HRVY – Phobia

“It’s not entirely awful!“

Tim: Hey, remember HRVY, in whose debut track we could find nothing good whatsoever? WELL, apparently his contract didn’t include an “ABANDON SHIP GET OUT NOW” clause, as he’s back with a follow-up. And…

Tim: It’s not entirely awful!

Tom: It looks like they actually filmed in Times Square when it was quiet, which is a bold move, he must be up way past his b… sorry, I just got interrupted by the chorus, and it’s actually good!

Tim: Isn’t it? There’s energy to it, there’s a fairly decent melody, and the lyrics, while being based around an admittedly poor base concept, aren’t all that bad. In fact, I could actually see myself not skipping this if it came up on a playlist. I’m not sure I’d choose actively to listen to it, but I do genuinely enjoy the melody of the chorus.

Tom: It does a Thing near the end of the chorus — I think it’s probably a shift to minor key, but I don’t have the music theory to say what exactly — and it’s lovely.

Tim: Judge me if you want, but I’m glad he didn’t pack it in and go back to Instagram.

HRVY feat. Redfoo – Holiday

“Are those lyrics, or just a Markov chain trained on Thomas Cook brochures?”

Tim: Is 1.2m followers on Instagram a lot? Like, massive?

Tom: I mean, sure. It’s a million. That’s a big number.

Tim: Yeah, but in terms of Instagram celebrity. I ask because apparently it’s enough to get this guy a record deal. Question before you press play: do you think it’ll be any good?

Tom: I get the feeling that’s a rhetorical question.

Tim: Your insight serves you well.

Tom: I dislike him and his floppy undercut hair immediately, and I’m aware how hypocritical that statement is.

Tim: Good, as I was considering pointing it out. Now, it’s almost impressive, really, quite how rubbish this is.

Tom: Are those lyrics, or just a Markov chain trained on Thomas Cook brochures? What happened to the bass? What’s with the bizarre colorised flash effects?

Tim: To all of those questions, I can only answer: I just don’t know. Thing is, it’s not even enjoyably awful, like INJU5TICE (there’s a blast from the past for you) – there’s no way of sitting back and laughing at how terrible it is. It’s just utterly bland – pointless lyrics, no energy in the music, nothing to stand out at all.

Tom: He hits the notes competently. That’s the only compliment I can muster.

Tim: Even Redfoo’s appearance just sort of happens, without bringing anything to the table whatsoever.

Tom: “When I walk the street / all the girls drive by and they go beep beep”. He does bring something to the table, and unfortunately it’s terrible. It’s not even parody-terrible, it’s just terrible.

Tim: I think we may have a total low for the music 2017, right now. And not in a good way.

Tom: By the way, Tim, we wrote that INJU5TICE review seven years ago.

Tim: Yet when I read the lyrics “I need some loving, I’m a long long way from home” the tune immediately came back to me. That’s the sign of a good bad song. This isn’t even that.