Author: Tim

Cazzi Opeia – My Heart In 2

If you’re a fan of bad puns and unusual haircuts, you’re halfway to liking this lady.

Tim: If you’re a fan of bad puns and unusual haircuts, you’re halfway to liking this lady.

Tom: I like both of those things.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lC61ugCwqj4

Tim: And by now, you should be all the way there. I’d not heard of her before I saw a link to this video, but I wish I had because she’s actually done quite a few good tracks, including this one. The ooo-oo-oo-ooo bits in the chorus strike me as particularly good.

Tom: I’m not sure I have anything to add to that. It’s a decent track, although after playing it through once I’m not sure I can remember it all that well. It’s a good chorus, but it’s not a catchy one. I’d dance to it – I probably wouldn’t sing along.

Tim: On the other hand, I have trouble paying attention to this – good as it is, I keep getting bored halfway through, and moving on to other stuff. Perhaps it’s not lively and varied enough to keep my attention, and yet it clearly is. Maybe it’s too lively, and I keep wanting to get up and do things. Your thoughts?

Tom: Much the same.

Marcus Collins – Seven Nation Army

You can’t cover something that iconic. Can you?

Tom: Oh no. No, no, no. That’ll be pretty much the instinctive reaction from most people here. Who covers something like Seven Nation Army? It… it just is. You can’t cover something that iconic. Can you?

Tim: No. I’ve heard this, and no.

Tom: Really? Because I reckon this is good. Apparently it can be done.

Tim: You really can’t. Or at least, Marcus Collins can’t.

Tom: You really think so? I mean, you’re going to have to work hard to convince me there isn’t some rather strict autotuning on some of it (the end of that first line sounds a bit Cher-like to me), but stylistically I think I actually like it.

Tim: No, you don’t. You think, ‘Ooh, this is interesting. Hmm, yeah, it’s not as bad as I thought it would be, and it’s completely different, so that makes it good.’ But it doesn’t.

Tom: Ooh. Maybe you’re right, there. I still don’t think it’s actively bad, though.

Tim: The problem with this is that it was rushed out – it is by a long way the fastest a non-X Factor winner has a made a single (it was on the radio back in January) – and they thought ‘Hey, Rock Week was one of Marcus’s best results, so let’s get him to cover a rock song.’

Tom: Would I prefer him taking on a different song? Sure. Does that harpsichord-like synth in the background remind me of Disney’s Grim Grinning Ghosts and a hundred other Hallowe’en-type tracks? Yep. Does covering this song in this style make no sense at all? Absolutely.

Tim: No, it makes perfect sense – relative to the others, Rock Week was Marcus’s second best week on X Factor, so this was always going to sell well. It was just a question of choosing the right rock song, and this is well-known, popular and fairly recent, so it’s perfect.

Tom: It’s still a decent cover of an exceptionally good song, though.

Tim: Nope.

Tom: Wait a minute, Tim! I’ve just found this – a cover of Seven Nation Army by a French artist called “Ben, l’oncle Soul”. Does it seem… familiar?

Tim: Bloody hell – that’s…that’s practically identical. Just…wow. Surely someone should be kicking up a fuss somewhere, no?

Tom: They are. Mainly on YouTube. I assume that, behind the scenes, the correct payments have been made – they’re just keeping the original as quiet as they can. Anyway, I stand by my original assertion that this is a brilliant cover. It is. It’s just not Marcus Collins’ cover.

East 17 – I Can’t Get You Off My Mind (Crazy)

No, you haven’t slipped back in time.

Tom: No, you haven’t slipped back in time. It’s actually a new East 17 track. You might be thinking “they kept that reunion quiet”. The trouble is, it’s not a reunion. They haven’t done a Take That and disappeared properly for several years before coming back to a storm of acclaim: various members of the band have been milking the name for a while, and now the three of them that remain involved have decided to try a proper single again.

And I’ll say this: it’s not bad.

Tim: Perhaps not, but they have chosen the Laziest Method Ever™ for a music video, which always annoys me.

Tom: “East 17 Singles” would be a pretty good category for ‘Pointless’. Everyone remembers ‘Stay Another Day’, of course, but that was their only number one. Maybe a few people will remember ‘Let It Rain’. But they don’t have the big genre-spanning catalogue of Barlow’s lot – so most people will be expecting something like their Christmassy ballad.

Tim: Hmm. There was a thing about boybands on TV a couple of weeks back, with interviews with singers, managers, writers, all sorts (incidentally Terry from these guys is still bitter about being known as the Quiet One, because no-one was ever interested in him). One of the general points made (and universally agreed on) was that the worst thing that can happen to a boyband is that they decide they want to be credible, and write their own music, when instead they should realise that much as the lyricists woldn’t be good as singers, they shouldn’t do the writing. This song…somewhat justifies that.

Tom: Judged by those old boy-band standards, it’s terrible, but judged by modern pop… well, apart from the repeat ’til fade, this could be pretty much any indie-pop band. If we’re honest, it’s probably cribbing a bit from ‘Sex on Fire’, and they’ve definitely lost their best vocalist. But it’s not bad.

Tim: It’s not bad – it’s not the East 17 their fans would likely want, though, so it is good?

Tom: Depends if you’re one of their fans. I’d hazard a guess that it’s not going to absolutely light up the charts – but it’s a solid tune, and deserves a bit of attention.

The Colour Movement – Future Man

Tom went and made a song-writing machine.

Tom: It is cross-promotion time, Tim. You know I try and keep this blog fairly personal – but you know how I’ve got this whole other life going on where I’m making ridiculous things for a TV show?

Tim: Yes…

Tom: Well, we went and made a song-writing machine.

Tim: I see.

Tom: It mashed up lyrics from online chatter and melodies from the last fifty years of pop music, and came out with things that generally made no sense. Occasionally, though, there’d be a spark of genius in there – and one particular spark was taken on by indie band The Colour Movement. They turned an unlistenable mess into… well, into this. And it’s getting a proper single release.

Tim: Well, I guess I’d better give it a shot. And be careful what I say about it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fwcVdBxQIQ

Tom: And the thing is, I’m not just doing this for the cross-promotion gag. I reckon this is actually quite a good track. It’s a slow builder, sure, but that last chorus is glorious. Am I too biased, though?

Tim: Hmm…video makes no sense, and I’m a bit disappointed my initial belief that it was an octogenarian roller-skater turned out be wrong. As far as the lyrics go – they’re sung in that type of voice that makes it impossible to really hear what they are for a sustained period of time without really trying, which is perhaps a shame.

Tom: My system wrote some of those lyrics. Maybe it’s not too much of a shame.

Tim: Fair enough. As for the music – yeah it’s okay. Glorious might be going a bit far, at least on an initial listen, but quite good I will agree with.

Tom: I’ll settle for that.

NEO – Exclusive Love

This track made me go straight out and buy his album.

Tim: Hearing this track made me go straight out to my local music program to buy his newish album, Reborn. We’ve already very much enjoyed Underground and Toxicated Love (title aside) from it, so tell me Tom – what do you think of this?

Tom: I like it. Other than his voice sounding just a bit like Verka Serduchka, which is a bit distracting.

Tim: Hmm, I suppose it does a bit, actually. Other than that, though: the fade-out ending loses him a point or two, but aside from that I don’t think I can fault this. Lyrically it’s lighter than his last two tracks – a close relationship takes the focus, rather than poisonous feelings or the weird getting run over outside a nightclub thing that was in Underground.

Tom: I’m not sure about the “exclusivity” metaphor he’s got going on in those lyrics – it’s laboured to the point of being ridiculous.

Tim: OH COME ON – are you seriously telling me you’ve never had a password-protected relationsh—okay you may have a point.

Tom: Maybe I have. Does a safe word cou—actually, never mind.

Tim: Let’s move on. There is an enthusiasm in the backing there right from the start of the first verse, and when that chorus drops and you get the high-pitched synth running up and down for the rest of the song you can not help but move at least one leg in time to the beat.

Tom: I realised, while reading that paragraph, that my leg was indeed moving in time to the beat.

Tim: Exactly.

Tom: But despite that, the “love, love, love” middle eight and final chorus just doesn’t quite work for me.

Tim: Really? I love that whole section, and I also especially love the off-beatness of parts of it – the ‘you give to’ that introduces the chorus I think is inspired. If they sorted out the ending, this is a song I would have loved to see on stage competing in Melodifestivalen, because I think it would be an easy finalist, and maybe even a winner – it’s certainly on a par with everything that’s in the final this year.

Bold statement coming up: I reckon this would probably make the top three of the tracks we’ve featured here – it’s on a par with Lovekiller and What Makes You Beautiful, which were both perfect examples of pop music.

Tom: Whoa, whoa. I’m not so sure about that. To be honest, now we’re past 500 reviews, I think I’d be hard pressed to make a top three at all, but – while this is a great track – I’m not sure it achieves perfection.

Tim: Well obviously there are lots of great tracks, and personal favourites – The Silence, Hollywood Hills, Destiny (yes, really), Heart Is King, Call Your Girlfriend – wow, you’re right, there are loads – but when it comes to picking out flawless pieces of pop music, those two are the ones that stand out, and now this one.

Tom: It’s a cracking pop song, better than most that we cover, but those are high standards to judge it against.

Tim: True, but this matches them, I think. And regardless of whether you’re on ‘perfection’ or just ‘great’, I strongly advise getting his album Reborn, which came out in January, has not a single duff track on it and, unlike a lot of music we cover, is available in all good UK download stores.

Saturday Reject: Charlotte Perrelli – The Girl

5th out of a quarter of Sweden’s songs. We get Engelbert Humperdinck.

Tim: Six days before the BBC announced that Engelbert Humperdinck* would be representing Britain, a country that cares about Eurovision, and puts effort into finding a good song, had one of four semi-finals and noticed that a full four songs in it were even better than this.

* Engelbert Humperdinck, for crying out loud, whose notable achievement of the past ten years, according to Wikipedia, was auctioning his Harley Davidson for Leicestershire Air Ambulance.

Tom: What? Are you trying for the Run-On Sentence of the Year Award or something?

Tim: Put another way, a song as good as this one came fifth out of a quarter of Sweden’s songs, and we’re lumped with Engelbert Humperdinck. Jesus Christ.

Tom: I’m still not sure I follow you.

Tim: Tough.

Tom: Ooh. Their staging team have taken a couple of cues from Beyonce with that video wall. Which is probably for the best, because that opening is a bit naff compared to the rest of the song.

Tim: Wow, that Beyoncé’s things cool. But this opening, compared to the rest, yes it is a bit naff. But the rest is brilliant, which means the opening is still great.

Tom: Aside from that, and the middle eight, though – a bit too lacklustre for me there – this is a cracking song. I did keep wanting to sing Take That’s “Happy Now” over the top of it though.

Tim: Engelbert Humperdinck. My work is opening up a store in Stockholm later this year. You have no idea how much I want to get a transfer there.

Nause – Mellow

I’ve now reached my limit of piano-dance tracks.

Tim: Second single, after last year’s not-covered-by-us-but-really-quite-good debut track Made Of.

Tom: Benny Benassi inspired much? Those synths sound awfully familiar, and it’s got a similar “concept” video as well, even if it’s not based around what is basically clothed porn.

Tim: It’s good, in a fairly similar manner to a lot of piano-y dance tracks that’ve been around recently – the simplicity of the melody on top is added to by the drum synth line, and it works nicely together. There’s one question that needs to be answered, though: does it needs a vocal?

Tom: I think I’ve now reached my limit of piano-dance tracks. I get it. You’ve found a piano riff. You’re going to repeat it for about three and a half minutes with various changes in instrumentation and volume. Well done. Let’s move on.

Tim: No – instead we’re going to have a discussion about vocals, and you can’t stop it. Eric Prydz’s Pjanoo worked very well on its own, and we both agreed that Bromance was better without a singer. On the other hand, Penguins was improved quite a bit, and I reckon this would be as well. Those first two had chords in them, something a decent pianist could play with emotion and energy. This, though, is just one note after another for the most part, and to be honest it just sounds a bit lonely.

Tom: It needs a vocal. It needs a defibrillator. It needs something.

Tim: On the other hand, when the video came to a close I realised that actually, it’s perfect for jogging or something to (if you’re into that sort of thing), so for a work-out mix CD this’d be fine.

Tom: True. But that’s damning with faint praise, surely?

Tim: Oh, very faint indeed – faint, in fact, like YOUR MUM after I’ve spent a night with her. OH YES. I WENT THERE. BRING IT.

Tom: What? Why? That doesn’t even make any sense.

Tim: Yeah, I have no idea where that came from.

Michel Telò – If I Catch You

This song makes me want to get up and dance like a total nutjob.

Tim: Last year this bloke covered Ai se eu te pego!, a 2008 Brazilian song, and his version got so big (200 million YouTube views big) that he’s done an English version so he can take over the resorts this summer.

Tom: All right, he’s opening with a cheering crowd. It’s a bold statement, but it might be justified.

Tim: And I think that just might happen, because let’s be honest this is great, isn’t it? I am actually typing this in time to the song. Even though that’s slower than usual, I just think that I need to.

Tom: Is it released too early for Ibiza? If it is, then it might still vanish without trace – but if they get a BANGING REMIX of this out at the right time for the clubs, it’s going to take the islands by storm.

Tim: Well, Loca People hit YouTube in February, and I’d reckon that if this song has just one desire, it’s to be this year’s equivalent. And I think it might succeed, because my God, this song makes me want to get up and dance like a total nutjob. I can see it splitting opinions (massively), but I love it. It is energy, it is jump around the room, it is brilliant. And anyone who says otherwise is just plain wrong.

Tom: It’s going to split, because ultimately it’s a pleasant summer pop song being released in – charitably – “early spring”. And he sounds like a laid-back Ricky Martin, which isn’t necessarily a good thing. If it goes big, good for him… but I’m not quite sure it will.

Tim: But…but…I really, really want to sing ‘nothing at all‘ to those four notes that crop up at the end of each line in the accordion bit, and my word that annoys me.

Saturday Reject: Mattias Andréasson – Förlåt Mig

This track kept defying my expectations

Tim: The M from EMD; his former bandmate Danny competes in Melodifestivalen’s fourth and final heat tonight but Mattias was, unfortunately for him, knocked out last week in fifth place.

Tim: So, we start out with a fairly gentle, not hugely inspiring ballady thing, and we all know what happens next – something drops in, another instrument or two, yes, here’s a drumbeat building up to the chorus and what the hell just happened?

Ooh, we’ve moved genres, and it’s actually very listenable.

Tom: I was expecting the kick-in about four bars earlier – in fact, this track kept defying my expectations. It kept zigging when it should be zagging. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it is bloody confusing.

Tim: Let’s just hope people forgive the boring intro.

Tom: And the boring middle eight.

Tim: You can probably guess what the title translates to, what with the excessive desperation he’s singing with, and bless him, what’s he done to upset the average Swedish voter? Oh, I don’t know – probably that fairly boring intro he felt it necessary to start with. All he really wants is for them to forgive him enough to vote for him.

Tom: Which they didn’t.

Tim: Indeed not. But you know, I actually don’t think it was the boring start that did it for him. My money’s instead on the backing dancers, because they really should know that’s not how you hold a lightsaber, and people clearly punished him for that. Sad, but that’s Eurovision for you.

Jedward – Waterline

It’s the most anticipated one of the bunch; justly so?

Tim: Well, it’s the most anticipated one of the bunch; justly so? (And apologies for the weird video, but it’s one of the few where YouTube hasn’t knackered the sound quality.)

Tom: All right, I’ll brace myself. They’re annoying; their fans are annoying; the track is…

Tom: …good?! Sorry, I don’t think I typed that in a surprised enough manner. GOOD?!

Tim: Yes. This is basically a Busted reunion, isn’t it, and for that reason alone it is the greatest song in human history.

Tom: Let’s not go quite that far.

Tim: I suppose not – when I hear it, I have to remind myself that it isn’t actually Busted and I’m brought way back down to Earth. Still, it’s bloody good, and vastly better than Lipstick was. And who’d have thought it – Jedward can actually sing properly, it seems, which is something many had only previously suspected.

Tom: The question is: can they sing it live on the night? If they can (and I can’t believe I’m saying this), then I reckon they can win Eurovision with it.

Tim: A bold statement. It could certainly be a hit over here, and on both sides of the Irish Sea, because this is – I’m going to use the comparison again, because it’s nearly impossible not to – genuinely like Busted on top form, and those sort of music tastes really haven’t changed in the past ten years.

Tom: But this isn’t cheesy Europop like yesterday’s – it’s like a modern pop boy band. Which, I suppose, they are. Again: I can’t believe I’m saying that.

Tim: As for your guess of a Eurovision winner? Quite possible – I still think yesterday’s would stand a slightly better chance based on music alone, but this has the name to go with the song, and that counts for a lot.

Right – we’ve been through all five, so I think it’s time we acted as one of the regional juries to complement the Irish televote tonight. We have point allocations of 12, 10, 6, 8 and 4, and mine are thus:

Mariah McCool – 8
Donna MacCaul – 6
Andrew Mann – 4
Una Gibney & David Shannon – 12
Jedward – 10

Yours, please?

Tom: 12 for Jedward, amazingly. 10 for Andrew Mann. 8 for Donna, 6 for Mariah, and 4 for the warblers. It seems that the celebrity haircuts get our vote. How very, very strange.

Tim: Only 4? And they don’t even get names? You’ve changed, man. You’ve changed.

Tom: It’s not a bad track. It just won’t win Eurovision.