Feuerherz – Wer kann da denn schon nein sagen?

“Wet shirts! Beckoning at the camera! Dance sequences in the middle of an empty ampitheatre on top of a mining heap!”

Tim: We’ve featured Feuerherz (Fireheart, incidentally) a couple of times previously, with the general view being ‘entirely average boyband’, typically early 2010s One Direction, JLS, The Wanted, that sort of thing. Except, now we’re going back further than that. Mid 90s, say, with multiple moments here that made me smile and one that made me spit my drink out.

Tom: I genuinely don’t know what to say. It’s technically perfect — of course it is. It is just that, even for schlager, this is so incredibly cheesy that it’s difficult to take seriously.

Tim: We’ve mentioned it before, with other German pop, but there’s something nice about people doing this music entirely straight-faced, despite it being horrifically unfashionable these days. Dancing in sync, and what sort of choreographer thinks ‘what this really needs now is half of them doing slow forward rolls’?

Tom: Wet shirts! Beckoning at the camera! Dance sequences in the middle of an empty ampitheatre on top of a mining heap!

Tim: Key change, predictable now it’s happened but which did take me slightly by surprise. And hell, they’re even dressed like the Backstreet Boys.

Tom: The most startling part, of course, is that it’s actually catchy.

Tim: The title translates to “Who can say no?”, and, well, I certainly can’t.

Feuerherz – Wenn du nicht Stopp sagst

“Remember these guys?” “No!”

Tim: Remember these guys?

Tom: No!

Tim: We featured a multi-lingual Christmas track of theirs last year, decscribing it roughly as a Basshunter backing with crap JLS vocals.

Tom: Harsh but fair. I mean, I don’t know, I don’t remember a thing about it, I’m just assuming we were harsh but fair.

Tim: This one: they’ve not got the dull harmonies.

Tim: Title is “If you don’t stay stop”; lyrical message is, fortunately, not one of impending sexual assault, but instead “if you don’t tell me you don’t want me to love you, I’ll be so desperate I’ll basically be drooling at your feet”. (I paraphrase somewhat.)

Tom: It took me several attempts to parse that sentence before I worked it out, but yes, okay, I see what you mean. It’s a terrible message for a song.

Tim: A bit icky, but also slightly nice, as it does give her a get-out option. But now to segue into the music, and I’m not sure whether to go with “and speaking of nice” or “and speaking of being thankful for a get-out option”.

Tom: I mean, it’s a schlager pop song. It’s exactly what I was expecting. There are literally no surprises in here.

Tim: It’s okay. It’s…largely unremarkable. The music’s good, and the singing’s competent, and I don’t think I’d actively skip it. Though, to be honest, “not bad enough for me to gather the energy to yell out ‘Hey Siri, skip this'” isn’t exactly a compliment.

Tom: How about “it would sit nicely on that all-cheesy-dance-pop radio station I discovered in the Netherlands”? No, that’s not much better.

Tim: Erm, try this: I would probably choose a playlist that had this track, on the basis that it would likely contain lots of other music like this.

Damn, I’m really not selling this, am I?

Tom: I will give this one good point, Tim: the choreographer has worked out that, with four of them, they can each do the same movement on different beats of the same bar. It’s the closest thing to innovation this track has.

Christmas Flashback: Feuerherz – Merry Christmas

Tom: We started out this Christmas season with three songs in a row that actually made me feel a bit festive. It’s been all downhill since then. Tim: this is your last chance. What’ve you got?

Tim: Ah, um, well, I’ll be honest: this might not be your cup of tea. HOWEVER, although there’s no real song this year that screams “this belongs on Christmas Day”, this one really really does. Feuerherz are a German band with members from multiple nations, and released this a couple of years back; hopefully you’re up to date on your English, German, Italian and Dutch.

Tom: I think there’s a little bit of Spanish in there as well? I’d have been more impressed if they managed to rhyme across languages, but sure, okay, I get the spirit of this.

Tim: Now, I didn’t mention this in the intro for fear of overselling it, but is it just me or does this have elements of Basshunter in it?

Tom: What? … where?

Tim: Specifically, the backing underneath the second half of each verse and the choruses, which put me in such a mind of his stuff that I couldn’t help liking the rest of it, however much the harmonies make it sound like a crap JLS ballad.

Tom: Okay, so now I feel better about it, because “crap JLS ballad” was pretty much what I was going to say here.

Tim: Yeah. It may be a dated reference but every year I think of JB’s beautiful greeting and well up with joy (and there’s an outstanding key change if you keep listening to that). Back to this, though, and you’re not missing much if you’re not fluent in all four languages, as they basically say exactly the same thing: to all our friends, Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.

Tom: This song doesn’t actually help me with that sentiment at all, but hopefully the rest of the world feels different. Merry Christmas, everyone.