Tim: This is what happens in Norway when extended metaphors are allowed to run and run and run.
Tom: Hey, it’s Norwegian Gary Barlow! Seriously, if he isn’t on their version of the X Factor, something’s gone wrong.
Tim: He does look weirdly similar, doesn’t he? Can we put a tracker on Gary just to make sure it isn’t him?
Tom: A tracker on Gary Barlow? That’s Jason Orange, isn’t it?
Tim: Anyway, we start off with the idea of his infatuation with the target of the song as a disease – in the chorus, he plans on making it better. Sadly, that seems not to work, as by the second verse it’s turned into an epidemic. In the second chorus he reaffirms his intention to make it better nonetheless, but in the middle eight the feeling, much like the metaphor itself, is out of his control. I suppose it’s a good thing there’s a three minute limit, really, because otherwise he’d probably start vaccinating the audience.
Tom: I’m assuming the backup dancers dressed as doctors didn’t make it on the night, then.
Tim: Given that no-one really pays attention to the lyrics at Eurovision, though…
Tom: Apart from you.
Tim: Apart from me, what with it only being played once, that doesn’t remotely matter. What matters is the music, and I think it’s flipping fantastic. It is, in its own way, somewhat infectious – a catchy melody for the vocals and some great instrumentation backing up the chorus.
Tom: Decent middle eight, too – complete with cheeky Take That-esque wink to the camera. SEE? IT’S BARLOW.
Tim: My one big upset is that they only used lots of lights for the staging, rather than having, say, hundreds of giant microbes falling from the ceiling after his quiet singing, which he could then kick off the stage (infecting the audience, you see) for the rest of the middle eight, rather than stand around with not much to do.
Tom: You should totally be a Eurovision staging director. I can’t see what could possibly go wrong.
Tim: Nothing at all. It would all be PERFECT.