Category: Europop

Emmelie de Forest – Only Teardrops

Are they cheating a bit?

Tim: Well then. Odds on the bookies’ favourite, it defied nobody’s expectations whatsoever when it romped to a fairly decisive victory, giving us a second Eurovision winner in a row who’s in dire need of a comb.

Tom: And the second Eurovision winner in a row to be the bookies’ favourite — although it was a bit unpredictable before then. Hopefully that’s not a pattern: it’d be a shame if it lost all predictability.

Tim: The staging raises an interesting question, though, which was brought up by, of all people, Ana Matronic on BBC3’s coverage of the semifinal – are they cheating a bit with the spark fountains and stuff?

Tom: If they did, then so did Lordi a few years ago, with their pyrotechnic extravaganza. There’s certainly an argument that they affect the voting.

Tim: There’s no doubt that it’s a good song, and a deserving winner, but spark fountains do, to anyone who’s ever seen Idol, The Voice or The X Factor, convey ‘THIS IS THE WINNER’. It turns a good performance into an incredible one, and was seen to an even greater extent with Romania, originally one of my least favourite songs – in the stadium, the crowd’s reaction for the first couple of minutes was a basic WTF; the sparks and confetti hit, though, and suddenly people, including me, couldn’t get enough of it.

Tom: I’m also going to split from the crowd a bit here, and say that I don’t think it’s a particularly good song by Eurovision tracks: middle-of-the-road at best, easily being beaten by — for example — Malta and Belgium. I couldn’t even remember it afterwards. That’s very much my personal taste, of course.

Tim: Hmm. Nice choice with Belgium there, though I’d have to disagree with your choice of the cockney-less Frankie Cocozza there; mind you, my favourites actually ended up being Russia and Iceland so what do I know.

Back to this, though, and obviously “cheating” is a big word, and the only reason other countries didn’t have similar effects is that they didn’t ask for them, but it’s said a lot that the performance is almost as important as the song; is this taking it too far? To be honest, I kind of think it might be.

Tom: I suspect that Bonnie Tyler was missing more than a balloon drop.

Saturday Reject: Martin Rolinski – In And Out Of Love

“A perfect example of ‘Swedish pop music’.”

Tim: Tonight’s the night, and we’ve just got time for this, from Martin Rolinski – you’ll recognise the voice, I trust, from Swedish band-of-the-00s BWO, and this year he took time out of his day job as an engineering scientist to return to the music world for one competition only.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lad0OuNjRwQ

Tom: My word, he sounds a lot like Neil Tennant from the Pet Shop Boys in this track. Can’t say I’ve heard it before, though – perhaps he just had a bit of a cold on the night and went a bit nasal. It’s not a bad track, though – how’d it do?

Tim: Got through to Andra Chansen, and ended up in the top half of that, but didn’t quite get to the final. That’s a shame, for one particular reason: I reckon it’s a perfect example of ‘Swedish pop music’. He had it back in BWO, and he’s still got it now – it’s the melody, the vocal, the backing, the bright colours, everything. It’s all there, and it’s exactly the sort of music that represents Swedish pop at its best.

Or at least it was, five years ago.

Tom: It still sounds good to me. What’s changed?

Tim: Oh, it’s certainly still good, but now, things are different – pop music has become somewhat homogenised, and, for better or worse, a lot of pop music from Sweden doesn’t sound hugely different from pop music from other countries. This, though, is a track that could only really come from Sweden, and that’s why it’s a shame it’s been knocked out.

Saturday Reject: LaBrassBanda – Nackert

Imagine some Germans playing music.

Tim: A song that was massively popular amongst the German people, getting nine out of nine 12 points from radio station audiences and 10 points from the TV viewers, but horrifically bombed with the jury.

Tom: Popularly known as “doing a Jedward”.

Tim: Before we listen to it, though, I want you to imagine some Germans playing music. Feel free to stereotype as much as you like, but focus on the whole thing – music, clothing, the whole shebang.

Got it?

Tom: Yep. I’ve got a hell of a stereotype in my head, though, this had better be…

Tom: …good grief. I can see exactly why the voting broke down that way.

Tim: Yes, it’s not hard to work out. Let’s ignore the rapping, because that’s not very good and is really just a bloke speaking quickly. I might appreciate it more if I could remember more German from school, but I can’t, and Google’s translation fails horribly on these lyrics. The rest, though: blimey. First, we have actual lederhosen.

Tom: Not the full traditional national dress, but somehow just the shorts makes it a bit worse.

Tim: Secondly, holy trinity of trumpet, trombone and tuba, which come into their own when it becomes apparent that what we initially thought would be a standard breakdown (albeit brassier than usual) turns into a completely different second half of the song.

Tom: You see, I associate a brass section with a full-on ska or punk band these days, so this just sounds a bit half-arsed to me – where are the raucous electric guitars?

Tim: Ska? Punk? Mate, this is meant to be stereotypical, racist-if-anyone-else-suggested-it traditional German stuff. Raucous electric guitars? What’s wrong with you?

Tom: No, I mean that’s what I expected – I’m not used to hearing brass as the lead. It just sounds half-finished to someone who’s used to hearing, well, something like this.

Tim: Ah, fair enough. But thirdly, finally, and most intriguingly, they’re not afraid to take on a challenge that no-one has ever thought to set: “What do you mean, you need a vocalist for a key change?”

Saturday Reject: Felicia Olsson – Make Me No 1

FIRE UP THE WIND MACHINE!

Tim: It’s the closest Melodifestivalen got this year to a female power ballad, so (slightly) FIRE UP THE WIND MACHINE!

Tim: And what a lovely tune that is.

Tom: Got to be honest: I zoned out half way through that and got distracted.

Tim: Some (probably including me if I was in a different mood, and apparently including you) may say yawn yawn snoozefest, but by the end it’s built up into sometime you can actually get into.

Tom: I went back and listened again, starting half way through – and I still started to lose focus. Maybe it’s because it doesn’t seem to leave one octave during that chorus – maybe it’s just that, despite all the energy in that final chorus, it ain’t that good a melody.

Tim: It got knocked straight out of the second Melodifestivalen heat, which isn’t a big surprise – Eurovision and associated competitions are generally a place for fun and jollity, rather than a big soulful number like this – but it’s still a decent number and elsewhere could probably have done fairly well. Oh well, it didn’t. Never mind.

Saturday Reject: Kate Hall – I’m Not Alone

Tim: Our final trip to Denmark, and it’s not a million miles away from Daze, the first one we looked at three months back.

Tim: It’s slightly toned down, but it more than makes up for that with both the smoke and wind machines turned up so high that by the end of it she looks like she’s in the middle of a tornado and you want her to put her Death Eater cape back on so she doesn’t catch a cold.

Tom: Bloody hell, the staging went over the top with that. They do like their constantly-dropping spotlights, don’t they? It’s like someone put a one-second clip of the X Factor results night on repeat.

Tim: Yes, and the good second. The one second out of the whole hour that isn’t interminably dull.

And while I said slightly toned down above, that’s a bit like saying something’s slightly quieter than a Boeing 747. It’s still got a ridiculous amount of everything to it, and in a very laudable manner. The spotlights that fall in the chorus and just keep coming, row after row after row in an eternity of joy. The exploding fireworks factory in the background. The endless howling over the closing choruses.

Tom: She’s pretty much going for her own key change there, even if the rest of the song isn’t.

Tim: It’s all just marvellous.

Saturday Reject: Yohio – Heartbreak Hotel

“Wouldn’t be a middle of the table finisher.”

Tim: Well, there’s less than a week to go until Eurovision, but we’ve still got a good few tracks that didn’t qualify to get through; shall we have a week of Saturdays?

One from the Melodifestivalen final, here, and an interesting one – came top by quite some margin in the Swedish vote, but the international juries weren’t keen at all, marking it second from bottom. When added together, it came a close(ish) second to Robin Stjernberg.

Tom: Can I add here that Melodifestivalen’s final is essentially an improved Eurovision? It’s shorter, the scoring system is better and much more dramatic, and there’s no bloody Graham Norton talking over everything.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msJ0V-0AvCs

Tim: I’ve got to say I’m on the side of the juries, here.

Tom: Now that’s interesting, because I rather liked it. What do you think of it?

Tim: Well, it certainly wouldn’t be a middle of the table finisher – depending on the mood of the night, I think it’d either do very well or appallingly badly. It’s got a lot going for it – pyros, bright colours, memorable chorus line, interesting character who knows how to give everything he’s got – but it’s also got the whole rock thing going on, which really doesn’t do it for me in this instance. Sometimes that’ll triumph, but sometimes it just falters horribly.

Tom: Hmm. Perhaps, but I still think there’s a good track under there – admittedly, perhaps not a good Eurovision track.

Tim: Maybe it would have been a good entry – there is, after all, no risk of Sweden bombing out in the semi-finals this year – but I myself just couldn’t warm to it.

Saturday Reject: Sirkus Eliassen – I Love You Te Quiero

“Patently awful.”

Tim: It’s fair to say that this year, Norway’s Melodi Grand Prix final was somewhat disappointing; the winner was very good, but that aside there weren’t really any great tracks. There was, however, this. Now, the opening of this places it pretty much on the edge of novelty, and we’re not entirely sure whether it’s meant to be serious or not. Once the backing dancers arrive though, it’s a little bit clearer.

Tim: It could be said that this is patently awful, and makes a mockery of Eurovision and that malarkey.

Tom: Well, it is patently awful.

Tim: Yes, it is. As a song it’s ridiculous – whilst rapped verses with a holiday vibe chorus is by no means unheard of, lyrics along the lines of “Living room, kitchen, bathroom, phone and even the bedroom…we’ve done it everywhere” don’t exactly scream lyrical masterclass. And as a performance – really? I don’t think there’s anything that needs to be said about four giant rabbits playing the drums.

Tom: Yep, you’ve summed up pretty much all my thoughts there. There have been some great ‘novelty’ Eurovision acts – but where they found refuge in outrageousness, this just doesn’t go far enough. It’s a mediocre song, and a mediocre performance. Giant rabbits, it’s safe to say, can’t hold a candle to Lordi.

Tim: It could be said. But dammit, I like it. Yes, it confirms the ideas of people who think Eurovision’s not worth bothering with, and yes, if it was brought out as a summer dance track I’d probably buy it on CD just so I could vomit on it. But there’s something about the way it all goes together that I can’t help smiling.

Tom: Speak for yourself.

Neo & Al Bano Carrisi – Swan Song (Non Lasciarmi Mai)

“It just started to fly”

Tim: This is the closing track off his (still brilliant) 2011 album, Reborn, sort of – it’s been re-recorded with some bits made Italian.

Tom: Quick warning: it’s an irritating generic fan-made stock-photo-video, so you might want to load this in a background tab and just listen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5oMeqWBnRo

Tim: Quite something, isn’t it?

Tom: I wouldn’t have agreed with you until that chorus hit – and then it just, well, started to fly. Which is good for something called “Swan Song”, I suppose.

Tim: The original album version was big enough with the sweeping orchestration and just his voice, but the Italian operatic singing added on top makes for a (let’s face it) ridiculous pop song, with lyrics about angels flying by, and I think it’s brilliant.

Tom: It’s a hands-in-the-air track that, frankly, wouldn’t be out of place in the middle of the Eurovision table. That’s a compliment, by the way.

Tim: The only disappointing bit about it that it’s now that much harder to yell along stupidly to the chorus, but I’m happy to make that sacrifice, just about – the original is, after all, still there, but we now have this as well, and it many things to sell it by itself. Erm, bit muddled there, but good. Yes.

Aron Scott feat Glorious Inc – Cut The Cord

POUNDING and PUMPING and GOING OFF.

Tim: You complained last week that Armin van Buuren didn’t give you, I think it was, “a BANGING CHOON.” This, I think, might fill some of the gap.

Tom: Yes it does. But it took a while to get there.

Tim: Fair enough – it doesn’t get off to a fantastic start. In particular, there’s something about the lone “cut the cord” line that sounds a tad off to me, but I’m not quite sure why.

Tom: I’m not a music theorist, but I think it’s the harmony being slightly “off” – deliberately – which means it sounds unsettling rather than your typical upbeat pop music. I don’t reckon it works.

Tim: Me neither, but as for the rest of it, though, once it gets going at the forty second mark then it really keeps going. During the breakdown thirty seconds later, it’s POUNDING and PUMPING and GOING OFF.

Tom: …got something on your mind, Tim?

Tim: Not really – just general loneliness, I suppose. Why, does it show?

The “competition, exhibition, inhibition, opposition, etcition” is, to me, not particularly great, but it certainly keeps the pace up until the main dance section comes back for a triumphant close to the song. So, requirements met?

Tom: It’ll put me through, but I’m still hunting for a Big Summer Track. This ain’t quite it.

Saturday Reject: Army of Lovers – Rockin’ The Ride

The most hyped song in this year’s Melodifestivalen.

Tim: This was, by quite a distance, the most hyped song in this year’s Melodifestivalen.

Tom: Man, ‘most hyped song’ is never a good place to be.

Tim: No. Some of it was inevitable – Army of Lovers haven’t performed or released any proper stuff for almost twenty years – but some they brought upon themselves, by promising it to be “Gangnam Style on crack.”

Tom: What – horse riding with more paranoia and jitters? Anyway, how’d this hyped-up AMAZING CHOON do?

Tim: First round knock-out.

Tom: What the hell was that?

Tim: You’ll no doubt recognise Alexander Bard —

Tom: More like Alexander Beard.

Tim: HAHAHAHAHA FUNNY! — previously of BWO and more recently of Gravitonas, as his image isn’t an easy one to forget. Much like this performance. The dancers in tight swimwear, weird headgear, her on the throne spouting incredible nonsense, and just all the other…things.

Tom: That’s the right word to use. Nothing really tied them together; there was no rhyme or reason there. They were just things.

Tim: Yes, and whether or not they lived up to the expectation, that was just the performance.

The song, sadly, just wasn’t all that. It’s not bad, but I get the feeling they were focusing more on putting out a crazy performance than singing a great song – trying to get watercooler folks saying “DID YOU SEE THAT?” rather than the more usual “DID YOU HEAR THAT?” that might be reserved for, say, Malena Ernman.

Tom: And they may well have achieved that – but it won’t be enough to win a song contest.

Tim: No. But could it have been at least enough to get them through to Andra Chansen? Perhaps, but there seems to be not much room this year for crazy stuff. I guess this just isn’t 2006 any more.