Europop – Page 102

Satin Circus – EMMA

“If you set out to make something sound like One Direction…”

Tim: Satin Circus is Finland’s latest boyband, and this is their debut single. Actually, they’re totally not a generic boyband because they write their own stuff and play instruments so THEY’RE AUTHENTIC, OKAY? THEY’RE NOT ONE DIRECTION.

Their music is a “unique mix of pop, rock and Beach Boys harmonies,” which means that the backing line to this definitely absolutely won’t sound very similar to that of What Makes You Beautiful.

Tom: And the chorus won’t sound anything like “Live Like We’re Young”, presumably?

Tim: Absolutely not. But I suppose, yes, it’s not really the same but it is vastly similar enough to make you think, “Actually, this’d be a really good One Direction track.”

Tom: It would. If you set out to make something sound like One Direction, but not so close as to get sued… well, you’d end up with something like this.

Tim: In a sense, I feel sorry for these guys, because it seems that any music group consisting of four or five sub-25 guys who are vaguely photogenic making pop music automatically get lumped as a boyband, with all the negative stereotypes that includes.

Tom: But if you’re going to set the opening shot of your video – of some vaguely photogenic sub-25 guys with floppy hair – on an American beach, and film it in highly-saturated colour… well, it makes the comparison a bit easier. Even if they didn’t set out to be One Direction… their management has certainly got dollar signs (or, rather, euro signs) in their eyes.

Tim: On the other hand, the only people who really associate boybands with negative stereotypes are people who know for certain that all pop music is bad, so they don’t really deserve to be listened to, so if any band does care what those type of people think then they don’t deserve to be felt sorry for. And I’m fairly sure that sentence made sense, and there was semi-serious point at the beginning of that, I think.

Tom: Well done, Tim.

Tim: Anyway, whoever’s written this*, it’s good standard boyband pop music (albeit a tad derivative, and certainly not unique), the album will probably be worth at least a couple of listens, and finally it’s worth noting that it’s fortunate for the chorus that EMMA isn’t actually called ELIZABETH.

* There’s actually a sensible discussion to be had regarding whether writing your own stuff is good, bad or not remotely important, to which my first line is generally, “You don’t expect actors to write their own films.”

Eric Saade – Coming Home

“The first verse of this sounds like something the Backstreet Boys might have released.”

Tim: First single from his fourth album. Previously we’ve had full on pop and vaguely urban dance stuff. Now, though, it seems guitar music is coming back. Who’d have thought it?

Tom: Move on, Tim.

Tim: Never.

Tom: Mind you, the first verse of this sounds like something the Backstreet Boys might have released, so perhaps it’s appropriate to go back to old material.

Tim: Let’s get straight down to business: this is a pretty good track, but, as far as I’m concerned, it has a flaw, which we’ll get to in a sec. We’ll first give a brief nod to the verses, which is all they really deserve, but now come to the chorus.

Tom: It’s a pretty good chorus. What’s up with it?

Tim: The first half – the good, descending “I’ve been on the road…” bit – is excellent. It’s catchy, it’s quick, it’s upbeat, and it would be a great hook to carry the song.

Tom: Agreed. But it can’t?

Tim: No, because apparently the main focus of the song is in fact the less infectious, slower, and in comparison really rather dull, “I’m coooming hoome,” and for me, that’s just not enough to carry the song.

Tom: Hmm. You’re right – and that’s obvious from the fact that the bridge, coming back from that middle eight, is “I’m on the road” and not “coming home”. It’s got plenty of good hooks – and none of them are the “important bit” of the song. Bit of an overreaction to write it off for that, surely?

Tim: Oh, I’m not writing it off at all – it’s a good song, but it’s just let down unfairly by the fact that what’s meant to be the best part of it is fact one of the weakest parts. HOW DISAPPOINTING.

Saturday Reject: Brinck – Human

“Oh, right, he’s on a treadmill.”

Tim: Denmark again, but you may need to give this time.

Tom: Oh, right, he’s on a treadmill. That treadmill doesn’t actually appear in any camera shot until more than half way through the song. Before that it’s just a bit confusing. I was too busy trying to work that out, and I sort of forgot the song. Technically, that means I gave it time, but it didn’t seem to repay my investment.

Tim: Though the problem with a Eurovision song, of course, is that you can’t give it time – it has to hit you within, at most, the first minute. This song is, overall, and with a few listens, quite good, but it starts out like a bit of a dull dirge, and it doesn’t really begin to pick up for over a minute and a half, when that big drumbeat first appears.

Tom: And it ain’t even that big of a drumbeat. You need more oomph than that.

Tim: Right – it’s not until thirty seconds before the end that it actually starts working; at that point, it’s really quite good, but by then most of your target voting audience – the pop music fans – have long stopped paying attention to it. They’re either up pouring themselves another drink, or, more likely, discussing how much of a bellend you look like on that treadmill. All because you didn’t want to start off with a drumbeat.

Tom: You want to see a treadmill done properly? This is a treadmill done properly.

Tim: It is, but a breath-stealing sprint isn’t really the best to sing live to. All you do there is walk cockily and look like a tit.

NONONO – Pumpin Blood

“How about some chirpy whistling?”

Tim: How about some chirpy whistling?

Tom: What is this, Bob Sinclar week?

Tim: We can call it that if you like, but it’d be slightly misleading.

Tom: Hmm. Okay, that’s not Bob Sinclair whistling. Is that an instrument or just a chorus of people? I can’t quite tell.

Tim: Huh – I’d assumed it was people, but now you mention it I suppose it might be. Whatever it is, it’s certainly a nice whistly bit.

Tom: Yes it is, but what about that chorus? When it broke out I almost cheered. It’s catchy, it’s happy, and it somehow manages to be joyous while still being all loud and distorted.

Tim: Great, isn’t it?

Tom: Yes, yes, yes. Shame about the verses and middle eight, really.

Tim: Little bit, yes – musically it’s up and down somewhat, but it’s the lyrics I think we should talk about. They might (all right, definitely should) lose some points for stating the bloody obvious*, but when it closes out with “and the whole wide world is whistling” it’s alright, because (a) the blatant lie sort of cancels out the earlier pointless truth and (b) it’s means the lovely whistling is coming back.

*I can’t decide whether I’d rather reply “Yes, I’m well aware I’m alive but thank you for pointing that out,” or “What, MY heart? Pumping BLOOD? OH GOD, HELP ME – HOW CAN WE STOP IT?!?!?!!”

Tom: I don’t care that it’s stating the bloody obvious – it’s an affirmation of being alive, and it works well.

Tim: So, music: alright, lyrics: 50/50, whistling: top notch. One and two halves out of three, that’s a good score.

Tom: I’m fairly sure that adds up to “two”.

Tim: That’s good maths. Well done.

Danny Saucedo – Todo El Mundo (Dancing In The Streets)

“That went a bit Bob Sinclar at the start, didn’t it?”

Tom: It’s NEW from Danny Saucedo, but as we’ve remarked before, genre-wise that could mean anything. Feel free, therefore, to be apprehensive as you click the play button.

Tom: Blimey. That went a bit Bob Sinclar at the start, didn’t it? And that “woah-oh-oh” middle eight could have come out of something like Love Generation.

Tim: Yes – genres all over the place, you see, and as you’ve heard, here there’s no need for any apprehension whatsoever. This is pretty much pure pop, with a slight latino tint on the top, and I like it. I can’t fault the music, mostly because it’s the first track we’ve had this year that has a proper summery vibe to it and I think it’s definitely time for that.

Tom: As I write this, the sun is streaming in through my window for what seems like the first time in a while: samba drums and a summery feeling seem exactly right about now.

Tim: And since we’ve got summer on our brain, it’s only right that everybody in the word should be dancing in the streets, so I can’t fault his logic in the lyrics. Minor quibble: the pre-chorus sounds like it wants to lead in to Man In The Mirror; that aside – no problems at all. Love it.

Tom: Agreed.

Saturday Reject: Birgitta Haukdal – Meðal Andanna

“It turns into something of a Disney number.”

Tim: One of my favourites from the Icelandic final, and it’s like Eurovision from ten years ago has decided to pay us a visit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMX3bE5ZV30

Tom: When the instrumentation drops in – complete with twinkly chimes, no less! – it turns into something of a Disney number, if Disney liked synth-backed middle-eights and wind machines. Simple, major-key, with a style that seems almost aspirational – and a flowing white dress, too.

Tim: Yes, oh yes. Isn’t it lovely? It’s disappointing how few big schlager tracks we’ve had around this year, so it’s lovely to see that it really is alive and well in some quarters. Even with the Emperor from Star Wars being resurrected four times for backing singer duties, it’s a beautiful track.

Tom: I think perhaps they were going for more the “evil Disney crone” myself, but either way it does seem a bit odd.

Tim: The titles translates to “Among the Spirits”, and it’s basically about being lost in the darkness then finding her way home; I think she conveys that well enough, especially in the triumphant post-key change (THERE’S A KEY CHANGE!) final chorus.

Tom: Told you. Icelandic-Disney soundtrack.

Tim: It wouldn’t stand a chance of winning, mind, so from Iceland’s perspective it’s right that it didn’t go through, but, man, sometimes I pine for the days when Eurovision was all about the key change.

Tom: You and me both.

Saturday Reject: Swedish House Wives – On Top Of The World

“That’s a hell of a chorus.”

Tim: Where to go this week…ooh, let’s try Sweden. Sixth place, heat two of Melodifestivalen.

Tom: Ha! Swedish House Wives. I get it. That’s quite clever.

Tom: Oh, that’s a hell of a chorus.

Tim: Isn’t it just? So my question: sixth place! Why, sixth place? I mean, COME ON SWEDEN. What are you doing?

Tom: Listening to the versus?

Tim: Well, yes, alright. Admittedly, this song wasn’t as good as it should have been – after all, a group called Swedish House Wives clearly has the potential to be absolutely amazing, especially when you give them a song called On Top Of The World, and I’ll happily admit this wasn’t that. The verses are disappointing with a fairly generic backing and not much inspiration to them, but there’s still a great chorus.

Tom: That’s just not enough though – not for Melodifestivalen. It’s got to be perfect. Loreen-perfect.

Tim: I like the exit from the middle eight as well (although we all know what it’s missing – just imagine it at 2:26, “on top of the WORLD!”), and I’d have thought the dancing would be enough. So really, sixth? SIXTH?

Tom: Yep. Sixth.

Tim: Ugh.

Saturday Reject: Louise Dubiel – Rejs Dig Op

“Try and keep your legs still.”

Tim: Back to Denmark, and another demonstration of what a highlight that night was. And here’s a challenge for you: try and keep your legs still while you watch this. (Starts about a minute in.)

Tom: Hmm. My legs stayed still, but it’s still a good track.

Tim: So, the drums give it a bit of a military feel (and make it a great song to accompany a forceful walk), but her looking like that and the backing singers with their wo-oh-oh-ooh-oh give it so much more of a party atmosphere, and I think it’s brilliant.

It’s also ridiculously amazing to dance to – I didn’t really get it so much the first time I heard it, but listened to it whilst waiting for a bus home one night and realised that my legs, all of themselves, were trying to do some sort of dance to it.

Tom: Really? Sorry to fixate on this, but I can’t see this working in a club: the BPM might work for some kind of modern impressionistic dance, but at 1am with a drunk crowd?

Tim: Oh, you’re right there – in a club this wouldn’t really work at all because there’d be arms and heads flailing and that wouldn’t suit it.

But the other night, it might have been slightly because I was on my way home from seeing Singin’ In The Rain so felt in a slightly dancey mood, but since there was no-one else around I though “sod it” and did my damed hardest to tapdance the shit out of this song, and it was BRILLIANT.

Tom: “Tapdance the shit out of this song”. Tim ‘Fred Astaire’ Jeffries, there.

Tim: Oh, and then there’s the key change.

Tom: It’s a good key change.

Paulina Starborn – Can You Feel My Heartbeat

Straight off a 2003-era Ministry of Sound compilation CD

Tim: It’s above average generic dance music time!

Tim: This is, pretty much, straight off a 2003-era Ministry of Sound compilation CD – the Annual ones they do which back then were brilliant but now are full of crap like Chris Brown and Wiley. Moan over, this is very good.

Tom: Agreed – it sounds almost retro by now, like a track that got held over for ten years.

Tim: Summer-style Eurotrance, kind of heard it all before – is the backing a fairly clear rip-off of Inna’s two-and-a-half year old track Amazing? Why yes, yes I do believe it is, but so what.

Tom: I don’t hear a close match there myself, but then there’s an argument that pretty much everyone in the ‘generic dance music’ industry’s been ripping everyone else off for years.

Tim: Very true, and I suppose a lack of innovation is, in theory, bad for the music industry as a whole BLAH BLAH BLAH but it does in this case provide a very listenable and danceable track.

Tom: The music video seems somewhat awkward – why is it in a bowling alley? Why does it seem deserted? And why is everyone dancing just a little bit awkwardly? Still – can’t complain about the music.

Tim: Indeed – the music’s good, I’m happy, we’re sorted.

Saturday Reject: Finn Martin – Change

“At times actually quite sinister.”

Tim: The first act up on Germany’s Unser Song Für Malmö, and the one that made me immediately realise I’d made the right choice by shirking off Valentine’s Day to watch it.

Tim: When I first heard the song, and started writing this, I though it was a lovely track. Charming, happy, backed up by lots of colours and hippies beating on barrels. Then I listened to the lyrics, and realised it’s one of the most topical and politically charged Eurovision songs since We Don’t Wanna Put In, and at times actually quite sinister.

Tom: Now, that’s a big claim – it’s a lot less charged than ‘Put In’ was, being more of the generic 60s-free-love let’s-all-be-happy type rather than calling for active political movement. But yes, it’s not really the charming, meaningless pop it’s made to look like.

Tim: Free-love, let’s-all-be-happy? Check out the look in his eyes with that first close up. At first I took to be happiness, but then the lyrics make it all a bit dodgier: he’s singing “I read the signs, 99%, in the blink of an eye the money’s all spent.” His mouth is smiling, but his eyes are saying “look at this sparkly glint, you rich bastard, you think I’m happy singing but I’m actually enjoying imagining the moment when I march into your office and rip your bollocks right off”.

Then, a few seconds later, there’s that exact same look when he’s singing “waiting, waiting…a new day is dawning, we are the change”, and I’ve realised that that sentence I just wrote as a joke is pretty much exactly what’s on his mind.

Tom: Oh good, I’m glad it’s not just me that read his expression as being somewhat sinister.

Tim: In a way, it’s a shame he sung this in English; if it were in German I could imagine it getting traction over the two weeks it was played on the radio and end up higher placed, maybe even actually winning. As it is, it only came 9th out of 12; at least, THAT’S WHAT WE’RE TOLD. We’re meant TO BELIEVE THAT. We’re told by THE ESTABLISHMENT, who clearly DON’T WANT THE TRUTH HEARD. VIVA LA REVOLUCION! (or whatever the German for that is.)

Tom: Well, that’s us on the Illuminati’s watch list.