Author: Tim

Martin Rolinski – Blame It On A Decent Matter

Used to be in BWO, hasn’t gone in a remotely different direction.

Tim: This bloke used to be in BWO before they split, and unlike other former member Alexander Bard he hasn’t gone in a remotely different direction.

Tom: Ooh, then this promises to be very good indeed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zZMzsSxfEI

Tim: This pretty much has everything – trancey type intro indicating a, well, not quite summer floorfiller, but at least something to keep people on the floor late on a Friday night through to the early hours of Saturday morning, decent beat topping that up throughout the verses, and a good memorable chorus that we can all sing along to after only hearing it once.

Tom: I’m not getting the memorable singalong vibe from it, but otherwise I agree: it’s not a blockbuster hit, but it’d fit perfectly in the middle of a DJ set.

Tim: So why don’t I think it’s great? I mean, I like it, I’d have it on in the background, and it would keep me on the floor as described, but it doesn’t get me going like, say, Swedish House Mafia did.

Tom: Now, I think it’s because the chorus – despite your earlier comment – is just sort of meh. It’s more like an extra verse, really; it doesn’t have the hands-in-the-air moment you want from something like this.

Tim: Hmm, perhaps, but as a first solo single, it’s still not bad. Though actually, what the hell does ‘blame it on a decent matter’ actually mean?

Tom: I was hoping you could explain that.

Mika – Elle Me Dit

Sugary, but with a lot more than that.

Tim: Following a run of a few tracks that weren’t remotely successful over here, he’s gone all French on us for the first song from his next album; if my French serves me correctly, the title translates roughly as ‘She Tells Me’.

Tom: I remember his last album giving me musical diabetes – there was just too much sugar. Is this any different?

Tom: Ooh. It’s still sugary, but there’s a lot more to it than that.

Tim: Yeah, and I really like it – something along the lines of ‘her’, whoever she may be, telling him to dance, and as a piece of music it fits well with that.

Tom: He’s still got the falsetto in there as well, but it’s backed up by more this time.

Tim: And about the fact that it’s in French? Controversial, perhaps, but so what. It won’t sell as well over here, I suppose, but ooh, UNLESS! Maybe he could follow in Avril Lavigne’s footsteps, because what she did with Girlfriend was absolutely wonderful.

Tom: I reckon an English translation could be a proper singalong hit – as I suspect this will be in France.

Saturday Flashback: Helena Paparizou – My Number One

“No other song has made me laugh as hard.”

Tom: “No other song,” says our reader ‘Bunnyunplugged’, “has made me laugh as hard as the lyrics to this little gem.”

Tim: I actually remember really liking this one when it was on, so be careful what you’re about to say, please.

Tom: Really? Well, it takes all sorts. They are pretty terrible lyrics – “You will be the sun into my raining season” particularly – but I reckon this song is better noted for its choreography. Bit of traditional Greek dance? Sure. Boy-band manoeuvres? Okay, throw ’em in. Making all the backup dancers lie down in the shape of a number 1? Why not.

Tim: Hahah, yeah, okay, that is pretty ridiculous.

Tom: If you want a Eurovision song to laugh with, you can do no better than Lithuania, 2006; Ukraine, 2007 or even Germany, 1998. But if you want a Eurovision song to laugh at… well, any better suggestions?

Tim: Eurovision I’m not sure about, but for unintentional humour you’d have to go a long way to beat R Kelly’s 22-act ‘hip-hopera’ Trapped in the Closet. Believe me, it’s worth the time.

Tom: Oh dear. That was once screened in its entirety at a cinema in London. I’m told it was… an experience.

Avicii – Fade Into Darkness

It’s a hell of a lot better than Leona’s

Tim: The story so far, for those that don’t know: Scott Mills unveiled Leona Lewis’s new track a couple of weeks ago on Radio 1, everybody realised that the backing was roughly identical to Avicii’s Penguin even though he got no credit or anything, Ministry of Sound (his label) got all shouty, and so did he, and made it all public, and Leona’s people tried to deny it all but no-one really believed them.

Tom: Now, to be fair, I can see this being a genuine cock-up: as Avicii says in his posts, the background is all properly licensed, and the idea of using a modern-classical track as the backing for something else isn’t really a new or original thought.

Tim: So what happens now? The vocal version of Penguin gets decided on and given a speedy release.

Tim: You said it needed a bit more – how was that?

Tom: It’s a hell of a lot better than Leona’s, that’s for sure

Tim: Well, duh…

Tom: I was worried about how long it took to kick in, but then I realised I said the same thing about the original mix: with that in mind, I don’t really have a bad work to say about it.

Tim: I reckon it works well – vocal sounds appropriate, and while it’s unlike to stop Leona Lewis’s being successful, hopefully it’ll do more than well enough, especially given this extra publicity that it’s got. Though of course there is the possibility of total morons getting all over YouTube and going “OMG I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STOLE LEONAS TRACK U R SO GAY!!!!”

Tom: Point ’em towards the Penguin Cafe Orchestra.

Chicane – Going Deep

Who’s that idiot?

Tom: Now, that name bodes well. You’ll recognise Chicane from – among others – ‘Saltwater‘ in 1999. So, play this, and let’s see if your reaction is the same as mine: the track builds, you start moving about, the pre-drop ‘whoosh’ starts, you raise a hand in anticipation, and…

Tim: Hmm.

Tom: …oh bloody hell who’s the idiot rapping?

Tim: Yeah. Not the best, really, although I think the main track’s still god enough without the rapping (especially the energetic bits where he isn’t rapping) that I can like this and not worry about it.

Tom: Chicane: you do not need this. You needed a synth melody kicking in there, or even a sung vocal – something like the one that kicks in a minute or so later. By that point, sadly, it’s a minute too late, and the magic’s gone.

Tim: I don’t know about that. Yes, it would be better without it – certainly without the big chunk of it near the start – but I can cope just fine with the simple ‘I’m going deep’ line that comes in a few times later. I don’t have a problem, once the first 80 seconds or so are out of the way.

Tom: You know what, you’re right. I guess I was hoping for another Saltwater, and was a bit let down. It’s still a good track, don’t get me wrong. But the remixes will be better.

Cher Lloyd – Swagger Jagger

Hahahahah. Wait, she’s serious, isn’t she?

Tom: Hahahahah. Heh. Ha. Wait, she’s serious, isn’t she?

Tim: What? Oh, no don’t make me listen to this more times than I need to, it’s bloody awful.

Tim: Right, well you can review this if you want, but I’m just going to suggest other tracks we’ve done, that our readers might prefer to listen to.

Hera Björk – Because You Can

Tom: An excellent track, far better than this. I’m calling it, right here: in a couple of weeks, Simon Cowell is going to hold a press conference where he reveals this was all just a joke, and he was trying to see just how far he could push the public.

Tim: Robyn – Call Your Girlfriend

Tom: Again, a good track. Meanwhile, Cher Lloyd is actually singing a nursery rhyme. And she’s not the Fast Food Rockers.

Tim: The Ark – Breaking Up With God

Tom: Deep and meaningful, yet still an excellent bit of music. Meanwhile, Lloyd’s lyrics – such as they are – preemptively mock anyone who calls it out as crap.

Tim: NEO – Underground

Tom: A wonderful track that I’d forgotten about. As for ‘Swagger’ – I’m telling you, Tim: someone, maybe the lyricist, maybe the composer, maybe the producer, but someone is chuckling to themselves ‘I can’t believe I’m getting away with this’.

Tim: Cheryl Cole – Promise This

Tom: Now that’s a terrible track – but it’s still better than this. But here’s the worst part: I’ve listened to this song once, only once, and the chorus is stuck in my head. It’s rare for me to actively hate a bit of music, but I hate this.

Saturday Flashback: Christina Perri – Jar Of Hearts

The best piano-and-strings ballad I’ve heard in a long while.

Tom: Another one from America that didn’t make it over here. Do yourself a favour: just listen to the video in a background tab to start off with. I’ll tell you why later.

Now, just to set your expectations: this isn’t bouncy pop music. It’s a slow piano-and-strings, steadily building, ballad.

Tom: …and it might just be the best piano-and-strings ballad I’ve heard in a long while.

Tim: It is nice, isn’t it? Calming and all that.

Tom: There’s quite a tale behind it as well, if the official story‘s to be believed; it went platinum despite Christina Perri being an unsigned artist.

Tim: A tale to inspire us all.

Tom: Bloody stupid video, though. Which is a shame, because the song doesn’t need that adornment: “To gild refined gold, to paint the lily … is wasteful and ridiculous excess.” Put her in front of a piano, film it well, and you have exactly the kind of video that the song needs.

Tim: You just quoted Shakespeare. I have absolutely no idea how to follow that.

Tom: Knowing you? Generally with a cock joke.

Ellen Xylander – One Day We’ll Make It Home

Pleasant. Just, nice.

Tim: Norway, meet country music. Country music, this is Norway.

Tom: They’ve clearly got a budget for this, as they’ve actually shipped her out to California to film at Kirk’s Rock.

Tim: I really like this. Pleasant, just…nice. While ‘nice’ is a bit of a dull word, it does sum up this song. It’s just, well, nice.

Tom: Ooh, now I’d go further than that. It’s really very good – but I also reckon that’s because the first part of that chorus takes some serious inspiration from classic tearjerker 80s power ballad Up Where We Belong.

Tim: Hmm. Although I do have one niggle, best summed up by my thoughts of the last sixty seconds or so: “Ooh, back to the chorus. It’s nice….though, it’s repeating a bit….hang on, there’s a minute left, we can’t start the ending now, surely, not with only six words…can we?…OOH! VARIATION!…oh…well that must have been a whole ten seconds, and we’re back…OK, there are SIX WORDS. SIX WORDS.”

Tom: Can’t hear you. Too busy swaying back and forth with a lighter in the air.

Tim: Summation: I don’t mind a rinse and repeat every now and again, but I would like a few more lyrics please.

Lady Gaga – The Edge of Glory

I want to talk about sax.

Tom: Everyone’s already heard this, so why discuss it? Well, aside from the fact it’s now formally being released as a single – and that really is a formality these days – I want to talk about sax.

Tim: A noble intent, but first it must be said – this is BRILLIANT.

Tim: BRILLIANT.

Tom: Well, agreed. But when did we last get a sax solo like that in a pop song? Not since the 80s, I reckon. Suddenly, not only does Gaga have the (now sadly deceased) Clarence Clemons playing in her big album-ending track, but Katy Perry’s getting Kenny G to cameo in her terrible video.

Tim: And let’s not forget Moldova’s somewhat under-appreciated entry in last year’s Eurovision Song Contest.

Tom: Now, the sax solo got killed off because it’s over-the-top. There’s even a web site that categorises the solo’s downfall: from the textbook, understated solo in OMD’s ‘If You Leave’ all the way through to the stunningly overblown and possibly-synthesised droning in Eric Carmen’s ‘Hungry Eyes’.

Tim: When it come to Hungry Eyes, Eric Carmen has NOTHING on Eyeopener. (And ain’t that just a video and a half?)

Tom: That was actually James Cameron’s original pitch for Avatar. True story. Also, every time I hear that song, I can’t help but hear the lyrics as “I feel the magic between your thighs”.
Anyway, here’s the question, Tim: is it a good thing that the sax solo is back?

Tim: Erm, yeah, why not. Official Approval.

Tom: I say yes: provided it gets used in moderation. The last thing we need is a dubstep brass section.

Tim: I don’t know about the ‘in moderation’. Some people would argue, the more the better.

Saturday Flashback: The Ready Set – Love Like Woe

Two main problems with it.

Tom: I spent some time in America recently, and heard a few tracks that never made it over to these shores. Here’s one of them.

Tom: I like this song, but I have two main problems with it.

My biggest problem is this: “love like whoa”, I can understand. It’s meaningless but vaguely enthusiastic. That’s what I assumed the song was called. Then I looked it up, and it’s actually “love like woe”?

Tim: Well, presumably it’s how loving her is a bad thing, because she’s a total cow or something but the heart wants what it wants and all that bollocks. I don’t know – the lyrics are too myriad and mind-numbing to actually look through them.

Tom: My second problem is Bieber Syndrome. He’s young, male, pretty, singing meaningless perky ballads about love, and gawping into the camera. You just want to scream at him to get off your damn lawn and find some less ridiculous hair. (And that’s coming from someone whose hair is pretty ridiculous.)

Tim: I don’t know, he’s—hang on. Your starting this with ‘I have two main problems’, combined with the basic premise of this site, mean I pretty much have to defend this, and I’m not sure I really care about him enough to do that. You’re right, his hair is silly.

Tom: Musically, though, I can’t really fault it. It’s interesting, bouncy electropop – even the vinyl-back-and-forth sample he’s using seems to fit in. It’s… well, it’s good.

Tim: Tone down the autotune a bit, perhaps, but otherwise it’s okay.

Tom: Incidentally, if you also suffer from Bieber Syndrome, you may appreciate the Ready Set’s appearance on bizarre Japanese-import schadenfreude-fest Silent Library.

Tim: Every single one of them has stupid hair. Except for the one in the hat, and he’s well, wearing a stupid hat.