Kelly Clarkson – I Dare You

“Hang around on the playlists for a month or so and then fade into the background, to be revisited every now and then.”

Tom: I have never heard a more obvious “chuck a millennial whoop in the background” than this track.

Tom: It doesn’t help that those few notes sounds like it’s sampled from Katy Perry’s California Girls, really — it’s pretty the only thing I could remember about this after one listen.

Tim: Ah, see I went for Owl City and Carley Rae Jepsen with the chorus, but, yeah, guess it shows how dam ubiquitous that’s become.

Tom: There’s some lovely vocal work in here, of course, and there’s nothing wrong with the song. (Of course there’s nothing wrong with it; it’s a Kelly Clarkson track, she’s enough of a star she’s only going to released polished stuff.)

Tim: It is, and I mean this in no bad way whatsoever, a typical Kelly Clarkson track.

Tom: Maybe it’s cynically designed for radio airplay: this is the sort of track that will do very well on several genres of hit-radio stations in the US, particularly given the message right now.

Tim: Yep – hang around on the playlists for a month or so and then fade into the background, to be revisited every now and then.

Tom: But I can’t see this being an all-time classic.

Kelly Clarkson – Love So Soft

“The intro! The brass section! The whistle register!”

Tom: I like everything about this…

Tom: …apart from the chorus.

Tim: Yes – I certainly see where you’re coming from. Personally, not much of this does anything for me, and the chorus is a particular nadir.

Tom: Really? But there are so many other good things about this! The intro! The brass section! The whistle register! The steady build in the verse towards… well, towards a really disappointing chorus.

Tim: It is, and I certainly won’t deny that there aren’t enjoyable bits – the closing section is good when everything but the kitchen’s musical sink is in there, but otherwise it leaves me a bit cold.

Tom: It’s a real shame, because the last minute or so shows exactly what this could have been — but instead it goes all stripped-down, for no valid reason that I can see. It doesn’t fit her style, it doesn’t fit the song, it doesn’t fit… anything, really.

Ben Haenow feat. Kelly Clarkson – Second Hand Heart

“That’s a number one right there.”

Tim: OH HI BEN HAENOW.

Tom: Blimey. He got Kelly Clarkson. That shows rather a lot of faith in him from his record company: they’re rolling out the big stars.

Tim: Singers, yes, but how are the writers doing?

Tom: And that’s a number one right there, I reckon. I don’t often make bold predictions like that, but it’s close to a perfect country-pop song.

Tim: It really really is, and he’s also looking very manly in that video which is excellent news.

Tom: Both of their vocals are flawless. The harmonies are incredible. The composition’s great, the lyrics are singable and memorable, and the production is top-notch.

Tim: And better still, those flawless vocals fit together very well indeed – it sounds like a natural fit.

Tom: Never mind that the two singers never actually met — that’s blatantly a body double in the final shot — it’s a good pairing, and could serve to introduce him to the US as well. Update: apparently they did meet! Well why the heck didn’t they use that shot, then?!

Tim: Not only that, the ending to the video is exactly what it should be when you’ve got two people singing at each other how great they are, unlike Fältzkog & Barlow’s tragic tale.

Tom: I’m strugging for anything negative to say about this, really. Maybe it’s bit similar to Bonfire Heart? No, not even enough I can complain about that. They’ve pulled out the big guns for Ben Haenow, and I think he’s going to do very well from it.

Tim: Let’s hope so, and also for more excellent videos.

Kelly Clarkson – Invincible

“There seems to be about five of her.”

Tim: Next up from the Piece by Piece album, this, and with tracks like Heartbeat Song, Stronger and now this I can’t help feeling Kelly’s got a bit of an “I AM AWESOME” vibe going on.

Tom: And it’s the second single from the album? Well, that still might be the case: but it’s got a lot to live up to.

Tim: Let’s have a listen to see if we’re convinced.

Tim: Well, bloody hell, yes I am, because flipping heck, that track really is quite something.

Tom: I had to readjust my expectations, because I had Heartbeat Song still in my head — and this isn’t that kind of fast-paced pop. It’s not quite to my tastes, and if it wasn’t for that quiet string line in the background I suspect I’d have gotten a bit bored half way through.

Tim: Oh, please. I mean, how LOUD does a pop track need to be? Answer: exactly this loud, with those drums and the strings and the quite frankly utterly ridiculous top vocal line in the final chorus when there seems to be about five of her.

Tom: There is that: what it’s lost in engagement it’s made up for in sheer… size? Is that a word?

Tim: Yes…yes, I’m fairly sure ‘size’ is a word, Tom. Do you need a lie down? Anyway, I’d put this closer to enormity, because with music like this, Kelly, you really do seem to be invincible, and damn, I’m glad that that’s the case.

Kelly Clarkson – Heartbeat Song

“TURN IT UP UP UP UP ALL NIGHT LONG.”

Tim: First song off her upcoming seventh (SEVENTH and that’s impressive enough on its own) album.

Tom: For someone who won American Idol, that’s staggering. I can’t think of a more successful reality show contestant.

Tim: But dammit, where is the opening to the chorus from?

Tim: Because it’s very very good, and I’m absolutely certain I’ve heard it before, but I can’t for the life of me think wh—

Tim: THANK YOU YES, it’s straight out of Jimmy Eat World, which is also a very very good song, and weirdly it’s got exactly the same verse intro as well, with the “[syllable]……” and the drumbeat underneath.

Tom: It’s certainly close, although whether it’s “legal action” close I don’t know — because while there are some very similar parts, it’s clearly a Very Different Track.

Tim: It is indeed, and so regardless of any similarity, I love this, because there is no part that I don’t enjoy. Lyrics, great, with the “you are brilliant, and so is everything” message.

Tom: True, but if you’ve got “pins and needles in your tongue”, you might want to get something checked out.

Tim: Fair point. But then melody, chorus, verse, middle eight, all twisting in with those lyrics, being that everything, and all wonderful, whether I’ve heard them before or not.

Tom: Yep, I can’t disagree: this is brilliant.

Tim: This is pop – pure, glorious pop music, and it’s wonderful. Let’s TURN IT UP UP UP UP ALL NIGHT LONG.

Kelly Clarkson – Wrapped in Red

“If Christmas isn’t a good time to declare your feelings, when is?”

Tim: It’s DECEMBER! So it’s CHRISTMAS!

Tom: Oh heavens. It’s time for the annual run-down of dodgy Christmas songs, is it?

Tim: Dodgy!? How RUDE. But yes, let’s have a week of the tracks we’ve missed so far, and you may recall last year Kelly brought out a Christmas album; this here’s the title track from it, now with a video.

Tom: Same album, new packaging. It’s like regifting.

Tim: In times of festivities and partyness it’s bit more restrained than Underneath the Tree, last year’s lead track from it, but that’s about it in terms of criticism: other than that, it’s a big emotional ballad about how, if Christmas isn’t a good time to declare your feelings, when is?

Tom: And it’s a really bloody good ballad as well. Kelly Clarkson is a big enough star that she can get her choice of big songs like this: it’s a brilliant track, and matched perfectly with her voice.

Tim: Exactly. So let’s all go out there, talk to our desired ones and damn the potential negative outcomes. Oh, and let’s be ridiculously over the top while we’re at it, shall we? That’s what it’s all about, after all.

Kelly Clarkson – Underneath The Tree

Only 68 days to go!

Tim: With only sixty eight days to go, do you fancy the first of this year’s Christmas offerings?

Tom: No! No, no, no.

Tim: Yes!

Tim: Is it too early? God, yes, of course it is, although it’s already two weeks since Westfield put their Christmas lights up. But my word, that’s a good Christmas track, isn’t it?

Tom: Annoyingly, I have to agree with you. This is a brilliant Christmas track, absolutely brilliant. It’s got a Phil Spector Wall of Sound going on, only without the murder conviction.

Tim: This checks every single box necessary, and then some. Chiming bells, yes. Sleigh bells, yes. An immediate LISTEN TO ME AND BE FESTIVE start, oh very much so. And a sax solo! Where did that come from?

Tom: Santa, I can only assume.

Tim: Stylistically, this is very, very much along the lines of Mariah Carey, and that is absolutely wonderful. Another Christmas classic? Well, obviously time alone will tell, but it certainly has the markings of it. So LET’S DO CHRISTMAS!!!!

Tom: Just not yet. Please.

Tim: Oh, and if you’d not worked it out from the artwork here, there’s a Clarkson Christmas album headed our way this year. Seven days from now, in fact. WONDERFUL.

Kelly Clarkson – People Like Us

“It’s Clunky Product Placement In A Music Video Time!”

Tom: It’s Clunky Product Placement In A Music Video Time!

Tim: Three things re the product placement: I think that’s the first time I’ve seen multiple brands in one video, it seems I don’t mind product placement so much when it’s for brands I admire, and is there really much of a Venn diagram intersection between BMW sports car buyers and Kelly Clarkson video watchers?

Tom: And, sad to say, it’s another by-the-numbers Kelly Clarkson track. Or am I being uncharitable?

Tim: Presumably, you’re comparing it to…

Tom: It’s just that Stronger was such a hit that it’s hard not to compare everything after to it — particularly when they feel as similar as this one. Even the video seems very much based on something that’s gone before.

Tim: Hmm. To that, I’d say this: most pop stars have at least one career high, that they will inevitably struggle to repeat. For some artists, their fans will disagree on which exact one (Live While We’re Young. or Little Things? The Silence, or Bad Boys?); for Kelly Clarkson, though, pretty much everybody reckons that Stronger was amazing. Two options, then: tell the fans ‘that’s that, let’s go miles elsewhere now’, or try to repeat the success. Here, the latter.

Tom: There’s nothing particularly wrong with it: it’s just very familiar territory.

Tim: True, but unless it’s completely new territory, it’s always going to be.

Kelly Clarkson – Catch My Breath

“Like a Tesco Value ‘Stronger’.”

Tom: It’s time for Kelly Clarkson to release a greatest hits album! And, as is traditional, it’ll have one new single on it to get the sales up a bit.

Tom: Hmm. Now, I do like Kelly Clarkson, but even I have to admit that this is rather by-the-numbers. That can be a good thing, sometimes – Stronger was still by-the-numbers, but matched with such a powerful tune and lyrics that it didn’t matter one bit.

This, on the other hand… it’s like Tesco Value “Stronger”. The margarine of “Stronger”. Not quite “Stronger” enough.

Tim: Very much a “this’ll do” release, which is a shame if it’s going to sit on an album of greatest hits. It’ll be the dull one everyone skips over. I don’t mind a by the numbers track – some of best tracks are as formulaic as they come – but you’re right that there does seem to be something missing here. It just about builds up to something satisfying, but only just.

Tom: Even the video seems like there’s not much effort: the arm movements, the clenched fists, the special effects… they’re all there, but it seems more like that’s just because they’re supposed to be. This is what a Kelly Clarkson song should be like, therefore this is what it will be.

Tim: The closing shot of her on the video seems to sum it up – there’s a “yes, this is what we’ve done, I know it’s a bit dull so I’ll look away in shame”.

Tom: Boxes ticked.

Kelly Clarkson – Dark Side

“Not as good as Stronger”.

Tom: I can sum this up in five words: “not as good as Stronger”.

Tim: Agreed.

Tom: Which is a shame, because I want to like this song – and not just because I like Kelly Clarkson. It’s got a cracking chorus when it kicks in, but it’s spoiled by a few things. The calmer “will you love me / even with my dark side” bit just seems out of place, and the video just seems melodramatic and fake.

Tim: It me, it seems…a bit dull. Yes, it gets going towards the end, but since you opened this review comparing it to Stronger I now want something as big as that was. It’s YOUR FAULT I’m disappointed, Tom Scott. YOUR FAULT.

Tom: Pink does this kind of song and video very well: the “people aren’t ideal, but try to cope with them” track that’s got an emotional punch that’ll make teenage girls cry. And this track is trying so hard – too hard – to be that. But on the back of Stronger, it just seems like a poor imitation.

Tim: You’re MAKING IT WORSE.