Saturday Reject: Alfred – Que Not Sigan Las Luces

“Gold-painted boobs on his jacket, but I’ll overlook that.”

Tim: One of the things I like about watching the various selection shows live is the communal experience that Twitter provides – in fact, one of my proudest moments is still when I drunkenly yelled at Portuguese broadcaster RTP asking what their official hashtag was so I could join in. The drawback, on the other hand, is that I typically come up with a quick one liner but have nothing else to say. This may be quite a short post, then, but for this, from Spain: “Slytherin’s entry to a Hogwarts Battle of the Bands.”

Tim: I stand by that, mind, for a variety of reasons: there are green lights, they’ve got Proper Instruments, and the song’s not particularly brilliant.

Tom: Wait, what? I think this is my favourite Reject so far this year. It’s got a horn section! It’s got a lovely melody! It’s got a competent live singer, too, who admittedly appears to be wearing gold-painted boobs on his jacket, but I’ll overlook that.

Tim: Oh, all of that’s true – it’s certainly very enjoyable, and I suppose I may have come across as a bit harsh earlier. It also got a hell of a reaction from the audience, which counts for a lot – though it did very poorly in the televote.

Tom: Admittedly it’s also pretty unoriginal. There’s nothing actually ripped off here, as far as I can tell, but I’ll bet you can find that chord progression in a lot of places; basically, this sounds like a lot of old indie-pop songs that I like, so therefore I also like it.

Tim: There’s also a dedication to frequently being as loud as possible, right down to shouting the last chorus line which is actually about whispering his secrets to the song’s target (presumably his girlfriend Amaia, who you’ll recall we met last week). Obviously this would entirely not do well at Eurovision – unless you’re Lordi, actual bands are Not A Good Idea – but it’s not a bad entry, and since Alfred ended up as part of the winning duo, no-one’s really lost out.

Tom: You’re right that it probably wouldn’t do well at Eurovision, which I think is a shame. I’d have given it full marks.

Saturday Reject: Aitana, Alfred, Amaia, Ana Guerra & Miriam – Carina

“Messy as it may be, it’s a good way to open the show.”

Tim: Spain was a weird format this year: they took the top six contestants of their version of Fame Academy (yep, that’s still on) and then, through various groups, duets and soloists, had nine songs for the public to vote for. This, written by all of them and sung by all except Agoney, came dead last, but as a first performance was nonetheless a good way to open the show.

Tom: I wonder what Agoney did? And why Miriam is the only one without a name starting with A?

Tim: Maybe some sort of conspiracy?

Tom: Anyway.

Tim: So let’s try to move past the fact that the first chorus line is in fact Cecilia, and try to judge the rest of it and, well, it’s not the greatest.

Tom: I was turned off it entirely by that bit where they have just an instant of silence. It almost hurts.

Tim: It seems to serve more as a preview of what’s coming up than anything else. The one in the dark red with a style that doesn’t really match up, the guy and her with the ridiculous skirt who sing at each other, and her in the pink jacket being very very Spanish? Yep, you’ll see all of those later if you keep watching. On the other hand, messy as it may be – like I said, it’s a good way to open the show. On that level, it works.

Tom: It is a great show opening. I can’t fault it. There’s some good vocal showoffs, it’s pleasant enough, It’s just not a good Eurovision song.

Tim: Incidentally, the aforementioned guy and skirt? That’s the pairing that went on to win, with a performance that’s basically soft porn; they’re also an actual couple that formed in the competition house, and it’ll be bloody hilarious if they split up acrimoniously before May and still have to play sweethearts.