Miley Cyrus – Malibu (Alan Walker Remix)

“…that is not Alan Walker’s trademark style.”

Tom: We described the original as Mostly An Album Track. And despite hearing a lot more through airplay, I stand by that: it’s catchier than I thought it was, but the instrumentation’s dull. Can Alan Walker’s trademark style save it?

Tom: …that is not Alan Walker’s trademark style.

Tim: Hmmm, no.

Tom: I mean, it sounds a bit like him, sure, but the usual staccato synths are mostly gone, replaced by something a bit more generic. It sounds like something you’d find on a discount “fitness workout” compilation CD, rather than something from one of the most popular current DJs.

Tim: Actually, I was all set to agree with you until that post-chorus cropped up, but then I changed my mind. Yes, for the first minute I was ready to dismiss it as exactly you said – generic, and something that might pop up on an Almighty CD a few months from now – but that post-chorus brings something else with it. It’s still not your standard Alan Walker sound, but I’d not go so far as generic.

Tom: Even the ending, which does admittedly start to go Full Alan Walker, is a bit disappointing. I reckon he should have led with that, and then gone bigger from there. As it is, it’s just not enough.

Tim: And with that I do agree.

Miley Cyrus – Malibu

“It’s no Wrecking Ball. Hell, it’s not even The Climb.”

Tim: We’ve all done it – been through parts of our lives that we now regret, become different people, want to move on.

Tom: And don’t I know it.

Tim: Sadly for Miley, she reckons she’ll never be able to move on from Wrecking Ball, which she apparently now hates because of the video – “I will always be the naked girl on the wrecking ball”. Shame, but there we go. Here’s her new one.

Tim: Now, I get why she might not like the video for Wrecking Ball, but no-one can deny it’s a stunner of a song.

Tom: Yep. The video may have driven its popularity, but it’s still a belter. And, heck, it’s not as if this new video isn’t at least “a bit racy”.

Tim: This, on the other hand, is…nice, and there’s not a lot else to be said for it. It’s good, it’s cheery, it’s lovey dovey, but it’s no Wrecking Ball. Hell, it’s not even The Climb. From a new artist I’d probably say “yeah, I’ll take more of this, let’s wait for her second”; with Miley, there’s more a sense of disappointment, and that makes me sad.

Tom: Agreed. I actually skipped forward to see if it actually went anywhere — and it sort of does, but it’s very much an Album Track, isn’t it? That “dream come true / Malibu” rhyme is disastrous.

Tim: Apparently this is where we are now. BOOO.

Miley Cyrus – Hands of Love

“The chorus needs to make people sit up and take notice”

Tim: Saturday: a cover of an old and overly-sweet Miley Cyrus movie song. Monday: a new and not overly-sweet Miley Cyrus movie song.

Tim: Are we meant to like Miley Cyrus at the moment? I know Wrecking Ball was brilliant, but are we all still judging her for that Robin Thicke incident or have we moved on?

Tom: After the Flaming Lips collaboration? She’s still in “trainwreck” territory for me, but that’s musical, not personal.

Tim: Well, anyway, whatever we think of her as a person, this is a pretty respectable song. I can’t decide if I want the chorus to be even more powerful or not – somehow it’s lacking something.

Tom: That’s exactly what I thought! If you’re doing a song like that, the chorus needs to make people sit up and take notice — I barely spotted that it had happened.

Tim: The contrast between the various sections is fine, but I think I want either some extra line under everything, or possibly—actually, definitely—a bigger final chorus. Much bigger one, to signify that THIS IS IT. Other than that, it’s pretty good – good enough for me to scramble quickly to get my phone out to Shazam it off the radio, anyway.

Tom: The true mark of a good track. I’m not sure if I’m being sarcastic, that’s what I did with the Cher track from Saturday.

Miley Cyrus – Dooo It!

“Yep, it’s Vanity Project Time!”

Tom: Remember when We Can’t Stop came out, and we thought, “this is a bit of a trainwreck but a really catchy song”? And when Wrecking Ball came out, and we thought, “the video’s a bit of a trainwreck but it’s a really well produced song”?

Tim: YES.

Tom: Well, she recorded the new album for $50,000 in her own time, didn’t get her label involved, and dumped it onto Soundcloud without any warning. Yep, it’s Vanity Project Time!

Tom: It’s a trainwreck!

Tim: Oh that’s…that’s just…oh, I feel violated. Eurgh.

Miley Cyrus – Wrecking Ball

“The chorus. Oh my word, the chorus.”

Tom: The media circus surrounding Miley Cyrus has gone even further than I reckoned it would when her last video came out. So here’s the new one, the next single from her upcoming album — which is, incidentally, called “Bangerz”. I’ll leave you to comment on that.

Tim: There’z a part of me that wantz to write thiz whole review in that ztyle. Probably better not doing, though.

Tom: And a quick heads up: this video is probably not safe for work.

Tim: Oh good Lord.

Tom: Look, I know we disagreed on “We Can’t Stop”: I liked it, you didn’t. But can we agree that this is just an absolutely fantastic track?

Tim: Actually, having heard We Can’t Stop a few more times, it’s grown on me ever so slightly. But with this, on the other hand, we’re in agreement right from the off.

Tom: The chorus. Oh my word, the chorus. It takes a while to get there, but without that calm start I wouldn’t have been completely blown away by it. This is perfect emotional pop.

Tim: That chorus really is brilliant – it just comes out of absolutely nowhere, and blown away is exactly the right expression to use. It fits the wrecking ball picture very well as well – the two-step nature of it kind of sounds like the slow swing of said ball.

Tom: The video swings wildly between exploitative, arty and sensational: I’ve no idea what to think of it other than the combination of it and that chorus left me just a bit stunned.

Tim: I just hope she knows where that sledgehammer’s been.

Tom: Right now, Miley Cyrus is the biggest pop star in the world, and with tracks, videos and management like this, she deserves to be.

Miley Cyrus – We Can’t Stop



Tim: Blimey – that’s one person who wants us to know that she’s grown up very, very quickly.​

Tom: Let’s get the music out of the way first: this is a cracking downtempo pop track, apparently (and unsurprisingly) written for Rihanna.

Tim: What?

Tom: It’s catchy, it’s singalong, and – aside from the inevitable remixes – it’s pretty much perfect for the end of the night at any club anywhere.

Tim: Are we listening to the same song? This is awful – it’s pretty much just horrific noise throughout. It may have been written for Rihanna, but it was presumably immediately rejected – in terms of quality it sounds like a 2010 B-side, and not a very good one.

Tom: Blimey. Okay, I’ll admit the “dancing with Miley” line grates, although there’s some suggestion it’s a drug reference

Tim: Along with pretty much all the rest of it,​ although the second chorus with the piano underneath is vaguely alright.

Tom: –but given that she’s got a history of referencing herself in songs it’s not too bad. But “See You Again” was off the Disney-branded ‘Hannah Montana 2’ album. This? This is definitely not a Disney track. It’s safe to say that family-friendly, conservative-parents-approved message has gone.

Tim: Yeah, just a bit. ​This is something we can agree on.

Tom: If you’re cynical, you could say that this is blatantly targeted at rebellious teenagers who grew up watching Hannah Montana but are now looking for something less syrupy: you’ll notice there’s a lot of sex and drug references in there but no actual swearing.

And if you’re not cynical? Then it’s someone who’s been under the thumb of Disney’s corporate branding finally breaking out and singing the songs she wants to.

Tim: Upsettingly, you’re right. ​

Tom: Personally, I don’t care which it is: this is a damn good pop song.

Tim: Utter balls. Its terrible, and easily outstays its welcome by approximately three minutes and thirty two seconds.

Snoop Lion feat. Miley Cyrus – Ashtrays and Heartbreaks

“A mess.”

Tim: Wait, “Snoop Lion”? What?

Tom: Oh, did you not see that story? Yep, he’s changed his name again. “Snoop Lion feat. Miley Cyrus”. Let’s just take a moment and realise how silly the music industry has gotten recently.

Tom: I don’t know what to think of this. It’s a mess of reverb and multi-tracked voices, as if the whole thing is being played back inside a large metal room.


Tom: Well, yes. By the time you’re about 60 or 90 seconds into the track, you’ve pretty much heard everything: if you’re going to try to milk a hook and chorus for this long, then you should at least have the decency to manage a key change or something. This just drones on a bit.


Tom: I’m still a bit stunned by the phrase “Snoop Lion feat. Miley Cyrus”, really.

Tim: I think I could with a lie down. And possibly an overdose.