Tim: Before you play this, Tom, I want to break some upsetting news to you gently, because it’s mentioned in the song but hearing it that way disturbed me somewhat.
The thing is…well, it’s Uncle John from Jamaica. He’s…I’m just going to say it, he’s passed away, and he won’t be with us this Christmas.
Tom: Well, if I’m honest, I’m a little relieved. It does explain why he finally stopped calling every damn day.
Tm: Oh, did he keep doing that? I just changed my number after a while. Hopefully, though, we can enjoy this new track regardless (and despite the horribly disturbing cat thing in the video).
Tom: I… oh dear. I have mixed feelings about that.
Tim: Yeeeahh… It’s their first original track since 2010’s Rocket to Uranus, and how have we developed? Well, we haven’t really, although we have ditched the innuendo obsession.
Tom: Mm. See, there are moments of proper 90s Vengaboys joy in here: if we ignore the lyrics, then the instrumentation in that first verse and chorus, after the damn sleigh bells leave, is actually really nice. And, as I’ve mentioned before, I’m a sucker for a well-placed “heeeeey” sample.
Tim: Back with the faux-Jamaican voices, though I suppose that does at least provide a semblance of continuity in the Vengaverse (though if we’re doing that, we should probably try to discover how they got back from Uranus).
Tom: I can’t get behind that accent. If Mike Read can’t get away with singing in a faux-Jamaican accent, I’m fairly sure the Vengaboys can’t either.
Tim: It’s…oh, thing is, I’m trying to come up with something nice to say about it but I don’t really know why. It’s terrible. I didn’t mind it so much when I first heard it, but throughout writing this and trying to think of stuff to put I’ve listened to it a number of times, and now I really don’t like it at all, and I can’t think of anything positive at all, not least because of that cat. But maybe you’ll have a different opinion.
Tom: No, it’s much the same for me: there’s moments of joy in there, but in the end it’s just a horrible cash-in Christmas track. Ah well.
Tim: As a post script, though: it’s not all bad news. It’s actually the lead track off a Christmas EP which is primarily remixes. I say remixes; they’ve largely just put sleigh bells on top of every single beat, with a few Santa samples in there, but it’s a nice excuse to hear their hits all Christmassed up. Also, some decent festive DJ puns – Merry Corsten, Treësto, Carol Cox, Armin van Blizzard, you get the idea. Some redemption.