I bet it’s less exciting than the emoji in the title.

Tim: Now, I don’t know exactly how to describe the type of chorus that this is that I quite like – the male vocal that’s partly shouty but still with enough non-shoutiness to convey proper emotion. It’s on display here, and also, taking one example that springs to mind, Oscar Zia’s Human from a couple of years back. Perhaps an acquired taste, but when it’s done properly it just seems to do it for me.

Tom: I’m really happy for you! Guess what!

Tim: It doesn’t do it for you?

Tom: It doesn’t do anything for me, and I’m wondering if my ears are burnt out or something. So many pop tracks, so few that actually make me sit up and listen.

Tim: That’s a shame, because here I’m happy to say that it is done properly, and it does do it for me – and that that pretty much infects the rest of the song, providing an enjoyable voice and an overall decent song. Still don’t get the snowflake, mind, but I’ll let it pass.

Hanne Leland – Underdogs

“LOSERS UNITE!”

Tim: Our reader Bjørnar sends this in for our consideration, Hanne’s latest, with a nice inspiring message for all the sad losers out there. According to Hanne it started out life as a piano ballad, which is a version I’d be interested in hearing because the final version…really isn’t.

Tom: Yeah, those synths in the intro are about as far from piano ballad as you can get.

Tim: So, first listen, I didn’t really get into it until a minute twenty, the first time the chorus kicked in properly – before then, it was too calm, there was nothing to really get my teeth into. Then the backing vocals came in, though, it got a nice hook going on, and then that lovely “oh this will unite us” post-chorus comes along.

Tom: That is definitely the highlight of the track.

Tim: The whole thing becomes absolutely fabulous, to the extent that I can throw off the slight amount of negativity I instinctively felt with the twee “we’re all special, yeah, even you guys” message (though apparently the lyrics are “really close to my heart”, so let’s not be too dismissive). Second around and beyond – that first chorus brings back that hook, and it’s great. LOSERS UNITE!

Tom: AT LEAST FOR THE POST-CHORUS because the rest isn’t that much to write home about and “we’re the underdogs” gets a bit tedious a bit quickly sorry

MØ – Blur

“Yesterday pan pipes; today, what sound disturbingly like bagpipes.”

Tim: Yesterday pan pipes; today, what sound disturbingly like bagpipes.

Tom: That is a bagpipe sample, isn’t it? Or something very close. That’s brave, but not as brave as pan pipes. Side note: if you’re doing a lyric video, you don’t need an actual video. That’s… not the point.

Tim: Apparently it’s about “feeling creatively and artistically lost in the city of all great opportunities, Los Angeles”, which I don’t really get at all but never mind because the song’s a bit of alright really. A tad harsh sounding, perhaps, in every aspect – with the vocal with all the processing on it and instruments like that post-chorus, I’m not sure there’s anything we could describe as gentle here – but I think it comes together well.

Tom: Again: I’m just not sold on the chorus. The instrumentation doesn’t work for me, the melody just sounds unpleasant to my ears. Unfortunately, there’s not even a solid verse to rescue it. Nope: this isn’t for me, but I guess you’re a bit more enthusiastic.

Tim: Probably won’t become a regular listen, mind, but it sounds good right now.