Tim: Here, I present for you my favourite Eurovision staging since Teenage Life.
Tom: There’s a lot to unpack in that statement. Let’s move on.
Tom: Oh, you’re right though, they’ve done a good job with that staging. You don’t see enough living rooms with the Eye of Sauron in the background. I wonder if you can get that from Ikea?
Tim: Not at my local one, no – I checked to see, but no, sorry. As is traditional for “person who hasn’t really done anything for a good few decades”, it came fifth. The song itself is irrelevant, of course – does well in the first round because “oh, it’s nice to see them again” but then crashes out in the second because “oh, jeez, no this can’t go through”. Bit of fun for all the family, though, so why not?