Barbarellas – Night Mode

Tom: No, really, they’ve got a second single. I didn’t think it’d happen either.

Tom: It’s, um, well it’s pretty forgettable. And that autotune is really grating by a couple of minutes in: the song just never goes anywhere.

Tim: Except for in one ear and out of the other.

Tom: “If you want to be cool / take it back to school”? Bloody hell.

Tim: Well, that is at least better than the next bit, which cleverly rhymes ‘sexy’ with, um, ‘sexy’.

Tom: There is one good thing, though: the one with dark hair doesn’t look like Noel Fielding to me any more. But that’s only because I’ve now watched Blake’s Junction 7, and I now think she looks a bit like Mackenzie Crook in drag.

Tim: And there was me thinking you were going to apologise for before.

Tom: I realise that’s cruel, and I’m sorry. I’m well aware I’m not exactly the least androgynous person in the world. It shouldn’t have anything to do with the review, but I just can’t unsee it. It’s the sharply cut hair and worryingly slim body, I think. Yes. Sorry.

Barbarellas – Body Rock

Do you ever get lonely playing with your toys?

Tim: Now then Thomas, let me ask you – do you ever get lonely playing with your toys?

Tom: No, but some people say I look like me dad.

Tim: Ooh, you do a bit. But anyway, at least you got where I was coming from before revealing any unfortunate hobbies. Sadly, though, B*Witched haven’t got back together, but half of them have joined up and formed a slightly smaller girl group.

Tim: So, if their debut single is anything to go by, they’ve ditched the cheeky innuendo and have made it their mission to put out songs with good choruses and slightly tiresome verses.

Tom: But… cheeky innuendo is all they had.

Tim: Is it a fairly decent single, aiming to be liked by the people who liked Bad Romance and suchlike? Yes, and yes. Will they last? Almost certainly not, because there is next to nothing unique about them.

Tom: I know this is a slightly cruel thing to say, and I apologise, but from a distance the one in the black wig looks like Noel Fielding in drag. You know, him out of the Mighty Boosh.

Tim: Ouch. You’d better not say that too loud, mind – if you’re not careful she’ll huff, she’ll puff, she’ll huff and puff and blow you away.