Saturday Flashback: Helene Fischer – Atemlos durch die Nacht

“Anyone who describes it as even slightly awful really needs to go and get their ears cleaned out.”

Tim: It emerged this week that Helene Fischer is, in cash terms, the eighth most successful female artist in the world, and so quite naturally someone in the Guardian wrote about her, and schlager in general, and described the music as ‘frankly awful’. Fortunately, we’re here to say: bollocks to that.

Tom: That is… okay, it’s not ‘frankly awful’, but I’m not going to rate it above ‘okay’. Is that a new one?

Tim: That’s Helene’s most successful song, from 2013, and anyone who describes it as even slightly awful really needs to go and get their ears cleaned out. The title translates as Breathless Through The Night, and it’s about having the most amazing night out with someone, staying right up through till sunrise, being inseparable and immortal and just having one hell of a good time.

Tom: I’ll grant you that, by the last chorus, I was on board with it (well done to whoever added that whoop at 2:24). It’s good! It’s above average, even! But I’m baffled as to why it’s the most popular song of the eighth-most-moneyed female artist.

Tim: And if this was playing on my night out? I would be absolutely right there with Helene. Let’s be honest, anyone who doesn’t appreciate that deserves to be pitied more than anything else. Because it’s FABULOUS.

Helene Fischer – Flieger

Tim: Challenge for you: get even halfway through the song before giving into temptation and clapping your hands above your head.

Tim: You said on Friday that it’d be terrible if all songs were like this, but would it really though? Like, really?

Tom: Theodicy is the attempt to explain why, given the assumption that there is an omniscient, omnibenevolent God, there is still evil in the world. Many theologians and philosophers have dealt with it over the years, and one of the lesser-fronted arguments is the idea that evil exists to provide a contrast to good: that without the darkness, there cannot be light.

Tim: And it’s an argument that I’ve always despised, because I knew that a rare porterhouse steak was delicious years before they’d even invented Coke Zero Sugar Peach, but fine.

Tom: On those lines: if all music were like this, Tim, how would we appreciate it?

Tim: Simply this: I was out for Pride on Saturday and mate, the club I went to was LIT, with wall to wall bangers like this and every single person in there was absolutely loving it.

Tom: I’m genuinely sorry I missed it.

Tim: Now, clearly that is absolutely a crowd from which we can extrapolate to the entire global population, so I think the moral there is that actually all music should definitely be like this, and nobody would be unhappy. WHY DO YOU WANT PEOPLE TO BE UNHAPPY, TOM?


Tim: AND THAT IS WHY IT’S A TERRIBLE ARGUMENT and now we’re doing that American Chopper meme, good work everyone.