Jessica Andersson – Party Voice

“And to think they worried schlager was dead…”

Tim: Following yesterday’s mess, allow me to reassure you with this. It’s been fifteen years since she represented Sweden at Eurovision, as part of the duo Fame with the still outstanding Give Me Your Love; let’s have another go, presumably went the logic. And to think they worried schlager was dead…

Tim: And THAT right there is what a 2018 schlager diva looks like. Modern enough that it gets the votes (going direct to the final from its heat), which sadly leaves us without a key change, but still bringing enough of the tropes that every single one of her early ’00s fans will love it.

Because really, what is there not to love? For starters, it’s ALL ABOUT PARTYING and GOING NUTS, like so many of the best songs. There’s pink, there’s an enormous pretend mirrorball at the back, and there are backing dancers throwing their hands around in the full and certain knowledge that they are FABULOUS.

Tom: They are, but whoever did the live mixing for this had some problems. The vocals are buried in the mix, and that combined with her vocal quality means that she sounds a bit strained. She’s probably not — but that doesn’t matter when you’ve got one chance to impress everyone. Plus, good luck with getting those vocal samples past the Eurovision rules.

Tim: You say that, but with currently musical trends that’s a rule in dire need of revision, as a trip to Norway’s post chorus last year will demonstrate.

I will say that the ‘dance like a mother’ line does stand out a bit – I’m guessing they were going for being a bit cheeky, but without that immediate thought it just sounds really weird. Like, what does it even mean?

Tom: Yep, I was going to point that out. I think I know what they were aiming for, but… well, they missed.

Tim: Other than that: GLORIOUS.

Tom: IT’S OKAY I GUESS.

Samir & Viktor – Shuffla

“I have to admire Samir and Viktor’s tenacity. They keep coming back, and they keep not quite making it.”

Tim: On Saturday night Sweden chose, for the second year running, to send a not-quite-as-good-as-Justin-Timberlake Justin Timberlake song, which we needn’t bother with, and so for the second year running will probably end up easily in the top 10 but not actually win. Doesn’t mean we can’t take a look at some of the other finalists, though. Shall we?

Tom: All right: let’s kick off the Week of Swedish Rejects! And I have to admire Samir and Viktor’s tenacity. They keep coming back, and they keep not quite making it.

Tom: That is exactly as shuffle-dancey as I thought it was going to be. And about as well sung.

Tim: It’s not the best song – it’s not even the best Samir & Victor song, and it certainly wasn’t the best song last night. It was, however, the song that the UK jury chose to award its full twelve points to, and I’m absolutely baffled.

Tom: It’s very much in the Mr Saxobeat style, isn’t it? I don’t think that’s a compliment.

Tim: This may be harsher than it needs to be, but I honestly can’t see any attraction to this, beyond it being a fairly good advert for fake tan? It kind of feels like they’re going for a Gangnam Style-esque number, in a ‘here is a dance thing, and this is how you dance to it’ sort of way, except that was kind of a fluke and this doesn’t really have any charm to it at all.

Tom: Or ‘Party Rock Anthem’, with the whole shuffling thing. It’s just, well, it’s not that good.

Tim: Hmm. In hindsight, probably not the best song to start the week off with. There’s better stuff coming, I promise.

Saturday Reject: voXXclub – I mog Di so

“There’s a Schuhplattler! There’s Alpine music! There’s what seems to be an accordion-based dubstep-esque breakdown!”

Tim: Germany had a pretty good showing this year (I’m thinking that next year I might rate each country by their ratio of “songs I would choose to hear” to “songs that make three minutes feel like a decade” – here we had two thirds good, slightly beating Denmark’s 60%).

Tom: I loved Germany’s song last year, but it finished nearly last.

Tim: I loved it to, but to be fair, it was basically Titanium, so it was hardly going to win votes. Still, that is a tragic table.

Tom: I don’t hold out much hope either way — what did they throw away?

Tim: This song never stood much of a chance with juries involved, but you know how we all loved Busted back in the day because they were basically just three lads having the time of their lives?

Tom: Oh boy.

Tom: Hahahahaha that’s incredible and ridiculous and I love it. And, clearly, so do they.

Tim: Oh, yes. To start with, the music put me off a bit, but the lighting kept me watching because I’m me, and then it went big and I liked the music and also the new lighting, and then the chorus happened and I burst out laughing and I was hooked. The song is utterly glorious. Lyrically the song is, well, “you’re perfect like this” and it’s not hugely complex, though it does involve brief instructions for dancing the tango, and education’s always nice.

Tom: There’s a Schuhplattler! There’s Alpine music! There’s what seems to be an accordion-based dubstep-esque breakdown! They’re… Tim, they’re doing the German version of Electro Velvet.

Tim: Oh, that sounds harsher that I’m fairly sure you meant – though, in terms of just plain bonkers, it’s kinds of matches up. I was somewhat surprised to find out that these guys are a semi-serious established band, as they very much have the air of a few guys who got pissed one evening and thought “hey, this’d be fun”; on the other hand, they do look like they are there to have fun and to make everybody else have fun as well. Because deep down, we are all that guy in the red T-shirt.

Tom: And perfect like this.

Nik P. – Im Fieber der Nacht

“A kind of dancepop uncanny valley“

Tim: We’ve featured Nik P. a few times before, more often than not when he’s collaborated with DJ Ötzi.

Tom: Two days of German dancepop! You spoil me.

Tim: What can I say, I’m feeling generous. Here’s his new one, and I have thoughts.

Tom: I’m not entirely convinced by this, because — although it’s buried in the mix — all I can hear in the chorus is the constant “buhh buhh buhh buhh” one-note synth in the background. Unlike yesterday’s glorious track, which accepted the inherent cheesiness (of both itself, and its genre), this isn’t quite respectable, and it isn’t quite schlager. It lands in a kind of dancepop uncanny valley, where “it’s a grooving crowd” just doesn’t sound right.

Tim: You know, ‘buried in the mix’ kind of leads me to my issue. See, I will never turn down a track like this – I love the genre, and even if it’s only a 5/10 I’ll stick it in a playlist and listen to it happily. Except – and this is going to sound horrible – I’m not sure the voice works here. It’s – and again, I hate saying this – too old. Too croaky, it’s seen too much through the years. By all means, Nik P., please do keep making the music; just maybe get a featured singer instead?

Tom: Nope, I’d say completely the other way round. I have no problem with this voice: I just think the production could use being… well, either less modern or more modern. Pick one.

Matthias Reim – Himmel voller Geigen

“When we started a blog called Europlop, Tim, THIS is exactly what I wanted us to cover.”

Tim: Matthias, known largely in Germany for his 1990 hit “Verdammt, ich lieb’ dich” and more recently his 2013 track “Unendlich“. He’s had many other tracks, before and since, though, and here’s his latest, which translates as “Sky Full of Violins”.

Tom: I just listened to the 1990 hit there, and I am ON BOARD with this. That is PROPER 90s German dancepop, and I want to see how that style translates into this century.

Tom: I actually said “oh yes” out loud on those opening notes. The chorus did EXACTLY what I want it to. When we started a blog called Europlop, Tim, THIS is exactly what I wanted us to cover.

Tim: Chorus: “Just because of you, my sky is full of violins, and they play my favourite song every day; just because you’re here I can live my life again, it’s just great that you’re here.” Isn’t that nice? I say nice, it’s actually a bit of a sad song: it’s sung about his new housemate he’s got a massive thing for (hur) but just can’t bring himself to speak to, in case she laughs in his face.

Tom: Agh, well it can’t be perfect. (And, musically, the post-chorus is the one thing here that really doesn’t work for me, but I can live with it.)

Tim: The feelings are nice, though, so GO ON, MATTHIAS. If you don’t ask, you’ll never get.

Additional: top marks to whoever made the lyric video for advertising his album during the instrumental – now I’ve seen it, I’m actually surprised I’ve never seen it before.

Tom: POWER BALLAD GUITAR SOLO. I LOVE THIS SONG.

Miriam Bryant – Black Car

“Is she bathing in Bovril? I think she’s bathing in Bovril.”

Tim: You might have heard this before, as it was first released a couple of years ago, when it was very successful in Sweden, and won an award and everything. Bored of just being popular in Sweden, though, Miriam wants to go international and has chosen this to launch herself, bringing a fancy video along for the ride.

Tom: Is she bathing in Bovril? I think she’s bathing in Bovril.

Tim: Blimey, you must like your Bovril thick. Anyway, the titular black car is meant to represent “the place we met – the club we always go back to and where we had our first kiss”; I don’t quite get that myself, particularly not the way she’s smashing it up and burning it in the video, but I guess it’s her song so she gets to decide.

Tom: Anyway, that sounds like a lot of modern indie music. Switch the vocalist for someone with a northern British accent and you’ve basically got half the line-up for Glastonbury.

Tim: Yes, and I guess that might be why I like it – it seems immediately familiar, but not in a sense of “they’ve nicked this from…” but more in an “oh, yeah, this is right” sense. It’s gentle, it’s flowing, it’s almost reassuring, and I’m really quite enjoying it.

Next To Neon – Looking At You

“I hate what I’m about to do.”

Tim: Otherwise know as Rasmus Viberg, formerly a member of various bands but finally branching out with a solo career, and this here’s his debut. Clear?

Tom: That’s surprisingly catchy. I mean, it fails both my Good Pop Tests (I can’t remember the chorus after one listen, and I didn’t want to replay it) but there’s nothing actually wrong with it. It’s well-produced, and the vocal work’s great — pulling off falsetto like that isn’t easy.

Tim: It isn’t, and you’re right that it is a pretty good track, which is why I hate what I’m about to do: point out the lyrics. I don’t really want to spoil the song for people who, like me, just thought they were quite nice on first hearing, but after a couple of listens the repeated line “I’m only looking at you” does seem a bit…well, just creepy, really.

Tom: Huh. You’re not wrong.

Tim: I’m sure they were meant pleasantly, because they are until you overthink them, and to be honest I really wish I hadn’t done that, because otherwise it’s a lovely track – great synth work, good vocal, top melody. It’s just…aargh, I mean you’re basically inviting a restraining order with this.

Esther Vallée – Hardcore

“A chorus that sounds like someone’s trying unsuccessfully to light a gas hob.”

Tom: In a world where “Clubland Extreme Hardcore 5” is a valid title for a compilation CD, and where Scooter are “Always Hardcore“, it’s a bold choice to use that one word as your song title.

Tim: It is, but Esther say that “for me, to be hardcore means to be unbeatable and let yourself be driven by what you want the most. To not escape the hard things in life, but instead dare to be hardcore on home turf.” Interested?

Tom: So, not Scooter, then?

Tim: Sorry, but no.

Tim: Behinds the scenes FUN FACT for our reader: I’m writing this just a couple of minutes after writing about Friday’s track, and man alive did that get me in the mood for this, because what a chorus this is.

Tom: I was going to comment about that. Same sort of thing — a strandard pop-song verse, and then into a chorus that sounds like someone’s trying unsuccessfully to light a gas hob.

Tim: Well I guess if nothing else I have to give you points for creativity with that line. The song reminds me, to an extent, of Norway’s 2016 Eurovision entry, which at the time we said (justly) that it sounded like the chorus and verse were from two completely separate songs, with the verse being good pop and the chorus being heavy two step. This isn’t quite as segregated, but there’s certainly a fair change between the two parts of the song; I’m fairly sure it works, though. Well, certainly does for me, as I’m very happy listening to it.

Tom: I’m just worried about how much gas’ll go up when someone finally gets the burner to catch.

Saturday Reject: Lisandro Cuxi – Eva

“Was it the drum & bass breakdown? I think it was the drum & bass breakdown.”

Tim: France was one of the first to choose its entry, so it’s only right that we reward its eagerness with a quick trip there. This lad here won La Voix last year (France’s version of, you guessed it, The Voice, and sadly they don’t have Malena Ernman singing the theme tune), and the song won the jury vote by a fair distance, but wasn’t able to keep the public on side, ending up second.

Tom: Let me guess: it’s in French.

Tim: Hmm…

Tom: It’s bilingual! Good heavens, it’s bilingual. Apparently the French internal selection process requires a minimum of 80% French, which I suppose is a reasonable compromise. Although “she’s just a single mother” appearing out of nowhere is confusing for those of us who don’t know the rest of the song. But yes: second place isn’t bad, but I guess the public didn’t like it?

Tim: Not really, no. And was it the drum & bass breakdown? I think it was the drum & bass breakdown. It doesn’t spoil the song, and once you know what to expect you realise it kind of fits in, but it’s a hell of a jarring cut from a fantastic euphoric chorus to a middle eight that’s verging on hefty dubstep. I can, sadly for him, imagine that turning off enough voters that they head elsewhere.

Tom: Pity, because I think this could have done well. Not a winner, but it would have done well.

Tim: I say the breakdown put them off, could also have been the close-ups of the female judge, who’s either shaking her head, looking confused, or both. Guess we’ll never know.

MARC feat. Caroline Høier – The Way I Do

“That’s, like, maybe a bit bulky at most.”

Tim: Bit of hefty dance for a Friday, with a caveat: it’s the sort of genre I have to be in a particular mood for. Right now I am, so…

Tom: That’s not hefty! That’s, like, maybe a bit bulky at most.

Tim: You think? Even with that chorus? It’s not technically drum & bass, I suppose, but it’s sure as hell verging on it with the two step beat and the massive bass that comes along with it, and I really, really like it.

Tom: It is good, I’ll grant you that: it reminds me of a lot of older dance tracks, and I think I like it for that reason, rather than anything in itself. It’s never going to be a floorfiller, but it’s a good middle-of-the-playlist track.

Tim: It’s got decent amount of pop mixed in with the verses, and a smidgen of euphoric in the mix, and while that makes for a hell of a journey, it also seems to make for a hell of a good track, in my eyes and ears.