Tim: Now what we have here, children, is a lesson for life.
Tom: Ooh, right. I’m sitting comfortably. You should begin.
Tim: You see, it starts off with a fairly healthy bass line and plenty of potential. With the beat that it has, it could go anywhere – turn into a proper dance tune, give us a great big cheesy chorus and massive key change or maybe even become some sort of Danish hip hop.
Tom: It’s like an ugly duckling, all ready to turn into a swan!
Tim: Does it do any of this? No. Absolutely not.
Tom: Oh.
Tim: It started with a healthy beat, it finished with a healthy beat, but it did absolutely nothing in between, and was entirely disappointing. It’s the musical equivalent of someone who is born, goes to school, just about passes his exams, gets a job in a small accountancy firm, retires at the age of 65 and then has a heart attack without anyone really noticing.
Tom: Damn.
Tim: Don’t be this song, kids. Do something with your lives.
Tom: You are so not Aesop, Tim.