Louis Tomlinson feat. Bebe Rexha, Digital Farm Animals – Back To You

“Doncaster.”

Tom: Let’s get the ridiculous things out of the way first. And I don’t just mean “Digital Farm Animals“; I mean this is filmed in Doncaster. Bebe Rexha filmed a music video in an alley somewhere in Doncaster. And Louis Tomlinson joined her, in a purple-and-yellow tracksuit.

Tim: Well he is signed to the football club, that’ll probably cut down on some of the costs.

Tom: On the plus side: brilliant, you’re representing Doncaster on the world stage! On the downside: mate, Doncaster?

Tim: Tom, I feel you underestimate Louis’s feelings for his hometown – don’t forget at one point he tried to buy the club.

Tom: This has one of the least promising intros and first verses in a while: oh, blimey, it’s going to be one of those terrible stripped-down tracks that just plod on. And then… then it starts doing something.

Tim: I’m guessing you mean when Bebe arrives?

Tom: “You drag me down, you fuck me up” is a really good lyric. And it’s about the first time that I heard that — as the piano really starts to build — that I thought “hang on, this could be good”.

Tim: It could be, and indeed it is, which is very nice indeed.

Tom: And then everything from the half-way point onwards — ie, not the verses — is just great. Yes, it’s all a bit quiet, yes, it’s a bit plodding at times, but that is just such a good chorus. For the first time in a while, not only is this a song I could sing after one listen, but it’s a song I wanted to hear again.

Tim: HUZZAH! I completely agree with you, it is a great chorus. Dips for the middle eight, but rises back up again in due course.

Tom: And it’s from Louis Tomlinson!

Tim: YAY!

Demi Lovato – Sorry Not Sorry

“This had better be good.”

Tom: Okay. I’ve been really grumpy about music lately. Everything’s been “meh”. So here’s what I did: I went to the “New Music Videos” section of YouTube, picked the most popular pop song, and just decided that’s what we’re doing today. So here we go. This had better be good.

Tom: Okay, I’m not “meh” about this. Instead, I’m actually divided. There are some amazing bits in here: that profane pre-chorus, nearly all the chorus, and the “totally kidding” gag at the very end of the music video. And you know what, I’ll even give credit for some good celebrity cameos.

Tim: I will agree with you that there are some good bits here, or at least one good bit and a few not bad bits. But to be honest I wasn’t remotely sold on the this song until the chorus came along – it’s that bass-level twisted vocal that really gets me, and marks it out as a song I’m not going to like.

Tom: Bad: the actual “sorry, not sorry” bit. Not the meaning, just the actual line: after such a great build, there could be more there. The very next line starts doing something interesting again, but the key moment feels like it’s wasted.

Tim: Huh, see I have an almost exact opposite reaction – happy with the chorus, including that line, and I suppose the middle eight’s alright, but most of this just gets a bit nope from me.

Tom: And as for the video: if you’re going to do the ‘found footage’ style, at least commit to it. Don’t slap a bizarre, out-of-place 90s VHS filter on your footage and then also film a proper video, that just means you’re not confident. Look, this is how to do it, and no, I can’t believe I’m linking to a Justin Bieber video to prove a point. And let’s not even start about the godawful amount of product placement.

Tim: Yeah, that also put me right off, right from the Jaguar logo at the start. On the other hand, it does look like one hell of a pool party to have been at.

Tom: So there you go. I’m not “meh”. I’m both impressed and annoyed by this song. At least I’ve got a reaction.

Runaway Zoo – Lights R Out

“Synth/rock”

Tim: We featured this Finnish band a couple of times last year and were thoroughly impressed with their synth/rock blend; here’s their latest (with strong language at the start).

Tim: Now, the problem I have here is that if the first track you come across by a band is absolutely brilliant, it becomes near impossible to judge the next few tracks with any sort of objectivity, because you’re almost certainly going to be disappointed. Here, this is exactly the case.

Tom: Oh wow, I’m so relieved. I am incredibly relieved. This is the third song that you’ve sent me this week where I’ve just gone “meh”. I was starting to think I’m burned out. But here, at least, there actually some good things I like about it: basically everything from the middle eight onwards, when it actually starts to kick in at last.

Tim: Interesting, because I have a different view. Don’t get me wrong, I still like it, and there are a whole lot of good things in there – the vocal pre-chorus and the early middle eight, with his voice calm and the euphoric build in that background, is fantastic, and I wouldn’t change a moment of it. The verses are perfectly decent, no problems there, nor with the main chorus. But the post-chorus is upsettingly just a bit of a racket.

Tom: No, I’m good with having some distortion there. It’s properly applied, for once.

Tim: Huh – sems we have the opposite viewpoint then – you like it when it gets loud, whereas I’m slightly turned off at that point. It’s a great melody, I’ll grant you, but way too loud, and I think it spoils it a bit. And that’s a real shame, knowing how great they can be. Weird feeling, really – to like a track but be rather disappointed by it as well.

OneRepublic & Seeb – Rich Love

“Those are promising names.”

Tom: Those are promising names up there.

Tim: Seeb, the Norwegian trio known originally for making Mike Posner listenable and more recently for reworking Ed Sheeran, produced their own What Do You Love last year, which did fairly well. Now they’re up with OneRepublic, with this delight.

Tom: Delight? I mean, it’s not bad, don’t get me wrong, but delight?

Tim: I think so, and that’s largely because it has pretty much everything I want from a song. Good vocal, check. Good melody and beat behind that vocal, check, both in chorus and verse. Flipping GREAT dance breakdown after the chorus, massive check.

Tom: I must be burned out on music again, Tim, because I just don’t hear any of that. I mean, it’s good, don’t get me wrong, Seeb know what they’re doing, but it’s still just a middle-of-the-road dance track.

Tim: Ooh, big disagreement here, then. I do have one complaint about it, though: what on earth does “broke as a bottle of wine” mean? I’ve never heard it before, can’t find any examples of usage of it, and it’s quite annoying, because it spoils what it otherwise a perfectly decent narrative in the lyrics.

Tom: I… guess someone broke a bottle of wine? I mean, it’s a thing you can break. But you’re right, it’s weird.

Tim: Flip side of the lyrics, though: I love the ‘hey man, nice to meet you’ distorted vocal in the chorus, really hits the spot for me. I love most of it, in fact. Just, aargh, what does that seemingly very important line mean?

Joakim Lundell – Waiting For

“It never gets remotely ballady or anything.”

Tom: Waiting For? No? No. Never mind.

Tim: With his previous song All I Need, Joakim achieved the only number 1 song in Sweden this year that isn’t Despacito, Shape of You or by Clean Bandit (it was only there for one week, but it’s the principle that counts). Here’s his follow-up, which is, unusually, in a fairly different genre.

Tom: Is the new genre “a bit dull”?

Tim: Yeah, it kind of seems so. It’s not completely different, obviously, as there’s still dance parts to it, particularly in the second half of each chorus, and it never gets remotely ballady or anything. Primarily, though, we’re firmly in your very very standard Selena Gomez style summer pop territory: two verses, each followed by a two part chorus, middle eight and close.

Tom: I’m a bit baffled — I know I’m being harsh, but it’s not exciting enough to be a dance number, not quiet enough to be a ballad, and not… it’s not anything. It feels like it’s been procedurally generated around one sentence.

Tim: I don’t think that’s being too harsh, because you’re right, it’s nothing exciting in terms of new pop music; on the other hand, I’d put it fairly high up in the ranks of standard pop.

Tom: Also, is that “what’re you waiting for” female vocal lifted from Love Me Like You Do? Because it sure sounds like it.

Tim: Hmm. I don’t know, I’m not complaining, because it’s still a very decent track to listen to, but it does seem odd to switch immediately away from what gave you a very successful record. That one broke a few boundaries; this really doesn’t. It’s very good, but it’s just a bit standard.

Tom: “A bit”.

Saturday Flashback: CRO – Traum

“Be careful of falling electrical equipment”

Tim: Sent in anonymously and described as “fun and upbeat”, this here is from a German producer who blends rap and pop and calls it Raop, not sure why. It’s from 2014, is his biggest hit yet, and the title translates as Dream (he’s made an English version if you’d rather, but that takes away the fun a bit).

Tom: Full marks for putting (most of) the English lyrics on the German music video as optional subtitles. More like that, please.*

*Side note: it is completely outside what we normally cover here, but “Immigrants: We Get The Job Done” from the Hamilton mixtape is bloody excellent and does exactly the same: turn on the subtitles and all the Spanish lyrics are translated for you. Codeswitching while rhyming’s a heck of a skill.

Tim: Fun story there in the video – not quite sure what the moral of it is, though I’m fairly sure it’s one of either “don’t go on TV dating shows” or “be careful of falling electrical equipment”.

Tom: I mean, those are both good morals.

Tim: The lyrics come with a disappointingly standard narrative, in contrast – he doesn’t want to be alone, only has eyes for her, dreams about her, ready and waiting. Tad creepy, but there you go.

Tom: Can you still get away with a love song like that in the 2010s? Unless you’re Ed Sheeran, of course.

Tim: The sound is unusual but not unpleasant, and to be honest I’m quite happy with a track that provides that for a weekend. Thank you, reader, for sending that in.

Xander – Ka Ikk Holde Mig Væk

“While someone’s doing metalwork next door.”

Tim: Or, in English, ‘Don’t Hold Me Away’. Xander’s 29 and from Copenhagen, and hasn’t had a hit single since his debut, 2010’s Det burde ikk være sådan her. Here’s his latest, though, so see what you think.

Tom: That is a very… R&B choice for you. Particularly given there appears to be a bloke hammering metal on an anvil somewhere to the right of wherever they recorded the song.

Tim: You what? Look, you may be interpreting that title, given the calm, pleasant and fairly gentle style of music, as a nice message, at a relationship level – a sort of “I love you, we’ve known each other a while, please let’s be together”. Well, I’d like to immediately disabuse you of this notion, because the first line doesn’t mess about: “Take my hand, take your clothes off”. IT’S ALL ABOUT DOING IT.

Tom: While someone’s doing metalwork next door.

Tim: Just…what?

Tom: Sorry to bang on about it, but I actually couldn’t listen to this, that anvil sound grated so much. I had to listen just through my left headphone, where the sound’s still present, just a lot quieter. How did you not notice that?

Tim: Oh…oh GOD why would you point that out to me? I’d not heard that as a thing, but now I can’t unhear it. But I will – MUST – get through this. Because despite that (a consideration made easier by the facts that (a) I don’t speak Danish, and (b) I don’t have to see him looking like a bellend with the cap and sunglasses if I’m just listening), I still like this. That’s largely because of the aforementioned calm, pleasant and fairly gentle style of music.

Tom: DINK. DINK. DINK. DINK. THAT IS NOT CALM AND PLEASANT.

Tim: YES IT IS. It’s chilled out synth work with a good hook and relaxed vocals, and when done perfectly those are ingredients for an excellent song. Here they’re done fairly well, so I’ll happily take this, ignoring the fact that you’ve slightly ruined it for me.

JCY feat. Sisqo – Thong Song

“I’m sorry, WHAT?”

Tom: I’m sorry, WHAT?

Tim: Well, yes. If the question “what irritating late ’90s ear worm would you like to be redone for 2017” was put out to the general public, I’d put money on very, very few people saying Thong Song.

Tom: For me, it’s Aqua. I could go for a full-on remix of Turn Back Time about now. But yeah, not this.

Tim: Ah, see I’d have gone for Cher’s Believe, I could see that working. But no, JCY (pronounced Juicy) decided to get on the phone to Sisqo and say “hey, mate, here’s a thought…”

Tim: To be fair to them, they’ve done a bang on job with the whole bringing it up to date thing, because it does sound entirely 2017.

Tom: I actually had to go back and listen to the original — and I blame you for that —

Tim: You’re very welcome.

Tom: — and I’m surprised by how minimal it is. Maybe I heard a remix or something? Either way, yes, this is Very Much Now.

Tim: It also, though, and rather unfortunately, sounds very very Thong Song, which is just as awful and just plain offensive as it was 18 years ago. I don’t know why they did it – scratch that, I know exactly why they did it, we all do, it was because they figured it’d be easy money – but I really really wish they hadn’t.

Tom: Everything about this is unnecessary, but then that was true of the original too.

Tim: That song was consigned to the dustbin of history for a good reason, and it really, really didn’t need to be brought out again. AAARGH I HATE IT.

HRVY feat. Redfoo – Holiday

“Are those lyrics, or just a Markov chain trained on Thomas Cook brochures?”

Tim: Is 1.2m followers on Instagram a lot? Like, massive?

Tom: I mean, sure. It’s a million. That’s a big number.

Tim: Yeah, but in terms of Instagram celebrity. I ask because apparently it’s enough to get this guy a record deal. Question before you press play: do you think it’ll be any good?

Tom: I get the feeling that’s a rhetorical question.

Tim: Your insight serves you well.

Tom: I dislike him and his floppy undercut hair immediately, and I’m aware how hypocritical that statement is.

Tim: Good, as I was considering pointing it out. Now, it’s almost impressive, really, quite how rubbish this is.

Tom: Are those lyrics, or just a Markov chain trained on Thomas Cook brochures? What happened to the bass? What’s with the bizarre colorised flash effects?

Tim: To all of those questions, I can only answer: I just don’t know. Thing is, it’s not even enjoyably awful, like INJU5TICE (there’s a blast from the past for you) – there’s no way of sitting back and laughing at how terrible it is. It’s just utterly bland – pointless lyrics, no energy in the music, nothing to stand out at all.

Tom: He hits the notes competently. That’s the only compliment I can muster.

Tim: Even Redfoo’s appearance just sort of happens, without bringing anything to the table whatsoever.

Tom: “When I walk the street / all the girls drive by and they go beep beep”. He does bring something to the table, and unfortunately it’s terrible. It’s not even parody-terrible, it’s just terrible.

Tim: I think we may have a total low for the music 2017, right now. And not in a good way.

Tom: By the way, Tim, we wrote that INJU5TICE review seven years ago.

Tim: Yet when I read the lyrics “I need some loving, I’m a long long way from home” the tune immediately came back to me. That’s the sign of a good bad song. This isn’t even that.

Sigala & Ella Eyre – I Came Here For Love

“Bruce”

Tim: Last time we came across Bruce (yep), we pointed out that he had basically produced a Galantis song. His latest is slightly different, in that it actually sounds more like classic Galantis than current Galantis does, so I don’t quite know where that leaves us.

Tom: Better than actual Galantis?

Tim: Ermm…not…hmm…oh. Well.

Tim: Actually, the main thing it leaves us with is a bloody good song, and let’s be honest, that’s really all that matters.

Tom: It should be all that matters. I don’t think it’s massively memorable, but I also don’t think that matters for a track like this — it just sounds good.

Tim: It starts out great with that repetitive but very good synth hook; the chorus is an utter joy, both vocally and instrumentally; and the video is colourful, cheerful and joyously infectious with all its dancing.

Tom: There’s also enough interesting stuff going on in the chord progressions and melody that it doesn’t sound like a completely generic dance song. Even at three minutes it does feel a bit long, though.

Tim: I love this track very, very much, genuinely can’t think of anything bad to say about it, and, with no trace of hyperbole, can’t get enough of it.